Animals: Today, my cat pissed in my zen garden. FML

By lizzy1843 - United States

Today, my cat pissed in my zen garden. FML

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Animals

Understandable

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Wake up bark

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while working at Starbucks, a customer dumped a hot chocolate on me and yelled, saying it wasn't his order. The order actually belonged to a 4-year-old boy with the same name who started screaming when he didn't get his chocolate. FML

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By dmvsucks - United States

Today, I was at the DMV getting temporary tags for my new car. While waiting in line, a huge fat lady behind me felt the need to run her finger down the scar on the back of my neck. FML

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By 3some? uh, no - Dominican Republic

Today, I finally found the courage to ask a guy I like out for a drink. He accepted, we drank, and when it came time to go home, I half-drunkenly left him my number. Once I got back home, I realized I'd actually given him my dad's number instead. FML

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By ikungfuyou - United States

Today, despite being 21 years old and living in my own place, my mom still managed to walk in on me whacking off. FML

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By bummed - United States - Cresson

Today, after years of waiting, I finally got to meet the band whose music got me through one of the hardest times I have ever experienced. When I turned down the lead singer for sex, they told me to leave. FML

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By no action Jackson - 27/9/2020 20:02 - United States - Hesperia

What a wanker

Today, I walked in on my husband masturbating. I thought it was hot and asked if I could join in. He threw me a disgusted look and screamed that I’d ruined the whole mood. Now we’re both unsatisfied. FML

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1481

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By Anonymous - United States - Chula Vista

Today, I gave my 5-year-old daughter a unicorn pillow pet. She ended up giving him an ill-advised name, and has been loudly proclaiming to everyone she sees that her pillow pet is Horny. FML

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By Cinderella

Today, my house was so dusty that when I started to clean it, the smoke detector went off. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was attacked by a bird at 3 in the morning. The bird was being attacked by an owl, and decided the safest place to land wasn't in a tree, but my face. No-one will believe me, despite the 12 stitches across my face. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, as I was trying to get out of bed, my foot began sliding across the floor. I instinctively tried to balance myself, only for the new angle to cause my right hip to painfully and loudly dislocate, making me fall face-forward into my dresser. Back stuck in bed after three days of freedom. FML

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By Anonymous

Fashion Week, Bitch

Today, I found out that my blazer was not in fact lost. How did I find this out? The girl who'd "lost it" was wearing it. She now denies it was ever mine. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I came back from a hike to see my trailer rocking, as well as some strange but obvious noises coming from it. I went camping alone. Two strangers were in my camper having sex. FML

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146442

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By confused - Australia - Glen Waverley

Today, I was at University when a giant mascot started walking in my direction. As they walked past, they whispered my name seductively. I still don't know who it was. FML

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40581

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By Flavorite - United States

Today, my boss asked me to pick up an extra shift. I said I couldn't because I have a date. He told me I didn't need to lie and to just say no next time. FML

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41490

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By inyobeddd - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my crazy neighbor came up to me in the street and slapped me across the face, accusing me of leering through her restroom window while she showered. I'm gay. FML

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49788

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was driving down a dark country road with the windows down. Suddenly, a giant barn owl flew through my side-window and smacked into my head, causing me to drive into a ditch. FML

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30090

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By Anonymous - Netherlands - Haarlem

Today, my husband and I broke the news that I'm pregnant. Our 8-year-old son's reactions so far have been crying inconsolably, trying to punch me in the stomach, and swearing that he won't let me give him a brother or sister. FML

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41937

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By Fat Dad - United States

Today, I drove my two kids to their friends' houses. In my convertible, looking what I though was my best, I slowed down outside a bar with cute 20 year old girls in front. My daughter noticed the speed reduction and said, "Keep driving dad, you're fat and mom left you for a reason." FML

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56561

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By Willow - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me why he stood me up last night instead of coming over to visit. Apparently me telling him I couldn't wait for him to do naughty things to me turned him off, and made him feel like a piece of meat. FML

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39961

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By oww - United States - Tekonsha

