Today, the boy who loved me and left me literally became the...

By justonce - 23/9/2013 22:38 - United States - Williamstown

Today, the boy who loved me and left me literally became the poster boy for my college. His picture is on the home page of the college website and on a banner in the cafeteria where I eat every day. FML

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Love

Does it taste good?

Or he's just becoming an old goober

Weird kid

By shiftybizniss - 16/4/2009 18:43 - Canada

Today, I tried to sneak up on my girlfriend who was sitting in her car with one of her girlfriends. I snuck up to the driver's side window and tried to startle her by banging on the window. The window was down. My thumb went right in her eye. She has to wear a patch for 2 weeks. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/3/2015 05:35

Today, after a 16-hour work day, I came home to my husband. I talked to him for about 10 minutes, then realized that he wasn't answering me but had his headset on and was talking on Xbox live. Not even playing a game, just talking. FML

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By soontobehobo - 8/9/2014 02:31 - United States - Mankato

Today, I was checking my schedule online and noticed that I wasn't scheduled for any shifts next week. Not thinking it was a big deal, I called HR to get it corrected, only to find out I was laid off and they "forgot" to tell me. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/7/2020 02:01

Delusional

Today, my mom is 100% positive that she saw me meeting up with a stranger and buying some kind of drug from "him." I didn't even pass by anyone on my walk. I went to get dollar store pizza, because I can't afford to buy any decent food this week, let alone drugs. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/4/2020 14:00

So selfish

Today, my family yelled at me for being a "selfish disappointment." My crime? Not being able to help my sister's boyfriend do his homework while I'm working on my class finals. FML

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By Ouijake - 4/1/2017 00:15

Today, I tried out the new VR headset I got for Christmas. I downloaded a 'Moon Walk' app and went for a walk around my basement. I felt adventurous and tried to climb my stairs, took a nice large step ready to ascend the lunar hill, and found myself standing in my cat's litter box. FML

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By Punphmelch - 26/3/2014 08:45 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, no matter how many toys and teddies she has, and no matter how much I punish her, I am most likely never going to be able to break my 10-week-old puppy's habit of stealing my underwear. She doesn't eat them or even chew on them. She steals them to sleep with. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/9/2011 06:36 - United States

Today, after weeks of watching car after car of solo drivers go by in the carpool lane every day, I decided to join them. I'm the one who got pulled over. FML

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By divineinstrument - 12/7/2009 14:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I spent hours and hours trying to figure out why the wireless internet on my laptop wasn't working, but everything I tried completely failed. At the end of the day, my older brother came home, and fixed the problem in under 10 seconds by turning the wireless internet switch on. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/5/2017 00:10 - Netherlands - Wageningen

Today, I got written up with a final warning because I ''drink alcoholic beverages'' at work. I was drinking Root Beer. FML

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By mortified - 22/1/2011 16:04 - United Kingdom

Today, my dentist pulled a pubic hair out of my braces. FML

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By Jesse - 20/3/2009 05:48 - United States

Today, I was pulled over by my father who is a police officer. He was training a rookie and gave me a breathalyzer test to show his trainee how to do it. I blew a .15 and was taken to jail. FML

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By hellangelrose - 26/8/2014 07:48 - France

Today, I was staying in my family friend's house in France. The church bells ring every hour, which I thought was cute. Until 8 this morning where they rang 24 times. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/12/2009 07:25 - United States

Today, I felt like too much of a loser to go to a Christmas party, since I'd be the only one going without a date. I had to invent imaginary friends who were "coming into town for the holidays" to feel like less of a loser. FML

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By fakelaugher - 20/12/2010 03:41 - United States

Today, I found out that my friends have been "fake laughing" whenever I make a joke just so that the situation doesn't get awkward. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/8/2017 16:00

The Little Sperm That Could

Today, I found out I'm three weeks pregnant with a guy I've been dating for a month. I'm on the pill and we even used a condom. This baby must be some kind of superhuman. FML

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By CarSick - 23/2/2011 03:55 - United States

Today, I threw up in the car. While driving. The good news though, I had a bag to catch it all. Bad news? The bag had a giant hole in the bottom. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/10/2018 14:00

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. When she saw the ring, she got so excited that she ran to kiss me and it flew out of my hand, over the balcony of our suite, and fell roughly 45 stories straight down. I could feel my wallet screaming as a £4000 diamond vanished into the night. FML

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By stixx - 25/10/2009 17:18 - United States

