Today, I felt like Cinderella. No, I didn't lose a shoe in public....

By ModernCindy - 30/11/2015 16:07 - United Kingdom - Cleveleys

Today, I felt like Cinderella. No, I didn't lose a shoe in public. Nor did I dance with Prince Charming. But I did get a visit from tiny wild mice in my home. FML

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Animals

No justice

No Gods, No Masters

Not a cheating!

By Ben - 21/8/2009 21:28 - United States

Today, my 6 year old daughter somehow learned about sex. She also had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When the teacher asked where she came from, she said, "My daddy's happy sacks." FML

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By Crying - 29/2/2012 20:21 - United States

Today, I started crying in class because of a sad part in the book I was reading. I got pulled out into the hallway and my male teacher asked, "Is it your special time?" FML

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By lifestinks - 23/8/2009 03:29 - United States

Today, my work finally hired someone to replace some leaky pipes at work. I work in the basement by myself, and just as I walk under the newly fixed pipes, I get soaked with water. Apparently it was connected to a toilet. My boss couldn't find a replacement so they made me work covered in piss. FML

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By Anonyme - 12/2/2014 09:47 - France - Aigremont

Today, I watched the Sochi Winter Games online. Excited by an athlete's victory, I yelled out, "YEAH!" to 20-or-so silent coworkers. As if to redeem myself, I then said, "Don't pretend like you're all working you lot!" Our boss was right behind me. FML

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By yourmom - 16/6/2009 04:06 - United States

Today, I was using a public bathroom when a woman backs in, pulls down her pants, and sits on my lap. Needless to say she didn't even notice I was there until I hyperventilated. FML

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By ... - 12/2/2019 18:00

Today, I finally had an interview for my dream job. It was all going great until I started chuckling uncontrollably, snorted like a pig and hit the guy with the world's largest snot rocket. All I could do was slip out the door as he sat paralysed with shock. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/9/2014 07:01 - United States - Whittier

Today, I realized how truly insecure I really am, when the guy in the show I'm watching looked straight into the camera and I immediately looked away. FML

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By anon - 27/3/2013 23:17 - Netherlands - Swalmen

Today, I showed my aunt and mother my tattoo. They both burst out laughing. FML

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By Kelly - 2/3/2009 23:38 - United States

Today, I went to get my underarms waxed. I'm usually not self-conscious because I figure they see worse stuff all the time. When I raised my arm for her to wax my armpit she looked at me, laughed and said "Well I guess that's how I know it's winter in Wisconsin!" FML

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By Sherry - 11/7/2012 13:29 - United States - Middletown

Today, my brother had a party with over 60 people in my basement. It turns out that five different couples had sex under the same comforter. The comforter was mine. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/12/2015 18:10 - Germany - Munich

Today, I had to work late. Due to delayed trains and a missed connection, it was almost midnight when I finally got home. When I walked into the bedroom, I found my girlfriend wearing sexy lingerie and fast asleep. FML

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By inthesticks - 19/11/2016 06:21 - United States - Orlando

Today, I was cleaning off my couch so my nephew could crash here for a few nights. It's been so long since we've sat on it that it is now inhabited by rats we didn't know were in the house, including newly born ones. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/1/2012 06:24 - United States

Today, this girl I liked made her Facebook status "Nobody texts me anymore, message me numbers?" I commented that I texted her. She deleted it and changed it to "Nobody that I care about texts me anymore, message me numbers?" FML

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By Anonymous - 10/2/2015 04:12 - United States

Today, in an attempt to potty train my 2-year-old, I sat her on the toilet and waited for several minutes. I finally gave up and lifted her off the toilet just in time for her to pee on my new shoes. FML

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By serendipity1027 - 30/10/2010 13:40 - France

Today, while my boyfriend and I were fighting in the car, I paused to take a bite of my burrito. Just at that moment, he slammed on the brakes, causing me to deepthroat my burrito. I threw up all over myself. He won the argument. FML

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By Stormy - 27/2/2011 21:46 - United States

Today, I went to my first ever high school party with music, drinks, and dancing. Within a few minutes of taking my first ever shot of tequila, I was in the worst pain in my life. My parents were called and I had to be taken to the hospital. I'm alcohol intolerant. FML

