Health: Today, I had to lie to my coworkers about me and some guy beating...

By Anonymous - 04/07/2015 03:41 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I had to lie to my coworkers about me and some guy beating the absolute shite out of each other in a bar fight, all to avoid admitting my black eye was from my 7 year old son punching me in the face the other day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 167

You deserved it 6 521

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Same thing different taste

By lonely - 01/01/2011 17:11 - United States

Today, I posted on my Facebook wall that I'd gotten into a huge bar fight and had the shit kicked out of me, all to avoid having to tell the truth, namely that I'd stayed home all night because nobody invited me out to party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 046

You deserved it 34 521

By knobbed - 27/01/2014 23:09 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, I got a black eye while trying to break up a fight caused by some complete bastard making a "yo momma" joke at the funeral of my best friend's mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 937

You deserved it 4 885

By Stephen - 24/03/2012 21:07 - Sweden

Today, I was peppered with questions about my swollen eye and if I'd gotten into a fight. I couldn't bring myself to admit that I'd been brutally beaten into submission by a doorknob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 291

You deserved it 3 915

By DHarman - 25/05/2010 23:06 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend actually walked into a door and gave herself a black eye. She's too embarrassed to admit it, so she's telling everyone I beat her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 641

You deserved it 4 071

By fthislyfe - 02/07/2011 14:06 - United States

Today, while arm wrestling with my boyfriend, I had to pretend he beat me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 352

You deserved it 7 951

By Anonymous - 15/04/2011 00:53 - Canada

Today, during a major argument with my girlfriend, I shoved a door open, which then rebounded and hit me in the face. I'm not sure which is more pathetic: that I was savaged by a door, or that I made up a story about kicking a mugger's ass to explain the huge black eye to my coworkers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 620

You deserved it 36 079

Rat Race

By mcd - 05/10/2020 08:01 - United Kingdom - Gloucester

Today, at work, a man punched me in the face because he said I took his son's job. He meant both me and his son applied for the same job. He also asked to speak to my boss, because he thinks I "cheated." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 333

You deserved it 105

Dexter? Is that you?

By Anonymous - 03/03/2022 18:00

Today, I apparently didn’t teach my son the difference between defending himself from bullies and knocking out the bully's teeth, breaking his nose, cracking his ribs, and grinding his fingers under his boot until the bone splintered. Yes, the cops are involved and my ex-wife blames me, of course. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 132

You deserved it 284

By Anonymous - 11/08/2013 18:11 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I had a dream in which I was being mugged. I started fighting the muggers off, while in reality, my fist smacked my wife in the face. Now she has a black eye, nobody believes my story, and they think I'm a wife beater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 406

You deserved it 5 960

By AntSimo - 19/05/2009 07:46 - South Africa

Today, whilst presenting a report to the head of my college, I was arrested by a police officer for assault. I was in a bar the night before and accidentally bumped into a local tough guy on the way to the toilet. I got punched in the face. The witnesses got our names mixed up. That'll look great on my CV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 661

You deserved it 2 968

PenguinBitch 43

Saturday 4 July 2015 23:59

We all know the toothpaste cap gave you the black eye, don't lie.

WCARlover 34

Saturday 4 July 2015 23:58

Wow, 7 is definitely way old enough to know better than that. I would've gotten my ass handed to me if I'd punched my parent hard enough to leave a black eye at that age

Comments

asspole 16

Saturday 4 July 2015 23:54

Punch the kid in the face please

cksmith51 14

Saturday 4 July 2015 23:55

Sounds like your son packs quite the punch

sonasonic 34

Sunday 5 July 2015 9:21

Hopefully he got it from his father...

PhinIt2WinIt 24

Sunday 5 July 2015 15:31

I have a feeling It's from his mother.

WCARlover 34

Saturday 4 July 2015 23:58

Wow, 7 is definitely way old enough to know better than that. I would've gotten my ass handed to me if I'd punched my parent hard enough to leave a black eye at that age

Catdragon 40

Sunday 5 July 2015 2:40

when I was like 4, my dad was visiting so I ran to give him a hug and accidentally hit him in the balls. it happens.

WCARlover 34

Sunday 5 July 2015 2:48

Well yes of course if it was an accident that's different but I read I guess I just assumed it was on purpose when I read the FML. So my comment was for only if it was intentional

Mauskau 35

Sunday 5 July 2015 3:19

A friend of mine headbutted me in the nose by "accident" when I put my hand near his armpit to tickle him. That was a fun nosebleed.

NinjaDitto623 14

Sunday 5 July 2015 4:42

My boyfriend once started tickling me and when I tried to shove him away I accidentally punched him in the face and gave him a nosebleed. I felt so bad.

5secondsofvvifi 21

Sunday 5 July 2015 6:26

I mean if you tickle people you should be prepared to be accidentally hit in some way you. You can't control your actions sometimes if you're being tickled

PenguinBitch 43

Saturday 4 July 2015 23:59

We all know the toothpaste cap gave you the black eye, don't lie.

Tournesol143 28

Saturday 4 July 2015 23:59

There I was, surrounded by tigers...

abdiG 27

Sunday 5 July 2015 0:00

u got to do Wat u gotta do to protect ur manhood.

disbatch 14

Sunday 5 July 2015 5:19

uh yeah be honest

abdiG 27

Sunday 5 July 2015 12:26

He would of told his colleague the truth had he trusted him so they could both luagh it off but clearly did not. hence lying seemed more appropriate.

ber4fun 23

Sunday 5 July 2015 0:04

On the plus side, it sounds like your son will be able to defend himself if he ever needs to.

joeyl2008 29

Sunday 5 July 2015 0:06

why lie?

ninjahesten 18

Sunday 5 July 2015 1:26

for how man months or years do you Think he would be known as the guy getting a Black eye from hes 7 years old son? its hes coworkers, its theire job to make up funny Nick names and remind him of it Evert time he forgårs ;)

MakeTodayADTR 20

Sunday 5 July 2015 0:10

The First rule about Fight Club: You do not talk about Fight Club.

Sparx1_1 16

Sunday 5 July 2015 0:10

What's wrong with saying you found out your kid has mean right hook? When my kid was 5 he could pick me up off the ground and I weighed about 160 lbs (11.5 stone) at the time. 7 Year-olds have no concept of holding back their full strength and can hit extremely hard in even the most innocent circumstances. But congrats on teaching your kid that you're a liar.