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The all-time greatest FMLs

By Ally - 27/09/2015 01:47 - Canada - Etobicoke

Today, I wrote a song for my boyfriend on paper. The first thing he did was correct my grammar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 033

You deserved it 8 482

By Anonymous - 23/01/2016 11:26 - United States - Brunswick

Today, my dog once again desperately tried to yank me straight into the path of a bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 032

You deserved it 2 304

By future MIL slasher - 23/09/2012 21:05 - United States - Rindge

Today, I was driving home on the highway with my wife and her parents. As I overtook another car, a rock got kicked up into our windshield. My wife screamed about the crack it created, while my mother-in-law goaded her on and mocked my "piss-poor driving." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 031

You deserved it 2 183

By Whatthehell - 21/02/2016 01:35 - United States - Soddy Daisy

Today, I completed driving school. After 30 hours of classwork, 6 hours of driving lessons, and a very tough driving test, I passed and can now get a 15% safe driver insurance discount. My friend just told me he only had to watch a 15 minute video to get the same discount. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 030

You deserved it 2 496

This is my O face

By lauz - 03/10/2009 12:20 - Australia

Today, I slept with my boyfriend for the first time. I'd always imagined it would be a romantic moment, but it turned out that "Saw 5" was on the TV in the background, and the sex was so fantastically tragic that I ended up watching/listening to it, on the sly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 030

You deserved it 4 248

Nerves

By ADH2000 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had a job interview. I stopped to take a pee in the lobby before I went in. I relaxed a bit too much at the urinal and accidentally farted. I chuckled about it like a 5 year-old for a few seconds. The guy who had been next to me at the urinal was the interviewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 029

You deserved it 47 524

By Jake Leiter - 20/03/2016 18:12 - United States - Grantham

Today, for what has seemed to be the hundredth time, my labeled bagged lunch was stolen from the fridge at my workplace. I stormed into my boss's office ready to complain, only to find him eating it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 026

You deserved it 1 235

By swedishdude - 14/11/2009 13:37 - Sweden

Today, I was at a party where I ate a bowl of disgusting snacks because I didn't want to drink on an empty stomach. I spent the next twelve hours trying to prevent the world from collapsing into millions of demonic shards, cause apparently that's what a large dose of magic mushrooms does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 025

You deserved it 36 941

By :/ - 30/01/2016 07:45 - United States - Gilbert

Today, I'm so broke, I walked into a nursing home and pretended to be a gentleman's son just so I could get some free food "for him". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 024

You deserved it 6 536

By I Like My Cat - 21/12/2012 10:02 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, I found out that the tinsel on my Christmas tree is worth a couple of hundred euros per strand. Well, that's how much the two that were surgically removed from my cat have cost me. At least the cat's going to be fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 024

You deserved it 13 341

By ihateloopholes - 21/06/2015 20:42 - Lebanon - Beirut

Today, I forbade a student in the writing seminar I instructed from continuing to present his disturbing poems about demons. He responded to this by convincing nearly every other student in the seminar to write and read out loud several of his poems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 023

You deserved it 8 629

By cherokeems - 20/10/2015 18:28 - United States - Harriman

Today, my 8-month-old dog decided to decorate the living room by tearing apart a rented college textbook, the reference guide that went with it, and part of a color therapy book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 018

You deserved it 3 729

By Jumanji - 12/12/2008 06:05 - France

Today, I opened my laptop in the train to watch a good film I had downloaded. Of course, it was a fake and the whole carriage was allowed to watch and hear five seconds of butt licking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 017

You deserved it 12 117

Probably not

By stupid voicemails - 28/04/2013 09:09 - United States - Lahaina

Today, I missed multiple calls from the company I applied to. That was the supervisor calling, wanting to hire me. I then remembered my idiotic voicemail I made months ago where I pretended to answer and say stupid stuff for 5 minutes. I don't think I'm going to get the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 017

You deserved it 55 268

By Anonymous - 07/04/2014 17:02 - Canada

Today, I noticed something written on the top of my toaster, so I used a finger to clear away some of the crumbs, burning my finger in the process. The writing? "CAUTION: Hot surface!" Thanks, toaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 011

You deserved it 48 818

By hrmpf - 19/01/2016 14:37 - Germany - Bremen

Today, I went to the hairdresser for the first time in the country I just moved to. Guess I don't speak the language as well as I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 010

You deserved it 2 970

By ModernCindy - 30/11/2015 16:07 - United Kingdom - Cleveleys

Today, I felt like Cinderella. No, I didn't lose a shoe in public. Nor did I dance with Prince Charming. But I did get a visit from tiny wild mice in my home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 008

You deserved it 2 717

By GrumpyBunny - 28/03/2016 07:27 - United States - Marysville

Today, I learned the true meaning of "throwing money down the toilet" when pulling my pants up, somehow my $100 Easter money fell out of my pocket mid flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 008

