Work: Today, I gave my boss a ride home from work. I had my phone on...

By SoGoodAtLife - 09/03/2016 19:30 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I gave my boss a ride home from work. I had my phone on hands-free mode, so all calls would come through on speaker. I got a call from the new job I was applying at, with my boss listening to each word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 280

You deserved it 6 590

Work

Hiding from the drama

Sorry…

Sweet, my ass

By Anonymous - 17/05/2009 02:21 - United States

Today, my five year old daughter came up to me and asked, "Mom, why are we so poor?" I replied, in a sweet motherly tone "Honey, we're not poor." She then asked, "Then why do you dress like we are poor?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 891

You deserved it 8 187

By pandaface - 18/02/2011 09:39 - United Kingdom

Today, to wipe his crack, my boyfriend is still using a newspaper that I left there when he first started refusing to buy toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 613

You deserved it 5 775

By theman - 21/05/2009 20:49

Today, I brought some cupcakes to my class for my birthday, like all the cool kids do. When it came time to sing happy birthday, the entire class said "happy birthday to" then forgot my name. Except my teacher. She said Steve. My name's Jeff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 411

You deserved it 6 841

By anonymous - 10/09/2010 18:09 - United States

Today, at school, everybody wanted to be my partner for a project. This surprised me because nobody ever wants to be with me. Turns out when I was absent, my teacher promised that whoever was my partner would get extra points on the project. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 931

You deserved it 3 346

By StuckInCollegeLimbo - 30/08/2017 19:30 - United States - Riverside

Today, after going through months of registration and orientation to transfer to a university, I was told that my application was denied because I didn't meet the minimum credit requirement. You couldn't tell me this before? FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 551

You deserved it 322

By Lily - 09/06/2012 23:43 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I fell going down the stairs and hit my head on the wall. My parents came frantically running to my side, but only to make sure I hadn't damaged the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 825

You deserved it 2 246

By stupidoldcar - 16/11/2009 02:59 - United States

Today, I finished installing a brand new engine in my old car. It cost just over $6000. Later, I was waiting at a red light and an uninsured drunk driver smashed into it head on. It's completely totaled. I got to drive it 5 miles. The car is worth $1000, even with a new engine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 173

You deserved it 4 382

By fishfloors - 21/04/2017 14:00

Today, I finally broke down and paid someone to clean my condo. Sometime after she finished, my cat threw up. Then my roomba went off, smearing regurgitated mackerel all over the freshly washed floors. There goes $150. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 293

You deserved it 861

By rugernut13 - 16/10/2009 04:47 - United States

Today, I went out to start my car to go to work. When it wouldn't start, I popped the hood to see what was wrong. Some kind individual took advantage of the fact that my window doesn't roll up, and stole my battery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 104

You deserved it 6 438

By wiifantcso - 01/07/2014 21:57 - United States - Sturtevant

Today, my sister was upset because she felt like no one liked her. Without thinking, I replied, "It's okay. If I acted like you, people would probably hate me, too." This sounded sympathetic in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 978

You deserved it 24 060

By Username - 05/08/2011 19:06 - United States

Today, even though I made the point of tanning naked, I still got tan lines thanks to my fat rolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 045

You deserved it 45 347

By So so close to clean - 08/02/2017 10:00 - United States - Warren

Today, with words of encouragement from my mom, I vacuumed my room. After finishing and admiring my job well done, I went to put the vacuum away. It caught on the plug for my electric razor which was dangling below the dresser and yanked that and everything else that was on top of it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 317

You deserved it 1 232

By Goiter - 17/06/2019 01:00 - United States - Fort Washington

Today, I was telling my fiancée about my Hashimoto's symptoms when my MIL to-be said, "You must be drinking too much alcohol. My aunt had a goiter and it only swelled when she drank, usually bourbon or beer." She then walked out of the room, perfectly content with her "diagnosis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 611

You deserved it 130

By Telemistake - 30/04/2009 18:03 - United States

Today, a telemarketer called for my dad. Jokingly, I said, "I haven't seen him for like five days...I'm starting to get worried," in my best child-like voice. Apparently the telemarketer called Child Protective Services. I'm 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 160

You deserved it 69 231

Backseat drivers

By SadSister:( - 11/01/2015 00:15 - United States

Today, I was in the car with my 4-year-old sister and our puppy. Suddenly, she blurted out from the backseat, "I don't love you anymore." Shocked, I asked her to repeat herself. She looked me straight in the eye and said, "The puppy doesn't love you either." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 923

You deserved it 3 034

By Kathryn - 08/08/2011 23:58 - United States

Today, I went to my favorite all you can eat buffet. The cook tapped my shoulder and told me to stop eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 370

You deserved it 15 803

Cart Narcs will get ya!

