Health: Today, nearing the end of my pregnancy, I went to a local pool.... - FML

By ciammmm - United States - Sierra Vista

Today, nearing the end of my pregnancy, I went to a local pool. While attempting to swim on my stomach, I turned a little to the left, and buoyancy took over and I ended up belly-up and flailing, causing a very large man to then laugh so hard, he choked. FML

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ciammmm tells us more :

This comment made me laugh incredibly hard. Thank you.

Fucking Facebook memories

Dodged a bullet

Fuck the patriarchy

By Foreveralone - United States

Today, my coworker was talking to me about how there's always that one person in a group of friends that everyone secretly dislikes and laughs at. I realized that person is me. FML

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By johnnycomehelpme - United States - Skokie

Today, I found out that my girlfriend was cheating on me. Her excuse? I was the one that had initially introduced them. FML

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By PizzaNIF - United States - Henderson

Today, I was woken up by the sound of my dad blasting porn on his computer. FML

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By dormeur - France - Malakoff

Today, as usual, my cat was sleeping on my stomach. I couldn't fall asleep so I delicately picked him up and put him down next to me. He got up, hopped back onto me, gave me a slap and then went back to sleep on my stomach. I didn't dare move all night. FML

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By lonelynessinCA - United States

Today, I was so lonely that I pretended I wanted to buy something from a telemarketer so that they would keep talking to me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized that I'll have to explain to my child that mommy and daddy met on World of Warcraft. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Amsterdam

Today, I ran into my infant daughter's room because I thought I heard her crying, and found she was still sound asleep in her crib. The screams were coming from the mouse our cat was using to paint her bedroom walls. FML

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By boss stabber - United States - Kings Beach

Today, I got reprimanded by my boss for saying "It's a stab in the dark, though." According to him, it's a euphemism for anal sex and I was being offensive to a gay colleague, the same one who kept insisting it was no problem. I got written up anyway. FML

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By howprofessional - United States - Dearborn

Today, at a job interview, I was asked what I thought of twerking. It was a bizarre question, but trying to get on the interviewer's good side, I said I thought it was pretty cool. He snorted and said I'll be job-seeking for a while yet. FML

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By journeytotheend - Canada - Surrey

Today, I went to city hall to pay for a parking ticket. After returning to my truck, I found a parking ticket on my window. FML

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By unlucky - United Kingdom

Today, I failed my driving test. The examiner insisted I that didn't check a junction before pulling out. I did, he just didn't notice because he was too busy staring at my chest. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I worked up the courage to give a guy my number. I wrote it down on a piece of paper, tore it in half and gave it to him. Later, I noticed I'd given him the wrong, blank half. FML

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By boredtothemax - United States - Hammond

Today, I gave a talk in my management class about creating effective presentations and holding people's attention. Go figure, pretty much nobody paid any attention. FML

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By me - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I confessed to my boyfriend that I was in love with his best friend. He confessed that he was too. FML

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By Best-stuf-on-Earth - United States

Today, I had a check-up with my dermatologist. When I took off my pants, she noticed a small mark on my penis and was concerned. I had to inform her that it was not in fact a mole, but a bruise from getting it stuck in a Snapple bottle two days prior to the check-up. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my dad's work phone went off, and I thought I should go tell him since he's on call. Turns out no matter how you do it, a 47 year old man at one in the morning will think you are a burglar trying to attack him. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/1/2021 05:01 - United States

No sex for you

Today, I realized that my fiancée is using our son to make sure we can't have sex. He's two years-old and hasn't once slept in his own bed or crib. FML

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By Anonymous - Netherlands

Today, someone was getting beat up by 6 guys. When I tried to help, they had a swing at me as well. The cops came when I was enthusiastically defending myself. They got away, I got arrested. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked out this girl I've been spending a lot of time with lately. She told me she was only hanging out with me because she thought I was gay and wouldn't try to get in her pants. FML

