Miscellaneous: Today, my boyfriend thought the garbage can in our kitchen smelled...

By everfresh - 26/01/2011 10:38 - Finland

Today, my boyfriend thought the garbage can in our kitchen smelled bad. Instead of cleaning it, he had it equipped with a Wunderbaum. Our entire house now smells like "New Car". FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 118

You deserved it 3 805

Miscellaneous

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Generational trauma

Family heirloom

By BlueSuit - 14/02/2016 19:20 - United States - New York

Today, my boss gave me some mentorship. She told me, "You need to learn to let people do things for you. Until then, I'm going to micromanage your project because I want it done my way." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 455

You deserved it 1 392

When karma does its job

By Anonymous - 17/02/2020 18:00

Today, I found out the guy whose ass I used to routinely kick in high school is now dating my 19 year-old daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 864

You deserved it 4 831

By Gwayhir - 19/11/2008 04:58 - France

Today, I was making love with my girlfriend and my landline rang. Obviously, I let it go to voicemail. At the very moment I was about to cum, I heard my mum's voice on my voicemail: "Hi sweetheart!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 937

You deserved it 4 891

By lizzardbreath - 31/03/2009 10:44 - United States

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I don't know very well. He told me to dress in formal attire so I assumed he was taking me to a nice dinner. He took me to his brothers wedding, and introduced me as "the one" to his entire family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115 624

You deserved it 7 916

Toxic

By Anonymous - 01/07/2021 22:00

Today, I realized my husband of 30 years consistently makes fun of me in front of friends, and he gets mad when I express opinions contrary to his. I don't think he respects me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 047

You deserved it 138

By Anonymous - 27/06/2010 10:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a party. No one there was under 60. I'm 16 and it was the only party I've been to all year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 136

You deserved it 7 819

By Anonymous - 02/08/2012 00:56 - United Kingdom - March

Today, my girlfriend tried to convince me that she never takes dumps. I told her that as long as she eats, it's a biological impossibility, but she seems to have genuinely deluded herself into thinking it's true, purely because she is a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 061

You deserved it 3 281

By JimiHendrix - 01/03/2013 01:55 - France - Luynes

Today, a wasp knocked me out, broke my glasses, and left a gash over my eyebrow. It did so by flying under my glasses while I was playing my guitar, causing me to reflexively bat at it with the hand that was still grasping the guitar neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 907

You deserved it 7 339

By DisgustingCreatures - 04/08/2016 18:53 - United States - Houston

Today, I was peacefully using the toilet when I heard a familiar crunching sound behind me. After shooting up and frantically looking around, I hesitantly closed the toilet lid - just in time to see a black cockroach slip into a crevice of the toilet. The thing was close enough to go up my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 521

You deserved it 1 141

By Anonymous - 04/09/2011 05:41 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a huge fight. What was it over? He accused me of pronouncing MY name wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 648

You deserved it 3 864

What day is it?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I caught my dad smoking the weed he grounded me for having. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 330

You deserved it 1 244

By Username - 14/08/2011 17:44 - United States

Today, the guy at Subway asked if I wanted to make my sandwich a footlong. I'm not sure what came over me, but before I realized what I was saying, I'd told him that I couldn't handle 12 inches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 743

You deserved it 10 456

By Anonymous - 11/02/2016 01:15 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, one of my friends made it to school. He has been sick recently, missing days out of the week. When I saw him, I greeted him with, "Were you dying yesterday?" Apparently he wasn't, but his grandmother really did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 348

You deserved it 4 287

By girly girly - 26/05/2012 14:42 - United States - Keller

Today, at work, my friend dared me to answer the next call on my phone by saying, "This is your local sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it." I did it. The person on the phone was my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 164

You deserved it 46 701

By Anonymous - 22/08/2015 06:58 - United States - Cadillac

Today, I showed up to my new job early, hoping to impress my new boss. When he arrived, he walked by me and muttered "Fucking tryhard." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 730

You deserved it 3 397

Pay up

By redheadmess - 20/07/2020 02:01

Today, my grandfather sent me a bill from when I had to live with him in foster care. I apparently owe him 62k for shampoo, food, etc. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 885

You deserved it 97

By romea244 - 14/08/2011 08:17 - United States

Today, I was working on my new house and I was taking out a large cactus. While picking up the pieces to throw away, I noticed a spider on my forearm. Without thinking, I swiped at the spider with a piece of the cactus. I missed the spider, not my forearm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 632

