Today, the small plane I was on almost crashed, all because the...

By Anonymous - United States - Alexandria Bay

Today, the small plane I was on almost crashed, all because the pilot's girlfriend figured out mid-flight that he's been cheating on her, causing her to start screaming abuse and furiously beating him. FML

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Transportation

Modern Family

Yeah, fuck the poor

Great quality control

By fugachumi - United States

Today, I discovered that every morning at around 3:00 my dad takes a monumental dump in my bathroom. When I confronted him about it he denied it. He still does it. FML

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By pisspantsjob - United States

Today, at work, I fell asleep. This is how I discovered that when I'm sleeping, and am scared awake by my boss with an air horn, I yelp louder than a terrier and piss my pants. FML

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By Guitar-ZERO - United States

Today, my band had a show. We played a love song, and during the bridge, I ask out a friend of mine who was in the crowd, over the mic, in front of at least 200 people. She said no. FML

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By aspiemeanswell - Germany - Rudolstadt

Today, my boyfriend gushed for several minutes about how amazing it is that I suddenly look hot when he takes his glasses off. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Portsmouth

Today, I was walking through town with my hood up and noticed people giving me funny looks. It wasn't until I got home that I realised the umbrella I was holding over my head had been closed the whole time. FML

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By awk1 - United States - Glennville

Today, I was packing up my stuff about to go home. I shut off my MacBook but was still pretending to work for the last few minutes, typing on the keyboard. A good way through, I realized my co-worker sitting across from me could see that the Apple logo was off. FML

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By has an old monitor - Germany - Berlin

Today, the family computer's 15-year-old CRT monitor which gives me headaches finally stopped working. My dad quickly found a replacement: an even older CRT monitor that gives me worse headaches. FML

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By kneesarethenewdesk - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend jumped, naked, onto my computer desk, with the intention of having sex on it. A new, £250 computer desk, broken beyond repair. And we didn't even have sex. FML

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By phreshrice - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because apparently I need to "grow up". He is the one who plays excesive Call of Duty and still has Pokémon and Bionicles in his room. FML

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By ally - United States

Today, I was having sex with a guy that I just met, and when I thought he was about to orgasm, he actually had an asthma attack. FML

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By RyanM - France

Today, I found out what people really think about the beard I've been proudly growing for over a month. It appears that my face now looks like an unshaven ballsack. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Woodbridge

Today, I was taking a stroll in our yard, when my mother decided it would be hilarious to run me down with her Segway. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my brother flicked a huge bug onto my foot, making me freak out and fall into my outdoors pool. The water was so cold that I started hyperventilating. My brother left to "get help". I finally managed to get out, and found him watching TV. FML

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By alopez1994

Today, I noticed this guy crying in the park. I went up to him to see what was wrong. Apparently his girlfriend broke up with him, and he also said he wanted to kill himself. My first response was "Don't, you'll regret it later in life". FML

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By sharkboy - United States - Honolulu

Today, while at the beach, as a joke, I told my girlfriend that I was a shark. She then poked my eyes and punched me in the nose. When I started to get mad, she just shrugged and asked, "What? You're the one that wanted to be a shark. Don't you watch Shark Week?" FML

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By goatvideosarelame - Singapore

Today, my boss called me into his office to proudly show me about an hour's worth of videos of his recent holiday. The videos were all of goats and cows eating grass outside his window in Pakistan. FML

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By leela - United States

Today, a group of guys came into my restaurant, dressed up in some kind of role-playing game clothing. Apparently I pronounced one of their fake elf names wrong, because the guy complained to my manager, who then bitched me out in front of everyone for upsetting the customers. FML

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By diapersplease - United States - Buffalo

Today, I found out my husband potty trained my stubborn three year old son who prefers diapers. He managed this by peeing with him and "sword-fighting" with their urine streams. I now have to clean pee off the ground every time he urinates. FML

