Miscellaneous: Today, my teacher was giving a lecture about human genetics and... - FML

By biggmouth - United States

Today, my teacher was giving a lecture about human genetics and how they are passed on to children. She projected a large picture of a baby on to the screen in the front of the room. I then joked about how this ugly baby must have some very unattractive parents. It was her baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19315

You deserved it

119510

Tweet

Share

Triage

Dangling modifier

Messed up

By anonymous - United States - Roanoke

Today, I was in a good mood for once and my professor looks at me and says, "I don't know what you ate for breakfast but you're really annoying today." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32518

You deserved it

3744

Tweet

Share

By Depressed - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me that we should take a break from our relationship, because it'd be best for the both of us. Later, I found out that she really meant it'd be best for her and her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41967

You deserved it

3567

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while helping out at a retirement home, I had to get a book off a bookshelf. When I reached up, my watch got stuck on my shirt, resulting in my shirt lifting up. I just flashed my man-boobs to at least 20 senior citizens, and one of them even asked if he could have a feel. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31624

You deserved it

6505

Tweet

Share

By marie12 - Belgium

Today, I decided to have dinner with three friends to forget about the painful break up with my boyfriend. The first friend announced that she and her boyfriend had just bought a house, the second one that he was no longer single, and the third one revealed that she was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40176

You deserved it

5038

Tweet

Share

By anon - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate. It was his first time, which I guess explains him sticking his hand down my panties and practically bitch-slapping my vagina for the next 20 or 30 seconds. I stupidly faked an orgasm just to get him to stop. Now he thinks he's some kind of sex god. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21203

You deserved it

34111

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, after doing it with my girlfriend, she told me that she was "faking the whole time, and thinking of talking cupcakes." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31608

You deserved it

8146

Tweet

Share

By Guy - Romania - Bucharest

Today, my girlfriend dumped me after I told her I found out I have diabetes. She thought it was an STD and I had cheated on her. So I explained what it really was and she dumped me again because she didn't want her future children to inherit my fucked up DNA. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30541

You deserved it

2045

Tweet

Share

By MedChew - Malaysia - Kuala Lumpur

Today, I dropped my phone between my legs and tried to catch it with my thighs. Instead, the phone fell through just as I crushed my own balls with my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20990

You deserved it

5042

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, my not-quite-potty-trained toddler niece had a 'wee accident' in my bed. I used towels to mop it up and changed the sheets. Later, I had the bright idea to dry it faster by turning the electric blanket on high. Now my room smells like burned urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2888

You deserved it

6367

Tweet

Share

By zinka - United States

Today, I took the bus to Boston. My bike is in Boston. My bike lock is in Boston. The key is in New York. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16853

You deserved it

37974

Tweet

Share

By for my brother in law - United States - Oxnard

Today, I sent a love message to my wife asking if she was horny. Minutes later, I realized that I sent it to my mother in law. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17730

You deserved it

6659

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Spain - Las Palmas

Today, I went with my girlfriend to the airport for some much needed vacation time. We arrived on time but were stopped at the gate when they told me I didn't have the right passport. The plane left without me. My girlfriend did too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6534

You deserved it

1258

Tweet

Share

By -_____- - Netherlands

Today, my boyfriend and I were spooning in bed, nude, when I accidentally farted. He freaked out and asked in all seriousness if I was trying to give his dick pink-eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49908

You deserved it

8031

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Brooklyn

Today, after months of random vomiting with no apparent cause, I finally got some tests done. The doctor says there's nothing wrong with me and that it's all just in my head. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45619

You deserved it

4308

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/9/2020 17:02 - Germany - Aachen

This woman's work

Today, I looked at pictures of myself from 20 years ago when I was a teenager and realized I have only about a quarter of my hair left. I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1092

You deserved it

77

Tweet

Share

By mirrorfad - France

Today, my mum got upset with me for getting my first hangover ever after being of legal drinking age for over 6 years. She is a closet alcoholic in denial who hides red wine bottles around the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31443

You deserved it

3220

Tweet

Share

By pooh anne - United States - Fort Smith

Today, I was trying to be sexy and change in front of my boyfriend. As I was changing, he started to talk to me about how we should both try and lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37969

