Today, after studying all night for an exam, I ran out to catch... - FML

By gudmarjoh - 8/12/2010 23:09 - Iceland

Today, after studying all night for an exam, I ran out to catch the bus. On my way to the bus, my hair got caught in a branch for some minutes. Thinking I'd missed the bus but thankfully didn't, I went on. A few minutes later I remembered that my exam had been postponed for 3 hours today. FML

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Out of it

Season finale

Reliable

By Anonymous - 25/11/2012 00:25 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, at work, I took an order from a stuck-up sounding lady over the phone. She said her last name was "duckling, but with an F". Bemused, I wrote her name on the order. When she arrived to pick it up later, she told me she'd said "s", not "f". FML

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By Noname - 28/1/2009 12:13 - United States

Today, I woke up at 5:15, snow blowed and salted the driveway for over an hour, left early and drove an hour on shitty roads just to get to work on time only to be laid off. FML

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By lpspann87 - 24/9/2011 21:34 - United States

Today, like every day, I walked into my office and was greeted by the smell of shit wafting through the air. My lactose intolerant, diabetic coworker won't stop eating Whataburger and milkshakes for breakfast, no matter what his body tells him. FML

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By AntiBobTheBuilder - 2/3/2011 05:22 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my one person on my staff why having kids aged 6 to 9 hammering in screws with the butt end of a screwdriver is neither safe, nor a good idea. FML

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By dreefsa - 5/2/2012 08:08 - United States

Today, some guy hit my car and then threatened to sue me for "parking my car in such a way that it was impossible not to hit it." My car was in the driveway. FML

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By LoveSucks - 18/5/2019 21:54

Today, I went on a blind date. All my date would talk about was how he was 'really his own best friend'. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/1/2013 00:24 - United States - Boise

Today, while out hiking, my phone slipped out of my pocket. I caught it and gave it to my little cousin, giving her a "special mission" to keep it safe. When we got back to our cars later, I asked her for my phone back. Turns out she left it under a shrub back in the hills so it'd be "safe." FML

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By Preggie - 7/7/2011 04:04 - Singapore

Today, a sweet old lady gave up her seat for me in the bus. She lectured to the entire bus that seats should be given to those in need, like myself who is heavily pregnant. I am just fat. FML

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By InconsiderateMuch - 16/6/2013 18:11 - Canada - High River

Today, my boyfriend bought another expensive bong to go with the one he bought last month, along with his new phone, airsoft gun, and various other things he's blown our money on this year. He's bought nothing to prepare for our son, though, who's due next month. FML

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By Samprib - 1/6/2013 05:09 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was "God forbid a maxed out Visa should get in the way of fucking." FML

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By jeezy - 23/2/2009 10:35 - Canada

Today, I was working my shift and my ex girlfriend came in to apply for a job. She broke up with me for another guy so i can't stand being in the same room as her. The manager talked to her and decided to hire her on the spot. I need to train her. FML

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By Cellphonetroubles - 19/11/2009 07:36 - Canada

Today, I was laughing at a story of a girl who had dropped her cellphone in a hottub and ruined it. As I was feeling pretty good about myself, I then realized that my cellphone was in the pocket of a sweater that I had just thrown in the washer 20 minutes prior. FML

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By feels like an asshole - 9/6/2015 20:03 - United States

Today, I took new sleeping meds. One of the side effects was sleepwalking. I had a dream my girlfriend wanted me to pee on her. Apparently, while sleepwalking, I pissed all over our dog. FML

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By Sick'o'bitches - 4/9/2018 03:30

Today, I spent my entire day off making a brisket. It had been cooking for 8 hours when, just before dinner, I went for a quick jog. In that time my girlfriend came home and ruined it by trying to make it the way she wanted. I'm a chef and she's an office worker. We couldn't eat it. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/6/2009 18:57 - Canada