Today, I got a new cat. I tried to reenact the opening scene from Lion King, where in Simba gets held up for everyone to see. The fan was on when I lifted my cat up. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/9/2010 08:14 - United Kingdom

Today, the guy I like recommended I buy this computer game. Wanting to impress him, I agreed. Turns out it was a joke. I am now the proud owner of Microsoft Train Simulator 2005, and he can't stop laughing. FML

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By Fail - 21/11/2009 05:59 - United States

Today, I thought I'd surprise my girlfriend with a bear hug. I found her in the hall with her back to me talking to friends. As I walked up behind her and was about to wrap my arms around her, she said, "so does anyone have any ideas about how I should break it off with my boyfriend?" FML

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By 2broke4ajoke - 29/11/2018 13:30

Today, after starting my new career as a server, two women were kind enough to leave a $5 tip... while still owing $6.84 on their bill. FML

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By Dontsitsitandyoudie - 2/5/2017 14:00 - Iceland - Reykjav?k

Today, I went to sit on a desk chair, which promptly rolled out from under me. This made me fall on my own foot, literally shattering two bones. I just bought a 9-month gym membership and can't use it because I wanted to sit down. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/2/2016 01:34 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I was clipping my abnormally thick toenails. I had to apply so much pressure on the clippers that a nail flew off, hit me in the eyeball and scratched my cornea. The doctor nearly fell off his chair laughing during my eye exam after I told him what happened. FML

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By jobless1 - 5/7/2015 04:04

Today, I went to an important job interview, only to be told I'm not what such a "prestigious" company was looking for. This from a pimply-faced 20-something who took a personal call on speakerphone mid-interview, and actually said "lmao" out loud at his friend's joke. FML

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By thankspal - 24/6/2012 10:57 - United States

Today, while shopping, I bumped into a guy I knew in high school. He went on about he heard I'd got married, looked like I'd had a baby, and that, "she looks just like you!" The kid was my niece, and my husband broke up with me 2 years ago. Thanks for bringing that up. FML

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By Felicityfrank - 1/5/2014 14:17 - Australia - Glen Iris

Today, I was in the car with my boyfriend, who was driving down the highway with the windows down. All of a sudden, everything went black. A cattle truck had sped past, and I had been hit by cow faeces travelling at 110km an hour. My boyfriend was hysterical. None of it hit him. FML

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By familypet - 9/1/2016 03:09 - United States - Vista

Today, I overheard my parents talking about our family pet. Or at least I thought they were, until my mother exclaimed, "Honestly, I don't know why we keep her." Our dog is male. FML

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By valene5687 - 27/1/2016 05:20 - United States - Gretna

Today, I was locked out of my house. With no other available option, I decided to try and ninja my way through a window. However, as it turns out, I would make a terrible ninja. I now have a sprained ankle and a broken window. FML

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By hwscrewed - 10/11/2010 04:00 - United States

Today, I was writing my narrative essay for my English class. When I turned it in, I was really proud of what I thought I wrote. Evidently for some people listening to music while writing essays is a bad thing. My essay was filled with little bits of ZZ Top lyrics. FML

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By lovely-sweet - 27/11/2008 12:34 - France

Today, during a lunch I said "It must be awful to realize that you've been cheated on!". One of the men present had just found out that he had been. I then try to correct my tactlessness by saying "The worst must be when your wife leaves you for another woman". Which was also the case. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/3/2012 12:51 - Netherlands

Today, I found out that my resume contained the word "masturbation" in the skills section, courtesy of a practical joke by my best friend. I have been using this CV unsuccessfully for over two months. FML

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By bad timing - 3/9/2019 15:01 - United States - Monterey Park

Uncomfortable

Today, at work, my manager accidentally bumped into me, brushing my behind with the back of his hand. He was a bit embarrassed, so I jokingly said, “You could at least buy me dinner first!” He went to HR and told them I made him uncomfortable. I was just trying to lighten the mood. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/7/2012 11:26 - Australia

Today, I witnessed my boyfriend sneeze in his hands, and then lick it. FML

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By Zodiacfall - 27/10/2019 02:00

Precision strike

Today, I replaced my bedsheets with new, clean ones. I went to the bathroom to wash up, and when I came back, my cat had peed exactly where my head would be. FML

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By dummy - 17/2/2012 00:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky in bed. He mumbled something that sounded like "I love you." I replied "I love you too baby", to which he laughed then said, "I said I wanted you to blow me." FML

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By streeted - 18/9/2010 14:27 - United States

