All the FMLs

Alexa, play "I Ran" by A Flock of Seagulls

By John - 10/07/2013 02:48 - United States

Today, while leaving McDonald's, I threw a fry out the window to a flock of seagulls. I watched in the rear-view mirror as it landed in the opposite lane and about 60 winged rats descended upon the street, causing a truck to veer off the road and crash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 108

You deserved it 50 786

By LadyFahrenheit - 10/07/2013 00:14 - United Kingdom - Hull

Today, I found out how easy it is for people to get into my flat when I found bailiffs in my kitchen at 9am. They had picked the lock to look for someone who doesn't live at my address, but at least had the courtesy to tell me how to make my home more secure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 721

You deserved it 3 564

LadyFahrenheit tells us more.

LadyFahrenheit 6

Thursday 11 July 2013 6:13

I just want to give more of an insight of the events surrounding the bailiff intrusion. A couple of weeks prior to finding them in my kitchen, I received a letter from an electricity company, which was intended for another customer. I contacted the electricity company to inform them I had received a letter for someone else, and they assured me that they would rectify their mistake. Fast forward a fortnight - I found bailiffs in my kitchen. They had picked the lock to gain entry, and had a search warrant, which they claimed gave them the right to enter my home. However, once I told showed them my I.D. and informed them their search warrant was invalid since I wasn't who they were looking for, they soon left. It baffles me how they could say it was so easy to open my front door, when they'd opened it with locksmith tools. I'm definitely going to have to improve my home security to avoid another incident like this.

By tonedef - 09/07/2013 23:35 - United States

Today, after spending weeks working on a song that meant a lot to me, I reluctantly posted it online. The "friend" who'd convinced me to post it, commented, "This is the worst shit I've ever heard." He got 30 likes, along with a barrage of agreeing, equally terrible comments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 286

You deserved it 5 731

The good old days

By help - 09/07/2013 20:57 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was reading a newspaper at a bus stop when a creepy guy rested his chin on my shoulder and said, "I miss the good old days, when people would read newspapers together and it wasn't classed as weird." He then walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 709

You deserved it 3 804

By random person - 09/07/2013 17:51 - United States

Today, I finally got my laptop back after my friend broke it a few weeks ago. As I walked back into our place with my laptop in my bag, the same friend burst out and tackled me. My bag fell and slammed into the floor. Guess who has to pay for another repair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 264

You deserved it 4 723

By Anonymous - 09/07/2013 17:11 - United States - Romulus

Today, I realized my online dating profile has gotten more views with no picture than it has with my picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 644

You deserved it 5 581

By Anonymous - 09/07/2013 16:07 - United States - Katy

Today, I went to my local pool. I lay down in a chair and started tanning. About 30 minutes later, a lady came up to me and said, "Put that away, you pervert, there are children here!" I had a hole in my pants and my penis had started to poke through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 767

You deserved it 23 111

By thecathater - 09/07/2013 13:35 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I found out that I'd been wrong to constantly accuse next door's cat of peeing on my car every night. It was actually my 16-year-old son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 852

You deserved it 7 118

By traveling - 09/07/2013 11:18

Today, I arrived in Germany for a summer-long stay. The family I'm supposed to stay with had said they spoke fluent English. They don't. I don't speak German. It's going to be a quiet two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 004

You deserved it 6 425

By thirdwheel - 09/07/2013 11:05 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I finally worked up the courage to ask my crush to a movie. What I didn't realise is that she would bring a "friend" along, and that I would have to sit next to them making out for 2 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 452

You deserved it 4 845

By Aggressive - 09/07/2013 08:54 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my husband and I threw a party with non-alcoholic wine. No one acted wasted, until in the last hour my grandmother started slurring her words and slumping. We thought she was joking, until a doctor at the party confirmed she was having a stroke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 381

You deserved it 5 452

Aggressive tells us more.

Aggressive 11

Thursday 11 July 2013 11:13

Hello everyone. She's doing very well now! The doctors at the hospital told us it was only a minor stroke luckily. We were extremely lucky to have a doctor at the house indeed. And sorry to hear about your loss #70.:(

By Garchomp - 09/07/2013 02:08 - United States - Dodge City

Today, working my job, I had to explain to a kid that Pokemon is owned by Nintendo and they don't make it for the Xbox. Upset by this, he took hold of my leg and started biting. I'm also suspended, because his mother complained when I kicked him off me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 836

You deserved it 3 607

Thoughts and prayers

By the hated - 09/07/2013 02:02 - United States - Absecon

Today, a friend thought it would be funny to make a R.I.P. page for me on Facebook. Most liked post? "Too bad this page is fake." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 931

You deserved it 5 476

I just work here

By NathanA - 08/07/2013 23:54 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was verbally abused by a customer because her entrée was too fishy. I'm not the chef, just the waiter and I work at a fish grill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 341

You deserved it 2 848

By STOPTAKINGPICTURES - 08/07/2013 23:45 - United States - New York

Today, it's been the tenth restaurant meal in a row that my husband has to ruin with Instagram, in the belief that anyone cares. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 940

You deserved it 5 098

Every day is Caturday

By Zoey_M - 08/07/2013 23:26 - Saudi Arabia - Riyadh

Today, my older brother told me that the only reason I like cats is because they control minds. I laughed. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 228

You deserved it 3 761

By richardmrcs - 08/07/2013 20:00 - United Kingdom - Bradford

Today, I got mauled by some wild animals and had to get my butt cheek stitched up. The embarrassment doesn't end there though; the animals in question were kittens. The nurses on duty laughed and the entire ward found out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 140

