All the FMLs

Never cross the streams

By caughttt - 10/02/2010 02:52 - United States

Today, I drove my ex-boyfriend home from dropping his car at the garage for new tires. On the way, I drove past my house where my boyfriend was sitting in the driveway ready to surprise me. My boyfriend watched us drive by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 267

You deserved it 43 731

By conchita - 10/02/2010 01:16 - United States

Today, I panicked when I felt a hard bump on the side of my stomach. I thought I had appendicitis. Turns out it was my ab muscles. I've been overweight so long I didn't know what they felt like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 401

You deserved it 27 281

By kingmetal42 - 09/02/2010 19:10 - France

Today, I texted my girlfriend that I'm going to 'lick my professor's ass' instead of 'kick' due to auto-correction on my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 989

You deserved it 27 901

By fbcaught - 09/02/2010 18:52 - United States

Today, I was checking the Facebook event page to see who is attending the party I am having this weekend, since my parents are going out of town. 1 person has confirmed. My mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 759

You deserved it 38 465

By inthedark - 09/02/2010 17:53 - Canada

Today, I found out why my five-year-old has been throwing tantrums while shopping. It turns out my ex-husband has been paying her three dollars for every public tantrum she throws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 596

You deserved it 3 692

By safariboo - 09/02/2010 15:43 - United States

Today, I returned home to my girlfriend after being away for 6 weeks of work. I decided to take a shower and change before having a nice dinner with her. Without looking I grabbed a random pair of jeans from my closet to put on. They were Levis. I don't own or wear any Levis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 692

You deserved it 2 977

By mynameislor - 09/02/2010 14:26 - Canada

Today, my mum was saying she needs to gain weight because she was underweight according to her doctor. She then said she's going to eat like me in order to gain more weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 258

You deserved it 7 435

By SickSmick - 09/02/2010 12:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I have the flu, food poisoning, and I'm on my period. I have enough liquids pouring out of me from various holes to satisfy a sewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 609

You deserved it 3 494

By matchristityler - 09/02/2010 08:19 - United States

Today, my son pooped in his diaper and managed to somehow take it off without my knowledge. He then sat down on the carpet and imitated a dog with worms, all the way down the hallway, through the living room, and into my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 650

You deserved it 4 380

By estephi - 09/02/2010 08:14 - France

Today, my boyfriend confessed to me that the only reason he's with me is because I'm a good tattoo artist and he's too broke to pay for his own tattoos. We've been together for two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 152

You deserved it 3 133

Jealous much?

By Anonymous - 09/02/2010 06:12 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told my hamster he loved her. Repeatedly. In 'cute' baby voices. He has yet to say it to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 392

You deserved it 5 798

By Unknown - 09/02/2010 05:50 - United States

Today, in art class, I tried to attract my crush's attention by slowly sitting down in front of him. Too bad I missed the chair and fell onto the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 711

You deserved it 35 220

Pissed

By wurtabang - 09/02/2010 05:27 - United States

Today, I was at one of the urinals in a bathroom. A chubby kid goes to the urinal next to mine and starts peeing violently. Apparently, he was peeing so violently that it splashed onto my legs the whole time. I picked the wrong day to wear shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 483

You deserved it 3 115

By sweeeeet - 09/02/2010 03:29 - United States

Today, I got called out of class to talk to some cops. Turns out my car was involved in a hit and run accident, while I was in school and there was no possible way it could have been me. But since they have no one else, it's my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 011

You deserved it 2 232

By Anonymous - 09/02/2010 02:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of six months dumped me for his girlfriend on Grand Theft Auto because he was "tired of having to please two women at once." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 600

You deserved it 4 079

Pain in the ass

By Kaganate - 09/02/2010 00:32 - Canada

Today, I was sitting on the wooden edge of my coffee table watching my sister's boyfriend play Halo 2, when I leaned back to stretch and shattered the center pane of glass in the table. I now have a large gash in my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 603

You deserved it 25 728

By disasterbutton - 09/02/2010 00:28 - United States

Today, I noticed that my neighbor's house has a clear view of my daughter's bathroom. There is a telescope in his window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 823

You deserved it 3 014

By Chrissy - 08/02/2010 20:24 - United States

Today, I found out that the necklace my boyfriend gave me for my birthday was actually a gift he'd given to his ex-girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 270