Today, after selling some furniture and jewelry to make the rent this month, I woke up to find a foreclosure notice. The landlord hasn't paid the mortgage in 6 months, so I'm evicted anyway. FML

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By inboxbuddies - 16/6/2009 10:35 - Saudi Arabia

Today, my daughter asked me if we can make sticker art. Of course I said it was ok so she went to get some stickers. I wondered where she was going when she walked into the bathroom, but I didn't ask. I left the room and when I came back, her paper was blank and my pads were stuck to the wall. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/10/2019 14:00

Back-seat parenting

Today, I yelled at my oldest son for picking his little brother up by the throat. Only to then be yelled at my my mother-in-law for hurting his feelings. FML

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By 3 More Months - 30/9/2013 06:02 - United States - Stanford

Today, I got paired up with a coworker for a three-month project. All he talks about is how attractive my girlfriend is and what he would do with her. FML

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Top comments

By Sea_shelle | 12

#5687287 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 8:07

What a small, strange world.

By EpicSquishii | 21

#5687301 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 8:15

The more you look at it, the more you'll be desensitized to it. Especially if it's the same exact picture every single time you have to see it. Trust me

COMMENTS

By Sea_shelle | 12

#5687287 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 8:07

What a small, strange world.

barbsillvy | 10

#5687311 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 8:21

Who would understand how life works? I'm sorry OP

Kamon97 | 23

#5687789 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 17:02

I don't get it though if the guy fell in love with her why did he leave her? There has to be more to this story I hope we get a response from OP

By AzraelSonOfSatan | 7

#5687288 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 8:07

Write all over the banners so they have to take them down.

shutupmichaela | 18

#5687297 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 8:12

they'd just put up new ones??

AzraelSonOfSatan | 7

#5687308 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 8:20

That is true... Sorry, I didn't think of that factor. They don't do anything like that around where I'm from in Canada.

jw90 | 18

#5687331 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 8:36

Meanwhile in Canada. "Oh I see someone drew on this poster of this handsome man. I think he needs glasses to go with that mustache."

Awahso | 25

#5687499 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 12:34

Erm; they don't use faces in Canadian advertisements?

TheDrifter | 23

#5688190 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 22:19

They do. We just draw more features on them instead of taking them down.

By BreynHope | 11

#5687289 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 8:07

Yikes, that really sucks, OP. Maybe it's fate and something good is about to happen? :)

By mackdeezy | 21

#5687290 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 8:07

This is why I say the world is fucked. Good things happen to asshats and bad things.... well, you get the idea

NoMore_CoolNames | 14

#5687574 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 13:37

How do you know he's an asshat?

By GoddessOfCookies | 14

#5687291 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 8:08

I do not see the big deal...
But then again I've never had a relationship...

GoddessOfCookies | 14

#5688783 - Wednesday 25 September 2013 8:12

I still don't see it...

anitriarose | 5

#5689047 - Wednesday 25 September 2013 14:21

78 - get into a relationship, get your heart broken. then you'll see how painful it is.

By Rahii_nami | 10

#5687292 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 8:08

:o sucks :o

nnnope | 26

#5687395 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 10:27

:o there's a button for that. :o

vipirius | 18

#5687427 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 11:02

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

NoFlippinWai | 24

#5687534 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 13:05

apparently 41, the fml community does not agree with your critque.

Mossears133 | 15

#5688451 - Wednesday 25 September 2013 1:06

It's necessity is getting old.

By shutupmichaela | 18

#5687296 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 8:11

time to change schools!

eddeeezzyy | 19

#5687385 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 10:15

Fuck that shit. If I was in OP's shoes, I'd take one look at that poster and be like "fuck that bitch"! *starts dancing*

Neyuu | 18

#5689125 - Wednesday 25 September 2013 15:45

I'm not saying it was drugs, but it was drugs.

By BigJazz | 7

#5687298 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 8:13

Throw a piece of food at his poster every day when you finish lunch. Might make you feel a little better? Haha

By DinosaurTacoTime | 18

#5687300 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 8:14

Just don't look at the banner and spend as little time as possible on the site. Its not an easy fix but its something.

By EpicSquishii | 21

#5687301 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 8:15

The more you look at it, the more you'll be desensitized to it. Especially if it's the same exact picture every single time you have to see it. Trust me

NoFlippinWai | 24

#5687538 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 13:08

every day, pick out a new flaw. His forehead is too big ot smile is obvoiusly forced or something. Eventually, he will become hideous and youll wonder why you were so facinated to begin with.