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By YaytoSeniorYear

Today, my roommate revealed that she's dating my ex. I later had to navigate around them caressing each other just to grab my noodles from the microwave. FML

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By feeling fed up - United Kingdom - Dundee

Today, I spent hundreds of pounds buying my best friend concert tickets to see our favourite band, complete with a meet and greet. I drove over very excited to pick her up to take her. She had already left. With her boyfriend. FML

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By Tom

Today, a car hit me. I didn't get hurt, but someone called 911. The old woman who had hit me got out of the car with no problem to look at me, and gets back into the car. When the police arrive, she pulls out crutches and said I made strange faces and made her hit me. I got blamed. FML

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By JazzyandAlice - United States

Today, I went to babysit eight kids under the age of ten, all by myself. After five hours of Hell, the parents finally came back from the ASU game. I got paid $5. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/9/2020 02:02 - United States - Arlington

Always ask for documentation

Today, the guy I met on Tinder texted me about our date tomorrow. He seemed nervous. I come to find out his mom overheard us talking on the phone and wants to meet me. I said OK, that’s not big deal. That’s when he told me that he’s actually 17. I now hate myself because I’m 26. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/1/2021 07:56

Oh, the irony

Today, my dad came home after collecting donations for construction of the temple of Lord Rama, who is known for qualities like patience. Within 5 minutes, he started yelling at my sister. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was at the cafeteria of my school with my boyfriend and he dumped me. I was kinda expecting it. What I wasn't expecting was that he'd start running in front of everyone, screaming "FREEEEEEEEEDOM!" at the top of his lungs and that he'd kiss the first girl he saw. FML

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By pinkXpress1023 - United Kingdom

Today, I had the opportunity to taste a live spider by walking into its web in the dark. FML

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By Johntheladdo - United Kingdom

Well?

Today, I heard the four most dreaded words known to man during my first time: "Is it in yet?" It was. FML

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By Satan's Mum - United Kingdom - London

Today, to teach my 14-year-old son a serious lesson for bullying a child at school again, I grounded him for the rest of the year. He just snorted and said, "Cool, I'll just jack off all year then! Thanks, mum!" and happily retreated to his bedroom. FML

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By Halle - United States

Today, my immature step-father rubbed my head destroying the $300 hairdo that took two and a half hours to finish. Three minutes before my wedding ceremony. FML

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By FlyAwayPlease - United Kingdom - Mold

Today, the boy that I met online six months ago and expressed my love to sent me a picture of himself and confessed how old he really was: thirteen. I'm eighteen years old and holding a steady job. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was wrapping Christmas presents for my family. I got a huge paper cut on the webbing of my fingers, the pain of which caused me to scream out loud. My whole family heard and came rushing to my room. My grandma took one look, and scoffed, "Oh suck it the fuck up, princess." FML

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By Pandaling - 26/1/2020 05:00 - United States - Minneapolis

Devil parents

Today, my mother-in-law said: "People who don't have kids are children of the devil." I'm infertile, she knows this. FML

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By Anonymous - Germany

Today, I worked in a clinic as a intern. A nurse was called to dry a woman's hair. I followed her, trying to be a good intern. After the nurse was done, the 72 year old woman took off her bathrobe. While looking at me she sat down, her legs wide open. And, yes, she knew she was naked. FML

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By iet_Wyrda - France - Verneuil-sur-seine

Today, my dog tore up a single book from the dozens within his reach. That book was titled "How to Train Your Dog". FML

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By ThisChick - United States - New Orleans

Today, I cringed at a memory of 5-year-old me going to restaurants I was brought to and stealing tip money because I thought it was free. I got to watch a kid do the same thing to me. Oh, sweet karma. FML

