All the FMLs

By Shalamar - 15/12/2009 01:30 - Canada

Today, the new guy at work - who is probably at least ten years older than I am - admired the photo on my desk of myself with my husband and teenage daughters and asked, "Are those your grandchildren?" I'm in my 40's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 358

You deserved it 2 791

By fire - 15/12/2009 00:00 - United States

Today, I had to call 911. Why? My fireplace caught on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 554

You deserved it 6 609

Iron Man

By Anonymous - 14/12/2009 23:46 - United States

Today, my little brother punched me in the stomach. When I didn't flinch and he asked me why, I thought it would be funny to tell him I was Iron Man and that nothing could hurt me. Two seconds later, he took a step back and kicked me in the nuts as hard as he could. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 685

You deserved it 38 503

By toiletgirl - 14/12/2009 23:26 - United States

Today, I was on AIM talking to a really cute guy, whom I've had a crush on for forever, when he asked me to video chat. I got so excited and immediately pressed accept, without thinking. Not until he started screaming and cursing did I realize that I was still using my laptop on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 949

You deserved it 63 861

The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated

By Ghost - 14/12/2009 21:21 - United States

Today, I was at my 10-year high school reunion. I saw the girl I used to have a BIG crush on, so I decided to go over and say hi. She screamed when she saw me. Then she started hitting me, looking panicked. I calmed her down and asked why she hit me. She says, "Everyone thought you were dead"' FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 865

You deserved it 2 812

By Anonymous - 14/12/2009 19:36 - United States

Today, I was taking the final exam for one of my classes. The teacher came over to my desk, grabbed my test and ripped it in half. Then he grabbed my hand and read the note I had written on it to remind myself to pay rent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 645

You deserved it 6 742

By fatman - 14/12/2009 18:49 - United States

Today, I was on a plane. The person sitting next to me was using the plane's wifi, and was on Facebook. They joined the group 'I hate sitting next to fat people on airplanes'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 747

You deserved it 11 833

By Anonymous - 14/12/2009 18:08 - United States

Today, I checked into my flight early. The kiosk asked me if I wanted an earlier flight for $50. Awesome. I swiped my card then continued to the next screen where I was informed my new flight was delayed to the same time as my original flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 040

You deserved it 6 013

By dahlia87 - 14/12/2009 17:20 - United States

Today, I got an email from the Law School Admissions Council saying that they received my request for my LSAT cancellation and they are confirming that it has been cancelled. The email also said the score will not be reinstated for any reason. I never requested for my score to be cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 003

You deserved it 2 189

By Mojo - 14/12/2009 17:06 - United Kingdom

Today, my crush took me to a park and told me he loved me. We sat on an old bench and were just about to kiss when I screamed. I now have a huge splinter in my arse and he can't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 579

You deserved it 5 195

By samgonzalessb - 14/12/2009 17:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend bought me a voice personalized Build-a-Bear. I thought he was going to propose to me through it, only to press the foot of the bear and hear, "We should break up" instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 363

You deserved it 3 837

No good deed…

By busmanhoe - 14/12/2009 11:19 - Norway

Today, I was sitting on the bus to the gym. I saw that an old woman needed help to get off the bus, so I got up, and helped her off. When I had finally got her down the stairs the bus closed the doors and drove away. I was in the middle of nowhere and the bus drove away with all my things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 960

You deserved it 4 939

By luckygirl - 14/12/2009 09:05 - United States

Today, I was hit on by a guy who decided to use the line, "My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 997

You deserved it 4 531

Work sucks, I know

By BadKitty42 - 14/12/2009 08:12 - United States

Today, it was my last day at work. I was offered a better job and accepted. Not wanting to leave my present boss hanging, I asked for time to give notice. While I trained my replacement, the owner at the new job had time to think about how slow the season is, and he decided not to fill the position. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 701

You deserved it 3 856

By WIIslave - 14/12/2009 07:49 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor to get a pulled arm muscle checked. I told him I had been bowling, and it had just started to hurt badly. He said it was normal for a man of my age (35) to pull a muscle when lifting a ball of 12-15 pounds. I then told him it was on my son's Wii. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 938

You deserved it 29 030

By Anonymous - 14/12/2009 06:58 - United States

Today, I was at the theatre with my 4-year-old son who was situated on my lap. Halfway through the movie, he turns to face me and states loudly, "Mommy, your legs are so furry!". Everyone watching the show turned and stared at us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 804

You deserved it 8 985

By Anonymous - 14/12/2009 05:15 - Canada

Today, after taking my clothes out of the washer, I noticed at the very bottom of the washer my boyfriend's USB stick I found a couple of days ago. The USB stick contains his English essay, and his novel he has been working on for almost six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 258

You deserved it 32 358

By Cathy - 14/12/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, my husband was choosing an auto insurance. Geico was $500 and Allstate was $200. He chose Geico because it had a 'cute little lizard.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 826

