Transportation: Today, the small plane I was on almost crashed, all because the...

By Anonymous - 12/12/2015 05:32 - United States - Alexandria Bay

Today, the small plane I was on almost crashed, all because the pilot's girlfriend figured out mid-flight that he's been cheating on her, causing her to start screaming abuse and furiously beating him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 340

You deserved it 1 376

Transportation

Just a prank, bro

Where's my dog?

Yellow

By Anthony Hathaway - 19/10/2018 13:30

Today, as I was taking the garbage out, I tripped over my own feet, causing my knee to dislocate in such a way that it shattered the back of my kneecap and fractured my femur. I guess I won't be taking the garbage out again anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 865

You deserved it 191

By TaffyMichele - 13/09/2012 23:38 - United States - La Verne

Today, my boyfriend told me to text him when I got home to let him know I'd made it home safe. He said if I didn't, he'd assume that aliens had abducted me and that he'd get a new girlfriend. He was completely serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 976

You deserved it 3 778

By Anonymous - 18/06/2014 19:06 - United States - Lake Wales

Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus. I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone rang while he was showering and he slipped onto a box of vegetables. Guess who had to extract the carrot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 422

You deserved it 5 012

By boss_daughter - 20/05/2015 12:03 - United States

Today, while we were at a work party, I noticed a drunk lady in the mix. I pointed out to my boss how dumb she looked. It was his daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 526

You deserved it 14 183

By Anonymousagb - 24/04/2009 15:18 - United Arab Emirates

Today, as I was washing the dishes, I felt what I thought was a mosquito on my leg. I kicked at it with my foot only to realize that I had just kicked my adopted puppy in the face. Now, whenever I come into a room, he runs to the corner and pees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 920

You deserved it 92 020

By ShandiPandiDerp - 20/05/2016 12:12 - United States

Today, my phone charger caught fire. I was thankful to be there to witness it. I was not thankful for having been holding it while this happened, as my shirt caught on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 687

You deserved it 1 104

By SadOral - 03/07/2019 00:01

Today, my wife fell asleep. I was giving her head at the time. Her snoring gave it away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 486

You deserved it 835

By Anonymous - 20/05/2019 14:22

Today, I had to cover for a coworker so I worked a 12-hour shift. I worked so late, I missed the final episode of Game of Thrones, which I have been really looking forward to. Guess who texted me, talking about how it ended? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 065

You deserved it 308

By Anonymous - 22/07/2011 06:29 - United States

Today, I asked the girl I like to send me 'yummy pictures.' I got a picture of cheesecake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 901

You deserved it 106 072

You tried

By JT. - 26/09/2015 13:08 - Luxembourg

Today, after my sister's wedding, a bunch of people were dancing. I noticed my grandma sitting alone and looking sad. My grandpa died last month, so feeling bad for her, I asked if she'd like to dance with me. She seemed a lot happier, until I accidentally caused her to fall and break her arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 863

You deserved it 3 309

By dak-rod423 - 15/10/2011 04:33 - United States

Today, my balls were stepped on while I was taking a nap in the park. The man said he didn't see me lying there. I was wearing a neon orange jacket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 589

You deserved it 11 675

By BabeRuth - 20/09/2013 15:33 - United States

Today, I thought it would be cool to hit a basketball with a baseball bat. Ended up in the ER with seven stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 010

You deserved it 47 713

By kodijack - 25/01/2010 18:13 - United States

Today, I got stuck behind a guy riding his bike 20 mph below the speed limit. I honked, cursed, screamed, and yelled, before finally managing to overtake him. Once I got home, I went outside to get the paper, and discovered that the biker lives just two doors down from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 651

You deserved it 35 112

By Anonymous - 01/10/2009 09:42 - United States

Today, my friends and I noticed that people, no matter what stereotype, pretty much all have the same type of friends: the mean one, the funny one, etc... and started naming off the people in our group who fit into those personallities. We got to the token fat one, everyone looked at me and stopped talking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 892

You deserved it 10 340

Incomprehensible

By Anonymous - 24/02/2020 02:00

Today, I arrived in Tokyo and went to stay overnight in a teeny airport cabin hotel with shared bathroom facilities. I used the little wicker baskets to put my clothes on and when I came out of the shower, I found someone had stolen my favorite top. Who steals dirty clothes?! FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 904

You deserved it 334

By waternixie - 08/10/2014 03:49 - Malaysia - Rembau

Today, my OCD reached a new high when I used a correction pen to white-out an eyelash which was photocopied onto every single page of my reading material. I did it because the eyelash was too distracting and I couldn't finish reading the article without the urge to rip it into shreds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 139