You deserved it 26 995

By toxic waste - 12/02/2013 04:18 - United States - Tonawanda

Today, I unknowingly bought a house next to a former toxic waste dump. I found out by reading an article in the paper where residents are claiming that they are experiencing cancer and birth defects. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 045

You deserved it 7 242

By biwhat - 08/03/2014 09:23 - Australia - Bassendean

Today, I told my boyfriend that I'm bisexual. He dumped me because apparently now there is "too much competition". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 798

You deserved it 13 990

By Dreamer - 03/07/2012 06:22 - United States - Castro Valley

Today, I'm going to court to give an eyewitness account of a robbery. Unfortunately, I had a wacky dream last night concerning the robbery, and no longer have any idea of what actually happened in real life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 600

You deserved it 3 796

No friends left

By Anonymous - 18/11/2020 17:02 - United States

Today, I’ve dreamt of going back to high school so many times, every morning I wake up thinking I finished it twice and still have all my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 659

You deserved it 129

By Stressy - 12/02/2010 11:39 - United Kingdom

Today, in my psychology class, we were given a sheet that had a list of stressful events and we were to select the ones we had experienced in the last 12 months. I got highest in my class of above an 80% chance of getting a life threatening illness due to stress. Everyone laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 355

You deserved it 3 196

Freak out

By Anonymous - 03/09/2020 19:07 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, some jackass spider decided to lay eggs behind my wall. No matter how many I kill, I always wake up to multiple baby spiders on my ceiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 317

You deserved it 105

By Cellismasher - 04/11/2009 22:37 - United States

Today, while walking to work, I accidentally dropped my $400 cell phone on the sidewalk. The screen shattered into a million pieces. A woman passing by looked at the ruined phone and said, "Now that's what you call a dropped call!" She laughed and kept walking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 648

You deserved it 18 433

Mr. Robot

By Anonymous - 03/08/2020 14:02

Today, our computer system has irretrievably broken down due to viruses. My boss is the one who refused to get new antivirus software, but he’s still blaming me because I’m the computer guy and should be able to protect us from stupidly complicated viruses, "like the hackers in the movies." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 575

You deserved it 216

By whattabrat - 26/02/2012 05:16 - Canada

Today, I was babysitting. Everything was going well until the kid called 911 on me for making him eat his vegetables. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 995

You deserved it 3 291

By ILiveWithMorons - 12/04/2011 03:07 - United States

Today, my dad set my hair on fire while cooking. He then tried to convince me that it spontaneously combusted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 336

You deserved it 3 329

Temporarily Embarrassed Millionaires

By Anonymous - 12/12/2020 14:02

Today, my father decided that he "wants to get rich." His method of choice? Bitcoin trading. He's already lost a lot of money, but won't stop, because, "he doesn't listen to haters." FML

I agree, your life sucks 908

You deserved it 64

By Anonymous - 12/12/2009 05:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me because I was "letting myself go". When I told the little girl I babysit in the afternoons why I was so upset, she looked at me for a moment before saying, "Well, I definitely can't blame him." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 615

You deserved it 8 385

By Anonymous - 13/03/2016 15:00 - United States

Today, I'm going cold turkey with my drinking and smoking habits. I'm so irritable, I seriously considered running down an old lady who was taking her damn sweet time crossing the road, then shooting the guy in the car behind me for honking at me like I was holding everyone up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 554

You deserved it 3 606

By TheRawrza - 26/04/2009 09:47 - United States

Today, I was at a pool party. Standing outside of the pool, I was hesitant about taking my shirt off. A girl in the pool shouted "Hey, you're not the only fat one here, don't feel bad!". I was worried about what my friends would think of my new bellybutton ring, I don't think I'm fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 168

You deserved it 8 219

Birthday Boy

By Anonymous - 18/10/2019 02:00

Today, it's my 16th birthday. It's also it is the day my parents scheduled my wisdom teeth to be pulled out. Happy birthday to me, then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 490

You deserved it 150

By Bawo - 02/06/2009 01:20 - United States

Today, I was getting it on with my cute guy friend in his candlelit bedroom and we had just started tearing each other's clothes off. I decided to be coy and sexy and flip my hair to the side. As I did so, my long hair caught in the flames of his lit candles and caught half of my head on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 888

You deserved it 33 889

By Coykoi - 16/05/2012 14:19 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, not only did my boyfriend set my hair on fire, but he attempted to put it out by dumping bong water on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 523

You deserved it 10 222

By Branman2480 - 19/09/2011 05:09 - United States

Today, while I was working at the golf course, two kids stole a golf cart and pulled a snowboard behind it. When I tried to stop them, they ran me over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 397

