Miscellaneous: Today, my custom printed Christmas cards that I reviewed twice...

By Anonymous - 08/12/2010 05:17 - United States

Today, my custom printed Christmas cards that I reviewed twice before ordering, came in the mail. This year I will be wishing everyone a "wondeful" holiday season. I'm an elementary school teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 571

You deserved it 25 059

Miscellaneous

Another great day to be alive

Our house, in the middle of our street

Good friends

By Anonymous - 12/08/2010 04:00 - United States

Today, I asked my mother why she had me in the first place, as we never get along. She replied because my father wanted me. So, I called my father to ask him the same question, he said he only wanted to have me to keep my mother around, and that didn't work, so I was a waste. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 276

You deserved it 4 491

By hoser - 21/02/2010 10:01 - Canada

Today, I went skiing. Trying to show off to some inexperienced skiers, I flew past them at my top speed, a bracket snapped off my boot and I slid on my face for about 30 metres. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 694

You deserved it 37 064

By Anonymous - 26/02/2014 21:42 - United States - Northampton

Today, my daughter asked me the difference between "their" and "they're". This is the same child I've been spending thousands of dollars on to send to law school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 647

You deserved it 6 333

By smurftastic - 03/09/2013 03:03 - United States - Murrieta

Today, my company is doing so bad that I had to take down my symbolic first dollar so that I could buy a roll of crackers for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 500

You deserved it 3 787

By Anonymous - 29/07/2013 08:19 - United States - Crystal Lake

Today, my family and I went to feed carrots to the giraffes at the zoo. After I finished my first cup of carrots, I turned back to get some more. Suddenly, I was jerked back and a chunk of my hair was ripped out. The giraffe mistook the orange barrette in my hair for a carrot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 584

You deserved it 10 623

By Anonymous - 02/06/2019 06:00

Today, I had to get my picture taken for a volunteer badge at the hospital. My sister came home and told my parents that she had a horrible day at work. They showed her my picture to cheer her up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 721

You deserved it 142

By Anonymous - 08/12/2016 14:53

Today, during sex, I somehow sneezed hard enough to really hurt my neck and shoulder. But don't worry, writhing in pain doesn't ruin the mood. My boyfriend just kept going. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 666

You deserved it 1 352

By almost broke - 21/02/2016 13:24 - Czech Republic - Brno

Today, because my fiancé is criminally incompetent at budgeting, I'm now having to pay the first installment for my own wedding ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 487

You deserved it 4 433

By Anonymous - 20/12/2010 09:27 - Sweden

Today, my family is going to the USA for Christmas after being lucky and getting their tickets re-booked. My ticket was canceled due to the snow, and will not be re-booked. Merry Christmas to me, myself and a bottle of wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 059

You deserved it 2 745

By Anonymous - 16/11/2014 01:22 - United States - Mexico

Today, my boyfriend and I compared our No Shave November body hair. This is how I found out that my legs are hairier than his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 220

You deserved it 7 943

In the bag!

By hiccups - 16/05/2021 14:02

Today, I had a job interview. I thought it was going pretty well, until I got the hiccups. The interviewer immediately said, "Yeah, I think we’re done here," and sent me away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 007

You deserved it 59

By FMLFMLFMLFML - 29/05/2009 17:52 - United States

Today, I had sex with a new guy. After we were done, he noticed my lighter on my nightstand and said "I've always wanted to try that!" He put the lighter by his butt and fart into it, producing a flame. After, when he left, I sat there, naked, mortified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 062

You deserved it 14 836

By Fuzzy - 08/01/2010 07:56 - Australia

Today, I was watching Star Wars : Attack of the Clones, and Yoda was using the force to move a heavy object. While in the middle of my loungeroom, I instinctively put my hand up to use the force to help him, infront of my father and sister. My sister will never let me live it down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 101

You deserved it 39 804

Alone time

By Anonymous - 19/04/2021 14:00

Today, I had some unexpected alone time for the first time in months and decided to *ahem* play with an adult toy. As things were getting close to the end, my cat jumped up on the bed, saw the movement under the blanket and immediately pounced on my downstairs, puncturing certain delicate areas with his claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 061

You deserved it 257

By grantsidiots - 27/11/2013 05:51 - Australia

Today, my fiancée broke up with me over text message while I was away for work. She later posted photos of her and her new boyfriend on Facebook, while still wearing my engagement ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 736

You deserved it 3 131

By gdog10122 - 12/01/2013 09:52 - United States

Today, I found out that my dad, thinking it was an advertisement, threw away a letter from the college I applied to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 138

You deserved it 2 660

Leave me alone !

