Transportation: Today, I was sitting in a parked car. A woman was having difficulties...

By agstadra - 08/12/2010 15:24 - Canada

Today, I was sitting in a parked car. A woman was having difficulties maneuvering out. She honked the horn repeatedly for me to move, then looked me in the eye and called me a "f**king bitch", before driving off. I was in the passenger seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 907

You deserved it 3 185

Transportation

Taking stock

Empathy lives

Own it

By Anonymous - 22/03/2017 16:00

Today, I got a phone call from my boss, who'd hired me after two months of waiting and begging for this position. A week into the job, the company is closing our store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 656

You deserved it 405

By drop dead single - 22/11/2014 13:44 - United States

Today, on our third date, my date tried to get me drunk and kept trying to touch me up. When I said he was moving too fast, he sighed and soon left. Just minutes later, he posted on Facebook saying "Just got friendzoned -_-". One of his friends commented: "I hate bitches, man." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 165

You deserved it 4 451

By horny and alone - 04/11/2018 03:00

Today, I went home with my cute coworker. What started out as a little dirty talk and teasing ended with him admitting he was in a terrible emotional place and sending me home in an Uber so he could sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 657

You deserved it 382

I am hungry

By Hungry - 23/12/2019 01:00

Today, I thought my mother was coming into my room to give me lunch. She gave me cleaning supplies instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 631

You deserved it 3 066

By ....... - 23/06/2009 17:56 - United States

Today, my five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turned to me and said "Mom, I want to be a hooker." FML

I agree, your life sucks 258 429

You deserved it 42 703

By Anonymous - 08/01/2010 05:39 - United States

Today, my boss told me when I transfer to a Target in Orlando I should work in the clothing department. He said it would be a good way for me to meet chicks. I told him all the girls who work in clothing in that store are ugly as hell. Apparently his daughters work there. I never knew that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 343

You deserved it 31 343

By Anonymous - 01/09/2013 23:55 - United States

Today, while on vacation, I called my home phone to check the messages. Someone answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 087

You deserved it 2 805

By Ballshurt - 07/09/2009 04:57 - United States

Today, I learned that you can pierce your balls. However, sitting on a thumbtack is not the best way to find this out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 417

You deserved it 7 006

Online life

By Anonymous - 24/01/2020 18:00

Today, I found out that the girl I've been dating online for over three months is actually a very bored 14-year-old boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 403

You deserved it 2 316

By Samyett - 09/02/2011 19:22 - United States

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by creating an account on Runescape; his favorite game. After finding him in-game, I started talking to him, not revealing who I was. After a while, I asked him if he had a girlfriend. He promptly said no and asked me for nude pics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 173

You deserved it 14 933

Broke

By Anonymous - 04/06/2016 03:49 - United States - Rockford

Today, my car broke down. The good news is I can afford to have it fixed. The bad news is paying for the fix will wipe out my savings, which I need to get certified for a non-minimum-wage job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 976

You deserved it 845

Corporate ass

By Anonymous - 13/06/2020 17:02

Today, I found out that my boss would rather give grant money back than give it to any of his employees as any sort of bonus for working through the pandemic. Two of us have worked for him for over 20 years. So much for loyalty I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 792

You deserved it 186

By Anonymous - 30/01/2015 17:41 - Canada

Today, my young daughter came up to me, grabbed my face and said, "I'm putting you in the garbage." When I laughed and asked why, she looked me dead in the eye and said, "You are trash." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 558

You deserved it 3 879

By Anonymous - 21/03/2009 19:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was really stressed about a guy he works with being a jerk. I told him "if you ignore something long enough, it won't bother you anymore." His response was "I've ignored my herpes for a long time but it still bothers me." We've been having sex for 3 months now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 140 096

You deserved it 22 747

Leave me alone

By Anonymous - 23/06/2021 16:01

Today, I'm on a camping trip, and despite the lovely weather, I'm wearing long clothing so the mosquitoes can’t sting me. Unfortunately, nobody seems to have told THEM that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 666

You deserved it 144

By Anonymous - 13/02/2010 07:22 - United States

Today, I switched cell phone carriers and got the plan where you can call or text any five people for free. The employee asked for my five, I could only come up with one, my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 003

You deserved it 5 059

By ms piggy - 15/12/2011 21:52 - United States

Today, stepping on a scale for the first time in years, I had to lift up my stomach to see the number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 997

You deserved it 43 051

By Shane - 08/02/2011 07:58

Today, I was dry-walling a house when my butt started to itch. I bent over to scratch it on a piece of plywood, at which point the client's wife walked in and asked what the fuck I was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 108

You deserved it 32 112

By ArmyMan - 24/06/2009 16:37 - United Arab Emirates

Today, I enlisted for The Navy because my Boy Scout leader encouraged me. He fought in Korea and is a real inspiration. I asked him what motivated him to join The Navy. He said he was drunk and didn't remember joining until he was called up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 757

