Miscellaneous: Today, in an attempt to get some guidance from my college advisor,...

By academicloser - 22/02/2011 17:19 - United States

Today, in an attempt to get some guidance from my college advisor, I emailed her, saying I was contemplating going to another school because I felt so helpless about my GPA, and was sure I wouldn't get my major. I asked for advice on raising it. She gave me instructions on how to drop out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 303

You deserved it 7 380

Miscellaneous

Taking stock

Mama's boy

Another great day to be alive

By xxxdwangelaxxx - 18/04/2009 21:08 - United States

Today, I went swinging with my friend at the park. Seeing a few cute guys playing basketball, I tried to act cute, laughing loudly and letting my hair fly all over the place. Just as they look over the swing broke. I fell on my face, my jeans sliding down, mooning them. They laughed hysterically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 062

You deserved it 34 556

By 911 - 13/11/2008 03:57 - France

Today, my boss sneezed onto his hands and then licked them in front of my best customers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 163

You deserved it 2 310

By Anonymous - 25/01/2011 00:30 - United States

Today, my boyfriend had to give me an enema. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 232

You deserved it 4 344

By Bruja5 - 07/02/2010 05:15 - United States

Today, I thought about my boyfriend and all the things we used to do together years ago. Today, I also spent the day doing my now husband's laundry and watching him sit on the couch with his hand inside his underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 261

You deserved it 6 113

By Lou Czar - 07/01/2009 23:56 - United States

Today, I signed up on one of those "cheater" dating sites. I ended up meeting my own girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 751

You deserved it 81 105

By badatlove - 03/11/2016 20:42 - United States

Today, I climbed to the top of the tallest building in my city with this guy I really like. He spotted the girl he had a crush on, and wouldn't shut up about her for the rest of the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 897

You deserved it 986

By AngrySon - 29/09/2011 01:12 - United States

Today, I cleaned out the fridge for my mother. I didn't throw out a single thing that was less than a month past its expiration. Instead of thanks, she complained about everything that I threw away being still good, including a tub of butter that had been expired for two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 272

You deserved it 2 576

By Anonymous - 15/10/2013 20:52 - United Kingdom - Stretham

Today, my parents dropped by my new house, and my mother offered to tidy up for me while I was out. After they left, I noticed that her "tidying up" included throwing out all the pictures of my girlfriend and replacing them with pictures of herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 458

You deserved it 4 811

Kitchen nightmares

By Anonymous - 19/09/2021 00:30 - Australia - Mypolonga

Today, I dropped my phone in the frying pan whilst cooking my steak. I had to rinse off the oil immediately and clean the phone, then had to eat a cold steak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 255

You deserved it 944

By CorinnenotaplanB - 28/07/2018 01:30

Today, my date for this weekend called and asked if he could bring his possible new girlfriend on our weekend getaway as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 701

You deserved it 263

By MacGrouber - 17/03/2011 00:12 - United States

Today, my bird learned to mimic my fire alarm. It proved it to me at 3 am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 773

You deserved it 4 733

By Anonymous - 14/04/2012 16:24 - United States - San Juan Capistrano

Today, I went to a blood drive. The nurse taking my blood mentioned that she'd been called in on her day off, and she swore she wasn't drunk. I didn't know what to do, so I just smiled and blinked back tears as she savaged the vein in my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 744

You deserved it 3 252

By Uhg - 10/03/2019 02:00

Today, my spouse made it clear that they would rather play videogames than be intimate with me. I've tried everything but get nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 207

You deserved it 378

By Anonymous - 27/01/2014 20:55 - United States - Gardner

Today, I got my wedding photos back. The only decent picture of my husband and me together also featured a fat guy in a crop top behind us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 458

You deserved it 5 176

By igotpride - 09/12/2013 21:01 - United States

Today, I woke up and coughed up the spider I thought I'd killed last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 757

You deserved it 5 364

By Anonymous - 08/01/2013 05:20 - United States

Today, I got into an accident on my motorcycle. When I told my wife that the doctor said I couldn't have sex for two weeks, she couldn't contain her joy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 903

You deserved it 8 702

By fmylovelife - 27/06/2011 23:45 - United States

Today, I surprised my girlfriend with roses. She surprised me by getting back together with her ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 420

You deserved it 3 459

By pk24 - 25/02/2009 23:46 - United States

Today, I decided to try and call into a local radio station to try and win concert tickets for one of my favorite bands. I called in and was actually the winning number. When asked my name I answered quickly, but all I heard was "Hello? Hello?" Then they hung up. My cell phone was on mute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 289

You deserved it 16 536

Not prepared enough

By Anonymous - 09/11/2020 05:01

Today, I had a maths test and I realised that I'd studied the wrong topics. The teacher said the test would be difficult and I stayed up till 1 a.m. just to be prepared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 678