You deserved it 4 109

By natalie_sarantos - 23/12/2015 03:44 - United States - Marshfield

Today, I took a coach bus to travel to New York. Along the way, the bus stopped at Burger King and I went out to buy some food. When I got back, I couldn't find the bus. It left without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 747

You deserved it 3 404

By Lisaa918 - 10/06/2009 14:49 - United States

Today, my two year old daughter was playing in the kitchen. I went to go have a look and she was pretend cooking. When I asked what she was making she said "look mommy, chocolate!" and stuck her finger in my mouth. It wasn't chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 127

You deserved it 6 162

By Anonymous - 24/06/2015 17:41

Today, after constant avoidance, I saw the man who slept with my mother and caused my parents to get divorced. I desperately wanted to punch him in the face, but instead I had to smile and shake his hand as he gave me my diploma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 196

You deserved it 2 436

By dannij08 - 27/01/2009 16:47 - United States

Today, I hid my credit card from myself so I wouldn't use it. Now I can't find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 278

You deserved it 49 178

By not gay in AL - 11/05/2014 17:57 - United States

Today, my dad seemed moody, so to lift his spirits, I told him I loved him. He just snorted, "You gay or something, boy?" Really mature, dad, really mature. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 309

You deserved it 5 463

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Top comments

summersizzle 0

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Wednesday 26 January 2011 16:05

i like the smell of "new car"

DahkLohd 4

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Wednesday 26 January 2011 16:29

What's Google?

summersizzle 0

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Wednesday 26 January 2011 16:05

i like the smell of "new car"

catatonicsleep 17

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Wednesday 26 January 2011 16:06

but do you like the smell of old garbage accented with new car?

PageantGirlXOXO 16

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Wednesday 26 January 2011 18:34

it's pretty gross when people just try to cover up a nasty smell with a good one. like girls who don't shower and just wear perfume. nasty.

SadinSherman 16

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Wednesday 26 January 2011 22:53

Wow that is awkward story

DoubleEdgedBlade 4

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Thursday 27 January 2011 11:53

33 - You should write a graphic novel. :)

Carlie_McCartney 1

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Monday 21 November 2011 2:35

....or when guys don't shower and douse themselves in Axe. Ew.

KingDingALing 9

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Wednesday 26 January 2011 16:06

It could be worse. At least he didn't buy them from the sex shop. Then your kitchen would smell like sweat.

anonymousscreenn 0

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Wednesday 26 January 2011 16:06

You're an idiot. Why didn't you say FIRST?

DahkLohd 4

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Wednesday 26 January 2011 16:09

It could have been worse! He could have sprayed your pussy like that Family Guy episode.

KingDingALing 9

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Wednesday 26 January 2011 16:12

Yes...you...said that before...

DahkLohd 4

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Wednesday 26 January 2011 16:18

Lol...I...thought...it...didn't...post...the...first...time

ArthursLifeSucks 2

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Wednesday 26 January 2011 16:07

Typical man.

DahkLohd 4

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Wednesday 26 January 2011 16:07

It could have been worse! He could have sprayed your pussy like that Family Guy episode.

lovexbox 8

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Wednesday 26 January 2011 16:08

The smell of a new car is nice, but that's just being damn lazy. Is it really that hard to clean up?

TryptamineDreame 0

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Wednesday 26 January 2011 16:12

Good Lord, do you people really not PROOF-READ your FML before you post?

Doortje 29

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Wednesday 26 January 2011 16:20

Boohoo, your house is going to smell like "new car" for a few hours.

picklezz123 5

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Wednesday 26 January 2011 16:21

what's wanderbaum?

DahkLohd 4

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Wednesday 26 January 2011 16:29

What's Google?

allmidnighteyes 10

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Wednesday 26 January 2011 16:59

lmgtfy.com/?q=wunderbaum

nathan5 0

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Wednesday 26 January 2011 18:33

What's the meaning of life?

thelumberjack 0

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Wednesday 26 January 2011 19:57

celialevi1234 2

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Wednesday 26 January 2011 20:27

some people can't go on google and on fml at the same time, for example when using an iPod touch, and it's nice when someone explains what the unknown thing is before trying to shit down the app and taking forever to find it and then trying to get back to this fml, so please if you know spare us the search and just tell us

ifyouseekamy666 0

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Wednesday 26 January 2011 20:42

u shit on the app? well that's not gonna make it work better..

Im_Jesus_BITCH 3

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Wednesday 26 January 2011 22:46

Um, I think it's supposed to be air freshener, but translated directly from German, it means "Wonderful tree". I don't think that helps, but then it just might.