Work: Today, I was talking to my dad and told him that I want to be...

By hopeless - 18/03/2011 05:32 - United States

Today, I was talking to my dad and told him that I want to be a hotel maid, hoping that he would tell me "You can do better, you're smart, etc." Instead he said, "I'm glad you finally have a goal that you can actually achieve." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 163

You deserved it 33 560

Work

Best teeth in the game

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Mama's boy

By littl3storm - 13/05/2019 04:00

Today, I got up and walked to college for my only class which started at 9 a.m. after a night of restless sleep. Our exam is two weeks away, so I thought it would be better to attend. Apparently, my teacher thought differently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 651

You deserved it 194

By Anonymous - 14/04/2014 10:12 - Malta - Qormi

Today, after a dental appointment, my lips were numb. On the bus on my way back home, the cutest girl smiled at me. In attempt to smile back, I forgot my lips were numb and ended up spitting my chewing gum at her. I had to switch buses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 105

You deserved it 5 965

By gassy - 07/01/2013 15:40 - United States - Aubrey

Today, I woke up after sleeping with my boyfriend for the first time. I rolled over and smiled at him, and the first thing he said was, "You farted. A lot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 667

You deserved it 6 699

By Anonymous - 30/05/2015 03:51 - Australia

Today, my crackhead neighbour got slightly annoyed at my 2-day-old daughter's late-night wailing. Well, I think so, anyway, as she politely requested us to "SHUT THAT CUNT KID UP." or she would "BLOW BOTH OUR HOUSES UP, YOU FUCKING ASSFUCKS." But I'm not 100% sure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 202

You deserved it 3 053

By BadFather - 21/11/2011 06:23 - Australia

Today, I discovered my wife and I have referred to our two-year-old as 'cutie' or 'beautiful' so many times she won't respond to her own name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 693

You deserved it 42 840

By Workplace woes - 12/05/2016 17:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my coworker showed me photos of her anal fissures. I'm not a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 091

You deserved it 1 006

By stillwaiting - 15/09/2009 21:32 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my boss plays a trick on all the interns. He calls you to his office, then leaves you waiting outside until you get annoyed and leave. Apparently, the old record was 45mins. I waited 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 314

You deserved it 11 121

By Anonymous - 16/02/2017 08:00 - United States - Anchorage

Today, during the worst flu we've ever had, my wife and I have to go out into thirty-below weather to get firewood because the furnace broke down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 322

You deserved it 449

By forest killer girl - 14/09/2017 16:00

Today, I went out with a friendly guy who's very passionate about the environment and everything was going fine until he asked about my job. I work as a clerk in a plantation company. He went from Mr. Daydream to Mr. Scary because the company I work for is destroying the forest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 173

You deserved it 571

By Jason - 31/10/2017 04:00

Today, I found out that my best friend's dad used my internet connection to make threats online. I'm going to have to go to court for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 239

You deserved it 256

By Asshole hornet - 28/10/2013 20:18 - United States - Marblehead

Today, a hornet thought it would be fun to fly into a candle that I had lit. As the hornet burned to death, it flung its charred body at my face, which is more painful than it sounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 307

You deserved it 3 467

Easy mistake to make

By Becca Velveeta - 26/10/2019 14:00

Today, my mother's boyfriend sent me pictures of my mom sucking him off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 067

You deserved it 184

Bewitched

By Frozen Delight - 24/02/2019 22:00 - United States - New York

Today, my husband and our 4-year-old daughter were watching My Little Pony. When her favorite character angrily screamed, "You're going to love me!", she looked at him with a perplexed look. My husband then responded, "And THAT'S how I met your mommy!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 054

You deserved it 390

Salad days

By Anonymous - 19/01/2017 08:28

Today, I saw a customer open a bottle of salad dressing, taste it, then put it back on the shelf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 537

You deserved it 764

By makdra - 06/01/2016 18:01

Today, I found out my mom can't wait until I turn 18, so she can kick me out and turn my room into a huge closet for all her clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 190

You deserved it 2 015

By No one special. - 12/12/2010 05:28 - United States

Today, my dad called for the first time in six months. He needs someone to bail him out of jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 415

You deserved it 2 417

By Bobby - 29/05/2017 22:00

Today, I went to a bone and joint specialist because of excruciating back pain. Before the examination, the doctor told me that the possible reasons for the pain could be arthritis, sciatica, or scoliosis. After the examination, I found out that I have all three. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 732

You deserved it 232

By NotALady - 15/12/2016 22:20

Today, I was at a gas station when I got a bad stomach ache. I clenched my cheeks together and rushed to the nearest bathroom. Twenty minutes and a clogged toilet later, I exited the one-person bathroom to a line of very angry women. I had run into the wrong restroom. One of them threw a tampon at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 344

