Today, I finally found out why my new co-worker has been shooting...

By Anonymous - 17/10/2015 12:29 - Australia - Surry Hills

Today, I finally found out why my new co-worker has been shooting me dirty looks, being rude to me, and generally trying to avoid me. It's because I have blonde hair and blue eyes, and she thinks people like me are Nazis. FML

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Love

Fairytale ending

Abuse

You snooze, you lose

By Anonymous - 22/12/2010 16:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I was waiting for my food at McDonald's. I watched the most obese, sweaty man sneeze into the chips, wipe his nose on his hand and use his hand to shovel chips into a bag. They were my chips. FML

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By rhunter17 - 6/4/2015 19:38

Today, I forgot my boyfriend was allergic to nuts and ate Nutella toast before he arrived. He had just brought me flowers for doing well in an exam and I kissed him. He had a reaction and I had to stab him in the leg. FML

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By aere - 27/1/2009 12:24 - United States

Today, three girls introduced themselves to me. I had met all of them before. FML

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By bannana0zoom - 3/3/2012 08:06 - Canada

Today, it's my birthday. My mom got me a gym membership and a bunch of clothes that are a few sizes too small. FML

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By brokebitch - 9/5/2019 06:00

Today, being a broke college student struggling to make ends meet, I decided to sign up for a sugar daddy website. The first person to message me was my high school history teacher. FML

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By doubletrouble - 22/4/2011 14:40 - United States

Today, my boyfriend finally found a roommate after hopelessly looking for months. I was really anxious to meet the guy because I would most likely be spending a good amount of time with him. Who did my boyfriend end up picking as his new roommate? My ex-boyfriend. FML

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By Kay - 3/2/2011 05:33

Today, I was sitting on the toilet with a really bad and noisy stomach upset. Then I hear a knock on the bathroom door. My boyfriend had decided to make a surprise visit. FML

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By dusty bean - 18/11/2017 05:00

Fartmageddon.

Today, I held in an explosive fart during a co-worker's rant and waited a few seconds after he left the room to release the Kraken. Forgetting something, he returned mid-fart. Before either of us could say anything, our boss came into the room. FML

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By ToxicSuicide - 8/3/2011 06:47 - United States

Today, my babysitter called to inform me that my grandfather is stalking her. FML

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By over_protected - 18/1/2010 12:28 - Canada

Today, I received a message from front desk that my concerned father is trying to contact me. I call only to hear that my parents were freaking out that I wasn't answering my phone. They saw me 9 hours ago. They were going to call the police. I'm in college and also don't live with them anymore. FML

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By acnegirl - 26/7/2009 04:29 - United States

Today, I was romantically cuddling with my boyfriend. He looked deep into my eyes, stared lovingly at me, and said, "I never noticed, but you have the most adorable freckles on your face..." Blushing, I tilted my head to the side. He then said, "Oh, never mind, those are just your blackheads." FML

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By Fartnonymous - 18/8/2015 10:59 - Qatar - Doha

Today, it's been a week since I started farting in my sleep for no apparent reason. It's so frequent and so foul-smelling that my husband and I are both losing sleep and are having to take afternoon naps to make up for it. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/6/2020 17:02

Mixed signals

Today, my girlfriend always assures me she doesn’t care if I’m a little overweight, yet in the past few weeks she’s bought me running shorts, new trainers, a set of professional barbells and weights, a "how to lose weight in your living room" book and installed a treadmill in the garage. FML

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By kingwalrus - 12/6/2010 18:55 - United Kingdom

Today, my siblings overpowered me and duct taped me to a chair. Helpless, I had to wait until my dad got home so he could help me. Instead, the first thing he did was reach for his camera to take a picture. FML

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By Jordan - 10/8/2018 14:00 - United States - Boulder

Today, I met the guy who will be my dorm roommate for the fall semester. One of the first things he said was, "By the way, I am into self-massage, so don't get weirded out if you hear noises coming from my room a lot." Great. FML

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By Loser - 4/5/2009 20:15 - Canada

Today, I decided to modify my resume since I've handed out over 30 of them in the past couple of weeks and I haven't gotten any calls back. As soon as I opened it on word document, I noticed that I had forgotten to include my phone number for employers to contact me. FML

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By sleepless - 20/6/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, my insomnia started back up again. It was too late to get something to help me sleep so I was lying there wondering what I should do. I decided to listen to some ambient music. It helped a lot, but when I was about to fall asleep my parents decided to start doing 'it'. FML