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By twowords - United States

Today, I had to find a date for this banquet we did in my town every year. I paid my neighbor 40 bucks an hour to be my date. It was a 4 hour event. Best part: she got drunk and told the whole town I was paying her. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend and I were looking up sexy clothes for me to wear while role-playing. I saw something I liked and asked him if we should get it. When he saw the model wearing it in the picture, he asked "Does it come with the girl?" FML

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By wilsmith - China

Today, while in the elevator with the girl from my office that I've been crushing on, but never spoken to, I said "aren't elevators awkward?" After a long silence, she got off three floors before our office. FML

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By Username

Today, I have a new boss. She claims to be a professional Angry Birds player. FML

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By Creepster - United States

Today, I almost crashed my car because I was checking out an Old Navy mannequin wearing a bra. FML

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By loon - France

Today, the girl I'm secretly in love with, whom I was talking to on MSN, told me she'd "brb in 10, no wait 20, oh make that 30 min" depending on her boyfriend's stamina. FML

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By slashteddy - United States

Today, at work, I was on my break when I had to use the bathroom. I was on the toilet taking a dump when the door latch loosened and the door swung open. The little girl standing there took one look and screamed. Security busted in. My pants were still down. FML

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By Seriously?

Today, I found out my ex boyfriend is still obsessed with me. Apparently he named his dog after me and talks to her like she's a real person. FML

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By danggit3290 - United States

Today, I was masturbating in the dark with the door open. I thought I saw a figure outside my door, because I didn't have my glasses on. After intensely staring at the dark figure for about a minute, thinking it was my imagination, my stepdad said, "you know, I am looking RIGHT at you," FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Dalton

Today, I announced to my family that I got accepted into Harvard. My grandma laughed and muttered, "Liar." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - College Place

Today, I had to go to my dentist about a chipped tooth. I got it after my hand slipped off my dick and slammed straight into my face while I was masturbating. FML

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By ipaid350dollarsfornothing - Qatar

Today, my prom dress finally arrived. My prom was yesterday. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - California

Today, I got a call from a girl I dated long ago, who cheated on me and got pregnant by another guy, or so we thought. Turns out it isn't his, and she is taking me to court for child support. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, at work, a customer ordered a caramel latte with no caramel. I made a regular latte after explaining that’s what it was. He got angry and threw it at me. I got fired for insulting his intelligence. FML

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By Eivana

Today, I finally got up the nerve to leave my boyfriend. We have no spark and quite honestly, it's been really awkward. I planned to tell him when he came in, and I did. After all was said and done, he handed me the roses and new puppy he had bought for me, a puppy that I had been saving up to get. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw a girl I knew from high school at the DMV and she started leaning forward. I thought she was leaning into hug me. So I just began to hug her. She was actually trying to throw something in the garbage. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, after being a few minutes late to work a few times this week, I left the house super early this morning. When I got to work, security hadn’t unlocked the doors yet, so I waited in my car, where I ended up falling asleep and sleeping through most of my entire morning shift. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Mechanicsville

Today, I had to bail my son out of jail, because he's a pansy and wouldn't last a night in there. His crime: pissing through the open windows of passing cars after losing a bet with his friends. I feel like if he gave me grandkids, they'd be born with half a brain. FML

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By ShitFaced - United States

Today, I realized I've never had sex with someone who was sober at the time. FML

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By Likian5 - United States

Today, I ran into my high school crush at Target. When I asked her if she remembered me, she patted me on the head, said, "Unfortunately," and walked away. FML

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By sanoria51 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had to explain to my friend that the hot girl he's been sending nudes to and cybering with for the past month is probably a bored, fat-as-fuck, balding male living in his mum's basement. The look on his face after I proved that "her" pictures were fake broke my heart. FML

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By _guy_j - United States - Glendora

Today, my brother got a job as an Uber driver. Now, whenever I need a ride from him, he insists I pay him money through the app. FML

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Top comments

By nonsensical | 26

#6483799 - Sunday 13 December 2015 6:51

That must've been scary as fuck. I wouldve tied her down and told her to get her shit together until we landed!

