All the FMLs

By emilygreeny - 18/06/2010 05:42 - United States

Today, I learned that you should never, ever, under any circumstance, take a laxative and a sleeping pill on the same night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 475

You deserved it 57 118

By Anonymous - 18/06/2010 03:20 - United States

Today, after breaking up with my boyfriend, some of my friends decided to take me to a comedy club for a girls night. My friend's jealous husband decided he had to come along, then decided to invite my other friends' boyfriends. I ended up being the seventh wheel on a night meant to cheer me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 829

You deserved it 3 862

By katiebabby - 17/06/2010 16:19 - United States

Today, my computer was hit by something bigger than a virus: a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 670

You deserved it 4 895

By hopelesss88 - 17/06/2010 12:42 - Australia

Today, I had a first date planned. He texted saying he was sick and couldn't make it. Two hours later, his Twitter account said otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 640

You deserved it 4 329

By Anonymous - 16/06/2010 23:16 - United States

Today, after weeks of looking forward to my birthday trip to the beach, I've come down with a serious case of the flu. My family is still going without me, but at least now they don't have to pay someone to watch the dog. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 961

You deserved it 2 753

By theorifice - 16/06/2010 16:28 - Canada

Today, I was unbearably hungry, so I went to Wendy's, bought myself a Baconator and took it outside to eat on the patio. One bite in, I went back to grab a few napkins. Within seconds of my departure, a seagull snatched it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 172

You deserved it 43 331

By Joy - 16/06/2010 14:42 - Denmark

Today, we had guests coming over. My dad wanted me to make some bacon, but I refused because I'm a vegetarian, and don't like to touch meat. His response? 'Good joke honey, now make the bacon.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 079

You deserved it 19 249

By Anonymous - 15/06/2010 19:31 - United States

Today, I finally weighed myself after going on a strict diet of only fruits, vegetables, and coffee. I gained weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 193

You deserved it 22 487

Dog catching strays

By Samantha - 15/06/2010 18:18 - United States

Today, I'm three months pregnant. Hours after the father of my baby bought me a wedding ring, he decided to get drunk and tell me that he doesn't see himself with me for the rest of his life, and doesn't really want to get married. Oh and that he hates my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 413

You deserved it 7 668

By Keaton - 15/06/2010 16:58 - United States

Today, I got a bird as a pet. I thought it would be funny to put it on my head and take a picture. When the flash went off the bird flew off my head and pooped at the same time. You could see it in the picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 364

You deserved it 45 003

By 1129 - 15/06/2010 16:32 - United States

Today, I awoke to find that my car had been burglarized in my own driveway and several hundred dollars worth of electronics were stolen. I only later discovered that my campus parking pass had also been stolen when I got a $75 ticket while taking a chemistry test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 845

You deserved it 3 979

2_56_40 tells us more.

2_56_40 0

Wednesday 16 June 2010 22:01

I couldn't list everything that was stolen but it was my sirious radio, my ipod, my GPS, and my sister's GPS (her fault). Nothing was in plain sight except for the radio. And the parking pass itself was $100. Also... I think burgled sounds waaay weirder that burglarized...

Misunderstanding of the night

By milkybear - 15/06/2010 07:11 - United States

Today, I went to a party where I met an amazing guy. After having great conversation all night and what I thought was a serious connection, I leaned in to kiss him. He screamed, forcefully pushed my face away with his hand, and said he was gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 899

You deserved it 15 902

By gibsonSG323 - 14/06/2010 23:13 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. While I was asleep, he drew a face on my stomach and when I woke up he was talking to it. He said it would be less weird if he was talking to my stomach with a face on it, representing the baby. According to him, our child is going to have a mustache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 724

You deserved it 28 562

The road to hell…

By SirPimPim - 14/06/2010 14:32 - Sweden

Today, there was a long queue at the store, and behind me were two senior citizens. I wanted to do a good deed, so I said, "Cut before me in line, I have all the time in the world." My reward? The old man scolded me because I supposedly insinuated that they were old, and only had a short time left to live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 438

You deserved it 13 450

By greenblue90 - 14/06/2010 13:50 - United States

Today, my husband purposefully said something to upset me. When I asked why he would do that, he told me it was to test my Prozac. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 850

You deserved it 4 256

Liquid fun

By Cat - 13/06/2010 14:36 - United Kingdom

Today, it's my Nana's birthday and to say she is having a good time is an understatement. She's so drunk, she took out her false teeth tried to put them in her dog's mouth. When she failed, she tried the cat's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 184

