Today, I was driving home on the highway with my wife and her... - FML

By future MIL slasher - 23/9/2012 21:05 - United States - Rindge

Today, I was driving home on the highway with my wife and her parents. As I overtook another car, a rock got kicked up into our windshield. My wife screamed about the crack it created, while my mother-in-law goaded her on and mocked my "piss-poor driving." FML

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Instadrama

Compassion

Live dumping

By Dana - 29/1/2010 18:59 - United States

Today, it was very windy and snowy and the neighborhoods garbage cans were blowing everywhere. I had already brought mine in and I saw my neighbor's being blown away. Thinking I'd be nice, I went out to pick it up. Just before I could however, the wind smashed it into me and I fell on the ice. FML

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By too eager - 25/4/2016 15:21 - Australia - Hurstville

Today, I had a date with an amazing girl so in the shower I wanted to make sure I was extra clean. With the soaped up shower puff in hand I tried to get as much of my back as I could which led to me pushing too far and dislocating my shoulder. FML

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By broke - 16/11/2016 03:08 - United States - Orlando

Today, I paid $125 to get my car back after it was towed. Yesterday, I bought the car. When I got it to my apartment, the office wasn't open, so I couldn't get a parking decal. The same office that towed my car while they were still closed. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/1/2012 20:02 - United States

Today, I went on a date to the zoo. I soon found out that my date had eaten several hash brownies before entering. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/9/2012 01:34 - Canada

Today, I told a girl that she had very pretty eyes. I then had to rinse pepper spray from my own. FML

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By Gretchen - 25/2/2011 01:56

Today, I went to see my banker. As we were finishing everything up, I leaned forward to sign something. As I went back to sit down, my 2 year old pulled the chair out from under me, and I crashed down to the floor. FML

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By chunderful202 - 24/12/2012 08:46 - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, I woke up with a hangover from hell. My clothes were stained with vomit, I was propped up on the sofa with a bowl between my knees, and my hair tied to one side. My mum was taking photos to send to Grandma. FML

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By seriously - 20/4/2009 23:05 - Canada

Today, I had a substitute teacher for my dance class. I noticed at one point, he took out a camera. The principal came in, everyone was going crazy, and the teacher was dragged out of the classroom. He was taking videos and pictures of us dancing. Turns out he was a registered sex offender. FML

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By disfunctionalfamily - 27/4/2011 19:03 - United States

Today, I got married. My sister and father could not attend because they already had plans. My sister went to the mall with her friends, and my dad went to a pool party. FML

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By disappointed - 23/9/2011 03:08 - United States

Today, after having saved up my money for months to buy my college-bound son the car of his dreams, I got a phone call telling me it had been totalled during a drag-race. I only gave him the keys two days ago. FML

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By Charlie - 8/9/2009 10:46 - Australia

Today, it was raining. I was out walking with my girlfriend, and decided it would be cute if we did a bit of dancing in the rain. As I was swinging her around, I swung her head against a lamp post. She broke up with me. FML

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By nosleep - 5/2/2011 00:05 - Australia

Today, in the middle of the night, my fiancé started yelling gibberish in his sleep. When I tried to wake him, he punched me square in the face. FML

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By 14YearOld - 25/11/2011 17:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my parents have a list of everything I have ever Googled. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/1/2011 17:35 - United States

Today, my fiancé ended our engagement, saying he wanted to have "one last quickie" for the road. He saw nothing wrong with that. FML

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By julia - 1/12/2012 01:02 - United States - Downers Grove

Today, as part of my job as a swimming instructor, I had to help a teenage boy learn how to float. This involves supporting the person's back as they try to float. His boner stood straight up. FML

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By fukinnature - 1/11/2016 07:27

Today, I was feeling stressed about some upcoming exams, so I went on a nice relaxing nature walk through the nearby bushland. I slipped off a rock and landed in knee-deep mud that claimed my shoe when I pulled my leg free. I'm even more stressed now. FML

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By anon - 29/1/2015 18:32 - United States - Carlsbad

Today, I woke up after taking the new sleeping pills I was prescribed for my insomnia. I slept for 12 hours and had 5 missed calls from my boss. FML

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By potatohead - 1/11/2017 18:00

Today, I had a nasty headache so I tried to take a nap. Unfortunately, my college had a homecoming parade a block away from where I live. I never knew our marching band sounded that awful. FML

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By nothreat33 - 18/1/2009 00:04 - United States

