All the FMLs

By Anonymous - 17/10/2010 06:28 - United States

Today, it was my dad's birthday. As a joke, I got him one of those big erasers that say, "FOR BIG MISTAKES." He opened it, tried to erase me with it, then said, "It doesn't work." and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 137

You deserved it 30 403

By Anonymous - 17/10/2010 04:28 - United States

Today, I proudly gave my grandma a picture I had drawn for her. She didn't seem thrilled with it, and afterwards the rest of my family seemed upset. Nobody could fathom why I drew grandma a picture of a graveyard for her 85th birthday. It was suppose to be a bridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 984

You deserved it 6 896

By meegs - 17/10/2010 00:31 - Canada

Today, my sister asked me if she could go into my closet to borrow my favourite dress for a party she was going to tonight. When I asked her where she was going, she said to a Halloween costume party. My sister is going as a prostitute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 042

You deserved it 31 795

Help yourselves

By Anonymous - 16/10/2010 21:54 - United States

Today, my car door and window were broken when a thief broke into my car. Cost to repair the damage? $600. Increase to my car insurance premiums? $40 a month. What'd they steal from my car? A $0.98 chocolate chip cookie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 475

You deserved it 3 492

By anonymous - 16/10/2010 15:18 - Canada

Today, I was walking to school. I started running to catch up with my friend. I yelled her name, and she turned around in time to watch me slip on a sheet of ice, fall face first, and pass out. When she ran to my side, I unconsciously peed on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 402

You deserved it 4 315

By dcait_1196 - 16/10/2010 13:14 - France

Today, I went to see Jackass 3 in 3D. While the previews were playing, some guy sitting next to me leaned over and began telling me what happens in every scene, completely ruining the movie for me. He tried to get my number afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 207

You deserved it 4 439

By married - 16/10/2010 12:31 - United States

Today, my sister and I were both on Facebook, updating our statuses. I set mine to "just got released from hospital with Baby Lily", as I'd had a baby earlier this week. My sister set hers to "menstrual blood smells like shrimp". Her status got 37 likes. Mine got none. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 571

You deserved it 7 275

By Anonymous - 16/10/2010 09:57 - United States

Today, I started some laundry late at night. Once my clothes were in the washer for about a half hour, I got bored and I decided I would listen to my iPod. After looking for it for another 15 minutes, I remembered where I'd left it; in my jacket... which is now nice and clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 589

You deserved it 27 375

Nice to know, thanks

By Annie - 16/10/2010 08:20 - India

Today, I was having a romantic conversation with my boyfriend under the stars. He said, "You know how there are people who are beautiful on the inside and people who are beautiful on the outside? Yeah, well you're one of those 'inside' people." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 749

You deserved it 4 624

Timing is crucial in comedy

By Anonymous - 16/10/2010 06:44 - United States

Today, I was on an airplane that was experiencing some turbulence. Feeling anxious, I reached over and grabbed my husband's hand for comfort. He then said, "Why are you scared of dying? You're not even pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 103

You deserved it 4 233

By princessj - 16/10/2010 05:50 - United States

Today, my 4 year old son told his preschool teacher that his daddy could pick up 10,000 cows but couldn't pick up his mommy because she was too heavy. I'm the mommy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 905

You deserved it 6 154

By hannahj88 - 16/10/2010 04:41 - Australia

Today, while working at the bakery, I slipped on a pen. I dropped the pie rack I was holding full of pies right on my face. I now have a burn mark on my cheek that looks like a swastika. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 309

You deserved it 3 307

By Anonymous - 16/10/2010 04:17 - United States

Today, my perfectly sane and healthy 90 year old grandmother had a heart to heart with me. She told me she'd pay for a boob job. When I asked why, she said, "Sweetie, you'll never attract someone with those tiny suckers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 729

You deserved it 4 027

By jacky tu - 16/10/2010 03:06 - United States

Today, I got grounded because I didn't go to my dog's birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 101

You deserved it 7 696

By Anonymous - 15/10/2010 23:44 - United States

Today, I was told I look like Susan Boyle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 559

You deserved it 5 906

By Anonymous - 15/10/2010 22:52 - United States

Today, my mother gave me an early Christmas present; a Bissell mop so I can "do a better job" when I "clean her floors". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 043

You deserved it 3 973

By Anonymous - 15/10/2010 19:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I realised my dad speaks to me the same way he speaks to my dog when she's done something bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 264

You deserved it 3 511

By nick92 - 15/10/2010 16:40 - United States

Today, I discovered my boyfriend's family approves of me, not because I'm friendly and intelligent, but because I'm an adequate addition to their gene pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 543