You deserved it 4 219

Brain fart

By jonjon - 13/06/2010 13:16 - United States

Today, after spending the evening with friends, I went home and realized that the living room light was on. Thinking someone was robbing me, I hid behind a bush. I got impatient and crept up to the door. Then I remembered that I'd left the light on before I left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 966

You deserved it 47 340

By spenmy - 13/06/2010 09:56 - United States

Today, it was a little colder than it should be for this time of year, and as a result I was using the heater in my car. Apparently within the last four months, a mouse managed to make his way into my heater vent and die. I can not get the smell of death out of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 299

You deserved it 3 339

By Yup - 13/06/2010 07:48 - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's mom's house for the first time. They had a cook-out so I got to meet his whole entire family. I went into the kitchen to find a huge picture of his ex-girlfriend on his mom's fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 187

You deserved it 3 575

By bobby - 12/06/2010 22:13 - United States

Today, I went to lick the excess peanut butter off the knife after making a PB and J. Turns out the knife can and will cut your tongue, even though you don't think it will. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 767

You deserved it 62 563

By kingwalrus - 12/06/2010 18:55 - United Kingdom

Today, my siblings overpowered me and duct taped me to a chair. Helpless, I had to wait until my dad got home so he could help me. Instead, the first thing he did was reach for his camera to take a picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 077

You deserved it 8 049

By justgreatgirl - 11/06/2010 23:00 - United States

Today, I found out that even after a really bad break up and the fact that I left him for someone else, my parents offered my ex-boyfriend to join us on a one week family vacation. He agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 323

You deserved it 13 497

By MegahnDN - 11/06/2010 14:33 - United States

Today, my kitten decided that having diarrhea was not a good enough reason to stop running in circles around my living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 778

You deserved it 4 185

By dominator152 - 11/06/2010 00:57 - United States

Today, my dad decided that my diploma makes a good pen-tester. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 128

You deserved it 3 844

By Collin - 10/06/2010 19:59 - United States

Today, I was at a public pool. A very fat kid yelled, "Cannon Ball!" He jumped right on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 847

You deserved it 4 527

By Anonymous - 10/06/2010 19:26 - United States

Today, I walked into work to see my boss's hot son. I wanted him to notice me, so I did my "sexy walk". I then slipped and fell onto my desk, broke my desk, and sprained my wrist. Oh he noticed me alright. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 330

You deserved it 50 320

By Aciliveth - 10/06/2010 16:07 - Canada

Today, I had to get an ultrasound, which required me to drink 3 glasses of water beforehand. The doctor said I had too much and told me to go pee out just a little and come back. It took a lot of effort to hold the rest in. The first thing she did when I got back was press on my abdomen. I peed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 092

You deserved it 4 447

Third, fourth, and fifth wheel

By Unwanted - 10/06/2010 12:54 - Australia

Today, I was in a car with my housemate and friends after a long day of studying, when we pulled up at our place. Thinking that we were all going to hang there, I waited for everyone to start getting out. No one did. Turns out they were just waiting for me to get out so they could then leave and go out together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 075

You deserved it 3 970

By notyouraverageteenager - 10/06/2010 07:06 - Australia

Today, I bought an expensive dress because it was me and my boyfriend's one year anniversary, and he was taking me somewhere nice. When he saw me in the dress, he looked at me, laughed and said, "Seriously, what are you wearing?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 341

You deserved it 7 332

By Caitlin - 10/06/2010 00:46 - United States

Today, I had to drive 300 miles to a town where I thought I'd forgotten my purse the night before. When I got to the hotel I had been staying at, I found out it was actually in the trunk of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 312

You deserved it 45 797

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Love Coworkers Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Jealousy Underwear Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, a drunk man started yelling at the lamppost outside my house, demanding to be let inside, all while my neighbors watched. That man is my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 382

You deserved it 2 472

Today, my friends were coming to pick me up from volleyball practice. When their car pulled up, I jumped in. It was really quiet, so I looked up, only to find I had gotten in the wrong car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 326

You deserved it 10 689

Today, I had a Biochemistry exam. I studied all night but took a nap to get some rest because my exam was in the morning. I woke up at 10, feeling very confident. My exam was at 9. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 964

You deserved it 29 334

Today, my boyfriend got so happy when he thought he'd finally given me an orgasm. I was covering an urge to sneeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 052

You deserved it 4 326

Today, I yelled at my dog for waking me up growling and barking out the window. He was doing it at the person stealing my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 858

You deserved it 51 916

Today, my colleague rushed off to the hospital for the birth of his first son. Having met his wife at the Christmas party a couple of years ago, I called to congratulate her. Shame I didn't realize it was his mistress having the baby. Guess who broke the news to the wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 806

You deserved it 4 191