All the FMLs

Nice try

By No.Life. - 14/07/2010 04:09 - United States

Today, I decided not to go on Facebook so people would actually think that I have a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 544

You deserved it 32 592

By magnolia - 14/07/2010 02:10 - United States

Today, I accidentally filled the lemonade machine with margarita mix that already had the tequila mixed in. It was served to three kids before anyone figured it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 406

You deserved it 42 665

By Camille - 14/07/2010 00:02 - United States

Today, my boyfriend hacked my facebook account and set my status to say that I was in love with my boss. Seeing the post, my boss called me into his office, and told me he loved me too... FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 557

You deserved it 4 703

By Criminal - 13/07/2010 23:15 - United States

Today, I got a speeding ticket. I wrote a check, and on the way to deposit my fine, I got another one. I put both fines in a box down town, and I turned around to see a cop putting a parking ticket under my wind-shield wiper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 944

You deserved it 49 414

By dammitrain - 13/07/2010 19:43 - United States

Today, hoping to avoid the rain because I had just gotten an expensive perm, I ducked under an awning. At that moment, the store manager shook the awning, and about 6 hours of rain dumped on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 505

You deserved it 8 478

By babygirllxo - 13/07/2010 18:28 - Canada

Today, I slipped on the wet floor at work and sprained my wrist badly. I was carrying the wet floor sign so no one would slip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 552

You deserved it 7 172

By OhNo - 13/07/2010 15:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I got my sister to pluck my eyebrows. She shaped them wrong, so now I look constantly sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 110

You deserved it 30 016

By E or - 13/07/2010 13:41 - United States

Today, I flew a toy airplane into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 898

You deserved it 40 233

By Sally - 13/07/2010 09:22 - United States

Today, my parents were ecstatic about sending me to an amazingly fun camp. I didn't know until I got there that it was a fat camp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 966

You deserved it 13 327

By Betchsadface - 13/07/2010 04:34 - United States

Today, I got bitch-slapped by a walrus at Sea Life Park. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 789

You deserved it 10 803

By Fefe - 13/07/2010 02:43 - United States

Today, tired of my social anxiety making me look uncool, I told everyone I was going out partying tonight. I'm actually just going to watch 'Jersey Shore' and pretend I'm with the cast. Something even more sad? I'm really excited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 726

You deserved it 18 247

By maggotsinmycarpet - 12/07/2010 20:56 - United States

Today, I was cleaning my room when I found a nice surprise from my cat. While I was on vacation, she killed a mouse. By the time I found it, there were maggots crawling in my carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 523

You deserved it 5 125

By jazthefish - 12/07/2010 19:42 - United States

Today, I drew a face on a balloon and pretended to make out with it. The balloon popped and shot to the back of my throat, where it got caught. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 816

You deserved it 71 763

By Wrongtoilet - 12/07/2010 08:28 - Singapore

Today, I was at a new shopping mall. After an hour, I desperately needed to use the bathroom. Spotting one, I ran inside, locked myself in a cubicle and relieved myself. The toilet paper was out so I knocked on the cubicle beside me to ask for some. A lady's voice answered. She needed some too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 876

You deserved it 5 470

By fat - 12/07/2010 07:52 - United States

Today, I noticed that I've gained so much weight that even my feet have stretch marks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 197

You deserved it 50 267

By LexiBoBexi - 12/07/2010 05:38 - United States

Today, my family and I went to the coast. Our dog was off the leash because we were the only people around. He was delighted to find a dead seal carcass and roll around in its remains. We then had a 3 hour drive home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 649

You deserved it 8 647

Ticked off

By Sarah220 - 12/07/2010 04:31 - United States

Today, I woke up to a pain on my eyelid. I stumbled into the bathroom to find a huge tick attached to the edge of my eyelid. My dad used tweezers to pull it off, only the head stuck. I had to go to the doctor and sit there for 15 minutes so she could pull the rest out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 601

You deserved it 3 309

By Anonymous - 11/07/2010 18:18 - United States

Today, I was at the movies with my boyfriend when I really had to pee. I tried to get out of the aisle in a hurry so I wouldn't disturb anyone when I tripped, landing on the people in the row in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 755