You deserved it 9 879

By beckzx58 - 06/08/2009 23:16 - United States

Today, I was pretending to use the force to operate the elevator at my hotel, getting really into it. Someone was waiting to get on at my floor and saw me. Not to mention the staff now brings it up every time I'm around. Apparently they have cameras in their elevators. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 320

You deserved it 43 638

Same joke, different year

By joleezad5 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Nixa

Today, while watching the Olympics, my father found it completely necessary to make a farting sound every single time an athlete jumps or bends over. This will be a very long few weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 156

You deserved it 2 460

By a man - 10/04/2011 19:32 - United States

Today, my dog decided to fly through the front door like Superman. All 180lbs of her promptly slammed sideways into the wall, putting a dog-sized hole in the plaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 032

You deserved it 3 871

By dis_bee_leaf - 13/02/2012 16:27 - Canada

Today, I sent out a text saying "Smile! You're beautiful and don't let anyone tell you otherwise." to most of my contacts. I got one reply, from my best friend, saying, "Are you fucking stupid?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 771

You deserved it 37 821

By Alisha-_- - 23/11/2018 03:00

Today, I found out that the love of my life had been pleasuring himself to pictures of my ex-boyfriends. Yes, he's bisexual. He says it's ok because I'm dating him now. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 163

You deserved it 432

By sickdisney - 21/05/2012 18:42 - United States - Riverside

Today, I watched a movie with my little sister. I couldn't understand a word that was said during one scene, but I figured it was in some kind of made-up language. When I commented on it later, she called me a moron and said it was Spanish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 096

You deserved it 35 868

By mcdonalds - 06/08/2013 04:11 - United States

Today, I dislocated my shoulder. I was screaming and writhing in pain, and my eyes were shut for most of the ride to the hospital. We stopped, and I was thrilled because I thought we were at the ER. I was wrong. My dad had stopped to order a cheeseburger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 131

You deserved it 4 826

By Anonymous - 28/08/2015 05:41 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I washed all the dishes and cups from the family dinner last night and put them away. When my wife saw, she had a mini OCD breakdown and yelled at me because the cups weren't lined up with each other with the handles aligned and the flower pictures facing out left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 138

You deserved it 3 254

Sorry

By Anonymous - 10/06/2021 00:01

Today, I vented a lot to my niece about serious things via text message but I didn't reply to hers since I was asleep. She assumed I'd killed myself and called everyone I know, and had a full blown panic attack. And she has asthma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 580

You deserved it 379

By Plush - 13/01/2009 16:43 - France

Today, a work colleague announced that she is organising a bit of a party. She says, in front of everyone, that I'm not invited to "avoid ruining the vibe". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 036

You deserved it 2 706

By failure - 16/07/2009 16:25 - Canada

Today, my parents are freaking at me because I just got my report and I failed my first year of college. They told me they have never been more disappointed in me. I have to tell them that I'm also pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 567

You deserved it 101 847

By coinoperatedgirl - 11/01/2010 01:04 - United States

Today, I realized that I will never be able to buy the car I've wanted since middle school. The car? A greyish-silver Volvo, which is the make and color of car Kurt Cobain drove. The reason? I've been informed that it's also the make and color of the car that Edward Cullen drives in Twilight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 648

You deserved it 11 106

By Fangirl#1 - 29/10/2018 22:10

Today, students were permitted to wear costumes at my school, but only about half of us did. In 4th period a guy asked me, "What are you supposed to be?" I wasn’t wearing a costume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 463

You deserved it 305

By Ian - 18/04/2009 14:24 - United States

Today, I had a surgery to remove a cyst from my butt. Afterwards that doctor told me that the cyst was bigger than he initially thought, it would still secrete fluids for two weeks, and the best remedy for this was to wear a maxi-pad. I'm a guy, and am currently wearing a maxi-pad on my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 406

You deserved it 6 428

By queen - 30/12/2009 01:29 - Brazil

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he tried to put his hand inside my pants. I didn't want it to be that easy so I denied, but he insisted a lot and I finally let him. He started to sing "We Are The Champions." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 884

You deserved it 24 223

By Z - 03/07/2010 19:26 - United States

Today, after a large, dramatic fight with my girlfriend in a parking lot, we stopped arguing altogether and hugged, dropping the issue. Twenty seconds later, I accidentally slammed her hand in the car door, breaking two of her fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 771

You deserved it 14 247

By Anonymous - 08/11/2010 01:13 - United States

Today, I went shopping with my new "It's true, I'm a Ninja" shirt on. Suddenly an apple comes and hits me right in the eye. A little boy runs up to me, yells "You aren't a Ninja! A Ninja would have caught that!", and runs off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 288

You deserved it 65 270

By accident - 14/02/2014 22:41 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my dad gave me the sex talk. After telling me all the stuff I already knew, he told me never to use Durex condoms. He said, "They break a lot. That's the only reason you're around today, really." then chuckled to himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 934