You deserved it 7 101

By pinkXpress1023 - 08/07/2013 18:55 - United Kingdom

Today, I had the opportunity to taste a live spider by walking into its web in the dark. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 132

You deserved it 4 992

By Erica - 08/07/2013 17:27 - United States - Mountain View

Today, my boyfriend and I were out cliff jumping, when for the first time, he told me he loved me. I panicked and pushed him over the edge and into the water. He's now in hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 636

You deserved it 72 581

By Anonymous - 08/07/2013 15:15 - Canada - Markham

Today, I was walking down the street when someone pushed me into poison ivy. He ran off saying, "That's for beating me in the race." I've never been in a race, nor have I ever met him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 683

You deserved it 3 528

By Not Mrs Soprano - 08/07/2013 11:57 - United States - Irvington

Today, my husband's recent obsession with The Sopranos since James Gandolfini died went a step further into the ridiculous, when he tried to encourage some ducks to land in our swimming pool by throwing loaves of bread into it, while bellowing at them with a 'Noo Joisey' Wise Guy accent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 086

You deserved it 3 562

By PerfectTiming - 08/07/2013 11:19 - Netherlands - Eindhoven

Today, my dog decided to poop while inside a revolving door. Before I could do anything, the door swung around and smeared it everywhere. My dog excels at timing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 908

You deserved it 4 699

I hate my job

By FUCK.THIS.JOB. - 08/07/2013 05:57 - Finland - Helsinki

Today, I politely asked a man to not sleep on a tram stop that I had to clean. He got up, and while I leaned forward to pick up some trash from the ground nearby, I felt a warm stream on my back. Now I can't get the smell of urine off my clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 071

You deserved it 4 634

By nosestealer - 07/07/2013 21:57 - Canada - Brampton

Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 494

You deserved it 9 877

By touche :/ - 07/07/2013 21:27 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I went to a big job interview. Eventually, the guy subtly enquired about my political beliefs. He seemed pretty laid-back and cool, so I told him, at which point he just chuckled and told me to leave. When I threatened to report him, he just said, "Who're they gonna believe, you or me?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 788

You deserved it 8 251

By Anonymous - 07/07/2013 19:04 - Germany - Ahaus

Today, it's been three weeks since I moved to Germany with my own money, after my company's offices in Spain shut down. I was given a job at the headquarters here, only to have just found out that the whole company is now set to go into liquidation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 467

You deserved it 3 172

By tastetherainbow - 07/07/2013 10:55 - United States - Katy

Today, I was asked to help my sister clean her room. The moment I opened the door, I was greeted by her screaming "TASTE THE RAINBOW" with a full mouth. She then spat the Skittles into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 847

You deserved it 4 852

By yum - 07/07/2013 05:09 - United States - Sylmar

Today, I was drinking from a cup with a built-in straw. After taking a long sip, I noticed a weird taste. Upon investigation, I found a small caterpillar wedged inside the straw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 322

You deserved it 4 336

By juliearis - 06/07/2013 19:45 - United States - Westport

Today, my husband received the "antique" samurai sword that he bought on Craigslist with $399.99 of our money. He only shared my outrage at the waste of money when he opened the package, only to find a toy sword along with a note saying, "HAHA, TROLLED." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 842

You deserved it 10 309

By Anonymous - 06/07/2013 16:13 - Lithuania - Vilnius

Today, I poured my heart out to my now ex-girlfriend over the recent passing away of my grandmother. Her eyes glazed over multiple times, and when I said that I don't know how to cope with everything, her advice was simply, "Shotgun. Mouth. Blam." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 339

You deserved it 5 225

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Insects Painful Friends Health Pranks Garden Technology Geek Weird Animals Cute Miscellaneous Birthday Awkward Cake Scary Birds Drunk Embarrassing Roommate Clumsy Mysterious Clothes Work Cats Smartphone Poopoo peepee Transportation Neighbours Noise

The Top

Today, I faced my social anxiety and went to a chip shop on my own. I tried to have a conversation with the owner, but his thick accent made it difficult. He now knows where I live, what college I go to, and I'm pretty sure I agreed to go to India with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 459

You deserved it 8 314

Today, I was adjusting my nose piercing from the inside. My mother saw and thought I was picking my nose, so she slapped my hand away, tearing my nose ring out in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 546

You deserved it 9 053

Today, my boss asked me to pick up an extra shift. I said I couldn't because I have a date. He told me I didn't need to lie and to just say no next time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 600

You deserved it 2 853

Today, I was in Brooklyn for a meeting. I parked my car but my iPhone didn’t save my location. Where is my car? Called NYPD. No car towed. I had to walk 3 hours in the rain to find it thanks to the “Panic” button. So glad I found my car, but the “Loud Panic” button didn’t want to stop for an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 007

You deserved it 2 117

Today, some kid was scratching the side of my car with a brick so I yelled at him, then I yelled at his parents. They didn’t speak English and when cops arrived they told me I should have been more understanding and I was lucky not to be charged with verbally assaulting them. WHAT THE FUCK? FML

I agree, your life sucks 990

You deserved it 117

Today, I didn't think this sort of thing actually could happen, but I somehow sent a Snapchat message to the guy I have a crush on that was intended for my BFF. The message read, “I can’t wait to see him tonight, he’s so cute, I wanna lick his face off.” Said crush hasn’t responded. Yet. Or even ever? FML

I agree, your life sucks 122

You deserved it 430