You deserved it 5 473

By Cheyenne - 11/07/2010 06:06 - United States

Today, I found out I'm the only one in my family to wash their hands after they use the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 333

You deserved it 3 710

DIY

By Anonymous - 11/07/2010 05:15 - United States

Today, to save money, I wanted to fix my own leaky roof instead of hiring someone. When I got on the roof, the ladder fell. As it was falling, it broke three windows and snagged the siding of my house ripping over half of it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 455

You deserved it 30 659

By lovelikewoe - 11/07/2010 01:00 - United States

Today, I made my mom a mix CD for her car. It took me ages to find just the right songs that would be perfect for her. When I played it for her in the car, she took it out and threw it out of the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 702

You deserved it 5 408

By hello - 11/07/2010 00:57 - Jordan

Today, I was so bored at a family gathering that I pretended to be busy texting the whole time. I don't know what's worse, that I'm not close to anyone in my family, or that I have no one close enough to text to about such things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 350

You deserved it 8 827

By Really? - 10/07/2010 14:57 - United States

Today, I lost my job because I was late. I was late because I had no alarm. I had no alarm because my roommate got mad and broke my phone when I beat her at scrabble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 868

You deserved it 6 424

By Ecce - 10/07/2010 12:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend jumping on my bed exclaiming that he had "won the lottery." He broke the bed. Turns out he only won £15.80. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 584

You deserved it 3 218

By lauren - 08/07/2010 04:51 - United States

Today, I discovered that my cleaning lady steals valuables from me, and covered it up by saying that "the vacuum must've eaten it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 100

You deserved it 7 108

By whatheffers - 07/07/2010 16:40 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me using Lady GaGa lyrics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 367

You deserved it 8 931

By braceface - 07/07/2010 13:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I worked up the courage at lunch to sit next to the girl I've been in love with for 3 years. Everything was going great. That is, until I sneezed and my retainer shot out my mouth, and landed in her lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 274

You deserved it 8 036

By 42 - 07/07/2010 09:43 - Canada

Today, my parents told me that I was born to entertain my brother. I have found the meaning of life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 760

You deserved it 4 122

By Anonymous - 06/07/2010 23:08 - United States

Today, I found out I'm being evicted from my apartment on my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 950

You deserved it 18 332

Driving me mad

By Username - 06/07/2010 22:21 - France

Today, at the crack of dawn, I started a 700-mile road trip with my three children. So far, I've stopped four times, settled several arguments, cleaned up spilled yogurt and melted silly putty. 130 miles down, 570 to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 089

You deserved it 12 735

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, my estranged dad drunk-dialed me at 4 a.m. to apologize, and to make amends. After crying and forgiving, we hung up. Minutes later, he called back to retract everything he said after remembering how I was rude to him at a party 3 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 688

You deserved it 3 298

Today, I saw a lady with a stroller in the park. She stopped at the water fountain and got a drink, then left without her baby. I ran to the stroller and started rolling it after her. Two grown men attacked me, accusing me of trying to steal said baby. Turns out it was a baby doll. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 324

You deserved it 2 612

Today, I took out my old hairdryer and turned it on. I then gave my roommate a show as I ran out of the bathroom, naked and screaming, after a spider was blasted out of the hairdryer and directly at my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 012

You deserved it 4 614

Today, my friends took my phone and changed all the contact's names to characters from Harry Potter. I have over a hundred contacts and no idea who I'm talking to. I've been texting Draco Malfoy for 4 hours now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 103

You deserved it 4 563

Today, I left the living room for 3 minutes to make a coffee. When I went back, my 4-year old had found a permanent marker, God knows where, since I don't own a permanent marker. She'd then drawn on her face, the carpet, wall, sofa, both dogs and as an added bonus the TV screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 004

You deserved it 555

Today, I was making Cup Noodles for breakfast. After microwaving it for 3 minutes, I carefully grabbed the cup to pour some water out, but my hand gave out and some water spilled on it. Now I have a burned hand and no noodles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 772

You deserved it 288