You deserved it 5 334

By Anonymous - 16/12/2011 20:11 - Sweden

Today, the heating in my house broke down. I called my boyfriend and asked if I could stay at his place until I could get it fixed. He said no, and told me my overgrown leg hair would keep me warm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 562

You deserved it 13 780

By n/a - 25/11/2009 07:36 - United States

Today, I was working at a children's play centre, and my stomach was twisting and turning. Thinking no one was around, I let out a small fart, only to turn and see a little girl running to her mom yelling, "Mommy-mommy that lady just farted and it sounded like daddy!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 055

You deserved it 27 411

By yolo is for shitheads - 09/10/2012 16:07 - United States

Today, I had to call in sick to work because I was experiencing bowel distress. I called my manager's phone directly so no one else would know of my embarrassment. She put me on speakerphone, and I only realized when the juvenile laughter started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 382

You deserved it 2 145

By alliez108 - 18/11/2011 00:50 - United States

Today, my dad and I got into a fight over who gets the last corner piece of the brownies. I ended up with a black eye and and a sprained wrist. He ended up with the brownie and ran away laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 838

You deserved it 7 715

By No name - 18/12/2008 04:43 - Australia

Today, on a thirty minute commute to a job interview, I felt the urge to pee. When I got there, I politely asked the receptionist where the toilets were, and she told me to wait for someone to come show me. After another thirty minutes, someone turned up; the HR manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 265

You deserved it 2 763

By thatgirl - 18/06/2016 21:19 - Canada - Richmond

Today, my boyfriend took me to get the abortion that we both agreed on. He was being so supportive through the whole thing. When it was all over I thanked him for coming. He replied, "Well that's what got us here in the first place!" He's still mad he can't tell anyone his joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 617

You deserved it 4 809

Creepy

By bubba - 17/10/2011 10:02 - China

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years felt comfortable enough with me to disclose that he had previously spent 4 years in a mental institute because he tried to kill his mother. He also told me we will be together forever. I'm scared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 354

You deserved it 5 374

By Anonymous - 26/01/2016 22:22 - Netherlands - Reusel

Today, I walked into a room to help a patient get ready for bed. Except she already was in bed, with two other male patients. I work in a retirement home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 771

You deserved it 1 747

By wronged - 08/07/2011 08:41 - Singapore

Today, my extremely paranoid boyfriend called me a whore and threatened to break up with me, all because he had a dream in which I had sex with my ex. I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 414

You deserved it 7 851

By Anonymous - 01/07/2009 04:31 - United States

Today, I left my dog alone in the house for ten minutes while I took a shower. When I got out I found a mess of dust all over the floor and her ripping up a package that was supposed to be sent to my aunt. It contained my grandmother's ashes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 743

You deserved it 7 890

By Joey - 04/06/2016 18:52 - United States - Apo

Today, I took my girlfriend to her ex boyfriend's apartment for her to exchange his spare car keys for some of her grandmothers items. I waited outside in the parking lot for an hour, with no idea which door was his. She came out no longer a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 001

You deserved it 2 587

By bananagurl4242 - 16/07/2011 05:34 - United States

Today, my friends told me all five of us should bring sleeping bags on our field trip; I brought mine only to find out they had told me that so they would get the four beds to themselves. They all 'forgot' to bring them and its only fair that I should sleep on the floor. We are here for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 089

You deserved it 4 440

High school drama

By Anonymous - 16/07/2020 20:04

Today, I found out the promise ring my boyfriend of 4 months gave me used to be his ex-girlfriend's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 520

You deserved it 201

By Anonymous - 10/12/2011 03:41 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend if I've gained weight. He replied, "Why do you think I've been so often on top lately?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 741

You deserved it 8 925

By KayleeXLoVe21 - 03/11/2011 23:48 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. The lights kept on going on and off. Why? The lights are activated by "clap on, clap off." It killed the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 823

You deserved it 9 698

By catdog552 - 28/02/2013 11:02 - United States

Today, while I was studying for an exam, my younger sister came home extremely drunk and threw up all over herself and her bed. I later got grounded for not setting a better example. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 886

You deserved it 2 588

Like what you've done with the place

By me. - 29/08/2012 04:19 - United States - Roseau

Today, I came home from work to find my house was flooded from a broken pipe under the sink. My house had just recently had new wood floors, carpet and electrics installed because 6 months earlier my house had been flooded by the same pipe breaking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 073

You deserved it 2 901

By donttouchmyhair - 19/03/2014 18:14 - Romania - Bucharest

Today, a crazy woman grabbed my hair and mentioned how lovely it was. She then asked when I would donate it. I told her I didn't want to, at which point she started yelling that she was going to get some scissors and cut it all off to teach me a lesson. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 288

You deserved it 3 794

Family man

By Anonymous - 07/11/2020 20:02 - Canada - Minden

Today, my fiancé told me that his work is more important than our family. We have 2 kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 939