Today, I saw a drunk guy hitting on a girl sitting alone at the bar. She insisted that her boyfriend was there, but he didn't relent. So I went over and put my arm around her and asked "Who's this guy?" He walked away, but then I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was her boyfriend. He broke my arm. FML

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By bronieswillrule5eva - 11/6/2012 18:16 - Canada - Summerside

Today, I overheard my boss and a co-worker talking about me. Apparently when I speak, I slur my words so badly that it sounds like I'm speaking in tongues. According to my boss, "he could be possessed by a demon right now, and we'd never even notice." FML

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By CircusSea - 5/11/2012 00:02 - Puerto Rico - Carolina

Today, I work on a cruise ship, and I just learned that we have a morgue on board. How did I learn that? It's right next to the crew laundry room, and I opened the wrong door. It was occupied. FML

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By Noname - 18/2/2009 15:43 - United States

Today, I was secretly listening to a voicemail from my mom in maths class when I accidentally hit the speaker phone button. My whole math class now knows I have a gyno appointment at 9:45 on March 11. FML

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By pigeons_suck - 11/5/2011 21:17 - United States

Today, I discovered what it feels like to get a ruptured sinus. More specifically, I discovered what it feels like to get a ruptured sinus from being hit in the face by a pigeon that was deflected from the windscreen of a van moving at about 35mph. FML

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By single pringle - 5/11/2014 01:16 - United States - Morristown

Today, my boyfriend came home from college for the first time in weeks just to visit me. I was so excited that I spent two hours getting ready. Turns out he was only coming back to dump me. Now I'm single and out of foundation. FML

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By Wheel chair bound - 16/12/2016 21:14 - United States - Marion

Today, I received the good news that my spine looks normal. Either the degenerative disc that was diagnosed 5 years prior magically healed, or my current doctor is an idiot. Considering that it's felt like someone is chiseling into my spine for some days, I'm leaning toward the latter. FML

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By flaps - 19/8/2009 21:02 - United States

Today, I re-dislocated my arm trying to get it out of the cast it was in because I didn't want to pay the $50 dollar fee to get it taken off. FML

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By 5.9Cummins - 11/9/2011 03:18 - Canada

Today, the hillbillies who inhabit the apartment above mine got karaoke machine. It's 1 a.m. and they're singing Achy Breaky Heart. FML

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By mastermind - 22/8/2018 23:30

Today, in an attempt to keep a conversation flowing, I panicked and asked a man what country he was from in response to him telling me he was Brazilian. FML

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By Damn - 6/5/2012 13:53 - Australia

Today, I noticed my nephew has blue eyes, freckles and dimples which don't run in my family or my sister's husband's family, but they do run in my husband's family. FML

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By Allergies suck - 22/11/2016 15:33 - United States - Westport

Today, I had four separate allergic reactions. The first from the pillow at the hotel I was staying at, the second and third from two separate ice cream parlors due to cross-contamination, and the fourth from peanut dust in the air on the plane ride home from my vacation. FML

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By tomcat69 - 11/7/2011 00:01 - Canada

Today, after spending 6 months and $15,000 on lawyer fees at my 13 year old son's request, his abusive, alcoholic father no longer has any legal right to see him. How did my son repay me? He ran away to live with his father the very first time I told him he couldn't have friends sleep over. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/12/2010 15:12 - United States

Today, I met up with an old high school friend who I used to make fun of because he put so much effort into his studies. Turns out he makes my annual salary in a month. FML

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By samantha - 4/3/2009 00:18 - United States

Today, in the fitting room at Old Navy, a customer asked me if we sold Calvin Klein jeans. I replied "no ma'am, this isn't a department store, we only sell Old Navy jeans." She left, and complained to my manager, who informed me that "the customer is always right." FML

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By Anonymous - 24/5/2009 23:39 - United States

Today, I confronted my fiancé and told him I knew his 'little secret'. I had suspected that he had been ruining his wedding diet by eating pizza at the office. He replied that the affair with his secretary had only been going on for a couple of months. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/10/2010 07:11 - New Zealand