By failfailfail - 30/09/2009 13:36 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a big exam. Twenty minutes in I could feel people turning round looking at me. I ignored them at first, but towards the one hour mark it got more distracting. I stood up and yelled, "Why's everyone staring at me!" I got kicked out. Turns out I was seated directly in front of the clock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 004

You deserved it 51 459

By cheated - 06/07/2019 22:03

Today, I found out my "wonderful" boyfriend was recently dumped by another woman, not just after he started stalking her, but after he wrote her a love letter in his own blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 926

You deserved it 144

By MariadelMar - 19/08/2009 15:03 - United States

Today, I flew 8 hours to visit my boyfriend. When I arrived at the airport, and he started taking long to show up, I checked my email to see the info. I hit the junk mail by accident and found his last 10 emails in there. He had broken up with me a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 559

You deserved it 16 222

By TheGirl - 23/11/2009 21:11 - United States

Today, I was snuggling with my boyfriend on the couch. We ended up falling asleep, and when I woke up I felt a slobberly substance running down my face. It turns out, my boyfriend drooled so much, it filled my ear and overflowed onto my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 151

You deserved it 3 921

By Tori - 30/12/2017 19:00

Today, I got news that I had "delighted a customer" so I looked at the review online. It says, "The fat girl up front was nice." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 459

You deserved it 451

Public freakout

By Anonymous - 07/05/2021 06:00

Today, some punk got up in my face yelling at me, pushed my wife and scratched my car with a, "What you gonna do, old man?" attitude, and yet I’m the bad guy who gets arrested because I open-palm slapped him and he fell into a glass window and fucked up his face and neck, probably permanently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 634

You deserved it 273

By shitface - 25/01/2010 10:18 - Australia

Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 492

You deserved it 3 420

I want to break free

By annoyed - 29/11/2021 20:01 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I found out that after caring for all of my family and I’m about to get on with my own life, someone has dementia and I'm right back in the same spot I’ve been forever, stuck again with caring for someone else. This has been going on for 20 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 966

You deserved it 153

By superb12345 - 12/05/2016 02:50 - United States - Cascade

Today, my parents posted nasty comments about each other on Facebook. I think they might secretly be 12 year-olds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 345

You deserved it 912

By gallstones - 09/07/2009 07:02 - United States

Today, it was my birthday, and my boyfriend got surgery on his gallbladder because he had big gallstones. After they were removed, he was still a little out of it from the morphine. He gave the gallstones to me for my birthday. Better still, his mom suggested I make a necklace out of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 163

You deserved it 3 825

By mohit - 07/11/2017 15:00

Today, I found out that my neighbor's son is supposed to be giving me gas money for driving him to school each morning. He's using it to buy drugs instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 592

You deserved it 348

By Anonymous - 28/03/2009 20:19 - United States

Today, I found my concert tickets that I've been trying to find for the last 2 weeks in my mom's closet. When I asked why she had them, she said she felt the concert was inappropriate for me so she hid them. I'm 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 176

You deserved it 6 631

By Thanks Babe - 20/04/2013 23:40 - United States - Aurora

Today, I woke up feeling awful, having caught the same illness my boyfriend had last night. When he was sick, I skipped my friend's baby shower to take care of him. Now that I'm sick, he goes to a friend's place, says to call if I need him, then turns his phone off. Seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 016

You deserved it 7 546

By Fish - 19/03/2009 15:47 - United Arab Emirates

Today, we were hanging around the pool with a couple of friends and a crush of mine. Thinking I would be able to impress her with a well performed dive of the diving board, I go up and attempt my best dive. I slip just as I jump and hit my head on the board. I had to be saved by the lifeguard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 242

You deserved it 55 263

By What a happy day - 14/01/2013 17:36 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, both my brother and sister missed my wedding. She was playing in a Call of Duty tournament, and he got so high that he forgot about the wedding completely. He was my best man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 486