You deserved it 1 614

By Zit-Blues - 04/01/2010 13:50 - United States

Today, I had a large pimple on my temple. I decided to try the whole "put toothpaste on the zit to make it dry up" technique that all the magazines say to do. Not only is my pimple still there, but the toothpaste irritated my skin and my already large pimple now appears three times bigger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 021

You deserved it 8 029

By Job Seeking - 22/01/2013 11:14 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was cleaning at work when an elderly gentleman walked towards me, paused, and with a wink said, "That's what I like to see: a girl on her knees." This is the same workplace where another old man informed me that my yellow uniform made me look like a "suggestive cheesecake." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 071

You deserved it 2 988

Pee is stored in the balls

By Anonymous - 18/09/2021 02:01 - Belgium - Lint

Today, I learned two things: first, that a bladder infection may spread to your testicles, and second, that the first does not excuse you from work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 880

You deserved it 73

By Anonymous - 21/12/2013 23:29 - United States - Ypsilanti

Today, I did the "walk of shame" sixteen blocks. It wouldn't have been so bad if the sidewalks and streets weren't completely covered in ice. Somewhere along the way I lost what little dignity I had left, along with my left shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 784

You deserved it 12 156

By jaycee - 28/01/2012 03:41 - United States

Today, after having finally summoned the nerve to report a guy at my workplace who has been sexually harassing me for months, I got a phone call from my boss. He said that there was nothing he could do about it, because the guy "wouldn't confess." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 037

You deserved it 2 615

By sadness - 12/10/2012 02:48 - United States - Metairie

Today, the guy I'm dating came into the same restaurant where I was eating. He was with a girl. He sat at the table next to mine and didn't even bother to say, "Hi." I guess I'm single again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 314

You deserved it 2 266

By hhhhhhhpeterwut - 19/02/2013 03:21 - United States - Bethesda

Today, as my lame excuse to not give a guy I met at a club my phone number, I told him I didn't have a cell phone. Guess what I checked when he asked me what time it was a few minutes later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 338

You deserved it 54 703

By AmberKCole - 08/07/2009 18:45 - United States

Today, the car in front of me was going slow and I flashed my lights and honked. I floored it and passed the car, flipping off the driver. Just as I went around the next corner I got pulled over by a motorcycle cop. A few seconds later, the guy I flipped off drove by honked and waved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 527

You deserved it 100 364

By girlie5445 - 13/02/2010 08:49 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a date with a cute guy. After picking me up, he started to play on repeat, and sing to me, 'Happy Together' by The Turtles. For the entire 20 minute ride. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 789

You deserved it 3 722

By yourwifelovesme - 04/06/2019 12:00

Today, my dad was folding laundry. He came across a pair of jeans and asked who they belonged to. My mom said, “Those are definitely mine. The knees are worn out.” Thanks for that mental image mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 494

You deserved it 359

By LonelyAF - 12/08/2017 13:00

Today, I was so lonely I called my stalker ex-boyfriend. He was too busy to talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 379

You deserved it 4 252

By PrettyScared - 29/07/2013 15:07 - United States - Matthews

Today, my step-brother said to me, "If we weren't related I would fuck you so hard." Mom says I should "be grateful for such a nice compliment." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 515

You deserved it 6 029

By Miki13 - 11/11/2012 20:27 - Canada - Whitby

Today, I had dinner with my grandparents. At the table, my grandfather openly complained about how hard it is for him to get out of their hot tub. Not because of his prosthetic leg, but because his balls somehow "get stuck". I really didn't need to know that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 861

You deserved it 1 707

Please do it

By Anonymous - 25/01/2020 18:00

Today, it was my last day with my boyfriend before he went to college. At the store, he got a huge box of condoms. When I asked why he was getting so many, he said they were for the girls he meets at college. He then asked me to steal them for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 222

You deserved it 347

Karen strikes again

By lanadelreylover - 04/06/2021 17:01

Today, I was working at a carnival. I was on the ticket booth, and middle aged lady came up asking for a refund for $50 worth of tickets she didn’t use. However, there are signs saying I can’t give out refunds. She spent 10 minutes yelling at me to give her a refund. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 58

By 21! - 03/07/2012 01:53 - United States - Schenectady

Today, while walking around my college campus, I passed by a dorm where a drunk guy was peeing out one of the top floor windows while his drunk friends cheered him on. That guy is my boyfriend. Lucky me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 301

You deserved it 6 826

Testing

By Hari - 07/11/2021 20:01

Today, it’s my second week at work. I received a phone call from corporate HQ that they wanted to make our monitors wireless, so they wanted me to cut the red wire from the main monitors. I did so, and my boss walks in, furious. Turns out it was a set up to see if I’m “that gullible.” Yes, I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 624

You deserved it 1 253

Hello everyone!