Today, I discovered that my son has an allergy to cats. My partner of two years, not wanting to fight, suggested a compromise: that my son and the cat take turns sleeping outside. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/9/2014 07:01 - United States - Whittier

Today, I realized how truly insecure I really am, when the guy in the show I'm watching looked straight into the camera and I immediately looked away. FML

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By WeezysBaby - 28/3/2009 22:13 - Canada

Today, I was going through my old MSN conversations. I then realized that when I first got MSN, I didn't know that messages you sent after people went offline would be delivered to them when they signed in. I used to type 'I love you' to my crush after every time he went offline. FML

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By Forgetfull - 2/2/2010 17:07 - United States

Today, I thought it would be romantic to take my girlfriend to the beach. It was raining so we left our shoes and phones in the car so we wouldn't be bothered. Apparently, I left my keys in the car too. The car was locked. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/11/2014 17:10 - United States - San Diego

Today, I have to deal with being laughed at by my mother and sister, because they keep making sharp movements towards me, causing me to flinch. This is because I got mugged and beaten last night. They think it's hysterical. FML

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By really though? - 3/8/2014 22:02 - United States - Dover

Today, I was taking an order for a patron at the casino. The policy is to "pay first." After explaining this to him, he still refused to pay. After years of being polite, I finally cracked and said, "You are making this really f-ing difficult". This particular patron was our CEO's son. FML

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By Buzz - 29/11/2008 16:11 - France

Today, my husband invited his boss and his wife to dinner. During the meal, I tasted the wine and apologised for its bad quality, somewhat annoyed: "Dont drink that, I'll go and look for another bottle." Unfortunately, it was our guests who had brought the wine in question. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/9/2012 18:34 - United States - Metairie

Today, I was walking to school with my earphones in, when someone tapped me on the shoulder. I was shocked, and whirled around to hit him in the crotch. I soon realized he was just trying to return the commuter pass I'd dropped at the station. FML

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By MathTeacher - 2/5/2011 14:30 - United States

Today, after being annoyed one too many times by my students' whiney attitudes, I accidentally blurted out, "Quit being such a bitch," to the superintendent's daughter. FML

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By cock blocked - 22/4/2015 15:44 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I started work cleaning a customer's pool. I think her husband watches too much porn because he keeps glaring at me from the windows, and I overheard him telling his wife that he knows what's "going on" and that he's "not gonna let it happen". FML

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Top comments

By zp5 | 4

#1816469 - Thursday 9 December 2010 2:06

wait! wait for me! *trips and falls on knees* sssssssss ahhhhhhhh! ssssssss ahhhhhhhh! sssssssss ahhhhhhhh! sssssssss ahhhhhhhh! (from Family Guy)

By salmendoza9 | 0

#1816419 - Thursday 9 December 2010 1:57

it happens to the best of us

COMMENTS

By roryrobotic | 5

#1816361 - Thursday 9 December 2010 1:45

Sad

Reply

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1816422 - Thursday 9 December 2010 1:57

You must have been very BUSy to forget something like that. FYL.

Reply

iliketurdles | 7

#1816434 - Thursday 9 December 2010 1:59

You should just have stayed on the floor and for like a minute and said:
"Ahhhhhhhhhhh, Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"

Like Lois from Family guy xD

Reply

Siren2 | 0

#1817247 - Thursday 9 December 2010 2:34

That's what you humans get for using school. It's so... primitive.

Reply

Falcon_My_Life | 0

#1817301 - Thursday 9 December 2010 2:52

So how was your trip?

Reply

bballchamp43 | 0

#1817470 - Thursday 9 December 2010 3:43

don't worry. it's better than missing it.

Reply

Adolf_Grammer_Hi | 0

#1817567 - Thursday 9 December 2010 4:13

Nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein!

Reply

MnBran6 | 0

#1817816 - Thursday 9 December 2010 5:43

10!

