Love: Today, my husband thought it'd be funny to trigger the alarm... - FML

By Hunterxx - 07/08/2010 05:21 - United States

Today, my husband thought it'd be funny to trigger the alarm in the house while I was sleeping. Shocked, I ran outside naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 655

You deserved it 7 200

Taking stock

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Leave me alone!

By Shivvy - 11/02/2011 03:24 - United Kingdom

Today, I came downstairs disappointed thinking that my parents had forgotten my birthday. Turns out they didn't forget, they just couldn't be bothered to do anything for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 135

You deserved it 3 144

By dan - 25/06/2013 04:22 - United States - Phoenix

Spicy

Today, after going out to dinner with my girlfriend, we went back to my place and things started getting hot. I went in the bathroom and put on a green condom. She wouldn't have sex with me because it looked "like a cucumber" and "cucumbers are nasty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 203

You deserved it 15 332

Wardrobe change please

By Meagan Ortiz - 16/08/2020 23:02

Today, I choked on water so hard that I threw up and shat myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 474

You deserved it 220

By Anonymous - 25/05/2015 16:10 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I woke up in my living room after having a party. I then realized my fish tank with many different species was missing from its usual spot. After searching for a few minutes, I finally found it in the freezer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 374

You deserved it 8 336

By FlGirl - 24/12/2009 07:00 - United States

Today, I stepped outside for a smoke. It was 1 a.m. Thinking no one was around, I let out a series of loud, nasty-sounding farts. I looked over to my left to see the neighbor, whom I've never met, also smoking, and staring at me. That was his first impression of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 692

You deserved it 33 978

By Nick - 13/05/2009 22:20 - United States

Today, I finally beat the song "Through the Fire and Flames" on Guitar Hero 3. I then realized that it was the biggest accomplishment I've ever made in my entire life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 278

You deserved it 37 504

By Anonymous - 23/07/2012 07:35 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I mowed over a bird while mowing the lawn. It wasn't dead, so I had to mow over it a second time to put it out of its misery. Now there are pieces of dead bird all over my lawn and I can't sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 071

You deserved it 19 190

By Anonymous - 31/01/2015 01:25 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, when making a delivery for the restaurant I work for, a customer shoved and yelled at me because she didn't get any fries with her order. She didn't order any, which isn't unusual, considering we're a Chinese takeaway and don't even sell them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 740

You deserved it 2 047

By biomajor99 - 22/04/2015 21:46 - United States - Middletown

Today, I had to explain to my 23-year-old female friend that when I get my hysterectomy, I will still be able to poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 698

You deserved it 2 148

By Anonymous - 31/12/2013 08:08 - United States - Seattle

Today, I got an e-mail regarding an IT support job I applied to. The e-mail had numerous formatting errors due to bad code, and typos all over the place. It said I wasn't qualified for the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 767

You deserved it 3 287

No fun

By Anonymous - 03/01/2021 20:01

Today, I was finishing a cigarette outside of the mall when we heard someone fart. Turns out it was a little girl. They looked around, so jokingly I said, "We didn't hear anything." Her family giggled and so did we, until everyone realized the little girl was now sobbing. I'm a POS. FML

I agree, your life sucks 755

You deserved it 163

Earplugs, stat!

By Anonymous - 14/06/2021 06:00

Spicy

Today, my grandpa forgot that my aunt set up a baby monitor in his bedroom in case of a fall. I’m sitting in the living room with his wife - who is deaf - and I hear him moaning over the baby monitor. My grandfather was jerking off and forgot that someone could hear him. I wish I could forget too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 261

You deserved it 79

By irony - 25/02/2016 15:08 - United States - Louisville

Today, I have to attend a mandatory parenting class due to a false report filed against me with CPS. My son's school play is at the same time as today's class, and I'll have to miss it so I can learn how to be a "better mom". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 672

You deserved it 1 775

By Anonymous - 09/07/2015 14:38 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, a week after my miscarriage, my little sister thought it appropriate to wrap her belt around her neck and scream, "Hey look, it's your baby!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 066

