Geek: Today, I opened my laptop in the train to watch a good film I...

By Jumanji - 12/12/2008 06:05 - France

Today, I opened my laptop in the train to watch a good film I had downloaded. Of course, it was a fake and the whole carriage was allowed to watch and hear five seconds of butt licking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 980

You deserved it 12 063

Geek

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Same thing different taste

GOT FML

By so not funny! - 28/06/2022 05:00 - United States

Today, my husband and I, as well as our two oldest kids, have dark hair. Our youngest came out with very blonde hair, like my older brother's. My husband insists on calling the baby our little “golden-haired Lannister”, no matter how many times I’ve asked him to stop. He thinks it’s hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 782

You deserved it 185

Too passionate for me

By Mutton - 08/03/2021 17:01

Today, during one of my wife’s very infrequent amorous moments, she headbutted me and split one of my front teeth in half. I now have two teeth where there used to be one, and I can see the exposed nerve in the crack. Yes, it’s as excruciating as it sounds FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 382

You deserved it 103

By Anonymous - 26/11/2017 05:00

Today, I called my daughter a wimp and insisted her pain can't be that bad. She left in tears. Later, I got a call from her doctor informing me that she has trigeminal neuralgia, one of the most painful diseases known to man. I'm an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 574

You deserved it 10 429

Proud boy

By Spaghetto - 10/10/2021 05:00 - United States

Today, I had an argument with my brother after discovering his new Confederate flag tattoo. His main response was, "It's about heritage, not hate!" We're third generation Italians from New Jersey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 130

You deserved it 138

By Anonymous - 27/12/2013 22:39 - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 006

You deserved it 7 243

Gaslighting

By -__- - 11/08/2013 16:26 - Greece - Athens

Today, my girlfriend discovered subliminal messaging. She thought that whispering, "You want to shave your beard" under her breath while I'm not looking at her, then denying ever saying it, would eventually make me shave my alleged upper-lip hair FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 987

You deserved it 5 735

You have been warned

By anne - 17/06/2017 22:00

Today, I happily told my husband I'm pregnant. He happily informed me that very, VERY large babies run in his family, and even though he was born 3 weeks early, he still weighed 15 lbs. The smallest baby to ever be born into his family was his great grandmother, who was 12 lbs. OH GOD, THE PAIN. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 251

You deserved it 800

By oh gee, you don't say - 15/12/2012 18:43 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, my dad forced the whole family to sit through a two-hour lecture, with supporting research, on how the "Mayan prophecy" is actually a load of shit fabricated by conmen. Nice to know he thinks we're all borderline brain-dead, gullible fuckwits who believed it to begin with. Thanks, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 011

You deserved it 4 648

By MDoremis - 24/02/2015 04:58 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I bought How To Train Your Dragon and the cashier started complaining how her kids keep demanding dragon stuff and that mine will start after they see the movie. I don't have any kids, and I didn't have the courage to tell her I was buying it for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 099

You deserved it 5 346

By Michael - 04/01/2010 08:50 - Australia

Today, my 4 year old daughter was ripping out photos of the family photo book, I asked her why she was doing it she answered, "I saw mummy doing it to another book." The only other family photo book was the day we got married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 071

You deserved it 2 916

Epikouros 31

Sunday 23 October 2011 21:07

That's annoying. I need at least five minutes of butt-licking to get off, especially on the train, when people are looking.

eve6grl02 0

Thursday 23 April 2009 16:43

gah, ALWAYS preview torrents before watching them in public :P

Comments

mjane 0

Monday 6 April 2009 3:37

thats why you should stream videos

Rape_Laser 0

Tuesday 31 May 2011 18:11

so true

NStarB 13

Friday 12 April 2013 21:43

No just use proper sites, and use comments to your advantage

eve6grl02 0

Thursday 23 April 2009 16:43

gah, ALWAYS preview torrents before watching them in public :P

CrunkCupcake97 2

Wednesday 1 July 2009 23:47

oooh that sucks

JesusOfNazareth 16

Thursday 12 June 2014 1:40

Don't you mean that licks?

ramonesmuchacha 0

Friday 3 July 2009 6:12

#1 - buy headphones. wear on train. #2 - preview torrents before watching before live audience. some content not always appropriate lol

redbeater 5

Tuesday 2 March 2010 4:56

sucks. I hate shorty torrents. sooo much time to download, and it doesn't work.

slipknot262318 0

Tuesday 2 March 2010 6:54

doesn't say he didn't download it legally: iTunes, amazon, etc.

GiddyXD 0

Wednesday 7 April 2010 1:39

he didnt say they were torrents guys..

pu13 5

Tuesday 25 May 2010 7:06

u should have checked the size of the file :p

Babydoll4ever 7

Tuesday 28 June 2011 5:02

nicee (;

jwrosenau 3

Monday 22 April 2013 8:38

That's what she said

afallingstar 22

Sunday 25 July 2010 20:18

you are a pirate!

rndg 0

Friday 6 August 2010 22:45

Dumbass.

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The Top

Today, my workplace demanded a doctor's note to prove that I can’t stand for long periods, and would benefit from a desk job. I guess my above-the-knee amputation and spinal surgery scars don’t count as evidence, but a piece of paper from a doctor is just fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 927

You deserved it 108

Today, I was playing basketball in the searing heat with my friends. I jokingly told my friend that I was gonna die if I stayed out there much longer. Two minutes later, I got the ball and made the shot that won. Too bad I didn't see it, since I collapsed right as I took the shot and blacked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 085

You deserved it 1 405

The Top

Today, I tripped while rushing to my classes. In a desperate attempt to regain my balance, I grabbed the nearest thing to me. A fire alarm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 401

You deserved it 3 976

Today, I found out that my mom has been deliberately forgetting to help me practice my driving. It's not because the insurance will go up once I pass the test, she doesn't want my 14 year-old sister to feel left behind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 692

You deserved it 1 192

Today, I’m sitting in the ER pissed off at my teenage sons. They’re both violently ill from doing a shot contest to see who could drink the most. Alcohol poisoning? Nope. Caffeine overdose. They lost track of how many shots of espresso they were doing before they started puking and shaking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 194

You deserved it 152

Today, while working at Starbucks, an elderly woman came up to me asking to turn up the heat. It was at 73. After explaining to her that corporate all the way across the country controls our heat, she's reporting me to corporate and is insisting I should be fired or she won't ever return. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 278

You deserved it 365

Today, my husband told me that he can't find his passport. We're supposed to be leaving for Prague in two days. He's known about the trip for months. It was the anniversary vacation that was going to help our frayed relationship. Now my money is going to a hotel in Prague, but I'm not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 781

You deserved it 4 296

Today, I helped this guy get into his truck after he'd locked his keys in it, and he said thank you and went on his way. Ten minutes later, a woman came out of the grocery store and freaked out, saying someone stole her truck. I helped a guy steal a truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 476

You deserved it 791