You deserved it 147

By Anonymous - 09/07/2009 16:27 - France

Today, my boss walked in my office to see me busy making a little Post-it dress for my pen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 083

You deserved it 56 757

By Moth_Balled - 15/12/2015 04:50 - Australia

Today, my wife knelt down in front me to give me a blowjob. As she took my underwear off a moth flew out of them. I've got no idea how it got there but I was cock-blocked by a moth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 395

You deserved it 6 355

By hairless - 30/07/2010 06:45 - Australia

Today, I got a XXX wax, because my boyfriend wouldn't go down on me as he didn't like the hair. Now he won't sleep with me at all because I look like a child with no pubic hair, and he "feels like a pedophile." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 283

You deserved it 10 084

By noboyfriend - 24/05/2009 04:14 - United States

Today, I got into a huge fight with my boyfriend. I called him and started yelling at him over the phone. He told me that if I wanted to end the relationship I should just hang up the phone right then. Before I could say I still love him and don't want to break up, my phone battery died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 215

You deserved it 26 459

By Anonymous - 20/12/2016 04:02 - United States - Bend

Today, I had a feminine emergency. After scrounging up 4 quarters to use the machine in the women's bathroom, it dispensed a diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 289

You deserved it 745

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Top comments

nonsensical 26

Sunday 13 December 2015 6:51

That must've been scary as fuck. I wouldve tied her down and told her to get her shit together until we landed!

mattzawesome 28

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Sunday 13 December 2015 6:52

Those smaller planes are iffy to begin with; I can't imagine the trauma of a distracted pilot on top of that.

CherrySprite 10

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Sunday 13 December 2015 6:50

How would she get in the cockpit?

swenny_xoxo 18

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Sunday 13 December 2015 6:54

That's what I want to know #1

Twigman8 15

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Sunday 13 December 2015 6:56

If it's a small plane like OP said, I'm assuming there's no cockpit door like on a commercial passenger jet. OP's girl friend would have easy access if this is the case

cheeeksss 29

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Sunday 13 December 2015 9:37

Wait do you mean the pilot's gf?

nyf137 20

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Sunday 13 December 2015 6:50

Good thing she wasn't violent or anything... The universe just has perfect timing

jesterinperil 28

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Sunday 13 December 2015 6:58

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

jmcr 27

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Sunday 13 December 2015 7:33

pretty sure that was sarcasm #9

Mightyrif 23

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Sunday 13 December 2015 8:59

OP said it almost crashed. I think beating would cause that more than just screaming.

jesterinperil 28

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Sunday 13 December 2015 17:37

A prime example of why we need sarcasm fonts. My mistake.

TheFount 21

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Monday 14 December 2015 6:51

"almost crashed" "furiously beating" OMG GUISE GIRLZ DONT DO THINGS BAD SO IT MUST HAVE BEEN SARCASM Seems legit

nonsensical 26

Sunday 13 December 2015 6:51

That must've been scary as fuck. I wouldve tied her down and told her to get her shit together until we landed!

jesterinperil 28

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Sunday 13 December 2015 6:52

Love can drive people crazy, or in this case, fly people crazy. Glad you all made it out safe OP!

mattzawesome 28

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Sunday 13 December 2015 6:52

Those smaller planes are iffy to begin with; I can't imagine the trauma of a distracted pilot on top of that.

SuperMew 22

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Sunday 13 December 2015 9:21

I had a pilot almost miss the landing because he got distracted by a sports game someone was listening to on their phone.

itsme82 18

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Sunday 13 December 2015 6:53

Damn someone should have knocked her ass out. Bahahhahaha

mds9986 24

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Sunday 13 December 2015 7:02

She needs to stop being so turbulent.

Jesmassimo 21

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Sunday 13 December 2015 7:18

Lmao I'm cracking up

SecundusSecunda 27

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Sunday 13 December 2015 7:43

While you're cracking up, OP was falling down

jeansnpearls 21

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Monday 14 December 2015 9:28

Ahhh! haa! ha! I see whacha did there...nice!

SecundusSecunda 27

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Wednesday 16 December 2015 8:53

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

bulletsinthewind 21

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Sunday 13 December 2015 7:05

She certainly could've picked a better time. Must've been a scary situation. It was pretty inconsiderate of her to risk everyone's lives

Danne696 14

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Sunday 13 December 2015 14:37

"Inconsiderate" is a tad of an understatement..

willsnow18 11

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Monday 14 December 2015 13:41

people do and say fucked up shit when they're mad/pissed

bellydancer82 15

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Sunday 13 December 2015 7:08

I'm curious as to how she found out... Also, I would've told her to cut it the fuck out and restrained her. Distracting a pilot like that is nothing to play around with.