Health: Today, nearing the end of my pregnancy, I went to a local pool.... - FML

By ciammmm - United States - Sierra Vista

Today, nearing the end of my pregnancy, I went to a local pool. While attempting to swim on my stomach, I turned a little to the left, and buoyancy took over and I ended up belly-up and flailing, causing a very large man to then laugh so hard, he choked. FML

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ciammmm tells us more :

This comment made me laugh incredibly hard. Thank you.

Season finale

Zoom this, bitches!

Thanks, Marley

By Anonymous - Colombia - Bogot?

Any damage? Who nose?

Today, it's the seventh day after my nose job. I was taking something out of a box and pulled too hard. I punched myself in the nose. FML

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By wtfbabe

Today, my husband's dick went in the wrong hole. And by the wrong hole, I mean another man’s anus. FML

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By BracesSuck - United States

Today, I was at the orthodontist. As the lady was clipping my brackets, she missed and clipped my gums instead. She looked at me and said, "Oh sorry, you're bleeding really badly. See, I got these fake nails put on and I guess I'm just not used to them. Let me try again." She missed. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/5/2020 08:00

Lemon or haunted?

Today, our boiler broke. Yesterday, it was our fridge. The day before that, the deck collapsed, and a few weeks ago the dishwasher flooded the kitchen. This is after we spent a ton of money to have the house gutted due to a mold problem. We only bought the house a year ago, and have lived in it even less. We need to move. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I accidentally superglued my hand to my grandmother's ornate fan while trying to fix it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was telling my friend about how my boyfriend never does anything nice for me. Confused, she replied, "That's odd, he's always doing nice things for me." FML

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By jingle - United States - Wilmington

Today, I got fired from my job at a weight-loss center because I was too skinny, and apparently it's too depressing for the customers to handle. FML

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By Unknown - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I learned to never invite my father to a wedding. He'll show up late, complain about the food, piss on a tree, and leave. FML

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By bkeiya - Japan

Today, I saw my train pulling in to the station. I sprinted up the stairs and luckily made the train. I looked around and no one was in my compartment. I began to notice that the train was heading down some tracks I'd never been too. I got stuck on an empty train for 3 hours in the train garage. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to find The Sims 2 running on pause on my laptop. I unpaused to find my character and my boyfriend's were no longer together. Slightly confused, I went on to find the note my boyfriend left. It said, "I hope you can take a hint." I got dumped through a computer game. FML

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By night_fox88 - United States - Camden

Go out please!

Today, I woke up to my overly religious grandmother trying to shove salt down my throat yelling "DEMON BE GONE!". Why? I didn't wear the cross neckless she bought me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Piscataway

Today, I asked a traffic cop if it was okay to park my car briefly in a Monday to Friday only parking spot, since it's Saturday. She politely replied I could. I came back less than ten minutes later, only to find a parking ticket stuck to my windshield. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I went to the orthodontist's to get my braces tightened, and I chose baby blue bands. Turns out they make my teeth look extremely yellow. Only a month and a half to go. FML

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By DrewK - United States - Great Falls

Today, I went into the men's restroom and started peeing in a urinal next to a middle-age man. As he zipped up and walked away, he said to me, "Don't worry, it'll grow." FML

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By mislead - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, I found out that the neighborhood call-girl my husband and I secretly joke about is the same woman who secretly pleasures my husband for money. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I wanted to sleep in after a rough week, only to be woken up by my roommate's sex screams and the pounding of her bed against the wall. Earplugs did not help. FML

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By nofatchicks - United States - Tampa

Today, I nervously flirted with a very cute guy. Being a little overweight, I rarely think cute guys will go for me. This line of thinking was yet again correct when he casually pulled his sleeve up revealing a tattoo of a pinup girl with a "NO FAT CHICKS" sign below it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Collingswood

Today, I told my mom that I want to try out for a singing competition on TV, so I might be able to kick off my musical career. She convinced me to sing a song for her, so I did. Mid-way through, she lost it, burst into laughter, and told me to stay in school. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I spent 900 dollars on a ticket for my boyfriend to visit me and he missed the flight. FML

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By Don’t know what to think

Today, my boyfriend cheated on me with an Eagles cheerleader. I found out when his dad proudly posted about it on Facebook. FML

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By reedcarter

Today, while I was at a urinal, a man came up to use the one next to me. He then said, "I guess this is where all the dicks hang out." He then stared at me until I left. FML

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By shaifox96 - Canada - Saint Catharines

Today, I received a terrible grade for an essay I worked really hard on. I had two friends, one being an English major, check it over. However, apparently I "clearly didn't use spellcheck" on this essay just like the last one I submitted to her. FML

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By BSwan - Australia

Today, a frog made my hot tub his new home. I can't stand frogs and he moves lightening fast. I think the only way to get rid of him is to turn the heat on and boil him. Which I would do if my daughter didn't already adore him. FML

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By badhabit

Today, I went out with my ex-girlfriend, with whom I have a good friendship with and am in fact still in love. I picked her up at her house and we had a perfect night together that ended with sex in my car. As I dropped her off, she turned to me and said, "I hope you know we're just friends." FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I rode in the cab on the way back to my dorm from the airport. The taxi driver was on the phone and not really paying attention. I paid him and got out of the cab, but he drove away before I could get my luggage out of the trunk. FML

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By RyanSmithN - United States

Today, I used a public bathroom and set my motorcycle helmet on the sink while I used the urinal. The helmet rolled into the sink, under the faucet and set off the motion detector, soaking the inside. I drove 15 miles home in 30 degree weather with a wet helmet. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/3/2021 00:30

