Today, my girlfriend made bacon sandwiches for lunch. I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't help but mention that the bacon smelled and tasted weird. I thought it may have expired. She said not to worry because she used the dry bacon under the counter. Those were dog treats. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was cooking bacon while my dog watched me, drooling. I thought this was funny and I teased her a bit. I then slipped in the drool as I was carrying the bacon and she got to enjoy it. FML
Today, I helped myself to some homemade biscuits that had been left in the kitchen. I thought they looked a little odd, but they tasted pretty good. I found out later they were homemade dog treats. FML
Today, my daughter was going to Bulk Barn so I asked her to pick me up something to snack on. When she got home, she brought over a bag and without listening to her explain what it was, I began eating it. She looked at me confused, then began laughing. It was a dog treat. FML
Today, while waiting tables, I watched a woman pull the bacon off her roast beef melt and eat it. She then called me over and spent several minutes complaining about the our chefs' inadequacy because they didn't put bacon on her sandwich. FML
Today, I spent an hour blaming my dog for a weird smell in the house. I even gave him a lecture about “being a good boy.” I later realized the smell was coming from the ham and cheese omelet I'd left in the microwave two days ago. FML
Today, I found dog poop in my room that had probably been there for days. My girlfriend, who was watching the house, said she didn't realize it was there, because she thought it was the smell of her own farts. FML
Today, we had guests coming over. My dad wanted me to make some bacon, but I refused because I'm a vegetarian, and don't like to touch meat. His response? 'Good joke honey, now make the bacon.' FML
Today, I woke up to the smell of bacon. It smelled so good, and made me very hungry. Then I realized it was my neighbor cooking. I have no money or bacon. FML
Today, I bought some perfume that I thought smelled absolutely amazing. Later, my boyfriend walked in, sniffed, and said, "What smells like bacon?" The bottle cost $83. They won't take a refund. FML
Today, my wife sent me to the store to pick stuff up so we could make BLTs. I got the bacon, but couldn't remember what else went into them, so I bought an avocado and napkins. When I got back home, my wife very slowly and sarcastically explained what BLT stands for. FML
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Top comments
DreamStatic 8
You must have been beggin for real bacon after that.
Ian7890 23
Bacon! Bacon! Bacon! Gotta get that bacon!
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Comments (97)
cdgrayson 21
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Oh well I guess she's just a bitch.
cdgrayson 21
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
In case you Internet people don't understand I'm referring to a female dog.
Dyingpie 9
Mabye she has been eating dog treats all her life instead of bacon. Common mistake.
150493x 29
If you have to explain then it wasn't that good
Dyingpie 9
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Not necessarily. But in this case its true.
starmielin 7
Someone already mentioned this, but I would just like to reaffirm that I think it's a good idea that you put your keyboard away for the day dyingpie. Are you trying to get a total of -100 for the day or what?
Dyingpie 9
Im sorry I'm trying to comment my best but I guess i just suck at it.
ClashParody 21
Ouch DyingPie... I actually feel bad for the number of down votes you got for that. You know what, we've all had our fair share of failed funnies. Here, I'll join you in the down vote sewer. Wouldn't Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus make the most adorable baby?
ClashParody 21
...annnd I got upvoted. My lovely FML community, you are the definition of spiteful.
DreamStatic 8
You must have been beggin for real bacon after that.
Miss_Guided 11
When I was little, my step dad tricked me into eating dog treats by saying they were cookies.
Rainhawk94 27
cool story bro. don't tell it again
lopsop 12
That's not a nice thing to say
ilovemyself1845 4
Because everyone is SUPER nice and friendly on the Internet!
CallMeMcFeelii 14
I'm super nice and friendly on the Internet. Almost too nice and friendly some say..
Gingerette 8
#84, I think you're okay.
yawateverok 10
Wiw in ur stupid sorry
beclaurela 18
What the actual ****. What were you trying to say 105?
150493x 29
Tasty
silvercamaro 22
Is OP's girlfriend blonde?
ABillOnFire 15
wow, what a totally original and funny joke
150493x 29
I bet you felt so empowered and original saying that
Ian7890 23
Bacon! Bacon! Bacon! Gotta get that bacon!
KingCeltic77 18
I'd get it myself but I don't have thumbs!
Allennis44 16
Yum
Skarkie321 18
Crunchy bacon, crispy bacon, tasty bacon!
laden_swallow09 35
On that bag, what's it say?? *exasperated pant* I CAN'T READ!!
hooligyn123 18
Girlfriends don't know it's not bacon!
