Today, I returned a friend's jacket after borrowing it. I made sure to wash it and keep it clean. When he went to put it on, a pair of my granny panties fell out of the sleeve. FML
Today, my spouse asked me if I could transfer some of the passion I have for buffalo wings into our relationship. FML
sirradel tells us more.
sirradel 14
OP here guys! Just for your information, I'm a woman and my spouse is a man.
Today, my doctor died. Last week, after a check up I'd had because I was worried about a cough, he told me not to worry because I was as healthy as he was. FML
Today, I awoke to the sound of my neighbors attacking my car with a baseball bat accusing me of calling the cops on them. I did call the cops on them, after they screamed at me last night, drunkenly, to call the cops for them because they thought they were being robbed. FML
Today, I found out that my current girlfriend has dated all of my friends at one time or another. FML
Today, I got laid off. Why would they lay me off right before the holidays? Because they want to make sure every one else gets a nice holiday bonus. FML
Today, I had an outdoor meeting with some important clients. It wasn't until the meeting was over that my coworker decided to inform me that I had bird poop in my hair "pretty much the entire time." FML
Today, I was at the beach with my friend on vacation. We were playing Marco Polo in the ocean and I was Marco. I thought I heard my friend, so I lunged forward and grabbed her. Too bad it wasn't my friend, it was an old guy in a pink speedo, and I grabbed his butt. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he wants to break up. But not until after our anniversary tomorrow, because he's already gotten dinner reservations for us. FML
Today, I realized the closest I've ever been to being hit on was with a car in the school parking lot. Even then, the guy claimed he "didn't notice" me. FML
Today, I was doing my homework on the computer when my dad walked by with a plate of food, threw his fork at me, and said "POSTURE!" FML
Today, after getting off work from a horrible 16 hour shift, I went out to my truck. My windows were completely covered in window chalk, to the point that I couldn't leave. I had to spend the next hour and a half washing it all off while my manager laughed about it. FML
Today, my wife is totally convinced that she was abducted by aliens last night, all because she fell out of bed. FML
Today, I finally found out why my new co-worker has been shooting me dirty looks, being rude to me, and generally trying to avoid me. It's because I have blonde hair and blue eyes, and she thinks people like me are Nazis. FML
Today, I travelled across an ocean to visit the guy I'm dating. He lied to me about his apartment; he lives in a dorm with a twin-sized bed and a bathroom he shares with eight guys. Just now, after taking three trains from the airport to his "apt", he asked me to edit his essay while he goes to class. FML
Today, my husband used our last $2000 to buy himself a motorcycle. It's supposed to "save us a lot on gas money." FML
Today, at work, I dropped two bottles of wine on the floor. Unbelievably, they both didn't break. That, however, did not stop my boss from taking a few points away on my evaluation. My $3 raise is now reduced to $0.25. FML
A1NoSauce tells us more.
A1NoSauce 17
OP here! Just a follow up on what happened. Yesterday, about 2 weeks after the initial incident my regional manager came in. After explaining the situation and having them check my records(tardiness, productivity, etc.), he also was flabbergasted as to how I wasn't able to get the raise I deserved. He then dragged my boss off into his office to have a very stern conversation with my boss, he then announced to the whole staff that my boss would no longer be working at our store, and we'd have a new one transferring in very soon. I was overjoyed. But, not as much as when my RM pulled me off to the side again and told me that instead of getting the regular $3 raise, they'd triple it instead. I got a raise of about $10 which still keeps a bright smile on my face even while I write this. Thank you for all the comments! Although, I'm not sure why most of you thought I was female. :p
Today, my classmate went into rage mode and cursed at me, complaining how it's so unfair that I'm allowed to wear a hijab in class but she isn't allowed to wear a Flamingo hat. FML
Today, we finally got our first electricity bill for our new flat. I was shocked to see that we had used £60 worth of electricity in 6 weeks. Then I noticed that it was only an estimate, and that we could read the meter ourselves to correct the amount. We now have to pay nearly £400. FML
Today, I was told the Mandarin greeting that my new Chinese friends at school taught me was not really a greeting at all. I've been proclaiming "I'm a dumb bitch" every time I've greeted them, almost every day for the past month. FML
Today, I was at Home Depot getting a Christmas tree with my family. While picking out a tree, a man thought it would be nice to help cut off the string that held the tree together. The branches hit me in the face and the guy managed to cut my hand. FML
Today, I attended my extended family's Christmas dinner. All throughout, my grandmother kept complaining about how the food tasted like crap, and making sexual remarks such as how "the stuffings were far better in my day, if you know what I mean." FML
Today, I had to explain to someone that all beverages, except plain water, actually have calories. They weren't too happy that their milkshake diet was over before it began. FML
Today, I'm on vacation in Japan with my brother. When he said he could speak Japanese, I guess what he really meant that he's a dumbass weeaboo who only knows the words "kawaii", "baka", "sugoi" and a few others. He ended up offending two locals so much that they beat the shit out of us. FML
Today, I found out the real cause of what I assumed was a healthy increase in my teenage daughter's appetite lately. Some fine young gentlemen with a fat fetish convinced her start gaining weight so they could jack off to her. FML
Today, I walk out of my apartment to find that my car is decorated with explicit drawings and "Happy 21st birthday" stuff written all over it. To top it off, my vehicle is completely wrapped in plastic wrap. I'm 22 and my birthday is in December. FML
Today, we had customer complaints of a child molester hanging around our restaurant. After confrontation by a manager, he wouldn't leave. I had to be walked to my car after my shift by more than one person because I look 12 and they were afraid for me. I'm almost 19. FML
Today, I found a note on the front door of my flat saying, "You left your keys in your garage door so I put them in your letter box". Guess where my letter box key is. FML
Today, while my husband and I were arguing, he walked away in the middle of my sentence yelling, "Remember babe, you're only my current wife!" FML
Today, my girlfriend got pissed when I told her she needed to brush her teeth more than once a day. I could smell her breath from across the bed. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