You deserved it 2 601

By Anonymous - 05/09/2011 04:38 - Canada

Today, I decided to work out. Being too embarrassed to run in public, I instead ran in circles in my basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 642

You deserved it 15 144

By notgoodenough - 26/10/2016 18:47

Today, I was informed I wouldn't be getting a raise because I hadn't followed the updated protocol. I said I was unaware that there was an updated protocol. My supervisor said, "That's because we didn't tell you about it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 049

You deserved it 686

By sadgirl - 16/03/2017 18:00

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend's mom and the subject of marriage came up. She told me she hopes I'll find my prince charming very soon and leave her son alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 073

You deserved it 434

By Anonymous - 28/08/2012 16:56 - Canada - Orleans

Today, wanting to be on time for my first job interview, I woke up at the crack of dawn and walked almost an hour through a thunderstorm. When I arrived, I was told that the manager wasn't in today, because of the bad weather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 856

You deserved it 1 992

By Ksweety_fml - 01/08/2019 02:00

Today, somebody in a store was talking about a girl who had a snake, and while I was walking out the store, an old lady asked me if I was the girl with the snake. I said no, to which she replied, "Oh, because you look like someone who would." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 318

You deserved it 225

By King.Dick. - 02/04/2015 14:21 - United States - Windsor Heights

Today, I had to give a presentation at school about King Richard III. I realized too late that someone had changed his name to "King Dick" on all the slides. My little sister later broke into hysterics and confessed this had been her April Fool's prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 987

You deserved it 2 968

Hangover blues

By VibeCheck - 10/03/2020 07:57

Today, I woke up hungover and went to the kitchen for some food. I saw what I thought was a blueberry muffin. Halfway through eating it, I realized I couldn’t taste any blueberries, so I tried another one. I then remembered my dad telling me to throw out any old food we had. It was mould. FML

I agree, your life sucks 532

You deserved it 1 721

By brittsters - 04/09/2015 17:46 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I went to visit my mom and my 3-month-old sister. I picked the baby up, totally unaware that she had just eaten. As I went to give her a kiss, she vomited straight into my mouth. Let's just say she wasn't the only one who puked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 864

You deserved it 3 043

By Anonymous - 01/03/2013 16:35 - United States

Today, I received a chain-mail text that vividly described what "Tanya" would do to me in my sleep if I didn't forward it on. I'm so paranoid that I did just that. I also realized that accidentally forwarding such things to your boss can get you fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 936

You deserved it 51 623

By Anonymous - 30/12/2010 01:28 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when she starts laughing and says "Wow, this is just too funny". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 748

You deserved it 6 242

By "crawforda350" - 12/09/2017 16:00

Today, while stocking up in preparation for Hurricane Irma, an old lady hit me over the head with her walker. She wanted the loaf of bread I'd grabbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 479

You deserved it 241

"Eruption" by Van Halen time

By Anonymous - 01/08/2021 16:01

Today, I learned that I actually like my boiled eggs a bit softer than I usually make them. I also learned that an outwardly lukewarm egg, when bitten into enthusiastically, is perfectly capable of creating a volcanic eruption of boiling hot yolk all over your hands, clothes and kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 570

You deserved it 329

By minustoenail - 12/10/2012 05:58 - United States - San Francisco

Today, as I entered a stairwell, the fire alarm went off, triggering the automatic fire doors to close. The one I was walking through ran over my foot, ripping my toenail, and then smacked me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 429

You deserved it 1 981

By WTF. - 03/08/2019 20:00

Today, I was interviewed by a WalMart employee for a position in their pharmacy. I didn't get the job. I was more qualified than the woman who gave me the interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 659

You deserved it 308

By Anonymous - 19/11/2010 21:20 - United States

Today, stood in line for hours to see the new Harry Potter. Unfortunately, once inside the theater, I was stuck in the bathroom with the runs for the entire length of the movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 872

You deserved it 6 997

Marriage doesn't solve anything

By Anonymous - 12/03/2021 17:00

Today, my wife told me how she really felt about me, and said she didn't love me anymore. We got married last month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 131