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By mcd - 5/10/2020 08:01 - United Kingdom - Gloucester

Rat Race

Today, at work, a man punched me in the face because he said I took his son's job. He meant both me and his son applied for the same job. He also asked to speak to my boss, because he thinks I "cheated." FML

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By nicholascageonyourface - 9/6/2013 05:13 - United States - Papillion

Today, I was delivering pizza. When I went up to the front door, an elderly lady answered. She was wearing a floral dress that went down to her shins and had a Nicolas Cage mask on with eye holes cut out. When I glanced behind her, I saw her cats had them too. FML

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By 11321 - 22/4/2009 05:24 - United States

Today, I went on somewhat of a blind date. The date was OK until he tried to spoon feed me. This didn't go over so well. Later, I noticed a strange looking brief case he was carrying. I asked him what it was and he whipped out 5 yoyos and did a yoyo show in the middle of the restaurant. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/11/2016 15:48

Today, a customer complained that one of our cashiers smiles too much. FML

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By YoushouldsaythattoHER - 12/9/2018 22:00

Today, a guy was telling me how his girlfriend considers me a "perfect beauty". Not getting such compliments every day, I felt extremely flattered... Until he started to explain in great detail why he couldn't disagree with her more. FML

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By AnnieTheKitteh - 1/3/2018 19:00

Today, I came up with a new system: If I want to buy something, I must do a chore first. I thought my laziness would keep me from impulsive shopping. Instead, my entire apartment is sparkling clean. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/11/2012 21:08 - United States - Nutley

Today, I realized I'd put on my shirt on inside out, so I went to the bathroom stalls to fix it. As I was taking it off, I accidentally dropped it in the toilet. FML

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By Wrongdoor - 6/12/2009 14:58 - United States

Today, I was taking a placement test for the new college I am going to. After the test and picking up a few numbers, I left with great pride. I opened the door and started walking out. I then realized that I had walked into the closet. FML

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By Sexy Rash - 21/2/2014 23:26 - Australia - Wallgrove

Today, the rash on my thigh started itching again. I felt good after a vigorous scratch, but the relief did not extend to my roommate, who only saw me at my laptop with my hand moving up and down in my pants. FML

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By Pattie - 12/6/2015 06:50 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got a Brazilian wax in anticipation of becoming intimate for the first time this weekend with a man I have dated for a few weeks. I'm so sore it hurts just to walk. FML

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By Taylor - 15/7/2012 14:42 - United States - Eastchester

Today, I shaved my legs for the first time in three weeks. It took half an hour, three disposable razors, and I cut my legs up so badly they look worse then they did when they were hairy. FML

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By oompaloompa - 28/10/2019 12:00

New, from L'Oréal!

Today, I used a self-tanning towelette to help even out my tan lines and disguise my vitiligo a bit. Now my stomach is orange and my spots are even more noticeable. FML

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By bonzo - 22/6/2015 14:41 - Australia - Perth

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me after I drove two hours to his house, because he wanted to do it face to face. Then told me that if I wanted, we could have sex one last time, but I would have to leave right after, otherwise it would be weird. FML

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By m33p - 5/2/2015 20:42 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I took a nice relaxing dump at school, in my pants, in the middle of class. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/12/2013 20:18 - Jamaica - Kingston

Today, I overheard my boyfriend bragging to his friend about finally giving me an orgasm yesterday, but that he got scared because my orgasm face made me look like "a camel having a stroke." FML

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By Anonymous - 12/1/2013 15:28 - Australia - Chatswood

Today, my husband and I finally agreed on something: marriage counseling. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/12/2010 23:24 - United States

Today, my parents held an intervention for me. Apparently they think I'm turning into a goth. All because they saw me re-lacing my shoes with black shoelaces instead of white ones. FML

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By constipated - 3/6/2017 02:00

Today, I was fired from my job for being constipated. FML

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By cbrocks - 16/10/2009 18:22 - United States

Today, it was the first day of fall break from college, and I was really excited to sleep in and relax the entire weekend. Apparently my boss caught wind of my happiness and scheduled me 8am-2pm each day of break, "seeing how I don't have anything else to do." FML