Today, it was my 24th birthday. I got a card from my sister reading: "Here's to another year of complete disregard for age-appropriate developmental milestones." She was right. FML

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By Meg - 13/6/2009 22:46 - United States

Today, I found out the identity of the pervert who's been staring at me through my bedroom window in the late hours of the night. My parents and I decided to set out a trap for 'him' instead of reporting to our local cop. Turns out, we caught my 37 year-old neighbor in the act. He's the cop. FML

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By sadgirlhours - 26/8/2019 19:01 - United States - Gulfport

Today, I tried plugging in my Gatorade bottle with a charging cable instead of my phone. I couldn't tell if the reason was because I was high, or I'm just really that fucking stupid. FML

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By Daddy - 19/8/2016 14:55 - United States - Hialeah

Today, I discovered an effective form of body hair removal. I discovered that my three-year-old daughter is strong enough to pull off a major clump of my leg hair. FML

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By lauren - 8/7/2010 04:51 - United States

Today, I discovered that my cleaning lady steals valuables from me, and covered it up by saying that "the vacuum must've eaten it." FML

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By Anonymous - 18/7/2019 20:00

Today, my father, who I haven't spoken to in over 12 years, contacted me. He just wanted to let me know that I should get tested for a rare neurological disease. The only thing the man has given to me since my conception is potentially a death certificate. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/7/2014 18:15 - United States

Today, I asked my mom why nobody likes me. She reeled off about a dozen reasons. FML

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By Anon - 30/3/2012 05:10 - New Zealand

Today, I was so excited to hear my phone get a message that I jumped out of my seat. It was the TV, advertising texting plans. FML

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By shmarf - 20/6/2015 06:00 - United States - Belton

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML

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By Cuzles - 23/3/2011 16:11 - United States

Today, I locked the door to our only bathroom so my two year old wouldn't get in and make a mess. I crapped my pants while trying to unlock it with the key that rests on the frame. FML

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By Snickers - 12/5/2012 04:27 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, while sitting at a red light, I guiltily nibbled on a chocolate bar and looked around to make sure no one saw me cheating on my diet. A police car pulled up, I panicked, stepped on the gas, and ran the light. FML

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By Z3R0G5 - 6/1/2014 23:00 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my dog found out how to turn my Xbox off. So whenever he wants attention, guess what he does. FML

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By maddiecat - 8/1/2013 05:34 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I saw Les Misérables. I was singing along to one of the songs when the guy next to me dumped his soda over my head and told me to shut up. FML

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By anonymous - 26/5/2016 00:34 - United States - Rio Rancho

Today, I went to a trampoline park and jumped into an adult-area foam pit that apparently used to be for children. I guess it never occurred to them to change the depth of it, as I now have a fractured ankle. FML

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By "deerling" - 18/3/2019 06:00 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I accidentally farted really loud. My 4 year old Brother heard me and started crying and stopped talking to me for a whole hour. Now he tells everyone about that time his sister farted. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/4/2009 15:26 - Australia

Today, I got a text from my girlfriend saying she needed more phone credit, so I bought her more and got another message saying "Great, now I have enough credit for this..." as she spelled out a three page message breaking up with me. Yes, I paid for her to break up with me via text. FML

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By Ouchies - 1/10/2009 22:31 - United States

Today, while cleaning up, I dropped a box of thumbtacks, spilling them all over the floor. As I fumbled to pick them up, the power went out. FML

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By laptitesouris - 31/3/2013 23:35 - France - Pertuis

Today, one of my 5-year-old son's teeth fell out, but he's quite scatterbrained and he lost it. He did however find my vibrating duck under my pillow, and is now crying because he thinks that I stole his tooth so that the tooth fairy would bring me a toy. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/9/2010 17:51 - Canada

Today, I was shopping in a store and an employee was mopping the floor. She mopped all around where I was standing then told me to wait until the floor dried to move. I had to go to the bathroom. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/8/2012 14:20 - United Kingdom - Bishops Stortford

Today, my social anxiety hit a new low. I was playing bingo and, although I won, I didn't shout "bingo" because I thought too many people would look at me. FML

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By mrniceguy - 23/2/2010 18:57 - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend started a fake argument and pretended to be mad at me for four days, which was almost enough time for the gigantic hickey that my best friend gave her on her neck to heal. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/11/2019 22:00

Keep in touch

Today on my birthday, my wife thought it would be a good idea to get matching tattoos. Our tattoo artist happened to be her ex-boyfriend. I sat and listened to them talk about their relationship and how they should stay in touch. FML

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Top comments

By Minna_fml | 14

#4965120 - Monday 24 September 2012 2:31

Check OPs name.