Welshite 40
It's bacon!
Caitie_kid 8
Dogs don't know it's not real bacon.... And neither does his gf.
Emma1562 35
What a bitch
challan 19
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
You hit the jackpot with that one, op! Did you find her on the short bus?
mFUNdo21 17
at least she makes sandwiches...* it's something
wonderfulrosie 13
I don't think OP's girlfriend was very bright. She must be pretty.
kyu_Q 19
Why would you use bacon that's under the sink? And that probably has a dog in the bag
SkyDog 9
DOGS IN THE BAG! OH NO!
MoistWipe 8
Damn you must really... Get the bitches YEAAAAHHHHHH
klovemachine 24
Yes!!!!
spicymeatballs 9
Nice CSI reference. I see what you did there, #7.
Han1156 23
We all see, but it was just a poor joke
Pleonasm 36
That sandwich must've been ruff!
PenguinBitch 44
Your dog is probably furious. What a waste of bacon dog-treats.
pikachulove14 14
it's still bacon. I mean could it really be that bad?
cuppycakeslove 20
It's dog food....
Little4Bear 10
Down girl! Would you like to try it for yourself? It's not "still bacon", they were doggie treats...
pikachulove14 14
I've eaten dog bacon before.it's not horrible.
neuroticallyyour_fml 17
It's not bacon. Beggin Strips are made out of corn meal and bacon FLAVOR, not actual bacon. While they might not taste horrible to you, any and all animal food products are not made for human consumption.
IworkAt711 14
A lot of dog treats are made of the shit they scrape up off a slaughterhouse floor. I feel bad even feeding my dog that stuff.
Sputnikspak 13
58 - I worked in the pet food industry for ten years. My dog eats local raw and homemade treats now. Good reason. He's six and he looks and acts barely two, perfect teeth, beautiful coat, never any health problems. I'm a vegetarian with more meat in her freezer than most omnivores...
Hiimhaileypotter 53
#71- I definitely agree about feeding dogs raw meat diets. Healthier than any store-bought food, however it's very expensive.
Sputnikspak 13
72 - Not really! Depends on the size of the dog and how you go about doing it. My dog is about 25lbs (up to 30lbs in winter, he gets tubby around Christmas because Mom always gives him the turkey necks, giblets and extra bits from meat she trims to freeze for winter, and whatever goodies he mooches from guests). I was buying a 15lb bag of Orijen a month (roughly $53) when I first got him. I spend around $60/month on raw, and I get fancier stuff because I'm too lazy to cut things up myself. Chicken necks from the grocery store need trimming, but go for less than a buck a pound here. If you have a good local butcher then you can often get off-cuts of beef or lamb for cheap. Then you'd need a little extra muscle meat and some organ meat (the 80/10/10 meat/bone/organ ratio is pretty easy to follow, the diet has to have some fat in it too though). Not terribly much more expensive than quality dog food, just takes a bit more time to hunt down and prepare, especially if you have larger dogs. One local raw food producer here makes giant rolls of frozen ground raw, which are pretty inexpensive compared to the patties/containers of local ground that I buy, but need to be cut into smaller pieces because unless you have three Great Danes or Newfs, no dog will eat it before it goes bad once thawed. It's not cheaper than the grocery store swill, but I save mountains in vet bills. Teeth cleaning alone would cost about a grand to do if he were eating cheap vet swill, he gets rabies vaccine every three years, Lyme isn't endemic in my city so we don't do that, kennel cough isn't necessary unless you kennel your dog, and most other vaccines really only need to be done every 4-6 years. I get a blood test for heartworm at the beginning and end of season, because the treatment for heartworm is the same as the prevention and is both expensive and toxic, and he's never had it because he's thick coated and I use mosquito repellent. Never had fleas, either. I don't pay for grooming, his coat is so gorgeous that he really only needs a bath twice a year when he's blowing it so I do it myself (Border Collie). So food and poop bags are really his only expenses, he likes snacks like carrots, cucumbers and bananas, and the squishy berries that we don't want to eat, so I only make liver treats once a year and freeze them. :)
gemini3196130 4
Could you share with me what type of treats you make I don't like giving my animal store bought stuff like that I think they should eat as well as we do well as far as healthy wise. I would appreciate it.
gemini3196130 4
Thank you for sharing this
LilFlutter 10
Bananas are bad for dogs' teeth (can cause cavities, which are rare in dogs, but almost always linked to bananas), so it is best to avoid them.