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By germophobe - 2/9/2014 01:53 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my roommate came back from camping. My toothbrush magically reappeared as well. FML

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By superscript - 18/2/2015 03:40 - United States - Vancouver

Today, I found out that my boyfriend wasn't really bedridden sick on Valentine's Day. A Super Smash Bros game date with his friends was just more important. FML

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By I must suck at singing - 18/2/2014 00:14 - United States

Today, my neighbor had a word with me for being "loud in the bedroom" last night. I haven't had any action for two years now, but I was too happy that she thought I'd got lucky to tell her the truth. So what was I really doing last night? Trying to sing like Christina Aguilera. FML

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By RetailScapegoat - 16/9/2017 20:00

Today, I was fired for job abandonment. Yesterday, my boss told me to go home early because we were so slow. After I reminded him, he laughed and said, "Oh yeah... You're still fired." FML

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By liynda - 6/5/2011 01:49 - Canada

Today, I knocked on the door of the bathroom to make sure nobody was in there before I walked in. Then I remembered I live alone. FML

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Top comments

By UncleCaitlyn | 21

#6474532 - Monday 30 November 2015 23:04

Did they sing and dance and make you a dress. If not I'm seeing a problem

By Miss_Chevious | 37

#6474537 - Monday 30 November 2015 23:06

What, no fairy god mother?

COMMENTS

By Ninjahiga | 27

#6474530 - Monday 30 November 2015 23:04

Call an exterminator ASAP before it gets worse

Livin_Like_Larry | 29

#6474567 - Monday 30 November 2015 23:24

Top comment with -1 likes?!?!?!?!?

XxDanno316xX | 27

#6474576 - Monday 30 November 2015 23:38

1st comment does not guarantee everyone will like the actual comment mate. :)

DoomSkuller | 28

#6474599 - Tuesday 1 December 2015 0:17

Why? Mice and rats are good pets. Just need to keep them out of the walls where they can cause havoc on the house. And get em treated for disease.

bandaidstations | 28

#6474603 - Tuesday 1 December 2015 0:28

16, this is not ifunny. Comments are in the order they were made, not according to likes.

wanted_2_want | 40

#6474637 - Tuesday 1 December 2015 1:27

AND they make a tasty snack for my cat.

By UncleCaitlyn | 21

#6474532 - Monday 30 November 2015 23:04

Did they sing and dance and make you a dress. If not I'm seeing a problem

By Miss_Chevious | 37

#6474537 - Monday 30 November 2015 23:06

What, no fairy god mother?

wanted_2_want | 40

#6474636 - Tuesday 1 December 2015 1:25

Definitely a drama queen.

By Richard6036 | 13

#6474538 - Monday 30 November 2015 23:06

Don't worry the seven dwarves aren't far behind

umerin | 32

#6474587 - Monday 30 November 2015 23:56

wrong princess bud

By i_live_to_vault | 19

#6474539 - Monday 30 November 2015 23:07

Well you have to befriend the nice before the show incident and Prince Charming, according to the story.

i_live_to_vault | 19

#6474552 - Monday 30 November 2015 23:14

*shoe. Autocorrect.

dabaerju | 23

#6474796 - Tuesday 1 December 2015 7:30

*mice. You forgot one.

By oceaneyes213 | 21

#6474540 - Monday 30 November 2015 23:08

Personally I wouldn't have too big an issue because I have three snakes who love mice. But seriously, call an exterminator. They can carry diseases.

By madscientist_17 | 15

#6474546 - Monday 30 November 2015 23:10

bibbity bobbity boo

By Miss_Chevious | 37

#6474547 - Monday 30 November 2015 23:11

Bibbity Bobbity Shoo!

By Warmonger_Smurf | 29

#6474549 - Monday 30 November 2015 23:12

I'd say get a cat, but mine were always better at bringing half dead mince into the house. Oddly my dogs have always been better mousers.

By TMWhisp | 22

#6474553 - Monday 30 November 2015 23:16

Sounds like you need to summon Lucifer for this problem.

TheLadyOpal | 30

#6474647 - Tuesday 1 December 2015 1:47

I would not trust a cat named Lucifer, especially if he belonged to my bitch of a wicked stepmother.