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By JustOutofCollegeAndBroke - 16/7/2015 06:56 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I agreed to help out with my boyfriend's sister's baby shower. They forgot to inform me that "helping" meant splitting the cost of everything. I now owe his family $275. I don't know how to back out without looking cheap. FML

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By furbys69 - 31/5/2017 09:00 - United States - Kingsport

Today, my girlfriend and I were starting to get frisky when the Furby Party Rocker all the way across the room started going off on its own and completely killed the mood. I took the batteries out of the little bastard immediately, but the mood was lost. FML

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By anon - 27/12/2013 06:40 - United States - San Francisco

Today, the only conversation I had with my mother where she didn't explode into a hissy fit was about peanut butter vs. almond butter. And even then she was starting to get mad at me. FML

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By FML - 19/1/2016 06:41 - United States

Today, I found out my fiancée has been sleeping with the salesman I bought her engagement ring from. He knew. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/12/2015 10:17 - United States

Today, I started my new job at a small business. I was pretty excited to finally be working, until I found out the big boss is a creeper and sees no problem making comments such as "You're way more interesting than the rest of these slope-eyed fucks." FML

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By frenchpie - 17/5/2009 12:05 - Korea Republic of

Today, the guy I liked came over for dinner with some friends. One of them asked him if we were dating, he became so distraught he started to choke on the food I had made, in his haste to tell them that in no uncertain terms, were we together. FML

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By toomuchwork - 13/9/2018 01:30

Today, as I was leaving for a 2-week vacation after working my ass off for 2 years, my area manager handed me a project. It's a 3-week job, and he told me he needs it when I get back. FML

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By Tai - 31/10/2010 13:30 - Australia

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she didnt want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML

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By nukebroadcast - 16/12/2010 06:32 - United States

Today, I found out what sound a hammer makes when it strikes the back of my hand. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/3/2018 19:30 - United States - Greenville

Today, while wearing a sexy pair of undies for my partner and taking him out on a nice dinner, I trusted a fart walking from the car to the restaurant and shit myself. FML

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By naps aren't what they used to be - 27/4/2013 22:05 - United States

Today, my car was stolen from the parking garage, the same one I work at as a security guard. FML

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By faaail - 24/3/2015 16:51 - Ireland - Cork

Today, while studying for a big test at the library, some idiots started playing hide-and-seek. After putting up with their snorting and giggling for nearly an hour, I finally lost my shit and told them to knock it off. I then got kicked out for causing a disturbance. FML

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By 2classicNot2 - 9/4/2011 07:52 - United States

Today, feeling social, I went to a bar. During a trip to the dimly lit restroom, I fixed my makeup, and carefully penciling my sparse eyebrows. After an evening of meeting new people, I went home. In my well-lighted restroom, I discovered that my eyebrow pencil was actually my bright red lip liner. FML

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By Ama_544347571 - 24/5/2017 16:00 - Sierra Leone

Today, a customer came to my shop and asked our shop assistant if we had Smart TVs. She replied, "No we only have LG and Samsung." FML

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By Anonymous - 4/4/2015 04:04 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I visited my girlfriend's apartment for the first time. I guess she forgot to do some spring cleaning before I showed up, because I saw my laptop on her couch. The same laptop that was stolen from my house along with several other valuables last week. FML

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By HtotheFtotheS - 3/4/2015 19:05 - United Kingdom - Wisbech

Today, I used an air freshener in my room to make it smell good. At first, the smell was pretty pleasant. However, by the time it'd "soaked in" it smelled just like weed. My whole room stinks of it, and now my mum is convinced I've been smoking pot in my room. FML

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By Anonynommer - 13/9/2013 23:13 - United States - Holyoke

Today, at my first day on the job, a customer threatened my life because our vending machine had run out of Doritos. FML

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By lol - 5/12/2011 06:13 - United States

Today, I farted in front of my husband for the first time in 26 years. He told our kids over email, and now they won't shut up about it. FML

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By LanaStidolph - 2/12/2017 06:00

Today, I bought shampoos and household chemicals and was heading home on my bike when it started to rain. I felt a weird burning sensation down my back so I stopped and got off the bike. My backpack and jeans were covered in foam. FML

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By Thanks Fred - 18/5/2019 00:05

Today, I discovered why there was such a horrible stench in my bedroom. My cat had a secret stash of shit under my dresser. Along with the carcass of a rat. FML

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By Holymoly - 14/1/2009 21:10 - Netherlands

Today, I woke up with a hangover and my girlfriend seemed pissed at me. It took me a while before I remembered having sex the night before. I just didn't know exactly what had happened after that had pissed her off. Then I realized nothing happened, because I fell asleep while she was on top of me. FML

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By FML - 5/7/2010 00:15 - United States

Today, I came to work ready to impress my boss. A couple of weeks ago I asked him for a promotion from stock to sales and I have been proving myself worthy. Turns out he hired a new girl for sales, with great, big, fake breasts. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/4/2013 22:53 - United States

Today, I had to sell over $400 worth of china at a flea market. I barely got paid enough to refill my gas tank. FML

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Top comments

By justcommenting19 | 19

#6438178 - Sunday 18 October 2015 6:34

Wait, we're not?

