All the FMLs

By DarkDisaster - 27/12/2012 10:16 - United States

Today, my cat had the greatest idea ever: hide inside our Christmas tree and attack anyone who walks past. It would have come as extremely funny to me if I hadn't been her first victim. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 288

You deserved it 8 236

By ashprove611 - 27/12/2012 09:47 - United States - Tonawanda

Today, after ranting to my boyfriend about how Pandora bracelets are pointless and cliched and that I'd never spend that kind of money on a tiny charm, he gave me my Christmas present. It was a Pandora bracelet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 536

You deserved it 57 498

ashprove611 tells us more.

ashprove611 7

Friday 28 December 2012 1:20

Hi, OP here...Ok it was a couple days before Christmas that I ranted about it, and he had already bought me the bracelet. But It's not an FML because I hated the bracelet, it's an FML because I felt so bad about it and had no idea he got me one. The bracelet ended up being beautiful and thoughtful and I love it. The beads he got were the exact ones I would have picked out myself.

By Ross R - 27/12/2012 08:52 - United States - Richland

Today, I decided to cover a coworker's closing shift because she felt sick. My boss even gave me a $10 gift card for doing it. I felt good about it, until I walked outside and found that my car had been stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 262

You deserved it 2 402

Get out

By pipefitter28 - 27/12/2012 06:46 - Canada - Vernon

Today, I tried to impress a girl at the gym on the squat rack, but let out a big fart. She was grossed out and laughed at me with her friends. Her boyfriend came over and told me I was a dead man, and I'd better leave. I'm now the proud owner of a year membership at a gym I can't go to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 141

You deserved it 28 931

By Anonymous - 27/12/2012 02:09 - United States - Roswell

Today, at a post-Christmas party, I saw a cute girl standing underneath a mistletoe. I walked up to her and pointed out that we were both standing under a mistletoe. She looked at me, winced, and quickly walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 078

You deserved it 24 568

By gaggin - 26/12/2012 19:30 - United States - Beverly Hills

Today, I woke up to find pieces of a dead spider stuck in my braces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 182

You deserved it 3 988

Protective

By Anonymous - 26/12/2012 18:30 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, while at the store with my mom and baby brother, a guy started to talk to me. Just as he went to give me his number, my mom handed me my brother and said, "Here's your son, your AA meeting's in an hour, let's go." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 955

You deserved it 5 414

By annie_nk - 26/12/2012 17:25 - United States - Tooele

Today, after giving my husband a new video game that he's been wanting, along with homemade waffles and a surprise blowjob, he gave me my gift: two packets of ramen noodles, and toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 285

You deserved it 5 008

annie_nk tells us more.

annie_nk 22

Thursday 27 December 2012 2:37

This is my FML. It was chicken, which we have an abundance of and generic 2-ply.

Drunken mess

By Anonymous - 26/12/2012 17:18 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my ex-boyfriend of over four years ago decided to turn up outside my house at 1 a.m., drunk off his ass, to confess his love for me. When I told him I'd moved on and am happily engaged, he cried on the grass for an hour, then tried to steal my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 206

You deserved it 4 515

By Jolene - 26/12/2012 14:32 - United States - Gloucester

Today, I got a phone call from my boyfriend breaking things off with me. He waited until the day after Christmas because he wanted all his presents. And he got me nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 650

You deserved it 3 878

By Shelle - 26/12/2012 08:53 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, my mother-in-law purchased matching Christmas presents for myself and my sister-in-law to open together in front of everyone. Guess who are now the proud owners of matching metal tampon cases. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 172

You deserved it 2 778

By Anonymous - 26/12/2012 08:30 - United States - Evergreen

Today, I unwrapped my present and, to my surprise, I had gotten a repair manual for my truck. Apparently, my parents are "Tired of seeing that piece of shit in front of our house." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 511

You deserved it 23 133

By marriedtoatool - 26/12/2012 06:15 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I received from my husband for Christmas the body lotion that only he uses. And nothing else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 724

You deserved it 2 956

By Anonymous - 26/12/2012 04:56 - United States - Medina

Today, I woke up on my boyfriend's bedroom floor. When I asked him why I was there, he said I'd gotten too hot, so he rolled me off his bed. I have the flu and a fever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 659

You deserved it 3 792

By Anonymous - 26/12/2012 02:46 - Canada - Saint Albert

Today, I woke up thinking my house was on fire because I could hear crackling flames downstairs. I panicked and tripped out of bed. It was the fireplace channel I left on last night so I could wake up to a Christmas ambiance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 670

You deserved it 35 725

Quality family time

By really mature, GRAN - 25/12/2012 20:59 - United States - El Macero

Today, my psycho grandma yelled at me for being an "immature brat" by not offering to wash the dishes after dinner. I reminded her that when I offered last time, she raged at me for being "condescending." She responded by faking a heart attack and getting me indefinitely grounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 810

