Work: Today, three women came into my work and one was wearing a shirt...

By Anonymous - 01/06/2009 10:46 - United States

Today, three women came into my work and one was wearing a shirt with a rainbow that said, "We are everywhere". I had just gotten what it was referring to and when I greeted them I ended up saying "Hi gays!" instead of the standard "Hi guys". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 964

You deserved it 51 462

Work

Age difference

Best teeth in the game

So no one told you life was gonna be this way

You tried

By Anonymous - 24/08/2021 14:01

Today, my wife finally agreed to try anal. Unfortunately, it was too hot in the apartment so I couldn't focus and I kept going soft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 672

You deserved it 533

By lonethong15 - 08/08/2014 22:53 - United States - Dallas

Today, my boyfriend told me he likes to do things the old-fashioned way, and that he wouldn't propose to me without my father's blessing. My dad died 3 years ago, and he knows it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 687

You deserved it 3 896

By Username - 19/06/2011 09:51 - Australia

Today, I saw myself on the news. I was one of the random passers by they had filmed for their story on the "Fat Epidemic." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 600

You deserved it 25 337

By Anonymous - 30/10/2009 12:05 - United States

Today, my mom tells my sister that she is worried about her because she has a headache and feels like she might be getting a slight cold. I have had the flu for two weeks and have a 103 degree fever. I ask, "What about me?" Her response? "Stay away from your sister." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 206

You deserved it 2 903

By Scumbagmemory - 22/01/2012 04:17 - United States

Today, I was texting a guy that one of my friends told me about. She gave me his number and told me about how he was deaf. Three hours into great conversation I forgot and asked him what his favorite music was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 319

You deserved it 11 643

"Now, I ain't sayin' she a gold digger…"

By Anonymous - 27/05/2020 20:00

Today, my wife wants a divorce. Apparently, she only married me for my potential, since my twin brother is a lawyer, she hoped I’d become a success as well, but since I’m content to be a carpenter, she considers me a disappointment and a failure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 255

You deserved it 144

By hatemyboss - 03/11/2011 16:13 - Canada

Today, I gave my boss a nick name. Everyone thought it was funny. Unfortunately "The Troll" was behind me and heard everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 554

You deserved it 44 985

Without me

By CrescentSelene - 23/12/2019 20:00 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I saw my mom's Facebook profile picture for the first time. It had all of my family members in it. I was cropped out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 224

You deserved it 230

By Anonymous - 08/10/2015 02:31 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I found out I'm allergic to mosquito repellent. I fly out on a two month trip to India on Saturday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 556

You deserved it 2 274

Observational comedy

By Anonymous - 17/09/2020 22:59

Today, I, an insecure high school student, told my 11-year-old sister that I got my period in third grade. She responded with, “What?! Then how come you didn’t have tits until last year?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 146

Testing times

By Anonymous - 13/12/2012 17:04 - United Kingdom - Bromley

Today, I took my driver's test. I was confident and thought everything would go well. My boss ended up calling me several times during the test. Turns out my colleague never showed up to cover for me, and my boss blamed me. Not only did I fail my test, I'm now suspended from work too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 084

You deserved it 2 751

By uterus why - 01/02/2019 16:00

Today, I have realised that since I get laid so infrequently, every time I have sex now, it kickstarts my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 122

You deserved it 259

Hair care

By hairball - 22/04/2009 00:12 - United States

Today, my shower is being renovated so I washed my hair in the kitchen sink. I put my two year-old son on the counter next to me so I could keep him close. As I was rinsing out my hair, my son started playing with the light switches. He flicked the garbage disposal by accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 722

You deserved it 28 620

By Itchy Missy - 10/09/2014 03:38 - United States - Denver

Today, I got more pleasure from itching the bed bug bites from sleeping over at my boyfriend's house than I got from actually sleeping with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 224

You deserved it 5 649

By cheaterscheat - 29/07/2012 01:21 - United States - Saint James

Today, I went to the hospital due to extreme sickness. My boyfriend saw this as an opportune time to take another girl out since I was "otherwise preoccupied." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 478

You deserved it 2 365

By Ricky - 09/03/2009 00:00 - Canada

Today, I was working at Old Navy. A girl came up to me and did a bizarre dance. Not knowing how to react, I imitated her to be friendly with the customer. Then she stopped cold. Her friend stormed up to me and yelled, "you jerk! Why are you mocking her? She has tourettes you know!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 022