You deserved it 4 398

By IhatebeingtheDD - 15/10/2010 14:08 - United States

Today, I was the designated driver for my friend's 21st birthday. On the way home from the bar, he threw up all the pasta and tequila he'd had onto the back seat of my car, and told me it was part of his whole party plan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 472

You deserved it 4 089

Plagiarism sucks

By Anonymous - 15/10/2010 13:03 - United States

Today, I was supposed to present a speech on diabetes. The girl who went first chose the same subject, knowing I'm diabetic and that it was my topic. I went last, so I had to change half of my speech on the spot. I sounded ignorant about my own illness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 068

You deserved it 6 538

By ziatenaj - 15/10/2010 10:52 - United States

Today, at work, I was trying to repeat an order back to this guy, when his drunk girlfriend started to interrupt me. Whenever I would open my mouth, she would say "Blah blah blah." Literally. Eventually, I gave up. I got his order wrong, and got yelled at by my manager for not repeating his order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 272

You deserved it 2 964

By fmlforreal - 15/10/2010 08:33 - Singapore

Today, I found my brother tampering with my laptop. He had changed the entire settings, in ways I don't even know how to fix. I finally had to get my mom to threaten him to change it back to its original setting. I'm 15. He's six and can barely get dressed by himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 190

You deserved it 9 624

By racist - 15/10/2010 06:00 - United States

Today, I was sitting in a lecture about the history of the KKK and the problems it has caused, when the weirdest and quietest kid leans over my shoulder and says "I'd burn you first..." and winks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 261

You deserved it 3 658

Manchild

By lilshoobydoo14 - 15/10/2010 04:18 - United States

Today, I met a guy that I liked. We really hit it off, that is until his parents walked by and he started begging them, down on his hands and knees, to buy him a new video game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 532

You deserved it 4 342

In vain

By bcf1234 - 15/10/2010 04:06 - United States

Today, I waited in line at Subway. There were two people in front of me. The first lady had seven sandwiches and the second lady had four. So after patiently waiting, I ordered my sandwich, only to have my credit card declined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 705

You deserved it 12 154

Brain fart, episode 23

By edodge - 15/10/2010 03:03 - United States

Today, at work, my boss and I went upstairs to storage. We got in the elevator, I pressed the second floor button, and it didn't move so I repeatedly pressed the button. It wasn't until the fifth press that I realized we were already on the second floor. She thought I was an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 797

You deserved it 28 890

By copmagnet - 15/10/2010 00:43 - United States

Today, I got a $200 bonus at work and was super excited about getting a plane ticket to see my family. On the way back from work I got a $300 speeding ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 516

You deserved it 43 483

By Anonymous - 15/10/2010 00:25 - United States

Today, as I put my 4 year-old daughter in the car seat, she dropped her crayon. She then paused and matter-of-factly said, "Mommy, I don't say 'f***' anymore when I drop things." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 133

You deserved it 9 212

By Username - 14/10/2010 19:02 - France

Today, I was called up about a job I'd recently applied for. I was overly excited to tell them I'd be there on Monday. Then I remembered I canceled my car insurance due to financial difficulties. I have no way of getting there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 444

You deserved it 8 405

Just pish yerself

By Casey - 14/10/2010 18:20 - United States

Today, I realized it is now considered normal and routine that my boyfriend wets the bed after a night of drinking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 961

You deserved it 4 910

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I visited a waterpark with friends. At one point, a woman floating near me suddenly says to me, "How are you doing, honey?" Instinctively, I replied, "I'm well". The woman gave me a strange look and I turned around to find she was talking to her child directly behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 899

You deserved it 1 449

Today, I was walking in the freezing rain when a guy asked me if I wanted to share his umbrella with him. I grinned and told him I did. He then noticed a pretty girl walking behind me and he abruptly turned to her and asked her the same question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 993

You deserved it 2 307

Today, I found out that there's a very loud and frisky couple living above my bedroom, and a family with a crying baby living above my living room. At this rate, I'll end up sleeping in the bathtub in my own home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 726

You deserved it 2 755

Today, I had a mild allergic reaction from eating pasta salad. I told my mom that I might be allergic to the parsley, since it was the only ingredient that I don't eat often. She made me eat a sprig of it to "make sure." Now my face is covered in hives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 748

You deserved it 4 571

Today, I spent thirty minutes in the shower trying to remove "Pierre", a face complete with moustache that my girlfriend drew in sharpie on the tip of my cock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 793

You deserved it 11 268

Today, I wanted to join the bus drivers strike. I couldn't… the buses were on strike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 638

You deserved it 5 484