Today, I felt like Cinderella. No, I didn't lose a shoe in public....

By ModernCindy - 30/11/2015 16:07 - United Kingdom - Cleveleys

Today, I felt like Cinderella. No, I didn't lose a shoe in public. Nor did I dance with Prince Charming. But I did get a visit from tiny wild mice in my home. FML

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Animals

Dad jokes, part 43884

Big baby man

The opposite of a good idea

By Thithien1 - 1/4/2009 06:07 - Korea Republic of

Today, I was on a crowded subway going home. My trousers were a bit dusty so I tried to dust myself off. As I was slapping the side of my leg I missed and hit a woman behind me in the ass. She called me a pervert and walked off. Everyone stared at me. It takes 40 minutes to get home. FML

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By mother to an ugly doll - 4/9/2013 18:10 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my car window got smashed, because someone somehow confused the doll my daughter always leaves strapped into a carseat for an actual kid. It's a cabbage patch kid. FML

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By muffinmen1022 - 20/2/2009 05:27 - United States

Today, I went to Macy's to go shopping, I was wearing a shirt and tie and dressed nicely. Customers came up to me with questions, but I just ignored them. Minutes later, thinking I was an employee, the manager came and yelled at me, and threatened to fire me. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/9/2013 06:47 - United Kingdom - Warrington

Today, I finally got up the courage to talk to my four-year boyfriend about how insecure I've been feeling in our relationship recently, and how I needed his support while I try to get my self-esteem back on-track. He fell asleep mid-conversation. FML

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By Jack Shart Jr. - 8/7/2015 15:16 - United States

Today, I'm so out of shape that I got winded from getting out of bed. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/12/2010 06:13 - United States

Today, I was messing around with my boyfriend, trying to get him to tell me he loved me more than KISS, his favorite band. He couldn't do it. FML

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By taylor124 - 22/8/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, I listened to a voice mail from my mom about how she misses me and cant wait to see me when I get back from vacation. Thinking she hung up, my mother then had a conversation with my aunt about how quiet the house is without me and how she'd be blessed if I didn't come home. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/9/2013 21:04 - United States - Carpentersville

Today, I caught my roommate trying to use my flashlight as a dildo. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/4/2020 17:00

Eat the rich

Today, at work, I found out that they are taking all bonus pay away, but giving us an extra $1 an hour due to Covid-19. Last week, they laid off half my department. Those people laid off are making more money on unemployment than I am now. FML

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By Enyo - 1/1/2013 17:35 - Reserved

Today, I found my dogs freezing outside. My neighbor was supposed to watch them while I was away, and on my way home I called to let her know she should let them have a quick walk. She thought I'd be home soon enough that she wouldn't have to let them back in. It was minus 10c out. FML

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By Mars - 29/4/2009 09:40 - United States

Today, I got a haircut. Right after the lady finished washing my hair she grabbed a towel to wipe her nose. She then used the same towel to thoroughly dry my hair. FML

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By julie - 12/11/2009 01:54 - United States

Today, I realized that if you are too lazy to get completely dressed in the morning and only put on a top, you should not answer a Skype video call from your boss that involves you standing up, turning around and grabbing files from your filing cabinet all in clear view of your web cam. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/4/2009 04:38 - United States

Today, I went to the mall with a couple of friends. While walking through the parking lot, we saw a very dirty car. You couldn't even see the inside of the car through the windows. I thought it would be funny to trace on the window, "Wash Me." After doing so, the driver got out of the car. FML

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By kelkline - 31/8/2009 16:45 - United States

Today, my friend got a babysitter for the kids and told me she was taking me to a party. My son told me his band was playing at a party. I will be 40 tomorrow, so I thought this would be the best surprise birthday party ever. It WAS a surprise birthday party – for a friend of ours. FML

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By kit_kat14 - 19/2/2010 14:27 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my boyfriend joined a group on Facebook called 'Swallow. Or it's going in your eye.' Today I also found out that my boyfriend takes Facebook groups very seriously. FML

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By happiestturtle - 8/6/2016 15:21 - United States - Chicago

Today, my mom thought the best way to stop me from taking people to my room was by changing my wallpaper into a nursery-themed one. Now I get to see bunnies, letter blocks and teddy bears all day long. FML