Grow up

Today, my father came to my sister's place and yelled at her, "I knew it, you're such a whore!" because she slept with her new boyfriend. He's her first boyfriend in five years, since my father scared her previous boyfriend because of my father's possessive behavior. My sister is 34. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, the person who bullied me throughout my childhood eventually resulting in me going to therapy and switching schools became my boss. On top of that, he refers to me by the insulting nickname he called me during childhood. It's good to see that growing up hasn't changed him at all. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was stood up on a date. Her excuse? "I had to work out." FML

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By lonergirl - Australia

Today, after being with the company for over 3 years, I realised nobody really knows my name. This was after my boss was walking around a new staff member and couldn't introduce me. Neither could my colleague, who's been sitting next to me for the last 6 months. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Woodland

Today, my mom left the house in the morning, leaving me alone. I called and I got no answer. Hours later, she finally answers one of my calls and tells me that she'd been in an AA meeting all this time. Happy, I tell her to come home. She came home drunk. FML

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By prego - United States

Thanks mom, you're the best

Today, I called my mom into my room to ask her to bring me something. She referred to me as a "lazy fat slug." I'm 38 weeks pregnant and was put on emergency bedrest by my doctor. FML

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By Anon Y. Mous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I learned what being stabbed in the leg by an ex feels like. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my family flew out to surprise my grandma for her 70th birthday. When we arrived, she and my grandpa were both sitting on the couch, high, smoking a joint. FML

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By effme - United States

Today, I spent ages applying for a scholarship on-line. I found out on the very last page that I do not meet the qualifications for it. FML

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By Hmmwtf - Australia

Today, I didn't get promoted, but the guy who showed up to work drunk a few weeks ago did. FML

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By bobby - United States

Today, I went to lick the excess peanut butter off the knife after making a PB and J. Turns out the knife can and will cut your tongue, even though you don't think it will. FML

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By Bob - United States - New Bedford

Today, after saving for months to have a few hundred bucks set aside, the government sent me a car tax bill from 2010. Yep, 8 years ago. They want the interest on the bill too. Broke again. FML

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By dusk - United States

Today, I won a lifetime supply of pineapples. One problem, I'm allergic to pineapples. FML

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By "jjuuuuuuulless"

Today, my car's parking gear and parking brake failed. I watched as it rolled down a big hill into someone's 2017, $30,000 camper. FML

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Top comments

By Dawnoftime | 12

#6576298 - Friday 8 April 2016 11:56

Tis the struggle of a turtle

By george_s_4 | 30

#6576301 - Friday 8 April 2016 12:00

That sucks but there are some things you have to watch out for when your pregnant such as that. I'm not saying don't swim but just be extra careful

COMMENTS

By Dawnoftime | 12

#6576298 - Friday 8 April 2016 11:56

Tis the struggle of a turtle

Reply

timelord5248 | 5

#6577953 - Sunday 10 April 2016 19:56

That was better than the features on ifunny

By Magnoxidans | 19

#6576300 - Friday 8 April 2016 11:57

Don't worry he was probably laughing at the irony.

Reply

fakedsincerity | 32

#6576324 - Friday 8 April 2016 13:28

Which part was ironic?

Reply

The_Potato_Lord | 15

#6576345 - Friday 8 April 2016 14:11

It probably happened to him at some point. I'd be laughing my ass off too.

Reply

Magnoxidans | 19

#6576372 - Friday 8 April 2016 14:52

Reread the original post, got it wrong - my bad

By george_s_4 | 30

#6576301 - Friday 8 April 2016 12:00

That sucks but there are some things you have to watch out for when your pregnant such as that. I'm not saying don't swim but just be extra careful

Reply

BabooonLove | 16

#6576839 - Saturday 9 April 2016 5:30

Sounds like you have some insight?

Reply

george_s_4 | 30

#6577770 - Sunday 10 April 2016 14:16

It is true a male I have not been pregnant before so I do not know what it's like but it seems like common sense to me that if you have a large, heavy thing growing in your stomach that you have to be careful so you can avoid situations like the one op had

By nightfury711 | 16

#6576302 - Friday 8 April 2016 12:00

He's probably done the same thing, and just realized how funny it looked.

By goodread2200 | 10

#6576303 - Friday 8 April 2016 12:02

Learn to laugh at yourself now.... trust me. It's the only way to stay sane as a mother.

By Mauskau | 35

#6576309 - Friday 8 April 2016 12:22

Isn't it wonderful how the human body will do its best to make you float whilst pregnant?

By foxpug | 24

#6576314 - Friday 8 April 2016 12:40

Chin up, OP. You got to witness instant karma in action, and it could have been a much worse day for you.

Reply

foxpug | 24

#6578288 - Monday 11 April 2016 7:12

Really? I got 15 downvotes for trying to cheer someone up by trying to look on the bright side.
Alright then...

Reply

orangejubejube | 20

#6579578 - Wednesday 13 April 2016 16:40

17 people can't seem to appreciate positivity - no wonder they're on fml ?

Reply

foxpug | 24

#6582012 - Sunday 17 April 2016 6:00

You're probably right, #50

I also get the impression that a lot of people are "sheep voters" that start following blindly. Thanks for the response.

By shanson | 22

#6576316 - Friday 8 April 2016 12:52

I've heard swimming can ease the discomfort at the end of pregnancy by making you feel weightless but this seems like a bit much

By 28actress | 22

#6576317 - Friday 8 April 2016 12:59

Well at least floating on your back can be quite relaxing! It was one of the first things they taught us in swim class

Reply

george_s_4 | 30

#6576323 - Friday 8 April 2016 13:18

When you're pregnant I'm sure it's not nearly as relaxing

By sighlifeman | 12

#6576336 - Friday 8 April 2016 13:57

sound like a cartoon in reality