By longsock123 - 30/04/2013 15:09 - United States - Milpitas

Today, for a laugh, I put vanilla yogurt into a mayonnaise jar and went to the mall to eat it with a spoon. Too bad that someone called mall security on me for disturbing the peace. They shoved me into a back room and grilled me about what was in the jar. FML
I agree, your life sucks 45 778
You deserved it 19 756

longsock123 tells us more.

I mean, you're commenting on FML, I'm eating mayonnaise in a mall... the amount of "life" between the two of us is not very high.

Top comments

alliewillie 22

Good grief, can't even eat "mayonnaise" in public without someone being all up in your shit.

Mayonnaise first, then grilling? You're turning into a hamburger!


SmallyBigs 9

Haven't they seen a person eating mayonnaise from the jar before?

I like mayonnaise so much I could eat from the jar, I don't know what everyone at the malls problem was. Although I guess that could be strange..

muffinkitty 15

Is it just me or does that sound kinky?

I can't think of anything more kinky than eating mayonnaise from a jar... With a spoon, nonetheless!

58 - I'm gonna shove you into a back room and then grill you about a jar...... Still kinky?

bunny409 14

Why wouldn't you just get up and walk away. They can't legally detain you. Or can they???

wlddog 14

Yes 93 That can still be pretty kinky. It just depends on which department store back room the super model mall-cops hold you in. Victoria Secret would be my first choice. That way they can make you serve "hard time" and have plenty of wardrobe chances available to them.

#110 they can bring you in to ask you questions but they can't charge you as long as it is just pudding

shyeahh_fml 19

They can't charge you if it's mayonnaise! That is in no way disturbing the peace!

110 No they can't. Mall cops are pretty much the equivalent of walmart floor walkers. They can't legally do anything to you especially anything that involves detaining or touching. Op should have just ended the joke and left the mall when they approached. I bet they were as surprised as op was in this situation and didn't expect op to comply. That's how it is in my city anyways. Mall security always threatens the wild teens at the mall and the teens just laugh and walk away and that ends the situation.

Mall cops can detain you with reasonable suspicion. Mall security guards can detain you if you're committing a crime in front of them. Just like any other citizen. See the difference? On is a sworn officer moonlighting or working for an incorporated mall, the other is just a dude in a uniform put there as a visible deterrent.

I see what you mean, but unless a mall cop is an off duty cop (or equivalent) I don't think they can legally physically stop anyone who walks away when they attempt to detain them. Especially for their food choices, no matter how weird. Op could have just left when mall after being approached instead of sitting through an interrogation.

I see nothing wrong with that. People should be allowed to eat in public.

No. See something, say something. I once reported a guy for eating a shawarma in the mall. Hes now on the no-fly list. The entire food court is also under FBI surveillance. Just doing my part, you're welcome everyone.

skip_m 6

Put down the Hellman's and step away....

"We're going to need EOD to dispose of the explosive contents in that jar"

This is definitely not a during situation. This is more of a "**** off. It was a joke." situation.

90- "he didn't nothing wrong." Go back and try again.

@126, you're blaming autocorrect for that one? Come on, man. It's bad enough when people try to blame autocorrect for their own spelling errors, but you can't really expect "damn you autocorrect" to work as an excuse for a whole comment.

126 - That's not Auto-Correct's fault bud.

alliewillie 22

Good grief, can't even eat "mayonnaise" in public without someone being all up in your shit.

Right on! Notice how everyone stands idly by as our freedoms in the USA are slowly taken away one by one in the name of "safety." Our fears are consuming us.

Years ago when I worked at mickey ds we would give a free sundae to new employees on their first day, they chose which flavor, and they were treated to caramel, strawberry, or fudge covered mayo.

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This isn't Pickyholics Anonymous. But Hi Nilorak!

Maybe he meant This is -> "Patrick" literarily?

Pleo, what if it IS Pickyholics Anonymous?? Hi everyone, I do like yogourt but I'm allergic to it so I can't eat it. By the way, I was the one who reported OP. I was very worried about having a severe reaction and possibly dying from the yogourt, which disturbed my peace of mind, so I still think it was valid. Sorry OP. I really like these PA meetings, I feel much better now.

So if anyone's eating yogurt nearby you're going to be a jerk and try to get them in trouble? Just move. You're fully capable. It's not like they were going to force-feed you yogurt. Yogurt is everywhere.

That's the sound of the FML going over #168's head.

Mayonnaise first, then grilling? You're turning into a hamburger!

RpiesSPIES 27

Quite a pickle OP's gotten himself into.

I can't quite ketchup to all these puns, but I'll try.

muffinkitty 15

Mayo on a burger?? You're sick! *shudders*

Muffinkitty, Let-tuce get back to the burger puns.

Cabbage jokes? Man, you'll need to be one step a-head of everyone else

Lizardgirl 7

Lettuce leaf the cabbage jokes for another time to relish, guys. Trying to think up all these clever puns is a pain in my buns.

I agree woth 82 and i patty you all on the back.

I'm surprised we were able to mustard up all of these puns.

O-nion(e) of us will remember this tomorrow. Maybe its sesa-me, but these buns were amazing.

good job guys, I like my puns well done!

All these puns! I'm fry-ed just reading them!

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NagainaFier 16

But... It's mayonnaise. Well, yogurt pretending to be mayonnaise. It's not like OP was dragging around something inappropriate. Why the ruffled jimmies over delicious, delicious yogurt? D:

DKjazz 20

You're bound to get in trouble if you play pranks in public, besides that pretty good joke, I approve.

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NagainaFier 16

OP probably does, but given the choice between pretend-mayonnaise-in-a-jar and whatever OP was ACTUALLY suppose to be doing... well, I'd be making a trip to the mall too!

Elfkid21 19

apparently not, and so it seems neither do you.

Wizardo 33

Well you did egg them on and now its on your face...

Hehe I have done that before op.... But I actually made someone throw up:( it wasn't pleasant.


haha nice what did you do after that?

Someone vomited because they looked at you eating?

I stopped because I felt bad.... And slowly ran away hahaha!

They puked because they thought I was eating plain mayo!


haha that's awesome! I think I would have been laughing my ass off. as mean as it sounds I would not have been able to control my self if I was there when it happened.

Yeah it was funny after I took off... But I thought maybe I should stop prancing people.... It's kinda mean!


I don't think you should stop I think that was cool! I would join you in any future pranks if you ever needed!

Friends on FML? What are you trying to do, break the Internet?

46, would you say you jogged away? Or did you take very small strides while running, or large steps walking? I really, REALLY need to know.

If you really must know I backed away taking a few large step then jogged out of sight lol