Reply

evig_fml | 16

#1817864 - Thursday 9 December 2010 6:00

8 don't you mean Peter? I don't remember Lois ever doing that

Reply

millionaire93 | 0

#1818023 - Thursday 9 December 2010 7:00

oh you poor poor thing.

Reply

lindsaysue | 4

#1818479 - Thursday 9 December 2010 11:10

evig- Lois did it in an episode after peter's accident, only she is holding her breast instead of her knee like Peter did.

But Peter's was the original..

Reply

Mysanitywins | 10

#1818769 - Thursday 9 December 2010 12:54

Yeah, like your a god. Get a life.

Reply

Mysanitywins | 10

#1818789 - Thursday 9 December 2010 12:59

My comment was @23 lol.

Reply

Sazzers | 0

#1818858 - Thursday 9 December 2010 13:17

Ja, ja, ja, ja, ja!

Reply

Flamehog9 | 0

#1818950 - Thursday 9 December 2010 13:51

54:Grammar doesn't have an "e".

Reply

tiipsypiink09 | 0

#1820511 - Thursday 9 December 2010 20:00

thank god you're not human!! Cuz one of us might have realized we were posting in the wrong place...

Reply

chaos753159 | 4

#1821637 - Friday 10 December 2010 4:42

i declarr shenanigans >_>

Reply

rahsoccer | 2

#1825624 - Saturday 11 December 2010 0:05

it's sad cuz I think it is fake.

Reply

CapnAwesome | 11

#3963360 - Sunday 29 January 2012 23:30

Goto school and revise for test! Simple.

By ckjacques53198 | 0

#1816368 - Thursday 9 December 2010 1:46

that sucks. not that sharp are u?

Reply

trucktwister | 0

#1817735 - Thursday 9 December 2010 5:13

lol isn't that the lego dragon from Disney world?

By alaaloo_fml_fml | 0

#1816374 - Thursday 9 December 2010 1:48

I've been there OP. That's a bummer :/ Props for taking initiative... sort of.

Reply

chili10 | 18

#1817709 - Thursday 9 December 2010 5:06

she wasn't taking initiative, she was just desperate to get to class

Reply

frozzenhart | 0

#1817985 - Thursday 9 December 2010 6:48

Haha , nicely put , chili . But now that you mention it , who in their right mind would be desperate to go to school ? ;X

Reply

Flammin8 | 0

#1818005 - Thursday 9 December 2010 6:52

probably someone who cares for the there future..someone you'll work for someday.
jk

karma

Reply

Jeremiuh | 0

#1818243 - Thursday 9 December 2010 8:38

^ win

Reply

alaaloo_fml_fml | 0

#1821177 - Friday 10 December 2010 1:25

Hahaha by initiative I mean running for the bus. From experience, I can tell you most of the time I'd rather be late than look like a fool. And I know that makes no sense but that's just me... not making any sense.

Reply

hiphopchick7 | 1

#4670993 - Tuesday 10 July 2012 6:07

u stole the words right out my mouth, apparently #67 doesn't care about their future

By valri3 | 0

#1816417 - Thursday 9 December 2010 1:55

well at least the bus driver waited for you. And you can study for longer? YDI OP.

By salmendoza9 | 0

#1816419 - Thursday 9 December 2010 1:57

it happens to the best of us

Reply

gatrettms19 | 0

#1818955 - Thursday 9 December 2010 13:55

u look like a homo

By BWill9014 | 4

#1816436 - Thursday 9 December 2010 1:59

dang that sucks

By ClickMyPicture | 0

#1816441 - Thursday 9 December 2010 2:01

Just go to school and study then :

By xxxbooxxx | 16

#1816445 - Thursday 9 December 2010 2:02

band aids :)

By mesnugglez | 0

#1816452 - Thursday 9 December 2010 2:03

Could be worse....

By yumsugarr | 8

#1816460 - Thursday 9 December 2010 2:04

Awww that suckss! I guess just use the time to study..