By May - 10/01/2021 20:01

Today, my dad forced me to leave my empty shopping cart in the middle of a store, rather than return it to the corral. My dad’s word is law, and all I can think about is how much of an asshole I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 785

You deserved it 176

By GlowInTheDark - 09/12/2011 07:41 - Australia

Today, I told my boyfriend about how a few years ago I had cancer, and how I underwent radiation therapy. His response? "Did you glow in the dark?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 601

You deserved it 3 946

Who'd want that?

By ... - 14/04/2021 17:00

Today, I found out that a burglar broke into my house. Since I didn't have expensive stuff for them to steal, they took my Fleshlight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 991

You deserved it 179

By Anonymous - 24/10/2018 14:00

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. When she saw the ring, she got so excited that she ran to kiss me and it flew out of my hand, over the balcony of our suite, and fell roughly 45 stories straight down. I could feel my wallet screaming as a £4000 diamond vanished into the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 697

You deserved it 482

By Anonymous - 04/08/2013 03:29 - United States - Newark

Today, I discovered that my wife named our kids after her former lovers. We have two sons and a daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 132

You deserved it 5 449

By me - 14/03/2012 15:19 - United States

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to drive my car through a flock of vultures eating road kill. Since a bird hit the mirror and broke it, I now have to pay for a replacement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 085

You deserved it 3 837

By sirenmario - 20/01/2011 00:52

Today, a patient at the hospital I work at had a tracheal tube and couldn't speak. I'm unable to read lips, but I'm pretty sure he was mouthing the words 'stupid bitch' every time I tried to stop him from pulling out his IV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 940

You deserved it 2 663

By Anonymous - 03/11/2009 19:49 - United States

Today, while I was driving out of the student parking lot I saw people laughing. Then the old security lady yelled for me to stop. She told me my books were on the top of my car but one had already fallen off. I looked in my rearview mirror and saw all of my school papers flying everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 971

You deserved it 31 219

Pampered

By Anonymous - 11/05/2020 02:00

Today, I'm 25-years-old and I need to wear an adult diaper as I have lost my bladder control. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 873

You deserved it 122

By manderpander21 - 17/03/2015 00:56 - United States - Bronx

Today, my mom and I made the bad decision to go hiking for some mother-daughter bonding even though we had little experience. My mother tumbled down a mountain named Tumbledown and I couldn't even enjoy the irony because I had to half carry her all the way back to the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 298

You deserved it 3 591

Road trip

By fmmlll - 18/10/2010 08:56 - United States

Today, I'm going on an 8-hour drive with my insane family. This usually means screaming arguments, graphic conversations about my dad's pubes, some karaoke, plenty of farting, some stale Pringles, and an obese golden retriever on my lap the entire time. Arizona, here we come. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 406

You deserved it 4 067

By SMV - 11/11/2008 06:53 - France

Today, my company was having a huge party. I got to work dressed in my best outfit. At the the lunch break my boss told me, "You really missed out on something yesterday, it was great fun!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 723

You deserved it 5 891

By 242795 - 24/09/2016 06:12 - United States - Buies Creek

Today, after finally deciding to push past my extreme shyness, I talked to the person beside me in class. I was so nervous that when I went to take a sip of my coffee, it slipped out of my hand and splashed all over both of us. Not only did I ruin her white dress, but I also gave her mild burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 198

You deserved it 1 397

By Rachel - 23/10/2014 04:04 - United States - Waynesburg

Today, I was passing notes in class with my crush. I started to pour my heart out and tell him about how I've liked him for years. I was caught by the teacher. He looked at it, laughed, and tore it up. He then looked at me and said, "I just saved you from years of embarrassment. You're welcome." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 893

You deserved it 11 718

By Cat vs. Dog - 28/04/2014 21:03 - United States - Laramie

Today, my escape artist of a dog got out. She not only chased someone else's cat into someone else's house, but promptly defecated all over their living room floor out of excitement. That's one way to meet the new neighbors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 121

You deserved it 5 035

By FacebookStrikesAgain - 21/01/2014 23:59 - Puerto Rico - Bayamon

Today, my girlfriend told me the reason why my credit card mysteriously maxed out 2 months ago 'might have been' because she posted a picture of it on Facebook. I ordered a new credit card without the custom picture of us immediately. She broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 396

You deserved it 6 108

By FellingShitty - 05/10/2009 02:19 - United States

Today, I realized I'm missing my diamond earrings. After ripping apart the vacuum bag and exhausting all other options I'm pretty sure my new cat ate them. I'm going to go sift through several days worth of cat shit now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 421

You deserved it 6 403

By arirx12 - 25/02/2010 22:29 - United States

Today, after five months of not working, I have a check waiting for me at the office. Too bad the office is in another city. My gas tank is empty, and I have no money to put gas in my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 122

You deserved it 3 638

By Lovenotes - 17/10/2009 23:05 - United States

Today, my secret crush, who sits next to me in Bio, asked if he could borrow my notes. I agreed. It was only after he drove away, with my notebook, that I realized that in the back of my notes, I had written his name 100 times, surrounded by little hearts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 340