You deserved it 481

By Helpful Smile - 26/01/2016 02:56 - United States - Bettendorf

Today, my boss used our communal notebook to bitch out our entire department for not leaving a note notifying her that one of the machines was down. She wrote it on the same page as the note I left saying that one of the machines was down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 660

You deserved it 1 213

By unluckiestperson - 29/08/2010 15:45 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my very expensive and beautiful smelling perfume attracts wasps. Whenever I go out, wherever I am, I am followed by multiple wasps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 686

You deserved it 6 244

By birthday blues - 08/11/2016 19:15 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. The only time people have contacted me is to ask who I voted for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 543

You deserved it 904

By Anonymous - 26/06/2015 18:08 - Russian Federation - Moscow

Today, my mom kicked my dad out of the house and told him not to come home again. Why? I started watching some porn on my computer, forgetting I was still connected to the bluetooth speakers in the living room. My mom thought it was my dad, and I didn't have the balls to admit the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 323

You deserved it 41 393

By Anonymous - 10/09/2009 09:13 - New Zealand

Today, my 11-year-old son and I were going through some old photos. He saw one of me when I was 22 on a beach, wearing a bikini. He said "Wow! Who's that?" Quite proudly I said it was me. He looked at me and said "What happened?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 098

You deserved it 7 772

By Bad Dad - 20/10/2014 03:48 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I caught my 15-year-old son trying to roll catnip into a joint and smoke it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 287

You deserved it 4 924

By Anonymous - 23/09/2010 19:02 - Chile

Today, I gave my boss the paperwork to approve my commissions for the month. She wouldn't sign it, saying, "Maybe I'm crazy, but I feel that I've signed this before." She hasn't. I have no commission, and my boss is crazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 515

You deserved it 2 468

By vampyrate3562 - 29/01/2015 12:56 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to run for the train, but because of my bad foot and limping they held the train, much to people's displeasure. No one let me sit down, so for the 20 minute journey, I stood. With a bad foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 840

You deserved it 4 025

Not safe for work

By Anonymous - 02/11/2019 00:02

Today, I went to move an intimate, very NSFW Word document to a secure folder on my phone. Instead, I accidentally sent it to a printer somewhere in my office building at work. I don't know which of my 40 coworkers or managers has it on their printer for their arrival tomorrow morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 849

You deserved it 2 178

By Anonymous - 12/10/2010 15:06 - United States

Today, while at my friend's house, I decided to climb up on a shelf and pounce on him when he came back downstairs. When I heard someone coming, I assumed it was him and pounced. It was his grandma carrying the laundry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 752

You deserved it 44 628

By Why Me - 12/08/2015 13:50 - United States - Seattle

Today, I was unloading Cokes outside of the movie theater I work at. While bent over, I heard someone call out, "Damn girl, you got a fat ass," followed by, "Oh God, that's a man!" I am indeed a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 326

You deserved it 2 858

Cougar

By Anonymous - 30/12/2020 02:08 - Canada

Today, I was at the laundromat doing laundry with my mom when the guy running the place asked if we were "together". I thought this was just because of Covid and social distancing, but it turns out he thought my mom was my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 744

You deserved it 60

By hateskool888581 - 12/01/2010 00:28 - Mexico

Today, I went to a nearby nightclub with some friends and the girl I've been flirting for weeks. We were having a good time until this girl and two of her friends got back complaining about some "drunk-old-perverts harassing them". It looks like my dad and his friends are having a good time too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 822

You deserved it 2 334

By fiercehawk - 18/02/2014 05:45 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, I went on a blind date. At the end of the night, I told him I had a surprisingly great time. He replied, "Yeah, that was fun. You're really funny and smart. If you were pretty, I'd totally go out with you again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 088

You deserved it 5 316

By Anonymous - 30/01/2011 05:05 - United States

Today, upon waking up, I took a sip on what I thought was a cup of water on my nightstand. I quickly discovered it was my roommate's cup of used mouthwash which she was too lazy to throw out the night before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 830

You deserved it 8 616

By Singleton - 02/01/2010 00:33 - Canada

Today, it was my birthday dinner with my family. Everyone was making an effort to avoid a certain topic. Later my 5 year old cousin gives me a nice hand drawn card of me and my boyfriend. Apparently no one had the heart to tell her my boyfriend had broken up with me on my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 073

You deserved it 2 834

By anonymous - 25/03/2015 04:24 - United States - Lubbock

Today, I was doing homework and I had my leg bent in a funny position. When I stood up, my hip dislocated. It was the most painful thing I've ever experienced. When people ask me what happened, I have to say I dislocated my hip doing calculus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 251

You deserved it 3 255

By PoorMe - 22/02/2013 13:06 - United States

Today, I muted the TV just in time to hear my mom yell at my dad about how their sex life is "non-existent". FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 533

You deserved it 4 702

By bym - 13/10/2008 08:23

Today, I got braces fitted. For the next two years, I'll be the most handsome guy on earth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 599