You deserved it 4 460

By Anonymous - 01/06/2009 10:46 - United States

Today, three women came into my work and one was wearing a shirt with a rainbow that said, "We are everywhere". I had just gotten what it was referring to and when I greeted them I ended up saying "Hi gays!" instead of the standard "Hi guys". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 006

You deserved it 51 548

YAAAAAAAAAAAASS

By shat - 12/12/2015 07:14 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up to the feeling of something crawling up my leg. I threw back the bed sheets and saw it was a cockroach. My dad said my ensuing scream was so girlish that he wondered what the hell my sister was doing in my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 005

You deserved it 2 510

By wet dreams - 12/02/2016 17:46 - United States - Cartersville

Today, I came to the realization that I dream more about my vibrator than I do about my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 005

You deserved it 4 583

Where am I?

By Anonymous - 13/10/2008 08:25

Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend, but it wasn’t actually her. What happened last night? FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 997

You deserved it 108 986

By Anonymous - 20/01/2016 05:05 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I found out if a tree falls in the forest and there's nobody around, it does in fact make a sound, and also $5,000 worth of damage to your truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 997

You deserved it 1 598

By off-balance - 16/01/2016 15:00 - Finland

Today, as I was trying to get off a crowded train, some asshole pushed past me hard enough to nearly knock me over. My bag hit a preschool kid standing behind me, and I missed my stop trying to apologize to him. His mom yelled at me all the way to the next stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 996

You deserved it 1 429

You OK dude?

By gayboii - 19/03/2011 21:37 - United Kingdom

Today, while at a boring lecture, I heard some people behind me whispering and laughing. I turned around, wondering what was so funny, which made them laugh even more. I then realised it looked like I'd been giving my pen a blowjob for the last 10 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 996

You deserved it 35 703

Are we nearly there?

By Anonymous - 19/09/2015 05:24 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I'm travelling across the country with my family. My grandma thought it would be a good idea to take her shoes off. It's been 5 minutes and my eyes are watering from the stench. We still have over 200 miles left until we get home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 995

You deserved it 1 578

Stuck

By Miki13 - 11/11/2012 20:27 - Canada - Whitby

Today, I had dinner with my grandparents. At the table, my grandfather openly complained about how hard it is for him to get out of their hot tub. Not because of his prosthetic leg, but because his balls somehow "get stuck". I really didn't need to know that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 995

You deserved it 1 737

By yeah okay then - 03/08/2012 23:50 - United Kingdom - Brentwood

Today, I decided to be nice and pay a social visit to my slightly deranged grandpa. I ended up politely sitting through two hours of him lecturing me on how he "invented the modern tap", then on how sex is an Illuminati invention to "give sluts the STDs they need to kill us all". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 995

You deserved it 2 123

What are you talking about?

By Why me? - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Wilmington

Today, some guys came up to me at work so they could meet me in person after talking to me on Tinder. I don't have a Tinder account, though, and I have no idea who is doing this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 991

You deserved it 1 397

By Anonymous - 09/02/2016 23:21 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had to give up going to a therapist because it was too expensive and my parents couldn't afford it. Meanwhile, a girl in my class is getting a therapist for her dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 989

You deserved it 1 695

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The Top

Today, at work, I was trying to repeat an order back to this guy, when his drunk girlfriend started to interrupt me. Whenever I would open my mouth, she would say "Blah blah blah." Literally. Eventually, I gave up. I got his order wrong, and got yelled at by my manager for not repeating his order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 268

You deserved it 2 964

Today, I tried convincing my Valentine-hating boyfriend to send me a card, by explaining how important it is to me. He finally agreed and sent me a card. I opened it up, and it wished me 'harmony and well-being on Lupercalia'. What is Lupercalia? It's an ancient Roman festival where men run down the street naked, whipping people with goat skins to encourage fertility. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 378

You deserved it 37 918

Today, I was at a party with my girlfriend and this older guy came in and started talking to me about his rock climbing lessons earlier that week. I told him "I'm really drunk, so I really couldn't give a shit about what you did." It was my girlfriend's father picking her up to go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 056

You deserved it 73 697

Today, I received a 4 page letter in the post from a woman telling me she was Alan's wife. She spoke about their wedding in 2004, their two beautiful kids who love their daddy very much (she included pictures), and how much she loves him. Alan is my husband of 7 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 898

You deserved it 2 967

Today, I finished my project two weeks early. Now I am being laid off because there is no work to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 130

You deserved it 4 108

Today, I embraced my inner child and went to a trampoline park with friends. I was having a blast until I attempted a somersault and ended up bouncing right into a group of screaming toddlers. I was escorted out by a concerned parent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 283

You deserved it 772