Braelynn
Today, my 4 year old cousin is staying overnight. Every time I fall asleep he wakes me up to tell me I fell asleep. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Same thing different taste
Anonymous
Los Angeles, United States
Rising Damp
Today, while I was asleep, my three-year-old cousin wet the bed again. MY bed. FML
Lickmebaby
Enfield, United Kingdom
Today, I woke up to see my 8-year-old cousin licking my hand. All of it. FML
Anonymous
Canada
Little shit
Today, my little cousin is going to be staying at our house for a year or so, because of financial problems. It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that every single night he creeps up on me while I'm sleeping, and shouts, "GO FUCK YOURSELF!" directly into my ear. Only another 11 months to go. FML
Anonymous
Singapore, Singapore
Sleepless in Singapore
Today, I was having trouble sleeping due to jet lag. I was finally sleepy and looking forward to a decent night of rest when my 4 year-old woke up and refused to stay in his room or try to rest. The next two hours involved him shouting at me, kicking me, and crying because he wanted Daddy, who is on a business trip. FML
umm..WHAT??
Pomona, United States
Halloween came early
Today, I was sleeping in my bed when I woke up in horror to see that my 34-year-old cousin, who was spending the night, was watching me sleep. Once he noticed that I was awake, he quietly left the room. I told my mom, who then told me not to tell anyone and pretend that it never happened. FML
Tired mommy
Tired and emotional
Tonight, my 7-year-old begged me for a bedtime story. Ten minutes in, I was the one nodding off while he was wide awake. I fell asleep mid-sentence because he gently shook me and said, “Mom, you snore like a Grandpa.” Then he asked if I could “try again but stay awake this time.” FML
Bir
Nepal
Early wake-up
Today, my nephew grabbed my balls to wake me up at 4 AM. FML
Birdman
How sweet
Today, my 3-year-old fell asleep in our bed while cuddling me, and I let him stay since he was being so sweet. In the middle of the night, he took off his pants and pissed all over my head and back. FML
purpletrout
Lansing, United States
Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got him to sleep, I tried to go to bed. My husband is now snoring, farting and taking up my side of the bed. I desperately need some sleep. FML
kids are meh
This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff
Ponchatoula, United States
Make it stop
Today, I told my cousin it would be okay if he stayed the weekend after a fight with his wife. He didn't tell me he was bringing his 4 kids. They've watched funny cat videos for hours and they laugh like maniacs. FML
Top comments
Mortanious 0
That's cute, but till him to go to sleep too and make up a story on why it is important for him to sleep before you; kids love stuff like that. Of course don't tell him about something along the lines of Dead Space 2.
allmidnighteyes 11
Slip the ****** some Nyquil. Or, you know, lock your door and go to sleep.
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Comments (120)
lovexbox 8
Damn... give him some sleep medicine or tell him to shut the **** up.
77taylah33 0
Kids are so cute!!=) don't tell them to shut up
lovexbox 8
Exactly you tell them to shut the **** up.
NINJAPROTOTYPE10 0
sometimes kids are cute... but you still tell them to shut up
Acousticpixie14 6
I think that's adorable! It's really annoying and frustrating, sure, but you've got to admit that's cute. Don't tell little kids to shut up...they're not developed enough to understand that their joy and affection towards you is a bad thing. Try and help him fall asleep first, then go to sleep yourself. Maybe he's just nervous about being at a house other than his own....or super excited to be able to spend time with you! If worse comes to worse, give him some children's Benadryl.
therealdavid 0
Or throw him some lax;)
therealdavid 0
Lovebox I'd hot :P
allmidnighteyes 11
I didn't know that hot was suddenly a verb.
therealdavid 0
was a typo;p hate the keybaord on iPad app....
breakofdawn1 0
tap him in the throat ( taps as in slightly hit him)
DearLar 0
maybe tell him to be quiet instead of shut up?(:
allmidnighteyes 11
Even cheaper solution: Smother him with a pillow.
lovexbox 8
I have a better one, I have a gun and bullets... want to borrow it, OP?