You deserved it 5 788

By Anonymous - 07/04/2014 00:20 - Australia - Spearwood

Today, at the café I work at, I was yelled at by a woman because the drinks and food she ordered were "taking too long". Before I had the chance to get a word in, she stormed out and said she would never come back. I didn't get the chance to inform her that she hadn't ordered yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 886

You deserved it 3 540

Whoops

By Anonymous - 08/01/2021 23:01

Today, I had a very important video call for my job. I hadn’t used the particular app in a long time so I hadn’t checked my screen name. Turns out the last time I used it was in March with my friends, and my name was "Euro Slut." My employers saw it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 249

You deserved it 882

By welptbh - 04/04/2018 16:30 - United States - San Pablo

Today, I came out to my parents as trans. They immediately took my remaining college savings, canceled my credit card, and began plotting to abduct me and "wean me off hormones, like a heroin addict." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 012

You deserved it 1 466

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Top comments

Trace01m 11

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 19:45

You could always throw the glovebox open and reach in. Seems to scare people when I do it :)

unidentified_sta 5

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 18:57

Should have looked her in the eyes and fapped, that would have shown her.

Ali_Br_fml 33

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 18:53

Wow, what a turd. And um if you're in the passenger's seat, you are not going to be able to drive.

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 18:59

women drivers... sheesh

mfmylifesrsly 29

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 19:21

good job captain obvious!

KiddNYC1O 20

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 19:38

LOL. I was thinking the same, #17.

fakeaccountX 6

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 20:19

Women drivers...

zkchild 0

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 21:20

Should of got out and started pushing to show your trying.

laurabelle 0

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 22:01

why the f did op beep out f***king and not bitch?

ClickMyPicture 0

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 23:25

Asian women driver im guessing?

Ali_Br_fml 33

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Thursday 9 December 2010 0:04

that's my nickname, didn't you know? I was just thinking that it's quite obvious that she wasn't driving, and probably wasn't allowed to do so, so the driver of the other vehicle should not have yelled at or cursed out Op. but I don't think op's life is really effed because she got cursed out...

ChibiChibi_fml 27

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Thursday 9 December 2010 0:23

@58 They did it that way because bitch isn't considered as offensive as F**cking is. I mean consider the fact that they say bitch on (American) television all the time but they aren't allowed to say the other one. It is just the bizarre world we live in.

Bekll 31

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Thursday 9 December 2010 3:22

Should HAVE gotTEN out and started pushing to show your'RE trying.

zkchild 0

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Thursday 9 December 2010 8:05

Hey I said something similar. That's cool I like the way you think.

BiggerThenUrs 0

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Thursday 9 December 2010 8:50

...canadiens.. nuff said.

stephanie0613 0

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Thursday 9 December 2010 10:07

76, your comment was so long and pointless ir was a waste of time all you said was blah blah blah blah blah, and pretty much said nothing. Ugh

SChew 6

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Thursday 9 December 2010 10:13

96 YOU'RE

slush11 3

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Friday 10 December 2010 5:45

ef me that's hilarious!

Bekll 31

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Saturday 11 December 2010 8:19

108, right. Darn iPhone...

MasterE56 4

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 18:56

you should have got out and beat her ass!

dave04045 1

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Saturday 11 December 2010 15:10

women....

machiko_fml 0

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 18:56

You should have called her stupid and blind if she couldn't see that no one was driving.

Mauskau 35

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 20:29

What happened to your mouth? Did you have a stroke or something?

ooooooooooooh 4

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 20:39

wow you're a bitch

matt692009 0

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 21:04

Agreed with 39

iSitt 0

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 22:45

she was angry and wanted to lash out no matter what the logic. Same in politics.

chrissimmons 0

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Thursday 9 December 2010 6:25

hey 37 what happened to your eyes???? got eaten by a shark???

naximus93 0

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Thursday 9 December 2010 9:26

102, you win

xShannonxSammyx 7

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 18:57

You should have run her over!

unidentified_sta 5

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 18:57

Should have looked her in the eyes and fapped, that would have shown her.

zkchild 0

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 21:23

Win

Yeah_Thats_Me 0

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 21:30

Leave Britney alone!!!!! sorry your picture reminded me of it.

Yeah_Thats_Me 0

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 21:33

Disregard that comment.

spazyman 0

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Thursday 9 December 2010 8:07

fapping solves everything.

WhiiT3TiGeR 0

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 19:00

Ha fail.

Sweetpea137 0

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 20:18

thats not a white tiger thats a snow leopard

Molkerei 0

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 21:17

31 is right 7 I believe it is you who failed good day sir.

scotty2hottie48 0

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Thursday 9 December 2010 0:37

Haha #31 epic win

Somemadbloke1 1

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 19:02

just ignore her, the world is full of horrible ugly women who are so angry about looking like trolls that they take it out on others

Flammin8 0

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 22:05

isn't that an understatement..

honeybunches88 5

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Thursday 9 December 2010 2:10

Being a girl myself, I would love to argue with this statement. Unfortunately, women are frequently nasty when they have no right to be, then use the excuse of "being a woman" to get away with it.