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By obnum - 24/5/2013 12:26 - United States - New York

Today, after months of being pestered to do so, I finally read the first Harry Potter book. I hated it. Upon hearing this, my girlfriend posted the fact on Facebook, where I immediately received tons of abuse and eventual shunning by my friends, family, and coworkers. My girlfriend just laughed. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/9/2015 02:36 - Australia

Today, after my second date with an otherwise charming guy, he called me a whore for turning him down for sex. Yeah, I'm trying to work out the logic of that too. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/5/2013 04:39 - United States - Cleveland

Today, at the supermarket, a man collapsed. I gave CPR while the cashier called for help. During this, the other patrons were complaining that no other register was open. Once the ambulance arrived, I returned to my cart to find items removed and 40 dollars taken from my purse. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/2/2014 22:44 - United States - Carlisle

Today, I told my husband how frisky I was feeling, and asked him what he was going to do about it. He reached into our fruit bowl, tossed me a banana and told me to work it out, then returned to his video game. FML

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By Alexis - 15/11/2017 23:00 - United States

Classy.

Today, I spent 12 hours in an airport rather than go back to the apartment of the man I traveled to see for the weekend. Instead of wine, dine, sixty-nine, he took me to a tailgating event and introduced me to two girls he had a threesome with. FML

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By blanknameisblank - 9/6/2014 19:36 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I broke my nose trying to pop a zit. FML

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By CBM2012 - 7/2/2009 04:58 - United States

Today, My roommate texted me and warned me to be careful on the stairs leading to our place because they were icy. I got the message. After I fell down an entire flight of stone stairs. FML

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By Stevarious - 10/7/2015 15:49 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I was finally starting to relax after a stressful and expensive move, where I had to give up half my belongings and furniture, as well as my cat. All the stress came rushing back as my new landlord told me that he's selling the building and I've got 30 days to vacate. FML

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By kelscait - 1/7/2009 22:26 - United States

Today, I had my first kiss with this guy that I really liked. We started making out and he stopped and had this bizarre look on his face. I thought he was liking it, so I said, "You're a good kisser, you wanna go to the bedroom?" He replied with, "I'll pass, you have really bad breath". FML

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By Fran - 9/1/2010 08:40 - New Zealand

Today, I was awoken at 1:30am by a strange noise, and something tugging on my hair. I opened my eyes, to find a very large rat sitting on my pillow, chewing my hair. FML

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By Ellowise - 24/12/2009 10:06 - Belgium

Today, I used the tanning booth for the first time. Not only was I so white that I received first-degree burns all over my body, but I also forgot to remove my knee-high socks. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/8/2010 07:10 - United States

Today, I was on my third date with this really cute girl. After a very romantic evening, I decided to go for the first kiss, but because of my nervous reflex in which I get bloody noses, I ended up bleeding all over her face. FML

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By michellekel - 4/7/2009 12:10 - France

Today, I went to the beach on the cote d'azur and the lifeguard told me that even though there were two jellyfish in the bay, it was safe to swim. Five minutes into swimming, I got stung twice. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/4/2015 10:52 - United States - Oceanside

Today, I got disappointed when I realized that I had to share a bed with my husband because we had company over. FML

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By steve - 5/9/2012 08:14 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't take her pet rock seriously. FML

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By useyourownbed - 18/9/2012 20:06 - United States - Byron

Today, my sister walked into my room, saying her boyfriend "forgot something." She then reached under my bed and pulled out a pair of boxers and a condom wrapper. Her response to my disgust was, "My bed was dirty." FML

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By Anonymous - 11/7/2013 19:09 - United States - Omaha

Today, my boyfriend convinced me do an Insanity workout with him. I passed out during the warmup. FML

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By PairOfSocks - 17/10/2016 20:55 - Finland - Tampere

Today, one of my friends bought a wedding dress for her upcoming wedding. My other friend intends to propose to her boyfriend and ordered rings. I too made a purchase: a pair of socks for myself. FML

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By t - 17/5/2011 03:26

Today, I got a really bad cramp while I was swimming in my neighborhood pool. I started to go under until the lifeguard jumped in and saved me. I guess it would have been great, if I wasn't a fellow lifeguard. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/10/2012 01:55 - United States - Palm City