You deserved it 40 774

By Anonymous - 16/06/2010 01:27 - United States

Today, I found out my 19 year old daughter is pregnant. The father is a toss up between my 45 year-old best friend, and the 30 year old guy who cleans our pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 411

You deserved it 7 840

By myBFsucks - 05/10/2011 04:16 - Canada

Today, I went to the movies on a date. I went to pay for the tickets when I realized that I didn't have my wallet. Instead of my boyfriend paying, he laughed and paid for his own ticket. Then he went ahead and saw the movie without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 246

You deserved it 7 513

By Anonymous - 10/05/2015 12:16 - United Kingdom - York

Today, my boyfriend's mum publicly shamed him on Facebook after she caught him having sex under her roof today. Everyone thought it was hilarious, except me. Not because I'm ashamed, but because I'm over 300 miles away right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 176

You deserved it 2 484

By Anonymous - 14/04/2009 18:41 - United States

Today, I made an appointment with a therapist because lately I've been feeling alone and like no one cares about me. I waited at her office for about forty minutes before the receptionist informed me that she must have forgotten about the appointment. I was stood up by even my therapist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94 636

You deserved it 6 546

You BARBARIAN!

By Anonymous - 07/12/2020 10:57

Today, my flatmate was once again passive aggressive and angry at me, despite being sweet and pleasant to everyone else. My crime? Putting a baking tray in the dishwasher without scrubbing it first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 685

You deserved it 285

The Rainbow Bridge

By fishyrael - 30/10/2019 20:00

Today, at my job at a pet store, my boss told me to go outside and hand out flyers. I saw a man sitting on a bench and walked up, saying, "Hi! Do you have a pet?" He teared up and said, "I just put her down this morning." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 148

You deserved it 160

By ElemTeacher - 02/01/2018 15:00

Today, a student's parent yelled at me because they had to pay for school equipment their son had stolen from my desk. Apparently, it's my fault because the item was just too tempting for him not to steal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 644

You deserved it 246

By Cuppycake - 04/05/2011 05:33 - Canada

Today, I went on a first date with a guy. He parked his truck and reached in his door side pocket and grabbed a little black zippered bag. Seeing this, I burst out laughing saying, "Wow, what's that, your change purse?" He replied, "No, I'm diabetic, this is my blood sugar monitor." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 759

You deserved it 89 458

Dad jokes

By phoenix101 - 16/05/2011 05:40

Today, my girlfriend asked if we could spice up our sex life. She didn't think it was too funny when I laid out all of our spices on the bed. She now refuses to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 956

You deserved it 66 974

What ARE you doing?

By grounded - 03/01/2010 16:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I was on Facebook when I saw a link about what Pokémon would look like if they had genitals. I'm not quite sure why, but I decided to click it, and at that exact moment, my brother and his friend walked in. They told my mom I was looking at Pokémon porn. I'll never be able to live this down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 940

You deserved it 28 058

By Anonymous - 09/11/2011 21:52 - United States

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to let my 19-month-old son watch me pee, since I'm trying to potty train him. I didn't consider that he might try to grab my penis. When he did, I was startled and peed all over the floor and my son. Good job dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 447

You deserved it 24 572

By Anonymous - 01/08/2009 13:06 - United States

Today, my Dad sent me an e-mail wishing me a "Happy 21st Birthday, sweetheart!" The message went on and on about how much he loves and misses me and wishes we were closer, and can't believe how fast I'm growing up. I'm 23 and my birthday is in December. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 296

You deserved it 2 814

By Anonymous - 17/03/2015 07:46

Today, my girlfriend dumped me. Not for cheating or for flirting, but because I wear tighty whities. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 176

You deserved it 22 804

By AmyLeigh - 26/08/2012 04:18 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I took my puppy for a walk around town. I had to stop and explain to several people that yes, his head was purple because my little sister wanted to make him look like a Na'vi from Avatar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 203

You deserved it 2 486

By disgruntled - 26/03/2019 18:00

Today, I was passed over for a team lead role at work which went to my older male coworker instead. He repeatedly said that he only wanted the position for the money and didn’t care about leading. When I asked why he was offered the role over me, they said he had more leadership experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 905