You deserved it 77

By rock'n roller - 03/12/2013 03:42

Today, my bandmate and I decided to propose to our girlfriends, who are also in the band, at the same time in the middle of a concert. His girlfriend said yes. Mine ran off the stage crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 593

You deserved it 6 444

By Alex - 11/06/2019 14:30

Today, I was working at my job at a bank. A couple was waiting in the lobby, and not being busy, I asked what they needed. They told me that they were applying for a loan, so I asked if it was for something exciting. It was to pay for their 12-year-old son's burial expenses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 355

You deserved it 350

By Anonymous - 17/12/2011 07:47

Today, I found out the hard way what it sounds like when you take the first letter of my first name, A, and put it with my last name, Hole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 657

You deserved it 3 876

By Anonymous - 19/04/2015 14:04 - United States - Lawrence

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend let out a horrible fart in the middle of sex. Even though it was clearly his, he gave me disgusted look, called me a dirty bitch, then kept going. Let's just say I didn't finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 792

You deserved it 3 573

Boring FML

By Anonymous - 02/05/2020 02:00

Today, my wife of seven years told me she wants a divorce because I'm boring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 631

You deserved it 314

By coral - 08/07/2009 17:51 - United States

Today, I thought I was home alone so I went to take a shower and left my door open. My dog came in, stole my bra, and ran out of my bathroom. I jumped out and followed him only to find out that my brother had two of his friends over. They all saw me naked and my dog had my bra in his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 537

You deserved it 12 364

By shelly - 08/03/2012 22:23 - United States

Today, I was locked out of my house and had to pee. I waited an hour for my boyfriend to come home. When I saw him pull into the driveway, I peed myself in excitement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 492

You deserved it 7 388

By Anonymous - 21/10/2013 21:22 - United States - New York

Spicy

Today, the kid next to me asked me, in all seriousness, if gay people have feelings like regular people. I'm gay, and I have to sit next to this barnacle until June. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 956

You deserved it 9 332

By Amy (grossed out) - 27/04/2014 13:43 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, my long-distance boyfriend got extremely drunk and insisted that we ran the Skype call all night so it was like I was there with him. I woke up to the sound of him vomiting loudly at 3am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 510

You deserved it 6 012

By Anon - 03/10/2009 11:43 - Australia

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I found out he was seeing someone behind my back: my ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 471

You deserved it 5 178

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Top comments

hoppityhophop 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 12:44

Well, that's a bit stupid.

allmidnighteyes 10

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Saturday 7 August 2010 12:51

stfu atticuz anyone who hasn't slept naked is missing out on something amazing.

Comments

hoppityhophop 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 12:44

Well, that's a bit stupid.

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Saturday 7 August 2010 12:49

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

allmidnighteyes 10

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Saturday 7 August 2010 12:51

stfu atticuz anyone who hasn't slept naked is missing out on something amazing.

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Saturday 7 August 2010 12:54

lols.

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Saturday 7 August 2010 13:44

hah. was it at night O.o and umm i hope ur no fatty or eww! D: mental picture!!

lillovesyouforev 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 13:47

interesting.......

SacOmonkeyNuts 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 14:02

how bout I lay these nuts softly on your lips.....and then PUNCH EM into your mouth

nightELFassasin6 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 15:18

he's right u prob just wanted to show ur bod and it's prob sick nasty

selenagirl_fml 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 15:25

WTF 35????

eyes_wide_shut 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 15:32

35 lol

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Saturday 7 August 2010 15:32

u lil slut lol

selenagirl_fml 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 15:36

YDI for sleeping!!

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Saturday 7 August 2010 16:07

53 your a dick. she was probably sleeping naked for her husband.

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Saturday 7 August 2010 16:11

repost

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Saturday 7 August 2010 16:30

who sleeps naked?!

PimpdaddyCJT 13

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Saturday 7 August 2010 17:04

wow that sucks

selenagirl_fml 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 17:07

73, people who sleep naked. durrrr...