Sazzers 0
Lovebox you should never have kids. that goes for anyone else who suggested drugging a child just to shut them up. ******* morons
allmidnighteyes 11
Hey, Sazzers, the internet is some serious business, and you should take everything you read seriously. That said, I babysit children for money to help pay for college books and gas. I slip part of a 30mg Oxy in their applesauce during snack time so that I can have the house to myself for four hours while they sleep. During that time, I cook meth in the basement in a fold-out lab. Sometimes, I even let the kids try it to test the quality. I'm aiming to make Heisenberg quality ice, brah.
KingDingALing 9
52- Damn...that's a good idea. I do the same thing except I sell it to children that are in elementary school and tell them it's candy.
DocBastard 40
Midnight, are you serious? I can't believe you'd do that! 30 mg is waaay more than you need. 10 mg is more than enough. You're just wasting oxy, fool!
allmidnighteyes 11
Hey now, Doc, I said part of a 30mg Oxy. I figured 3 or 4 kids a 30 would be cheaper than buying a lot of 10s.
RedPillSucks 33
@30, Seems perfectly fine to me... *Hey babe. I'ma hot you. I'ma hot you slow... I'ma hot you like you've never been hotted before*
UnicornsBro 0
My thoughts exactly.
prettypinkpixie 9
i know (at least hope) that the comments on here arent to be taken seriously , but it is disgusting to talk about doing any of those things to a child. he's 4 years old... just a baby. people are sick for even joking about this. reason why i wont being hiring anyone to babysit for me when i have my baby. you never know, someone could be serious and be ok posting these things because no one will take them seriously on a FML post anyways.
MissLizWolf 8
You've made my day. (:
Acousticpixie14 6
^owned
mariluvs 0
lmao u ppl r estupidXD
allmidnighteyes 11
"lmao u ppl r estupidXD" Pot, meet kettle. Kettle, meet pot.
badbe 0
#44 I wish someone would have shot you. Seriously, try your own advice and shut the **** up.
lovexbox 8
How sweet :) Thanks for the advice, but no thanks!
ureffinyoko68 0
on the planet mars babies smoke cigars
Acousticpixie14 6
#85... Hahaha I almost peed my pants with that one.
Rise_Up_fml 3
just punch them in the face, they will stop XD
instnt1nfction 17
you could also poison their asses!
iSitt 0
when the op falls asleep he snores.
DoubleEdgedBlade 4
27 - I don't see how poisoning donkeys is going to solve the problem. I think that's just cruel.
iwantyourugly 0
Lock him outta the room.
DDPT2 4
Hit him right in the snooze button!
allmidnighteyes 11
Slip the ****** some Nyquil. Or, you know, lock your door and go to sleep.
lovexbox 8
Exactly what I was thinking.
Justine94_x 31
Not everyone has a lock on their bedroom door.
afdude87 6
I think shutting them in a room and is warranted in this situation. :)
Mortanious 0
That's cute, but till him to go to sleep too and make up a story on why it is important for him to sleep before you; kids love stuff like that. Of course don't tell him about something along the lines of Dead Space 2.
turtle4938 0
you ripping on dead space 2?
Alienkiller 0
dead space if fucken badass
Mortanious 0
How am I ripping on Dead Space, genius? Do you really want a 4 year old kid to know what goes on in that game? Seriously, read and get the joke. I have Dead Space 2 collector's edition and about to finish it on zealot. I'm ripping on Dead Space... LMFAO
FeistyKitten 3
Close the door...? I'm assuming you're not watching him, because if you were, you wouldn't be sleeping while he was awake anyway. Otherwise your cousin's parents need a better babysitter. Common sense fail, IMO, YDI.
Bill3485 3
play some beethoven. that can put ANYONE to sleep
BrendanR 0
not an fml
NINJAPROTOTYPE10 0
definantly an fml
Zayna_604 0
damn whats your name??
losanimal 2
the next time he does that scream an scare tha **** outa his lil ass......i gurantee hell go ta sleep or either shut tha **** up
KyRidHEART 0
or he may (just maaay) cry his eyes out..just a little worse than waking he/she up every 5 minutes..
Haha_no_123 11
Or maybe (just maaaybe) he may be scarred for life and never go to OP's house agai-wait a second..... OP, do that idea! You'll never have to deal with the kid again! And pics or it didn't happen. Seeing a little kids face in that situation would be priceless :)