You deserved it

7938

Tweet

Share

By Decibell - 18/4/2020 05:00

Round and round

Today, I found out the trigger to my horrendous, disgustingly painful migraines that last up to 5 days is... Pain. My migraines are literally causing themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1427

You deserved it

131

Tweet

Share

By Broke as a joke

Today, I received the bill for my trip to the ER months ago. Almost $1000 for a quick 2.5 hour stay, only to find out that I had bad gas from drinking far too much of the seltzer I had bought on sale. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1472

You deserved it

925

Tweet

Share

By Letteh

Today, my boyfriend transferred some money to me online. He put a joke reference of "Anal nice 'n cheap". We need to show a month-long bank statement to our mortgage broker tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4005

You deserved it

507

Tweet

Share

By patty - France

Today, I saw a friend in the street but he didn't see me, so as a joke I decided to ring him. He took his mobile out of his pocket, sighed and didn't pick up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37117

You deserved it

3436

Tweet

Share

By Brennan Lebrun

Today, I went to my best friend's house to propose to my girlfriend of 6 years. When I walked in, she was having sex with my best friend's 37-year-old brother. She then yelled, ”You should have knocked first!” FML

I agree, your life sucks

4793

You deserved it

335

Tweet

Share

By post it - Australia - South Yarra

Today, I found out that when buying my $500 dollar dress I put my address as Austria instead of Australia. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28196

You deserved it

13041

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, my elderly coworker was telling me about a long-lost friend, so I helped her use the Internet to look the friend up. We found her. Specifically, her obituary. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13196

You deserved it

995

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Pharr

Today, I finally got my driver's permit. To celebrate, my parents decided to go to a bar and make me wait in the car because I'm now the designated driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49176

You deserved it

4732

Tweet

Share

By Busted - Mexico

Today, I canceled my ATM card, because it had been lost. Then I found it. Then I found out I can't reactivate it, because I asked for a replacement card. I'm from CA, and I'm in Mexico with only 20 bucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28132

You deserved it

8529

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/11/2020 17:02

Mondegreens

Today, I was interviewing a potential candidate for a job opportunity. He started the conversation by saying that he was having a weird day because his friend just got married. To which I responded, “Oh, fun!” He'd actually said that his friend got murdered. FML

I agree, your life sucks

971

You deserved it

171

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/11/2020 14:02

OK, well, goodbye

Today I ordered an anchovy pizza without the mushroom. Instead, I got a mushroom pizza without the anchovy. Then, when I went to take it back, the store had closed. Permanently. FML

I agree, your life sucks

981

You deserved it

163

Tweet

Share

By Whoops - United Kingdom

Today, I was getting a haircut. The lady accusingly told me she'd have to thoroughly wash my hair before she started, as it was way too greasy to cut through. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11022

You deserved it

46646

Tweet

Share

By T3kM4n - United States - Spokane

Today, I've been recovering for a week from my medically needed circumcision. I'm 30, and they advise you wear essentially a jock strap for the first week to help. It wasn't too bad until I went to take the thing off and it caught a stitch on my manhood. That's the most unique pain ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16757

You deserved it

1216

Tweet

Share

By spasti-cunt - Ireland

Today, I was on my way to my first job interview in months. I wasn't even halfway to the place when a bunch of cockbites in a car drove past and hurled a bucket of paint out the window, drenching me and several other people on the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51259

You deserved it

3891

Tweet

Share

By soccer8goalie - United States - Parkersburg

Today, I was punched in the face because my uncontrollable hiccups were "annoying". FML

I agree, your life sucks

40190

You deserved it

4569

Tweet

Share

By F U mil - 12/8/2020 23:05

I'll get right on it, chief

Today, my mother-in-law called me selfish, lazy and a bad mother for giving my kids chores, like picking up toys and shoes. When we got married, my husband didn’t even know how to load a dishwasher or run a load of laundry. According to her, a "real mother" waits on her family hand and foot. Yeah, OK. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1823

You deserved it

206

Tweet

Share

By unicornlovet

Today, I was cleaning, anticipating my hypercritical in-laws coming to see our new house. Literally 10 minutes before they arrived, sewage backed up the basement drain. My father-in-law spent the entire visit commenting on the smell, and how he couldn’t use the washroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1543