Today, I came to work with a huge hangover after a night out. I work as a marching band director, and guess who I had to conduct a sectional with? That's right, percussion. My head still hasn't stopped throbbing. FML

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12739

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By newscomes - United States

Today, after watching the news, I realized the only person who has ever wished that I had a good day, or wished that I had anything pleasant for that matter, is Charlie Gibson on World News Tonight. FML

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24525

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I worked at my job at an amusement park at one of the roller coasters. I have to go around and make sure that every seat belt is around the passenger. I saw my boyfriend in a seat and ran over to say hi. I saw a girl next to him. I had to strap down my cheating boyfriend and the new girl. FML

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66797

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By Anonymous - United States - Chicago Ridge

Today, a girl from my college, who's been following me around for months, finally asked me out. Not being interested, I politely declined. Now she's convinced everyone that we hooked up and that I have an incredibly small penis. FML

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53642

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By Sad_Happy_Gorl - United States - University Center

Today, I found out my boyfriend has to picture someone else when we have sex. The most recent: my roommate. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, my dad thought it would be funny to wake me up by sprinkling catnip over me then dropping my cat on top of me. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Greensborough

Today, I was sitting on a bench outside a supermarket waiting to be picked up, when a old lady walked out of the shop. She hadn't noticed me and sat on the bench beside me. She looked around and saw me, rolled her eyes, got up and moved to a different bench. FML

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By Retarded - United States - Tallahassee

Today, I was asked to dumb myself down so the people I was training could comprehend what I was saying. FML

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40689

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By notgay - United States

Today, my entire extended family was over for Christmas. I opened a gift to see that it was a fruitcake and saw everyone looking at me, smiling. This is their way to tell me that they know I'm gay and that they accept me. I'm straight. FML

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38892

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By Speedy - United Kingdom

Today, I took my driving test for the first time. The instructor stopped it after less than ten minutes, and insisted she drive back to the test centre "in the interest of public safety." FML

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13608

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By Anonymous - 8/1/2021 05:00

Abusive

Today, my dad threatened to hit me if I didn't tell him what I had in my homework. He thinks I won't keep secrets from him this way. There's a reason I kept secrets in the first place. FML

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857

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By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was taking a peaceful stroll in the local park when a curious turkey decided to follow me. Trying to shoo it away, I swung my leg at it, as if to fake kick it. Being the stupid animal it is, it decided to fly into my leg as I swung, causing my foot to connect to its neck. It died. FML

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25354

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By Amore - France - Bois-colombes

Today, my son told me the Christmas letter he wrote to Santa was a joke and he didn't want the stuff he asked for. I already bought everything. FML

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36936

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By Puggle1019

Today, my brother gave me a massive rope burn. He got a 30-second talk with our mother. I got an allergic reaction to the lotion used to ease the pain. My mother said I was overreacting. FML

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3601

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By Sam - United States

Today, I went out to eat with a group of couples and my boyfriend. All my friends boyfriends paid for them. Mine didn't, and said that I should order off the diet menu. FML

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33841

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By picklet - Malaysia - Kajang

Today, I started the job of my dreams. Our first marketing meeting was an in-depth analysis of the phrase, "Haters gonna hate, potatoes gonna potate". I have a 5 year contract. FML

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25052

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By stinkypants - India

Today, I went to a dinner party. I had a bad stomach, so I made a dash to the bathroom and forgot to lock the door. While I was in, I heard some voices outside. In a panic, my reflex was to get up and lock the door. I did so, while simultaneously shitting all over myself. FML

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30697

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By nothingisreal69 - Reserved

Today, as I was driving home from work, a bird decided to commit suicide by flying in front of my car. The shock caused me to slam on the brakes, totaling three other cars in the process. FML

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32228

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By Jane - Australia

Today, at the point of orgasm, my boyfriend screamed out, "Is this all there is?!" then rolled over and stared blankly at the ceiling without speaking for ages. This happens a lot. FML

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40697

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By Drunk - United States

Today, for the first time, I decided to just be myself at work. My boss thought I was drunk. FML

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28093

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6402

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By Sariitaa_fml

Today, I was in the romantic section of a book store making fun of the titles. Thinking my friend was behind me, I read in a sexy voice, “Sleeping with a Stranger” and turned to laugh only to find the 70-year-old store manager smiling and winking at me. FML

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Top comments

By DocBastard | 38

#2009970 - Wednesday 26 January 2011 19:51

And vat did you do zen?