By hopsinlove17 | 26

#4965624 - Monday 24 September 2012 4:29

I read it as MILF O.O

Comments

By TuLegit | 4

#4965112 - Monday 24 September 2012 2:30

Sorry op, that sucks!

Reply

dinorider_fml | 4

#4965199 - Monday 24 September 2012 2:40

I'm guessing that's why OP put it on this site

Reply

therealafroninga | 10

#4965470 - Monday 24 September 2012 3:44

You sir, are not too legit to quit.

Reply

PinkieKeen | 20

#4965541 - Monday 24 September 2012 4:08

No Dino, I don't think it's that.

Reply

patrickalamo | 47

#4965750 - Monday 24 September 2012 5:01

1. Just like your comment.

Reply

CheeseTron | 15

#4965754 - Monday 24 September 2012 5:01

You've got a pis-poor family.

Reply

KSG472 | 3

#4966993 - Monday 24 September 2012 15:39

Yeah but he also said hes sorry.

Reply

simonsaysYDI | 8

#4968132 - Monday 24 September 2012 23:07

55 - Aaah anyone would freak out at that happening, more out of shock than real anger.
And mother-in-laws are just bitches (sometimes

By Minna_fml | 14

#4965120 - Monday 24 September 2012 2:31

Check OPs name.

Reply

zojieeu | 6

#4965293 - Monday 24 September 2012 2:55

I totally read it as future milk sister :D

Reply

hopsinlove17 | 26

#4965624 - Monday 24 September 2012 4:29

I read it as MILF O.O

Reply

TrollRoaster | 0

#4965890 - Monday 24 September 2012 5:44

Dont thumb me down

Reply

ElricMustang | 23

#4965955 - Monday 24 September 2012 6:11

I also thought it was milf lol

Reply

thiscrazything | 1

#4966057 - Monday 24 September 2012 6:54

I read it as his MIL better straighten up, or she will end up with concrete shoes.

By anon80214 | 15

#4965123 - Monday 24 September 2012 2:31

Gotta love those in-laws. FYL

Reply

dinorider_fml | 4

#4965286 - Monday 24 September 2012 2:54

Talk about the highway to hell

By alstbv12 | 13

#4965129 - Monday 24 September 2012 2:31

Safelite is on your side

Reply

gc327072 | 29

#4965221 - Monday 24 September 2012 2:44

Safelite repair, Safelite replace

Reply

Drigr | 8

#4965456 - Monday 24 September 2012 3:40

Uh... Isn't it "Nationwide is on your side"?

By Pelvispresley | 8

#4965134 - Monday 24 September 2012 2:32

In laws (insert history channel meme here)

Reply

gc327072 | 29

#4967922 - Monday 24 September 2012 21:49

Wait... you mean the ancient aliens guy meme?

By UberNova | 18

#4965137 - Monday 24 September 2012 2:32

You know the truth, that is what counts.

By emmagillespie24 | 11

#4965141 - Monday 24 September 2012 2:32

I moderated this! :)

By LilBobby | 0

#4965145 - Monday 24 September 2012 2:32

Sorry OP. That only cracked the surface of your in-laws..

By sarah6786 | 14

#4965147 - Monday 24 September 2012 2:33

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

MURIKKA | 11

#4965499 - Monday 24 September 2012 3:55

Not really....

Reply

SenselessPattern | 12

#4965564 - Monday 24 September 2012 4:16

Maybe you're thinking of poor-piss, which is what your doctor calls your urine sample when it turns out to be black.

Reply

MURIKKA | 11

#4965645 - Monday 24 September 2012 4:32

42- I don't know if I should laugh at that, or just slap you in the spleen. Decisions decisions.

Reply

SenselessPattern | 12

#4965973 - Monday 24 September 2012 6:17

When in doubt, slap the spleen.

By SaturnV | 25

#4965165 - Monday 24 September 2012 2:34

Well now you know where your wife got her bitchiness from. Sorry OP, berating a significant other so harshly in front of others like that is completely uncalled for and uncivilized.

Reply

thiscrazything | 1

#4966072 - Monday 24 September 2012 7:00

Yep, unless OP stops it now, I see years of misery in his future.