Miscellaneous: Today, I got mugged. After taking my cell phone, the guy politely... - FML

By Anonymous - 07/12/2010 16:09 - Guatemala

Today, I got mugged. After taking my cell phone, the guy politely said: "Thanks. Have a nice evening. Be careful on your way home." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 042

You deserved it 3 166

Walk the line

Dysfunctional

Quite the journey

By awkward wedding - 18/10/2018 22:00

Today, a girl confessed that she's loved me for years and wants to marry me and have my children. It was my half-sister and she said it in front of everyone at a family wedding. I don't know who to be most afraid of at this point: her fiancé or my stepdad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 922

You deserved it 167

By liberatedwoman - 11/08/2009 14:57 - Oman

Today, my mother sat me down to tell me that since coming home from college, I sounded like "a liberated woman". She was disappointed and disturbed by this and said that I should stop having strong opinions and ideals because it would make finding a husband for me difficult. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 997

You deserved it 7 356

By Username - 04/10/2010 05:48 - France

Today, my four year old daughter pulled her pants down in the middle of Best Buy. Apparently, you can smell the farts better when they don't have to pass through clothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 279

You deserved it 5 284

By Anonymous - 29/05/2012 17:50 - Netherlands - Lelystad

Today, I spilled my guts to my girlfriend, saying I'm scared that all I do is upset her. I then had to sit through a speech about how upset she was that I hadn't told her sooner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 011

You deserved it 4 772

By biblepain - 28/03/2015 02:12 - United States - Tucson

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. Within minutes, they said I needed to leave. Their reason? Apparently, I was mocking her dad's speech impediment. I also have one but they wouldn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 234

You deserved it 2 208

By hahasuckit - 25/12/2009 06:30 - United States

Today, my friends and I were shopping for dresses. I asked the lady at the counter for a size 4, she looked at me and mumbled "Yeah right." in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 297

You deserved it 5 286

By Username - 01/12/2010 03:39

Today, a customer at the store I work at asked me what kind of cake I would suggest for her husband's 50th birthday. I laughed and showed her the Grim Reaper cake. She burst into tears and explained that he has cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 089

You deserved it 62 188

By DQB - 24/05/2009 02:17 - Canada

Today, I pulled up to a stoplight and blew past the car beside me to merge into one lane. About 30 seconds later, I ran out of gas right in front of them. We were on a bridge, and I had to push my car all the way across. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 096

You deserved it 61 818

Slipped up

By hate my job - 24/09/2021 20:00

Today, I sent my resumé to a former coworker to get some pointers, except that I sent it to his old work email account and now my boss knows I’m looking for a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319

You deserved it 875

Spooky

By Anonymous - 25/04/2021 20:04

Today. my nana got a text from my dead grandad's phone number. His phone was stolen about 3 weeks before he died, but the shock of suddenly getting a text from him after the funeral gave her a heart attack. The doctor says with her other health issues, she might not make it through the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 481

You deserved it 33

By Cygnus - 03/08/2015 14:14 - United States - Ruthven

Today, I responded to an argument with my girlfriend by only using comebacks she'd used in previous arguments. I'm single now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 723

You deserved it 11 301

By UncleMonkey - 06/03/2015 06:18 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, while flirting with a cute nurse at my dad's bedside, I accidentally let a noxious fart slip out and she thought the foul smell came from my sleeping father soiling himself. I let her roll him over and check his ass while he cried out in pain because I wasn't man enough to own up to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 552

You deserved it 45 040

Romantic fool

By Idiot - 22/08/2009 18:44 - United States

Today, while watching a movie with my girlfriend, I had to go to the bathroom. As I returned, I thought it would be cute to jump over the side of the couch and land next to her. I accidentally landed on her arm and broke her wrist. It wasn't as cute as I expected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 795

You deserved it 38 726

By jacques - 02/02/2010 14:08 - Australia

Today, I ran into my ex's family, and found out they are going to Europe. Funnily enough, so am I. Even funnier is the fact that we are going on the same date, at the same time, on the same flights, and the tour starts on the same day in the same place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 004

You deserved it 3 816

By Anonymous - 12/04/2009 04:07 - United States

Today, I walked out to my car to see four kids taking the hubcaps, radio, and license plates off of my truck. I chased them six blocks until I tripped and twisted my ankle. I limped back to my car and found a ticket on my windshield for $55 dollars. The reason? Missing license plates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 511

You deserved it 3 146

By Anonymous - 22/10/2011 01:33 - United States

Today, I introduced my new boyfriend to my parents. Everyone knows he's into the emo scene, but this didn't stop my dad from slowly looking him up and down, then saying, completely deadpan, "You never told us you were a lesbian, honey." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 066