You deserved it 3 044

By christian9294 - 08/02/2010 20:21 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, saying I was immature for making gay jokes all the time. A few hours later, I got six texts and three calls from guys I didn't know. It turns out, she put my name and number on Craigslist as a gay man seeking a relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 955

You deserved it 55 764

By dmachin - 08/02/2010 19:30 - France

Today, I visited my grandmother who has dementia. She thought I was my father, and told me that I should never have married my mother, let alone have had children with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 166

You deserved it 2 137

Caught in 404p

By Tucker - 08/02/2010 19:29 - United States

Today, I woke up with a hangover from last night. Last night, I snuck out and went to a party at a club. To hide my hangover, I cleaned myself up and walked into the kitchen to get a drink. My mother looked at me and said, "What's that on your wrist?" I'd forgotten I'd left the wristband on from the club. I'm already grounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 512

You deserved it 48 626

By Anonymous - 08/02/2010 18:24 - United States

Today, while on my way to the break room, it seemed as if everyone was staring at me and giving me odd looks. I asked my friend, "Did I get prettier overnight or something?" She answered, "No, your shirt is just see-through." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 559

You deserved it 30 952

By skinsfan7592 - 08/02/2010 15:19 - United States

Today, my dad and I had an argument. Then we went outside to shovel the snow out of the driveway. I heard him yelling and figured he was just yelling at me some more, so I turned my iPod up so I couldn't hear him anymore. Turns out he had fallen, cracked a rib, and needed help up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 162

You deserved it 44 113

Get over it

By DD. - 08/02/2010 14:18 - France

Today, my wife told me that she wants a divorce. Apparently, I'm taking too long to forgive her for having an affair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 121

You deserved it 4 129

By preggers - 08/02/2010 10:52 - United Kingdom

Today, I entered the crowded bus and one man sitting in the priority seat glanced at me. Upon seeing my protruding tummy, he quickly offered me his seat. I took the seat. I am not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 574

You deserved it 33 797

By loveeyou. - 08/02/2010 08:00 - France

Today, I realized the only reason I watched the SuperBowl is because Justin Bieber tweeted about it. I don't even like football. I had no idea what was going on the whole game. All I knew was who I was cheering for, because Justin Bieber tweeted who he was cheering for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 314

You deserved it 86 701

By Anonymous - 08/02/2010 06:58 - United States

Today, my boyfriend, who hasn't shaved in a month, went to go shave. I was pretty excited since his beard was starting to make my face itch whenever we kissed. When he came out of the bathroom he had a handlebar mustache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 777

You deserved it 9 001

By fired101 - 08/02/2010 06:04 - France

Today, it was my first day of work at a very high end company. While delivering coffee to my boss, I set it down on the edge of a magazine, where it spilled over, into his crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 456

You deserved it 7 431

By mmvv - 08/02/2010 05:41 - United States

Today, I found out the hard way that my boyfriend occasionally wets the bed. He's 25 and we're moving in together next month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 459

You deserved it 3 857

By cupcakemonsteryu - 08/02/2010 05:21 - France

Today, I found out that the man I met online was a fake Facebook account, made by my daughter and her friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 853

You deserved it 7 505

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Poopoo peepee Mental health Psychology Work Cheating Kids Weddings Drunk Embarrassing Love Singing Health Sports Furniture Transportation Airplanes Awkward Smartphone Grandparents Photography Annoying Relatable Job interview Proposal My ex Social Media Weird Introverts Parents

The Top

Today, my PE teacher yelled at me for not trying hard enough in class. This my second week back after being in the hospital with a collapsed lung. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 032

You deserved it 1 746

Today, I was sick, and my voice was really low and raspy. A cute guy smiled at me and said hi, so I said hi too. He looked shocked and said, "Sorry bro, thought you were a girl." I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 546

You deserved it 2 304

Today, my drunken self became a vaguely racist poet. I am now the author of a four-page poem entitled "Chocolate Men". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 981

You deserved it 17 943

Today, after moving into my new house, I agreed to let my house mates have a house warming on the condition it be a small one, as I have exams all day that day and one that I can't fail on the very next morning. The facebook event guest list now has 100+ confirmed guests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 183

You deserved it 25 979

Today, my girlfriend threw boiling water at me to get me off my phone. It worked, but now I'm burned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 001

You deserved it 298

Today, my boyfriend was trying to describe his feelings. I asked him if he felt any emotions other than "anger." He went to get a beer and never came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 970

You deserved it 395