You deserved it 248

By Sam - 09/01/2018 19:00

Today, I had debilitating stomach cramps and told my mom, but she said she was too tired to take me to the ER. I had appendicitis. Thanks Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 723

You deserved it 230

By Megannn - 01/05/2012 23:43 - United States

Today, I was in a gas station bathroom attempting to buy a condom from the machine on the wall. A woman who smelled of cat piss walked in, and I got embarrassed so I fled into a stall. She then started a conversation with me about "the good old days" from the next stall over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 837

You deserved it 3 678

By Anonymous - 06/06/2016 04:57 - United States - Frisco

Today, for the first time ever, one of my birthday wishes came true. I wished for my crush to come hang out with me, and she did. I wasted my birthday wish on an awkward silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 465

You deserved it 3 162

By vivelawank - 10/05/2014 20:52 - United Kingdom

Today, I realised the only preparation I've done for my final French exam has been wanking off to French porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 624

You deserved it 60 035

By Shocked - 18/12/2009 04:25 - United States

Today, I was watching TV. During a very long commercial break, I found my brothers PSP charger next to me. Out of boredom I put my tongue on the end on the metal. Not only did it fry my tongue but found its way to my metal filling in my tooth. I now have a sore tongue and a throbbing toothache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 172

You deserved it 80 368

By anonymous - 11/02/2012 05:57 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He swore it wouldn't be 2 minutes long this time. He was right. It was 3 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 875

You deserved it 5 597

By Anonymous - 14/11/2013 10:57 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, while chatting to my mother, I tried to show her a funny website by pasting the URL into a message. After I sent the message, I realised that my browser hadn't copied the URL I wanted to send her, and that I'd actually pasted the previous URL I copied. It was porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 576

You deserved it 47 304

By Anonymous - 01/10/2012 23:19 - United States - Topeka

Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw a brick down the laundry-chute. Guess who spent the night at the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 391

You deserved it 1 730

By notsohappy - 18/02/2009 21:14 - United States

Today, was the first time I had sex with a guy I really like. I took off my shirt and my bra and he said "wow, that's disappointing." FML

I agree, your life sucks 118 673

You deserved it 11 049

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Top comments

Dogmaw 0

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Monday 1 June 2009 15:55

You wear a shirt that says that, you can't be offended by "Hey, gays!". It's a little funny. A little. :)

Redders123 1

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Sunday 25 April 2010 3:32

I live in SoCal - we refer to everyone here as "you guys". Just like in the south more than one person is "y'all". Guys doesn't always mean "male".

freber120 0

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Monday 1 June 2009 15:53

first

B4SK3TB4IL 0

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Wednesday 8 September 2010 6:20

HHAAHAHAHAHA

fortytwo 0

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Monday 1 June 2009 15:55

that sucks They probably just ignored it, so it's not all that bad. Just please tell me you didn't spend the next five minutes trying to explain yourself. Also, has anyone noticed that all the embarrassing FMLs are the same. "Today, I mixed up my words and said something embarrassing. FML" =

Dogmaw 0

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Monday 1 June 2009 15:55

You wear a shirt that says that, you can't be offended by "Hey, gays!". It's a little funny. A little. :)

YouAreRidiculous 0

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Monday 1 June 2009 15:57

that is such a stupid shirt.

elmarcelop 0

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Monday 1 June 2009 15:59

fuck you #1...i made an account just to write this comment

Aelaena 6

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Monday 1 June 2009 16:01

haha that is awesome and LOL to 5

Saluton 18

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Monday 1 June 2009 16:01

They are not "guys" in the first place. If I were a girl, I wouldn't have liked being addressed as a "guy".

Redders123 1

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Sunday 25 April 2010 3:32

I live in SoCal - we refer to everyone here as "you guys". Just like in the south more than one person is "y'all". Guys doesn't always mean "male".

OneLittleAdditio 9

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Tuesday 12 October 2010 6:24

agreed 92 I don get all insulted at that. :]

Bryan_Z 0

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Monday 1 June 2009 16:01

meh, im gay, not really a biggie.

fueledbyamy 0

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Monday 1 June 2009 16:03

haha thats funny :) and whats wrong with being called 'guys'? i always get called that, if in a group. its just friendly, not meant to be derogitory or anything.