Today, I finally found out why my new co-worker has been shooting...

By Anonymous - Australia - Surry Hills

Today, I finally found out why my new co-worker has been shooting me dirty looks, being rude to me, and generally trying to avoid me. It's because I have blonde hair and blue eyes, and she thinks people like me are Nazis. FML

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Love

Rock, hard place

Inspirational tale

Spread the news

By ApparentDrugAddict - United States

Today, at dinner, I accidentally let it slip that I'd taken a small sip of alcohol a few years ago and hated it. My extremely strict parents are now trying to get me into rehab. FML

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By TheLostCauseFML

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about role-playing during sex when he suddenly said, "I'll be Trump. Let's make sex great again!" FML

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By Tytonic - 20/1/2020 05:00 - United States - Havertown

First dates

Today, after my first dinner with my new girlfriend, I was using a toothpick when I fell, stabbing the roof of my mouth. She then laughed at me, as there was so much blood. FML

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By Kate

Today, my 5-year-old cousin came over. We were on the trampoline in my backyard when he fell off and started crying and screaming. While I was trying to comfort him, my mom came out yelling at me for "pushing him off the trampoline" and grounded me for a month. FML

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By Sunny - United States - Milwaukee

Awkward...

Today, I went to this coffee shop in town that has a fire pit outdoors with my boyfriend. I threw out the idea of sitting by the fire together, and he responded by telling me that his father and dog died in a house fire when he was young. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Desoto

Today, I went out with a friend to grab some food and we were served by this really cute and fun waiter. Stepping out of my comfort zone and deciding to do something crazy, I left my phone number on the bill. I got home only to realize that I forgot to pay the bill. FML

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By GoulashQueen - 8/12/2019 01:00 - Australia - Brunswick

Good food

Today, I sent a dude a snapchat of my food. He responded with a video of him taking a shower, nude. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I called my dad, because I haven't spoken to him in a while, and I wanted to invite him to my graduation in May. When he picked up, I said, "Hey, how have you been, dad?" He scoffed, "Wrong number" and hung up the phone. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, the speakers on my laptop weren't working. I worried I'd broken something, and started freaking out. I restarted my computer numerous times and played with the settings for an hour before calling my sister in to help. She looked at it for two seconds, then unplugged my headphones. FML

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By vetapplez - United States

Today, my boyfriend turned 21 and got drunk at a bar. Being sober, I went through the whole ordeal: calling a cab, carrying him up three flights of stairs, helping him by the toilet, and taking him to bed. Just when I'm about to sleep, he gets up, pushes his shorts down, and pees on me. Twice. FML

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By Leftattheairport

Today, I went to pick up my long distance boyfriend at the airport. It has been over six months since I last saw him and four days since I last heard from him. He never showed up. FML

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By helpme - United States - Irvine

Today, as part of a charity project called Operation Valentine, I worked with 150 other volunteers to make care packages and Valentine's Day cards to send to the troops in Afghanistan, thanking them for their courage. My boyfriend called the cards "cheating" and now refuses to see me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and best friend decided to "help" by assembling my new front porch while I was away. Ecstatic, they displayed their handiwork. It's charming how the porch is precariously balanced, it leans in such a way that it appears it will fall over if you walk through the front door. FML

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By sadman - United States

Today, I had a date with a girl I'd been seeing for about a month. When I got home, I saw her facebook status changed to "In a relationship". This made me kind of excited, until I realized it wasn't with me. FML

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By IMadeAHandicappedPersonCry - United States - Stillwater

Today, I was walking to my dorm room while it was snowing heavily. I saw a girl in a wheelchair trying to get up a slippery incline. Being a good person, I asked to help. I'm a pretty weak guy, and I couldn't push her up. She wheeled away crying because she thought she was fat. FML

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Today, I found out I'm pregnant with my soon-to-be ex-husband's baby from the moment we agreed to have sex one last time together. FML