You deserved it 3 081

By everore - 25/12/2012 18:12 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, my brother learned how to fake cry. I've been catching shit for everything I've done and said near him ever since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 092

You deserved it 3 474

By Christmasloverandstuff - 25/12/2012 17:45 - United States

Today, my extended family came over for Christmas. I forgot to get a present for my extremely sensitive aunt. I took a gift from my re-gift pile and wrapped it quickly. Little did I remember that it was the same gift she gave me last year. She noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 910

You deserved it 42 554

By CambodianAsshole - 25/12/2012 06:41 - United States - Placentia

Today, I opened my Christmas present from my parents. I got a road-side assistance package. I don't own a vehicle, and I don't even have a driver's license. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 507

You deserved it 3 579

By un_christmas - 25/12/2012 06:41 - Malaysia - Petaling Jaya

Today, my boyfriend and I were having Christmas dinner while his mom was away. I was lying alone on his bed while he did the dishes, when the bedroom door dramatically swung open and his mom glared at me from the doorway. I had to leave when she screamed "FORNICATION IS A SIN!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 257

You deserved it 4 267

By all by myself - 25/12/2012 05:00 - United States - Alaska Peninsula Nwr

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I felt down, so I laid in bed and told my parents I needed some alone time. A couple of minutes later, one of them started blasting "All by Myself" so loud that I felt the floorboards vibrate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 005

You deserved it 4 345

By Julie - 25/12/2012 03:20 - United States - East Brunswick

Today, I woke up to find our Christmas tree knocked over, unwrapped presents scattered everywhere, and my mom passed out on the sofa with a bottle of booze. Merry Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 242

You deserved it 2 795

By Anonymous - 25/12/2012 01:31 - United States - Danbury

Today, I had to slowly explain to my mother that Americans are not the only people who celebrate Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 304

You deserved it 2 900

By Chanman1924 - 24/12/2012 21:06 - United States

Today, my friend put my phone number on Craigslist. I still can't find the ad, but obviously everyone else can because I still haven't stopped receiving naked pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 594

You deserved it 3 775

By Skyhopee - 24/12/2012 19:42 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, because I'm too "high maintenance" during the holidays. Not to worry, though; he's willing give me another chance sometime after Valentine's day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 041

You deserved it 6 305

By heya - 24/12/2012 10:09 - Australia - Sydney

Today, whilst at my new step-dad's Christmas lunch, my mother spiked my drink so that I would look worse than her in front of her new mother-in-law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 447

You deserved it 2 553

Spectacle

By chunderful202 - 24/12/2012 08:46 - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, I woke up with a hangover from hell. My clothes were stained with vomit, I was propped up on the sofa with a bowl between my knees, and my hair tied to one side. My mum was taking photos to send to Grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 815

You deserved it 41 573

By Anonymous - 24/12/2012 06:07 - United States - Cottonwood

Today, I found my diary on my mother's nightstand. Bookmarked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 553

You deserved it 4 591

So romantic

By Anonymous - 24/12/2012 05:33 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were in bed and I asked him why he was with me. His answer was, "Well, the last girl I dated was really smart and she always made me feel dumb, so I decided to switch things up a bit. You make me feel like a genius, babe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 618

You deserved it 8 065

Merry Xmas

By Christmas sucks - 24/12/2012 01:03 - United States - Boston

Today, I was wrapping presents for my daughter, trying to be really quiet. Behind me, the cat decided to climb the tree, which then fell on top of me and I couldn't move. My daughter had to help me up. She now knows everything she's getting for Christmas this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 905

You deserved it 4 779

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, during a heated argument with my son, I lost my temper and called him a son of a bitch. He enthusiastically agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 886

You deserved it 19 354

Today, I saw my doc about the painful swelling I've had in my arm all week. He seemed totally out of it, and ended up telling me it's all in my head, despite the swelling. When I respectfully suggested it might be a blood issue, he just said, "Nah". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 414

You deserved it 2 448

Today, I biked 15 km to my girlfriend's house in really heavy rain to surprise her. Turns out she's on holiday in Spain, and hadn't bothered to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 529

You deserved it 4 628

Today, I parked in the parking lot at work feeling like I had to sneeze. As I was walking in, the sneeze finally came. Apparently, my nose was bleeding so when I sneezed, blood got all over the floor and my brand new work clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 970

You deserved it 146

Today, I've come to the conclusion that the best way to remember when my wife of 17 years and I last got intimate was to remember which American president was in power at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 204

You deserved it 202

Today, I have a time sensitive package from another country that has been sitting in customs for a week. USPS tells me that it’s customs’ responsibility. Customs tells me they processed it and it’s USPS’s responsibility. I can’t fucking win, can I? FML

I agree, your life sucks 438

You deserved it 82