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Saturday 7 August 2010 17:53

I've read that sleeping naked is healthier.

changetheworld 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 17:55

why are so many surprised that people sleep naked.? i don't, but i don't blame them cause it feels good. xD

RyGan 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 18:24

" I don't want tight elastic squeezing on my ass while I sleep " -what movie??

nmsm 1

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Saturday 7 August 2010 18:30

sleeping naked makes you feel so... so... FREE.

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Saturday 7 August 2010 19:04

hahaha #35

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Saturday 7 August 2010 19:29

YDI for your husband thinking it'd be funny to trigger the alarm in the house while you were sleeping. Shocked, you ran outside naked.

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Saturday 7 August 2010 20:55

82-Drillbit Taylor? hahaha

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Sunday 8 August 2010 0:49

ydi for sleeping naked, no offense for ppl that sleep naked or live in miami

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Sunday 8 August 2010 1:47

die skroal

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Sunday 8 August 2010 2:54

true. (: it's comfy. (:

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Sunday 8 August 2010 5:42

Hmmm, part of this fml was chopped off my the mods. Y can't they just let things be?

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Sunday 8 August 2010 6:23

I haven't slept naked since the morning my step-sister came in to wake me up. I must have been having an interesting dream at the time if you you know what I mean ;)

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Sunday 8 August 2010 8:04

skroal im gonna shove an alarm up ur ass

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Sunday 8 August 2010 9:23

125 - STFU no one cares what you think about skroal

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Monday 9 August 2010 9:19

silly goose

ChocolateEclaire 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 12:44

FYL. You don't deserve it, he does...

aliaysleighbasic 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 15:36

ya. any type of problems caused by a prank you devised: you deserve it!

CrimsonWolf1294 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 16:08

her husband devised the prank. she was just the nude victim...

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Saturday 7 August 2010 17:20

LOL win.

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Saturday 7 August 2010 17:22

Um.. you sleep naked?

paintingxflowers 8

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Saturday 7 August 2010 12:45

haha... wow.

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Saturday 7 August 2010 19:58

Umm... yeah I got nothin.

HE1D1 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 12:45

it was his fault, what a dumbass

qwertyalanna12 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 12:45

why where you naked in the first place .... ?

kayladance101 13

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Saturday 7 August 2010 14:22

some people like to sleep naked.

muppetslover 11

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Thursday 1 March 2012 18:25

This is why I don't sleep naked!

LosAngelesSon 8

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Saturday 7 August 2010 12:48

aha' not only does your husband have jealousy issues, hes a douche! congratulations you married wisely!

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Saturday 7 August 2010 12:49

your husband is one big dickhead

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Saturday 7 August 2010 12:50

agree with #4 and so what, you didnt have sex with them now did you? you didnt show them your body on purpose.

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Sunday 8 August 2010 3:25

Since when did the wording of this FML change? +"My husband now won't speak to me, because I showed my body to other men."

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Saturday 7 August 2010 12:51

Wow...

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Saturday 7 August 2010 12:55

Uranus ur pic siriously looks like ur picking Uranus !!!

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Saturday 7 August 2010 12:58

yup she is in there deep!

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Saturday 7 August 2010 12:59

Hehe, I wonder what her reply will be. xD

LosAngelesSon 8

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Saturday 7 August 2010 13:04

yup, shes digging.

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Saturday 7 August 2010 13:55

OMG that's frickin nasty

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Saturday 7 August 2010 15:41

dats dirty Uranus....-_-

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Sunday 8 August 2010 15:15

me so horny

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Saturday 7 August 2010 12:53

take a naked picture of him, post it online, and then don't talk to him for "showing his body to other women" same shit lol.

SOTYsNumber1Fan 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 13:10

actually its not even close but if u wanna be wrong thats fine

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Saturday 7 August 2010 17:48

yeah it would be the same thing cause it would be a prank which results in nudity and the planner of the scheme not speaking to the victim for consequences they brought upon themself.

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 17

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 18

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 13

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 644

You deserved it 187