By thecodecat | 24

#6438177 - Sunday 18 October 2015 6:33

That is unfortunate, but maybe you can have fun with it if there is no convincing them other wise.

COMMENTS

By Mr_Guy_Dude | 17

#6438173 - Sunday 18 October 2015 6:33

How did you find that out?

friedpwnadge | 25

#6438211 - Sunday 18 October 2015 6:55

Maybe it was the cries of "you bastard, you advocate the death of Jews, you sick blonde blue-eyed fiend!" that tipped OP off.

xxkrystalxx | 14

#6438715 - Sunday 18 October 2015 23:48

Lol I'm curious too. Like did the coworker just tell her or tell someone else

By thecodecat | 24

#6438177 - Sunday 18 October 2015 6:33

That is unfortunate, but maybe you can have fun with it if there is no convincing them other wise.

thawny_fml | 21

#6438353 - Sunday 18 October 2015 12:16

"I've told you I'm not a nazi at least nein times now, if you don't believe me I'll have to report you to the fuehrer"

tantanpanda | 26

#6438692 - Sunday 18 October 2015 22:44

Whenever OP sees her in private, he could raise his hands and salute.

Lalala579121 | 27

#6438698 - Sunday 18 October 2015 23:04

Plot twist, the coworker is the actual Nazi.

I did Nazi that coming.

By justcommenting19 | 19

#6438178 - Sunday 18 October 2015 6:34

Wait, we're not?

BeautifulChaos27 | 37

#6438327 - Sunday 18 October 2015 10:52

Shhh! Don't tell them about our secret club!

Autistic_Slut | 9

#6556676 - Friday 11 March 2016 4:57

we must keep the organization a secret

By Googolman | 29

#6438186 - Sunday 18 October 2015 6:36

I'm wondering how you found that out.

By sylvienoir | 18

#6438187 - Sunday 18 October 2015 6:36

Shit, she's onto us.

By 1bj1234 | 12

#6438193 - Sunday 18 October 2015 6:40

I bet you did Nazi that coming.

LilMissCanadian | 22

#6438592 - Sunday 18 October 2015 19:40

You forgot "I bet Jew"

By RealSuperSand | 21

#6438203 - Sunday 18 October 2015 6:48

Wow. The level of stupidity is over 9000.

higgysaurus | 18

#6438251 - Sunday 18 October 2015 7:29

Why did you pick 9000 out of all the numbers you could have picked? I mean even 10k sorta makes sense

brenton490 | 19

#6438278 - Sunday 18 October 2015 7:55

Because nein thousand sounds better!

spacefish966 | 18

#6438322 - Sunday 18 October 2015 10:07

^^^^win

zombiekiller52 | 24

#6438347 - Sunday 18 October 2015 12:03

What 9000 that's impossible?!!?

Talonshere | 14

#6438349 - Sunday 18 October 2015 12:08

@18 It's a meme. That's why he chose 9000.

9a_1z | 12

#6438514 - Sunday 18 October 2015 17:26

A very old meme, it's shameful, he should hand in his license to meme. All your meme licences are belong to us.

Enkeria | 30

#6438572 - Sunday 18 October 2015 19:01

Apparently #18 has never watched DragonBall Z.

Lalala579121 | 27

#6438700 - Sunday 18 October 2015 23:05

I'd almost say the stupidity is over 6 million.

higgysaurus | 18

#6439413 - Monday 19 October 2015 21:04

#36 shit, my bad

By Cads1 | 24

#6438205 - Sunday 18 October 2015 6:48

That's the price you pay for being the supreme race..... Apparently.

By Kruitdamp | 44

#6438209 - Sunday 18 October 2015 6:53

you shouldn't wave with your right hand.

By Tamandua | 19

#6438224 - Sunday 18 October 2015 7:06

Tell her you're Jewish.

higgysaurus | 18

#6438255 - Sunday 18 October 2015 7:34

Why not just tell her "I am not a Nazi"? No sense in lying when telling the truth would be more effective