By catnip216 | 0

#2009827 - Wednesday 26 January 2011 19:04

FYL for having a zen garden when you own a cat.

COMMENTS

By Ranora | 9

#2009795 - Wednesday 26 January 2011 18:58

Your cat pissed in what?! ...

Quasar55_fml | 18

#2009806 - Wednesday 26 January 2011 19:01

a japanese rock garden. Google it

ilikepie789 | 0

#2011605 - Thursday 27 January 2011 5:43

ydi for having a zen garden. and a cat.

whatup360 | 1

#2011689 - Thursday 27 January 2011 6:14

actually it originated in china

Cjw1220 | 0

#2012381 - Thursday 27 January 2011 11:57

67, Shut up. Cats are the shiz.

deerescu | 1

#2015957 - Friday 28 January 2011 9:07

lol!

HowAreYouToday | 34

#3358451 - Wednesday 28 September 2011 4:48

His zen garden...

razor417 | 0

#3870241 - Thursday 12 January 2012 6:32

at least OP found piss...

By aryan_chris | 0

#2009814 - Wednesday 26 January 2011 19:02

That is horrible FYL

i_wuz_nver_here | 31

#2011797 - Thursday 27 January 2011 7:09

the correct answer is that this is fucking hilarious.

By nuhuh | 1

#2009822 - Wednesday 26 January 2011 19:03

did it throw off your

neal001 | 0

#3883594 - Saturday 14 January 2012 17:54

Did you turn it into a river?

By catnip216 | 0

#2009827 - Wednesday 26 January 2011 19:04

FYL for having a zen garden when you own a cat.

By Aerious | 0

#2009830 - Wednesday 26 January 2011 19:06

LOL this isn't funny at all.

Sirin_fml | 46

#2009881 - Wednesday 26 January 2011 19:23

Hahahah! I didn't actually laugh, but you know, I was bored.

Aerious | 0

#2010144 - Wednesday 26 January 2011 20:54

:[ I always do "LOL." Most people I talk too use it whenever versus the actual meaning.

KiddNYC1O | 20

#2010246 - Wednesday 26 January 2011 21:50

"LOL" means more than "lol"... people just put "lol" to symbolize a smile. Well, at least I do... lol

UpsidedownKayak | 9

#2010263 - Wednesday 26 January 2011 21:57

@ #40 / lol = laugh out loud. This is a smile --> :)

skwisgaar62 | 0

#2010506 - Wednesday 26 January 2011 22:59

#42 FTW

Alexxx125 | 0

#2011713 - Thursday 27 January 2011 6:25

42=win

GavinRoskamp | 0

#2011865 - Thursday 27 January 2011 8:08

I lolled.

coolkid_matt | 11

#2011994 - Thursday 27 January 2011 9:18

#42 win :D

13Lina97 | 0

#2373804 - Tuesday 19 April 2011 18:16

lol = little old ladies.

By Calyx_fml | 21

#2009832 - Wednesday 26 January 2011 19:07

By ulicksam | 0

#2009856 - Wednesday 26 January 2011 19:12

You own a cat. You own a zen garden. YDI.

By vomitknife | 0

#2009862 - Wednesday 26 January 2011 19:14

Have to agree with #10, a zen garden looks like a toilet to a cat.

iloveloosy12 | 0

#2010749 - Thursday 27 January 2011 0:32

the cat was meditating in it's giant fancy litterbox

By iamchuck | 0

#2009897 - Wednesday 26 January 2011 19:27

Thats something special to meditate on.

By Calyx_fml | 21

#2009908 - Wednesday 26 January 2011 19:31