You deserved it 24 464

By 12693 - 24/10/2012 17:35 - Australia - Perth

Today, there was a horrible smell in my kitchen. I tried to find the source, but failed and had to leave for the day. That night, my brother informed me that the smell was coming from a dead mouse stuck in our toaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 520

You deserved it 2 094

By smells like ass - 29/12/2016 03:05

Today, my brother tried to ninja-kick his dirty underwear up into his hand. He failed and it landed on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 984

You deserved it 401

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Top comments

DocBastard 38

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Tuesday 22 February 2011 22:20

Don't listen to her, and don't scream and Yale. Be as strong as an Ox,ford the stream, but don't go jumping off a Cambridge. You can be as rich as a a Duke or as famous as a Princeton, but getting good grades isn't that Harvard. Just study hard and eat a good meal, something like Brown Rice with Cornell.

RachelCamille 0

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Tuesday 22 February 2011 22:42

Maybe you should have been more direct. If you said you wanted to go to another school then thats probably what she took it as. If you just wanted more advice then just say that you need some advice.

bravesfan112233 0

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Tuesday 22 February 2011 21:59

turtles love me

rallets 22

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Tuesday 22 February 2011 22:49

theres instructions on how to drop out?

DocBastard 38

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Tuesday 22 February 2011 23:37

Yes, rallets, there ARE instructions on how to drop out. You don't march into your classes, moon your professors, tell them to go fuck themselves, and go get smashed at the bar.

rallets 22

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Wednesday 23 February 2011 0:00

why not? thats how i did it :P

Zmeilerr 22

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Wednesday 23 February 2011 2:08

#31, you're too retarded half the time to properly construct a sentence. I don't know how the FUCK you got into college.

yetanotherginger 19

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Wednesday 23 February 2011 3:17

the admissions interview must have been on the other half of the time, the lucid one

rallets 22

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Wednesday 23 February 2011 6:30

i knew i felt someone trying to get up in my ass...i wont be having that Zmeiler ;D but i was kidding, obviously you have no sense of humor. sorry about that :( college is overrated, i actually went to technical trade school :) good times, and id rather have that than waste a shit ton of money for 4 years so youre saying im a genius the other half, right? :D awesome!!

rallets 22

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Wednesday 23 February 2011 15:44

yezzir

ColdGold 6

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Tuesday 22 February 2011 21:59

Just goes to show that no one likes a drama queen. Give them something to work with next time.

demoncooldud 0

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Wednesday 23 February 2011 3:40

what

36591951 9

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Saturday 17 September 2011 14:05

My careers adviser used to guide me towards doing a trade however I turned out fine

valri3 0

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Tuesday 22 February 2011 22:01

Just....just don't take the advice for your sake.

iSitt 0

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Tuesday 22 February 2011 22:23

her job was outsourced to IBM Watson

vomitknife 0

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Tuesday 22 February 2011 22:12

Follow those instructions to the letter.

you_failed 15

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Tuesday 22 February 2011 22:16

Damn! That's kinda harsh! :X

Zebidee 8

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Tuesday 22 February 2011 22:16

Ignore what she said, and go get some constructive advice. I'm sure there are competent, professional advisors out there, but how many stories have you heard about the ones that aren't?

heathersmorin 0

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Tuesday 22 February 2011 22:17

wow!! what a great advisor you have there. she's doing a great job!!

theseventhluigi 1

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Tuesday 22 February 2011 22:19

To raise your gpa you just need to get better grades....how did you not figure that out yourself?

DocBastard 38

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Tuesday 22 February 2011 22:20

bigbadtim 7

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Tuesday 22 February 2011 22:33

LOL

jupiter80 0

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Tuesday 22 February 2011 23:54

creative :)

disneydork96 0

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Wednesday 23 February 2011 2:48

this is great:)

NurseNasty 12

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Wednesday 23 February 2011 2:53

This amused me. ----^

dtegrl 0

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Wednesday 23 February 2011 5:50

You have way too much time on your hands...

lexa1love 16

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Tuesday 1 January 2013 19:49

@56 Are you mad because you couldn't come up with anything clever?

lr4182 0

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Tuesday 22 February 2011 22:25

Unless you're a few tenths of points away, I don't feel sorry for you. you're not a kid anymore and not entitled to a free grade. you get the grade for the effort you put in. and apparently you didn't put in enough.

ChibiChibi_fml 27

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Wednesday 23 February 2011 3:39

Unless the issue is that they genuinely don't understand what they are being taught. I had three different tutors at one point, plus constantly went in for help from the teacher, and was still failing my Algebra class because apparently I just suck horribly at Algebra. I aced all of my english, history, and other such classes but nothing with math.

erongetti 2

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Wednesday 23 February 2011 10:56

I agree chibichibi. I used to be a teacher & although some people can be very smart, sometimes you aren't going to "get it" no matter what. For this OP, I'd ask if he put in a true effort. If yes, then maybe listen to the counselor...this isn't what you were meant to do. If no, you're wasting your time on fml instead of studying!