You deserved it 37 421

DST FML

By Anonymous - 06/10/2021 08:00

Today, my partner and I spent the last 3 days transitioning our 19 month-olds bedtime by 15 minutes each day for daylight savings, only to find out we've been going the wrong way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 329

You deserved it 1 129

By Anonymous - 30/09/2013 16:23 - United States - Mulino

Today, while I was pet-sitting for my boyfriend's parents, one of their dogs killed one of their kittens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 469

You deserved it 5 468

By My__life___ - 21/05/2014 00:53 - United States - Chicago

Today, I found out that the built in lighter in my car does NOT in fact glow red when hot. I now have circles burned into my finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 395

You deserved it 29 140

After sleepover

By carriageway - 31/01/2020 01:00 - United States - Newport News

Today, I was at a sleepover for a friend's birthday. It was great, but after sleeping on their pull out couch, I woke up with six pimples on my face and a rash on my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 963

You deserved it 185

By the-yao - 24/01/2009 14:53 - United States

Today, someone told me they liked my personality when I'm drunk. I asked, "What about when I'm sober?". "No, only when you're drinking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 847

You deserved it 3 782

By hated - 26/03/2009 17:40 - United States

Today, I was leading a wheelchair fundraiser to raise money to make public areas wheelchair accessible. I had several guest speakers, all of which were confined to wheelchairs. About ten minutes after the fundraiser was supposed to begin, I realized that the stage was wheelchair incompatible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 103

You deserved it 77 489

By lanikai610 - 26/10/2011 18:35 - United States

Today, there was no toilet paper left, so I asked my grandmother if I could use her Kleenex tissues. I found out too late that they were Vicks vapor rub tissues. My crotch has been burning for the last half hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 302

You deserved it 7 587

By WeezysBaby - 28/03/2009 22:13 - Canada

Today, I was going through my old MSN conversations. I then realized that when I first got MSN, I didn't know that messages you sent after people went offline would be delivered to them when they signed in. I used to type 'I love you' to my crush after every time he went offline. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 560

You deserved it 91 260

By Amber - 28/05/2013 23:42 - United States - Oroville

Today, I had to make a poster for social studies. I decided to write "Nice ass" in hieroglyphics. Turns out my teacher can read hieroglyphics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 627

You deserved it 52 341

By rastafarimon - 17/04/2011 05:56 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend compared my penis to an ewok from Star Wars. She says it's short, stubby, and fuzzy. Now she sings the Star Wars theme when we hang out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 051

You deserved it 8 954

By LOLCATS - 13/10/2009 13:45 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my wife came home from work early and told me she'd been fired. She was really upset so I told her how much she means to me and how much I love her to help cheer her up. She then told me she was caught getting it on with another employee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 091

You deserved it 2 457

By damn - 09/04/2014 21:12 - United States - Kenton

Spicy

Today, I witnessed my roommate telling a girl that he has "really healthy shits". I wanted to make fun of him, but he got laid by said girl and I went home to jerk off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 390

You deserved it 7 986

The truth will out

By John - 12/12/2021 11:01

Spicy

Today, my fiancée decided to leave me because she wasn't happy. Little did I know, she's been fucking her coworker for the past month or so. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 254

You deserved it 106

By Anonymous - 30/09/2013 00:15 - Brazil - Jacare

Today, my mom started her new job; she's now my new coworker. She's already told the other girl I'd said she talks too much, and has berated me for not calling her "mom" while at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 990

You deserved it 2 855

By sober - 10/07/2012 03:40 - United States - Hillsborough

Today, I told my boyfriend that I was going to stop drinking, since I have been having some problems with alcohol and some of my relatives are alcoholics. He later broke up with me, saying he couldn't be with someone who "chose to be boring." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 961

You deserved it 3 396

By Thanh Quang - 31/01/2011 05:58

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she met someone else on World of Warcraft. I've been paying for her subscription. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 520

You deserved it 14 776

By Haitwun - 14/12/2015 07:29 - United States - El Monte

Today, my girlfriend tells me she missed her period this month. I felt excited until she said, "I will let you know the results of the paternity test." I was not aware we needed a paternity test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 103

You deserved it 2 608

By anonymous - 23/06/2011 14:19 - United States

Today, I found out my dad thinks he's famous because he's been on 'Cops', twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 926

You deserved it 4 100

By Anonymous - 02/10/2014 04:47 - United States - Olive Branch

Today, I was talking to my brother about how careless people are. Minutes later, I shocked myself with my dog's shock-collar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 898

You deserved it 35 601

By errints234234 - 13/05/2010 23:31 - United States

Today, I was reading a magazine while straightening my hair. I got really into this one article until suddenly a huge clump of hair fell on it. I looked up and realized I had burned through the layer of hair I was straightening, leaving me with one layer at ear length and the rest at bra length. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 671