You deserved it

103

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Peru

Classic Jeff

Today, it was my wedding day. My new husband decided it would be a good idea, when he was supposed to do his speech, to stand up and say, "Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please. Genitals. That is all." FML

I agree, your life sucks

8753

You deserved it

1501

Tweet

Share

By Username - United States

Today, I noticed a woman struggling to work a parking meter, so I went over to help. She took one look at me before screaming, hitting me in the face, and running back to her car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31102

You deserved it

3599

Tweet

Share

By Robyn - Belgium - Stokkem

Today, the button on my husband's pants popped for the 4th time. I already used the strongest thread and buttons. He's obviously put on some weight around the stomach, but he won't listen to reason and still blames me for my sewing, which is making his pants "turn against him". FML

I agree, your life sucks

22045

You deserved it

1728

Tweet

Share

By Jay - Germany

Today, my mate came over wanting me to listen to a new music cd he got. It was by some unknown band, and at the end he asked me what I thought, and I said it was ok, but the lead singer couldn't sing even if his life depended on it. Turns out my mate's the lead singer, and it was his own band. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28147

You deserved it

42917

Tweet

Share

By notsogood - United States

Snoozefest

Today, during sex, my girlfriend got so bored that she asked me to tell her a story. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47407

You deserved it

19325

Tweet

Share

By Lola

Today, for the third time, I’ve had to clean a puddle of pee from the bathroom floor. I live alone, and I’m a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1381

You deserved it

519

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Serial | 2

#61379 - Friday 27 March 2009 2:06

you should of said like..."well, i guess i was right"

By s_a1093 | 0

#61378 - Friday 27 March 2009 2:06

that's extremely rude! you shouldn't say things like that about any body's child ! i'm sure you were one ugly ass baby !

COMMENTS

By Aoeu | 0

#61368 - Friday 27 March 2009 2:04

Wow, good going.

Reply

hellokittywhore | 0

#1215188 - Tuesday 10 August 2010 1:45

ikr?? XD
like number one said good going.
but I'd probably say the same frickin thing. >_€ think before you talk!!!!

Reply

Enchiladattack | 11

#6107363 - Sunday 2 November 2014 8:52

Honestly, does anyone consider that the dumb shit they say might be offensive to someone?

By bipolarchipmunk | 0

#61376 - Friday 27 March 2009 2:06

....pour...acid...on....your....face!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

By s_a1093 | 0

#61378 - Friday 27 March 2009 2:06

that's extremely rude! you shouldn't say things like that about any body's child ! i'm sure you were one ugly ass baby !

Reply

ryguy997 | 0

#1044225 - Saturday 26 June 2010 5:35

3 is a hypocrite.

Reply

YUMMYFRENCHFRIES | 16

#5589158 - Saturday 20 July 2013 8:26

I WASN'T :D

Reply

pxnicatthedisco | 12

#6587328 - Sunday 24 April 2016 7:47

late as hell, but I think all babies are ugly tbh.

Reply

pxnicatthedisco | 12

#6587329 - Sunday 24 April 2016 7:47

late as hell, but I think all babies are ugly tbh.

Reply

ZombieSlaya115 | 17

#6675875 - Monday 22 August 2016 0:39

I was 4 months later then you lol.

By Serial | 2

#61379 - Friday 27 March 2009 2:06

you should of said like..."well, i guess i was right"

By gangstabby01 | 0

#61381 - Friday 27 March 2009 2:07

way. to go.
genius.

By hugh_jepenis | 0

#61388 - Friday 27 March 2009 2:08

lmfao
were u right?

By ElzhiPreface | 0

#61393 - Friday 27 March 2009 2:09

..... it happens don't worry

By jesseheath | 0

#61398 - Friday 27 March 2009 2:10

you sir... are an asshole. i wouldve done the same thing tho.

Reply

wifey93emilyrose | 0

#1983842 - Wednesday 19 January 2011 2:31

that means u and this kid r assholes.

By versammlung | 0

#61401 - Friday 27 March 2009 2:11

lmao @ #4.

And props to the OP. Way to be! :P

By mf_fml | 0

#61407 - Friday 27 March 2009 2:12

whenever one calls a baby ugly, bad things ALWAYS happen.