By Anonymous - 18/04/2020 08:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were sexting, and he asked me if I would be naked and waiting for him when he got home. When he told me he was on his way, I took my clothes off and got into bed. What he didn’t tell me was he was bringing friends to pick up a desk from our place for their office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 460

You deserved it 292

By crap - 02/07/2019 00:01

Today, I was tired from an all-nighter I'd pulled because I thought I had the next four days off work. I got called in, and went because I have bills to pay. However, the amount of energy drinks I drank to stay on top of my job duties gave me such bad diarrhea, I had to go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 480

You deserved it 592

By olive_costume - 05/12/2009 01:16 - Australia

Today, I went into my room and found a plastic snake on the floor. I yelled out to my sister, "Good one, Ellen!" I picked up the snake to take it to show her. The snake started moving in my hands and bit me. I had to go to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 648

You deserved it 8 037

By imbx - 13/04/2009 00:24 - United States

Today, I was at a pool party. My friend's little sister pushed me in the pool. When I got out, I pushed her in. She started screaming, and I started laughing because I thought she was pissed that I pushed her in. That wasn't why she was screaming. She can't swim. Her whole family witnessed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 590

You deserved it 20 203

Out of the frying pan…

By Anonymous - 25/07/2021 00:01

Today, after months of dealing with homophobic abuse for my coworkers and supervisors at my previous job, I was excited to start my new job where most of my co-workers were LGBTQ. I find out a majority of them don't like me because my fiancé is a deputy sheriff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 713

You deserved it 237

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Top comments

FreeDome_fml 0

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Friday 18 March 2011 11:59

this is what happens when you fish for compliments

FYLDeep 25

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Friday 18 March 2011 12:06

Why were you hoping for him to tell you that you are smart if you just said you wanted to be a hotel maid?... Smart people don't want to be hotel maids. Those two things are obviously at odds with each other.

L3Paparazzo 7

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Friday 18 March 2011 11:55

your dad is tooo jokes :P

TobyFunke 3

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Friday 18 March 2011 12:51

what does this mean? I can tell it usually doesn't matter what comes out of your mouth, but is this how people say things in Canada??

XxNinjaDaytonaxX 0

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Friday 18 March 2011 12:54

Wow 21. I'm Canadian and I find that offensive.

hot00frb 4

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Friday 18 March 2011 13:00

offensive yes but what does too jokes mean ? like to funny I'm assuming

L3Paparazzo 7

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Friday 18 March 2011 13:08

okaiii, u dont kno me. What i meant was that her dad has a fkn sense of humor. chilll bro :/

hot00frb 4

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Friday 18 March 2011 13:28

that was directed towards 21 right ?

Jersayyyyshore 0

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Friday 18 March 2011 13:53

26 is dumb, hating on canadians.

hoodsie 0

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Friday 18 March 2011 14:01

Lolz, these replies are "tooo jokes"

insanesna1l 0

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Friday 18 March 2011 14:03

I agree eh

ShadyFTW1 0

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Friday 18 March 2011 15:08

Haha sorry 28 but you made me laugh. YOU DONT KNOW ME OKAI???

rups 0

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Friday 18 March 2011 15:23

I think 26 was talking about OP and not about canadians...

anorexicbarbie 8

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Friday 18 March 2011 15:32

21 Hahahahahahaha.

tulsafml 0

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Friday 18 March 2011 16:13

Milk comes in bags. Justin Bieber. Degrassi. Scott Pilgrim. Canada is 50% okay.

Cmliedtke 0

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Friday 18 March 2011 16:24

Im Canadian, and I have never seen milk in a bag.. Degrassi sucks, justin Bieber is an embarrasment, wtf is Scott Pilgrim?=S

beeship321 5

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Friday 18 March 2011 16:31

I like milk in bags. I HATE beiber. The guy that wrote Scott Pilgrim went to my highschool. And we gave Three Days Grace so Canada is 98% Cheif.

5t3ff1k4h 44

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Friday 18 March 2011 16:36

Come on. There are more Canadian wannabe singers/bands than just Bieber. Some of them are actually good! Agreed, Bieber sends our rating plummeting. Where I live, we have milk in bags, but I've used the bottles before and prefer those. Less mess. Scott Pilgrim is god. That is all.