Today, at around 11pm the police made a visit to my house, explaining how my neighbors had thought I was using a universal remote to change their television channels. FML

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By kiwichick4life - 30/7/2013 16:42 - United States - Pickerington

Today, I was pretending to be a ballerina. I was dancing around my room, making a complete dick of myself. I eventually caught sight of a pair of guys grinning and filming me with their cellphones through my window. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/6/2012 07:02 - United States

Today, Child Protective Services came to my house, because my 7-year-old son told people at school that he was uncomfortable sleeping in his uncle's bed. I had to explain to them that the uncle in question died 2 years ago, and that's why it felt weird. FML

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By Baby eater - 20/5/2014 00:00 - United States - Clarksville

Today, I told my 4-year-old neighbor that I'm pregnant. His response was to attack me with a stick "for swallowing a baby." Three people had to pull him off. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/12/2014 12:10 - Australia - Campbelltown

Today, my 4-year-old daughter figured out how to set a parental code lock on our television so we can't watch football because it scares her when we scream. She won't tell us no matter what we bribe her with. FML

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Top comments

By UncleCaitlyn | 21

#6474532 - Monday 30 November 2015 23:04

Did they sing and dance and make you a dress. If not I'm seeing a problem

By Miss_Chevious | 37

#6474537 - Monday 30 November 2015 23:06

What, no fairy god mother?

Comments

By Ninjahiga | 27

#6474530 - Monday 30 November 2015 23:04

Call an exterminator ASAP before it gets worse

Livin_Like_Larry | 29

#6474567 - Monday 30 November 2015 23:24

Top comment with -1 likes?!?!?!?!?

XxDanno316xX | 27

#6474576 - Monday 30 November 2015 23:38

1st comment does not guarantee everyone will like the actual comment mate. :)

DoomSkuller | 28

#6474599 - Tuesday 1 December 2015 0:17

Why? Mice and rats are good pets. Just need to keep them out of the walls where they can cause havoc on the house. And get em treated for disease.

bandaidstations | 28

#6474603 - Tuesday 1 December 2015 0:28

16, this is not ifunny. Comments are in the order they were made, not according to likes.

wanted_2_want | 40

#6474637 - Tuesday 1 December 2015 1:27

AND they make a tasty snack for my cat.

By UncleCaitlyn | 21

#6474532 - Monday 30 November 2015 23:04

Did they sing and dance and make you a dress. If not I'm seeing a problem

By Miss_Chevious | 37

#6474537 - Monday 30 November 2015 23:06

What, no fairy god mother?

wanted_2_want | 40

#6474636 - Tuesday 1 December 2015 1:25

Definitely a drama queen.

By Richard6036 | 13

#6474538 - Monday 30 November 2015 23:06

Don't worry the seven dwarves aren't far behind

umerin | 32

#6474587 - Monday 30 November 2015 23:56

wrong princess bud

By i_live_to_vault | 19

#6474539 - Monday 30 November 2015 23:07

Well you have to befriend the nice before the show incident and Prince Charming, according to the story.

i_live_to_vault | 19

#6474552 - Monday 30 November 2015 23:14

*shoe. Autocorrect.

dabaerju | 23

#6474796 - Tuesday 1 December 2015 7:30

*mice. You forgot one.

By oceaneyes213 | 21

#6474540 - Monday 30 November 2015 23:08

Personally I wouldn't have too big an issue because I have three snakes who love mice. But seriously, call an exterminator. They can carry diseases.

By madscientist_17 | 15

#6474546 - Monday 30 November 2015 23:10

bibbity bobbity boo

By Miss_Chevious | 37

#6474547 - Monday 30 November 2015 23:11

Bibbity Bobbity Shoo!

By Warmonger_Smurf | 29

#6474549 - Monday 30 November 2015 23:12

I'd say get a cat, but mine were always better at bringing half dead mince into the house. Oddly my dogs have always been better mousers.

By TMWhisp | 22

#6474553 - Monday 30 November 2015 23:16

Sounds like you need to summon Lucifer for this problem.

TheLadyOpal | 30

#6474647 - Tuesday 1 December 2015 1:47

I would not trust a cat named Lucifer, especially if he belonged to my bitch of a wicked stepmother.