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By Barstaff - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that I have to work Christmas Day. There's no public transport running and taxis are triple fare. It'll cost me more getting to work than I'll actually earn during the shift. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I drove home from work, only to find both my next-door neighbours loudly arguing in the middle of my driveway. I got out and asked them what the hell was going on, only to find out one of their inbred kids had put a brick through my back window, and each is claiming the other did it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was about to get in the shower, when I felt an odd itch in my navel. I saw what I thought was bellybutton lint, so I pulled on it, and quickly realized what I had between my fingers was a still-squirming, headless tick. FML

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By wow - United States

Today, I have to choose between one eyebrow or none because I'm a heavy sleeper and my brother is a moron. FML

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Top comments

By Dawnoftime | 12

#6576298 - Friday 8 April 2016 11:56

Tis the struggle of a turtle

By george_s_4 | 30

#6576301 - Friday 8 April 2016 12:00

That sucks but there are some things you have to watch out for when your pregnant such as that. I'm not saying don't swim but just be extra careful

COMMENTS

By Dawnoftime | 12

#6576298 - Friday 8 April 2016 11:56

Tis the struggle of a turtle

Reply

timelord5248 | 5

#6577953 - Sunday 10 April 2016 19:56

That was better than the features on ifunny

By Magnoxidans | 19

#6576300 - Friday 8 April 2016 11:57

Don't worry he was probably laughing at the irony.

Reply

fakedsincerity | 32

#6576324 - Friday 8 April 2016 13:28

Which part was ironic?

Reply

The_Potato_Lord | 15

#6576345 - Friday 8 April 2016 14:11

It probably happened to him at some point. I'd be laughing my ass off too.

Reply

Magnoxidans | 19

#6576372 - Friday 8 April 2016 14:52

Reread the original post, got it wrong - my bad

By george_s_4 | 30

#6576301 - Friday 8 April 2016 12:00

That sucks but there are some things you have to watch out for when your pregnant such as that. I'm not saying don't swim but just be extra careful

Reply

BabooonLove | 16

#6576839 - Saturday 9 April 2016 5:30

Sounds like you have some insight?

Reply

george_s_4 | 30

#6577770 - Sunday 10 April 2016 14:16

It is true a male I have not been pregnant before so I do not know what it's like but it seems like common sense to me that if you have a large, heavy thing growing in your stomach that you have to be careful so you can avoid situations like the one op had

By nightfury711 | 16

#6576302 - Friday 8 April 2016 12:00

He's probably done the same thing, and just realized how funny it looked.

By goodread2200 | 10

#6576303 - Friday 8 April 2016 12:02

Learn to laugh at yourself now.... trust me. It's the only way to stay sane as a mother.

By Mauskau | 35

#6576309 - Friday 8 April 2016 12:22

Isn't it wonderful how the human body will do its best to make you float whilst pregnant?

By foxpug | 24

#6576314 - Friday 8 April 2016 12:40

Chin up, OP. You got to witness instant karma in action, and it could have been a much worse day for you.

Reply

foxpug | 24

#6578288 - Monday 11 April 2016 7:12

Really? I got 15 downvotes for trying to cheer someone up by trying to look on the bright side.
Alright then...

Reply

orangejubejube | 20

#6579578 - Wednesday 13 April 2016 16:40

17 people can't seem to appreciate positivity - no wonder they're on fml ?

Reply

foxpug | 24

#6582012 - Sunday 17 April 2016 6:00

You're probably right, #50

I also get the impression that a lot of people are "sheep voters" that start following blindly. Thanks for the response.

By shanson | 22

#6576316 - Friday 8 April 2016 12:52

I've heard swimming can ease the discomfort at the end of pregnancy by making you feel weightless but this seems like a bit much

By 28actress | 22

#6576317 - Friday 8 April 2016 12:59

Well at least floating on your back can be quite relaxing! It was one of the first things they taught us in swim class

Reply

george_s_4 | 30

#6576323 - Friday 8 April 2016 13:18

When you're pregnant I'm sure it's not nearly as relaxing

By sighlifeman | 12

#6576336 - Friday 8 April 2016 13:57

sound like a cartoon in reality