You deserved it 42 858

By Jess - 05/12/2011 03:22 - United States

Today, as I was running from the cops I jumped behind a bush to hide. Turns out it was a massive thorn bush. I later had the most painful shower I have ever experienced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 677

You deserved it 74 873

By officework - 24/09/2015 19:09 - Canada - Toronto

Today, during the "what can your manager do to help with your career aspirations" section of my annual review, my manager basically told me she wouldn't help me and I should quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 416

You deserved it 1 648

Ungeeked

By Anonymous - 28/02/2021 04:01 - United States - Weyauwega

Today, while trying to fix a corrupted USB hard drive with my wife’s computer I accidentally wiped her laptop drive instead of clearing the external drive. I’m not allowed on her computers anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 259

You deserved it 1 451

By solomantis - 30/07/2009 05:46 - Norway

Today, I was trying to wiggle my boxer shorts off to get it on with my girlfriend when my knee hooked on the elastic band. I was anxious to get started, so I used force and ended up kneeing my girlfriend in the crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 895

You deserved it 50 243

Nervous

By Anonymous - 05/02/2021 20:00

Today, I went to see my girlfriend to talk about my anxiety, because it's been a big issue. She broke up with me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 856

You deserved it 105

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Top comments

MitchRapp 20

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Thursday 10 March 2016 10:01

Maybe he will give you a raise now he knows you're looking else where.

iiTzNeeNerz 26

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Thursday 10 March 2016 10:02

Soooo... I guess you can kiss that reference goodbye.

Memeosaurus 14

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Thursday 10 March 2016 10:01

Something tells me you're gonna need that new job

muarif 19

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Thursday 10 March 2016 10:01

You must have applied for it as you're unhappy with your current one! Now you won't even have to resign xD

epicx22 22

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Thursday 10 March 2016 12:56

No, that means there's a possibility OP might be fired sometime soon, and there's no guarantee they'll get the new job ( as far as we now ). Might end up jobless

militarybrat 21

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Friday 11 March 2016 5:23

Getting fired is worse than leaving i think for new hires. Especially since the new hire-er knows they are still at their previous job. And yes, they would know it is right on the resume.

MitchRapp 20

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Thursday 10 March 2016 10:01

Maybe he will give you a raise now he knows you're looking else where.

iiTzNeeNerz 26

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Thursday 10 March 2016 10:02

Soooo... I guess you can kiss that reference goodbye.

Mathalamus 24

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Thursday 10 March 2016 10:04

Does it matter? Surely your boss won't care.

MidnaLink 33

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Thursday 10 March 2016 11:42

Some employers, despite it not being their business AT ALL, dislike their employees job searching while still being employed.

alainopotato 20

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Thursday 10 March 2016 19:18

He will care, and don't call OP Shirley

Mathalamus 24

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Thursday 10 March 2016 23:57

why?

militarybrat 21

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Friday 11 March 2016 5:25

It absolutely matters. Like i posted previously being fired looks worse than leaving. Also, 2 weeks notice gives them (the company) less time to look for someone to replace the person leaving than KNOWING they will be losing their job and they can search a lot longer.

citykid612 8

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Friday 11 March 2016 5:26

You look when you have a job, that way if OP doesn't get a call back (from future employee) then they'll still have a job.

kyzahburned542 3

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Thursday 10 March 2016 10:06

lmao

booze_n_bitches 35

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Thursday 10 March 2016 10:07

I don't get why people's bosses would be insulted about their staff moving on. It's a job, not a baby. You're allowed to change jobs, you don't have loyalty to your job. Your job won't mind if you leave. He'll just hire someone else, and the circle of life continues. Pahhh.

DerrickJames 33

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Thursday 10 March 2016 10:39

Except job loyalty is a thing...

Shade1982 20

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Thursday 10 March 2016 10:57

Also, most companies actually invest in you when they provide you with training etcetera. They wouldn't like to lose that investment if you switch within a certain amount of time.

booze_n_bitches 35

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Thursday 10 March 2016 10:59

Maybe my profession is too peripatetic. I just see that it's our lives, we don't live for our work! If we want to move, then there should be no qualms. Just a nice handshake and wishing everyone the best in their next life experience!

C94Taylor 5

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Friday 11 March 2016 1:43

As I like to tell all my employees and coworkers, loyalty is nice. But at the end of the day loyalty doesn't always pay your bills.

bstarqueen 16

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Thursday 10 March 2016 10:23

Oops. Good luck with the awkwardness!

booze_n_bitches 35

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Thursday 10 March 2016 11:04

I do see what you mean. But I prefer to see it as: I have a skill, which I offer to loan to my employer for a fee (my salary). But I'm not a slave to my employer, it's just a mutually beneficial contract. And if I decide to move on, that's my prerogative. Perhaps other jobs/professions don't work that way. Either way, OP has got himself in a pickle! I hope his boss doesn't fire him for this mishap.