TheNewGuy03 28

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Friday 18 March 2011 16:39

scott pilgrim rocks pretty hard, so if i was canadian, i'd be pretty damn proud of that. |the kid|

b6000 0

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Friday 18 March 2011 16:44

#1 your hot

b6000 0

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Friday 18 March 2011 16:47

56 you are dumb

iloveboyswittats 10

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Friday 18 March 2011 16:50

Milk in bags?? I grew up in Canada and I've never seen that. As for OP, get some self confidence and quit seeking the approval of others.

dudeitsdanny 9

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Friday 18 March 2011 16:54

Nickelback. You fucking gave the world Nickelback. And Avril Lavigne's most recent piece of garbage. But you only get half taken off for her latest garbage, because she's hot ;P And I don't like Drake, so he doesn't make up for anything.

prince122 0

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Friday 18 March 2011 17:05

actually that is something we say in Canada and it's not offensive... I use that all the time but if your not from Canada then that makes no sense.

dvh62 0

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Friday 18 March 2011 17:33

26, shut your fucking mouth before I come over there and shut it for you.

MyChemical_fml 0

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Friday 18 March 2011 17:57

Alexisonfire, Marianas Trench, Three Days Grace >:l I'm sure there's more if you google it... And don't just blame us for embarrassing artists. If you're American, you have a lot of famous assholes there too :).

FYLDeep 25

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Friday 18 March 2011 18:13

You guys must have forgotten that Canada gave the world Rush... So they are allowed to release as many shitty bands as they like. The Agonist is pretty fucking good too. Most people don't know who they are though.

5t3ff1k4h 44

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Friday 18 March 2011 19:34

75 - Indeed. Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera... Lady Gaga I believe...

L3Paparazzo 7

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Friday 18 March 2011 19:54

..how do people kno im canadian.

docscientist 9

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Friday 18 March 2011 20:06

Are you being too joke?

ipwnlosers 4

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Friday 18 March 2011 20:09

It's on your profile, idiot.

Thabb 0

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Friday 18 March 2011 20:16

TDG FTW!

hellosir23 0

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Friday 18 March 2011 21:07

there really isn't anything to say to that question other than "please just either leave, or shut the hell up."

Chris5146 3

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Friday 18 March 2011 11:55

thats nice

Roxxay 6

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Friday 18 March 2011 11:56

Why did you say this then?

danishbagel 3

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Friday 18 March 2011 12:07

She was fishing for compliments. I hate it when people do that.

Roxxay 6

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Friday 18 March 2011 11:56

Why did you say this then?

ishatmyselfonce 0

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Friday 18 March 2011 11:57

why would you even say that?

Dweron 0

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Friday 18 March 2011 12:47

for the Attention :P

FuttBuck 0

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Friday 18 March 2011 13:27

yep

zinoxity 23

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Saturday 19 March 2011 3:45

Don't bitches know not to fish for compliments? The only thing you're going to get is the fucking truth.

fml98kevin 4

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Saturday 19 March 2011 6:21

agreed

deaper 15

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Saturday 19 March 2011 10:40

why would you even NAME YOURSELF that?

FMLshark 12

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Friday 25 May 2012 5:32

Fishing for compliments.

FreeDome_fml 0

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Friday 18 March 2011 11:59

this is what happens when you fish for compliments

BoredomKillsinc 0

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Friday 18 March 2011 16:43

i know right? ydi

cldean24 4

Saturday 19 March 2011 1:14

You took the words out of my mouth.

unfortunate_13 5

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Friday 18 March 2011 12:00

he probably knew you weren't serious anyway.

underpaid011 0

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Friday 18 March 2011 12:03

you can start training for your new career now. my bedspread and mattress cover need to be washed, but my apartment sized stacked washer/drier is too small to fit them. you will have to go to the coin laundry. I'll give you quarters.

TehGirreth 0

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Friday 18 March 2011 13:18

Don't forget to pay her for the "sucky sucky". Because they're basically the same jobs, right?

No_LoveMM 3

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Friday 18 March 2011 13:44

WIN

ImKindaABigDeal 6

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Friday 18 March 2011 19:20

Ha! you'll give her quarters, which is how much she'll be making when she achieves her goal.

yo911_fml 0

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Saturday 19 March 2011 11:10

funny!

Dreamcatcher619 6

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Thursday 24 March 2011 22:18

agreed!

FYLDeep 25

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Friday 18 March 2011 12:06

musicgirl7 0

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Friday 18 March 2011 16:48

very true!! It would be a true FML if you said you wanted to be a Doctor, Lawyer..have another professional career or at least go to an Ivy League school and his response was negative? like: "you're too stupid" or something.