You deserved it 3 766

Chill out, Cathy

By creepystalkerguy - 14/10/2009 18:19 - United States

Today, a woman yelled at me to stop following her around the store. We were in IKEA. The only way to get through the store is to follow the arrows through a one-way path. Apparently, no one informed her of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 720

You deserved it 2 432

By ohmigodimchokin - 19/11/2009 00:19 - United States

Today, I was sitting at lunch and started choking on a chip. I couldn't breathe and nobody tried to help me. Having to take matters into my own hands, I reached for a juice box that belonged to someone sitting next to me. After I could breathe again, they informed me that they had mono. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 049

You deserved it 4 974

By NotThatButton - 11/09/2015 01:59 - United States - Missoula

Today, I accidentally deleted my landlord's pictures of his child's graduation, girlfriend, daughter and vacation when he asked me to delete a video off his phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 406

You deserved it 21 462

By Anonymous - 17/01/2012 03:19 - United States

Today, my wife posted on Facebook, "FUCK THA POLICE!" She got 40 likes. I'm a police officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 356

You deserved it 10 611

By not as scarred as he should be - 18/10/2012 18:19 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, I walked in on my mother using a razor to shave my dad's cream-covered testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 679

You deserved it 3 322

By Anonymous - 26/08/2010 23:41 - United States

Today, I was riding the public bus and a really fat, smelly guy sat next to me. He put his arm around my shoulder and asked me if I was single. My stop wasn't for three more miles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 809

You deserved it 3 714

By Anonymous - 29/08/2015 23:01 - United States - Parkersburg

Today, my brother said he was cleaning his room. When I walked in, he was giving my cousin a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 560

You deserved it 3 030

By Anonymous - 26/08/2019 14:00

Today, I went through my purse to see where my keys were. I found my house keys, but not my car keys, so I freaked out. When I remembered that I was driving, I felt stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 1 680

By smoothcoffee - 27/08/2009 05:53 - Australia

Today, the bank called saying we were late in the mortgage payments. I was puzzled because three months ago I issued a big cheque to my mum pay off the mortgage. I just discovered that she instead lost it all at the casino. Turns out, she's become a compulsive gambler ever since dad passed away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 709

You deserved it 4 007

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Top comments

worldclass 0

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 12:03

You'd think the card company would take care of that. Play it off as a joke "can you find the mistake?" Or just be straight up and stop bitching.

EffinAhole 0

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 12:17

Exactly, use a red pen to correct the mistake and write a grade at the top "B-". Everyone will think its hilarious and it will make your cards way more original.

worldclass 0

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 12:03

You'd think the card company would take care of that. Play it off as a joke "can you find the mistake?" Or just be straight up and stop bitching.

EffinAhole 0

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 12:17

Exactly, use a red pen to correct the mistake and write a grade at the top "B-". Everyone will think its hilarious and it will make your cards way more original.

TheRealFamilyGuy 5

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 12:24

"He's making a card And checking it twice Gonna find out who's naughty or nice"

Renesaga 8

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 12:27

If it helps, I had to read this twice before finding the mistake in "wonderful." But I'm also dyslexic.

TurboTalon 0

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 12:39

Oh yea it was really hard for me to cuz I had ADHD, wtf no one cares. OP you are a babysitter... it doesn't matter.

Kaede_fml 2

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 12:52

I agree. play it off as a joke. :)

catatonicsleep 17

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 14:25

me too, 12. I agree that you should play it off with a red pen like you're grading work

ThatGirlIsMe93 0

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 15:15

7s got it!

LovelyTokyo 0

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Wednesday 15 December 2010 9:52

Don't feel bad. it's a simple mistake. ppl will understand.

sns_fml 0

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Saturday 25 June 2011 0:06

an "elementary" mistake. get it!

badbe 0

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 12:07

madmadd 0

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 12:09

oh no what a disaster how will u live..

iheartglasses 0

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Wednesday 8 December 2010 12:15

Well hopefully you're not an English teacher. People make mistakes but every other English teacher I ever had always said to let someone else proof read. They are more likely to catch mistakes because they don't know whats going to come next. You know what its supposed to say so you read quicker, missing your mistake :) Ta Da