By mattzawesome | 28

#6483802 - Sunday 13 December 2015 6:52

Those smaller planes are iffy to begin with; I can't imagine the trauma of a distracted pilot on top of that.

COMMENTS

By CherrySprite | 10

#6483794 - Sunday 13 December 2015 6:50

How would she get in the cockpit?

swenny_xoxo | 18

#6483806 - Sunday 13 December 2015 6:54

That's what I want to know #1

Twigman8 | 15

#6483808 - Sunday 13 December 2015 6:56

If it's a small plane like OP said, I'm assuming there's no cockpit door like on a commercial passenger jet. OP's girl friend would have easy access if this is the case

cheeeksss | 29

#6483910 - Sunday 13 December 2015 9:37

Wait do you mean the pilot's gf?

By nyf137 | 20

#6483796 - Sunday 13 December 2015 6:50

Good thing she wasn't violent or anything...
The universe just has perfect timing

jesterinperil | 28

#6483812 - Sunday 13 December 2015 6:58

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

jmcr | 27

#6483843 - Sunday 13 December 2015 7:33

pretty sure that was sarcasm #9

Mightyrif | 23

#6483895 - Sunday 13 December 2015 8:59

OP said it almost crashed. I think beating would cause that more than just screaming.

jesterinperil | 28

#6484103 - Sunday 13 December 2015 17:37

A prime example of why we need sarcasm fonts. My mistake.

TheFount | 21

#6484644 - Monday 14 December 2015 6:51

"almost crashed"
"furiously beating"
OMG GUISE GIRLZ DONT DO THINGS BAD SO IT MUST HAVE BEEN SARCASM
Seems legit

By nonsensical | 26

#6483799 - Sunday 13 December 2015 6:51

That must've been scary as fuck. I wouldve tied her down and told her to get her shit together until we landed!

By jesterinperil | 28

#6483801 - Sunday 13 December 2015 6:52

Love can drive people crazy, or in this case, fly people crazy. Glad you all made it out safe OP!

By mattzawesome | 28

#6483802 - Sunday 13 December 2015 6:52

Those smaller planes are iffy to begin with; I can't imagine the trauma of a distracted pilot on top of that.

SuperMew | 22

#6483907 - Sunday 13 December 2015 9:21

I had a pilot almost miss the landing because he got distracted by a sports game someone was listening to on their phone.

By itsme82 | 18

#6483804 - Sunday 13 December 2015 6:53

Damn someone should have knocked her ass out. Bahahhahaha

By mds9986 | 24

#6483817 - Sunday 13 December 2015 7:02

She needs to stop being so turbulent.

Jesmassimo | 21

#6483834 - Sunday 13 December 2015 7:18

Lmao I'm cracking up

SecundusSecunda | 27

#6483849 - Sunday 13 December 2015 7:43

While you're cracking up, OP was falling down

jeansnpearls | 21

#6484726 - Monday 14 December 2015 9:28

Ahhh! haa! ha! I see whacha did there...nice!

SecundusSecunda | 27

#6486237 - Wednesday 16 December 2015 8:53

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

By bulletsinthewind | 21

#6483821 - Sunday 13 December 2015 7:05

She certainly could've picked a better time. Must've been a scary situation. It was pretty inconsiderate of her to risk everyone's lives

Danne696 | 14

#6483999 - Sunday 13 December 2015 14:37

"Inconsiderate" is a tad of an understatement..

willsnow18 | 11

#6484819 - Monday 14 December 2015 13:41

people do and say fucked up shit when they're mad/pissed

By bellydancer82 | 15

#6483823 - Sunday 13 December 2015 7:08

I'm curious as to how she found out...
Also, I would've told her to cut it the fuck out and restrained her. Distracting a pilot like that is nothing to play around with.

Earl_KarmasBitch | 28

#6484110 - Sunday 13 December 2015 17:49

I've been in a car and had something similar happen, but a plane is definitely worse. It's not like you can just pull over and stop for a bit.

By gobiteme2 | 34

#6483826 - Sunday 13 December 2015 7:14

You should have been a gentleman and opened the door for her.