You deserved it 4 920

By creeper - 14/12/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, I was talking to this guy I like. He's very private and hides all his photos and wall posts on Facebook. Or so I thought, turns out he has me on a restricted friends list, titled "Creepers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 295

You deserved it 26 909

By MissSmarts - 14/12/2009 01:27 - United States

Today, I went to the grocery store where this really cute guy works. I swiped my card but the machine wouldn't read it. I swiped it quickly some more before getting frustrated and saying, "Your stupid machine doesn't work!" He took the card and turned it around. His face said it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 981

You deserved it 39 694

By Anonymous - 14/12/2009 00:42 - United States

Today, I saw my four-year-old son running around outside, and copying everything our dog was doing. I thought it was cute, so I went to grab the camera. When I went back outside, I saw my dog eating a dead rabbit, and my son doing the same. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 033

You deserved it 6 446

News to me

By Anonymous - 14/12/2009 00:28 - United States

Today, I was texting my friend. He has a history of depression, which we were talking about, and somehow, he turned the conversation to, "If we ever broke up, I would kill myself." I didn't even know we were even going out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 273

You deserved it 3 009

By Anonymous - 13/12/2009 23:47 - United States

Today, I was accepted to college and received a scholarship equal to almost half the tuition. After sharing this news with my parents, I spent the next 35 minutes getting yelled at about how I wasn't allowed to go there because my boyfriend might go there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 811

You deserved it 2 499

By bowler - 13/12/2009 21:31 - United States

Today, I had a job interview at the bowling alley. The manager was busy and asked if I could wait. Let's just say I've never bowled before, and I wanted to know how deep the hole was on the bowling ball. The interview ended with him spitting on my finger, trying to get it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 718

You deserved it 33 481

By Anonymous - 13/12/2009 20:22 - United States

Today, my partner and I were spending quality time with a newly single friend. She quoted some song lyrics, saying "If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, make an ugly woman your wife...". We all laughed, and then my partner said "Boy, you got THAT right." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 221

You deserved it 3 912

By StrawberryJuicey - 13/12/2009 18:39 - United States

Today, I went to Victoria's Secret to get sized. I put the card that says my size in my pocket, then went to the movies with my boyfriend. When the person at the counter asked me to hand them my ticket, I reached into my pocket and handed it to them. It wasn't the ticket. It was my bra size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 841

You deserved it 32 282

By Trainwreck - 13/12/2009 17:56 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a serious talk. He told me that I was a quick-tempered emotional train wreck. He then said, "You know how we talked about getting married? Now the only way I'd marry you was if hell froze over." He smiled, gave me a kiss, and went to bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 036

You deserved it 6 740

Nice try

By gabby - 13/12/2009 17:30 - Canada

Today, I was on the bus and a woman got on with her 3 young children. I offered her my seat so they could all sit together. When I went to get off the bus, I realized I'd left my bag underneath my old seat. When I tried to get it back the woman hit me and yelled at me for trying to steal her purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 801

You deserved it 2 970

By justine - 13/12/2009 16:53 - United States

Today, I went to see a play. I'm pregnant, so I always need to pee. At intermission, I ran to use the bathroom, but there was a really long line. I asked the woman in front of me if I could pass her. She responded, "You don't look pregnant!", and lectured me about lying while I peed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 995

You deserved it 3 145

By cagel - 13/12/2009 10:12 - United States

Today, I got an e-mail from my University saying I may have violated the Student Code of Conduct for being drunk in public at a football game, and now I have to go in to defend myself against charges. My lungs filled with fluid at the game, causing me to throw up. I had to be taken away in an ambulance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 813

You deserved it 2 778

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I fainted in my bathroom, full on naked and sprawled out on my bathroom floor. When I came to, I was in pain from landing on my side and very disoriented. I sat up and could see my husband just roll over in bed and go to sleep. He didn’t even ask me if I was OK. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 82

Today, I took my dog for a walk in the park. I was enjoying the fresh air until my dog spotted a squirrel and took off running. I ended up getting dragged through the mud and had to walk home covered in dirt and scratches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 604

You deserved it 246

Today, I had to meet with my landlord to organise when he was coming to look at my flat and decide whether I get my deposit back. In the time it took to see him, my friend drank a bottle of vodka and vomited all over my room and knocked the window through. My landlord is coming in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 724

You deserved it 5 401

Today, my girlfriend wanted to name my penis. After 5 minutes of thinking up names, she finally picked one. Say hello to Squirtle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 932

You deserved it 16 904

Today, I asked my 12-year-old son what he wanted for his birthday. He looked me dead in the eyes and said, "A whore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 231

You deserved it 8 208

Today, I got proposed to by my long-term best friend, my boyfriend. I panicked and thought of the last time that I got left at the altar by who I thought was the love of my life then, and inadvertently said “No” as a defense mechanism. I’m the most hated person in our social circle, and he’s inconsolable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 629

You deserved it 1 336