You deserved it 47 347

Confused

By Anonymous - 13/06/2014 23:36 - United States - Rahway

Today, I was out shopping with my mom. While we were walking, a guy in a car honked at me. I'm not used to compliments, so I was pretty flattered and flashed him a smile. He looked back at me, confused, then shook his head and pointed at my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 489

You deserved it 5 993

By CreeptacularBait - 27/05/2018 19:00

Today, after over a month of running to lose weight, I can’t walk without crying from the shooting pain in my legs. My husband is upset that I won’t go to the grocery store, make his lunch, or go hiking with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 417

You deserved it 793

By thatwas10yearsago - 28/09/2012 02:41 - United States - Reston

Today, I found out why the girl I like won't give me the time of day. Apparently, I called her ugly and pushed her into a puddle when we were in kindergarten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 427

You deserved it 30 905

By Anonymous - 26/12/2010 02:29 - United States

Today, I was able to land a nice apartment solely based on the fact that my puppy is potty trained. During the required pet interview, my dog 'got sick' and defecated all over the apartment office. I now have to clean the mess knowing that I will not be allowed to live there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 462

You deserved it 4 248

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Top comments

ThatGirlIsMe93 0

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 19:01

Lol what a gentleman!

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 19:21

You should NOT be careful on your way home and get mugged again, just to spite him. That'll teach his polite, thieving ass!

Comments

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 19:00

oh wow..

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 19:27

yes it's tht amazing

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 20:08

While random, it's possible he mugged you as he is in a lot of problems and trouble, and doesn't want to hurt people. Is what i was going to say, until i realised, this is just weird.

Marvin_Android 0

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 21:19

Sounds sarcastic. At least, I am anytime I wish anyone a nice anything. Deep down, I know that even if I wished anyone a nice anything, it wouldn't do any good, since existence is miserable by its very nature. Oh God I'm so depressed. Life. Don't talk to me about life.

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 22:13

44 you need to get laid

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 23:30

hahahahahahahaha agree.

Trollz4daLULZ 1

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 0:05

#52 and #61, you two need to read books. Get cultured up.

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 1:13

Zarquod! what was that?

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 1:45

this belongs on mlia :P

urdirtyolduncle 15

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 2:15

AGREED !

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Friday 10 December 2010 4:44

yeah because getting on FML is totally the first thing that would come to mind if i ever got mugged. lmao just sayinn(:

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Saturday 11 December 2010 20:27

Today i mugged a guy because i need four dollars for karate lessons. i was so happy that i thanked him in the end!! P.S. If you dont get my comment click my picture :)

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Saturday 16 April 2011 6:35

lol mugger ftw motha f*cka

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Friday 29 July 2011 9:22

at least he's got manners

ThatGirlIsMe93 0

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 19:01

Lol what a gentleman!

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 19:02

he deserves every penny lol

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 19:16

OP should've offered him a cup of tea!

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 21:47

Seriously, I imagine the mugger wearing a top hat and monocle. That's too legit.

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 2:49

^ this

Penguinman909 7

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 8:53

last time I was mugged they weren't the friendly mugger type like this

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Monday 26 November 2012 20:02

Aww that s so nice! :)

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 19:02

that's freaking awesome, lol. I'm sorry you lost your phone, and anything else you lost, though.

unidentified_sta 5

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 19:11

He stole her heart, by such chivalrous thieving.

RedPillSucks 31

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 19:25

OPs a guy, unless he's the girlfriend from a few FMLs back.

unidentified_sta 5

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 19:26

Oh, well just change that her to a his... And nothing else

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 19:03

lmao xD

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 2:54

boom

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 19:03

that guys my hero

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 19:04

almost like being robbed by Mr. Rodgers.

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 20:04

*like*

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 2:21

yeah pretty much

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Monday 24 December 2012 19:21

"Hey there neighbor, don't mind if I just take this here phone and wallet. You have a nice day, and look both ways before crossing the street."

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 19:06

Hahahahaha. I'm sorry to laugh at your misfortune but this is hilarious. Hope you're okay though.

nerdsgetmehot 22

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 19:06

That's when you sock 'im in the face. Unless, of course, he's wielding a weapon-- in which case you really have no choice but to say "Thank you" and toddle on home. :(

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 19:06

Isn't there tracking in cell phones now?

starile 19

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 19:17

Better to just cancel the service to that device, and see if anything can be done about getting an insurance phone since it was stolen.

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 19:07

I don't know if that's a silver lining or just adding insult to injury.

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 21:28

It's like being raped and then the rapist says, "I hope you had fun. Be careful; there are killers around every corner."

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Tuesday 7 December 2010 23:02

being robbed is not even close to being RAPED!

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11

You deserved it 17

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 398

You deserved it 1 107

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 1 259