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6633

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By Shivvy - United Kingdom

Today, I came downstairs disappointed thinking that my parents had forgotten my birthday. Turns out they didn't forget, they just couldn't be bothered to do anything for it. FML

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By depressednupset - United States

Today, my mother told me to 'quit having a pity party'. I was just diagnosed with depression. I've lost my boyfriend, my job, my academic standing, and I just got rejected from every graduate school I applied for. And my mother thinks I'm a cry baby. Great. FML

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By OnCompanyTimeToo - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, while writing a self-evaluation for my internship, I had to type up answers to certain questions and then submit them. After submission, I re-read one of the answers I had written that said, "After 3 months on the jon I finally feel like I have accomplished a lot." I had meant to write job. FML

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By quarterback - United States

Today, while at the vending machine, I put in my $20 instead of my $1. I got my change back in quarters. FML

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By alerra - 20/1/2020 14:00 - United States - Baton Rouge

Not mine

Today, my roommate's parents came over to our one room apartment. They found condom wrappers. My roommate tried to say they were mine. I'm still a virgin. FML

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By whiteboyfresh69 - 22/1/2020 20:00 - United States

She likes it!

Today, while sleeping off my hangover, my niece asked me to get her a drink. I gave her a beer, I didn't notice it until it was gone. She is only 6 years old. FML

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660

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By bertiebeth - Australia - Padstow

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he wanted me to get him some take out. He responded with, "I think we should see other people. Uh, chicken please." FML

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By andy - United States - Long Beach

Today, on my shift as a nurse, I asked a pregnant woman what she would name her child. She said she saw the name "Chlamydia" on a billboard and decided to name her daughter that, saying it was "beautiful." I informed her that it was an STD, and she replied, "Oh, well no one knows that!" FML

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By instinct - Australia - Doncaster East

Today, after years of faking pleasure with my boyfriend, I visited the gynaecologist. As soon as she touched my privates I instinctively let out a fake moan. FML

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By fmyboss

People never learn

Today, I was made fun of at work by my mom and my supervisor. I work at a kids' anti-bullying camp. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was working the lighting for a drama production. In the last scene, two characters realize they are in love and kiss, then the stage goes dark. I mixed up my settings, and instead of a blackout, flashing party lights started going off. 300 people turn around to stare at me. FML

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By Anonymous

It's not mine, dumbass

Today, my girlfriend announced to me that she is pregnant and tried to tell me it was mine. I lost both testicles to an infection as a teenager so, no way it’s mine. Somehow, she never made the mental connection that no balls equals no children and no way to convince me I’m the dad. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I locked lips with someone, or rather something, other than family for the first time in my life. It was a CPR dummy. FML

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By Me - United States

Today, while at a stop light, I was rear-ended by a car behind me. The guy got angry at me, because according to him, I should've known that his car has poor braking distance, and so I should've moved forward a few more feet to compensate. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend texted me saying he had left a surprise on my driveway. Thinking it was something special, I went outside to look. It was a little bag of mayonnaise packets. FML

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By ehcanadianeh - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found $20 under my car seat, so I put it in the cup holder, only for it to fly out of the window while going down the highway. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took a taxi to my hotel. I specifically said that my destination was the Hilton resort. He took me to a bed and breakfast across town. When I finally got to my hotel, I cursed him out and didn't give him a tip. I then realized I'd left my phone in the taxi after he left. FML

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By Paige - United Kingdom - Witham

Today, I found out my boyfriend regularly has his ex stay over. They even share a bed. He doesn't see a problem with this. FML

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By ruffrider - United States

Today, I decided to send my boyfriend a pic text of me naked. I accidentally sent it to my dad and got a text back saying, "You definitely take after your mom." FML

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By Aspireworks - United States

Today, my fiancé's mother came up to me and told me she loves that I stuck with my soon-to-be husband despite his history and condition. I have no idea what she's talking about, and she refuses to tell me. FML

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By Reno - United States - Reno

Today, while trying to find my phone in the depths of the sheets on my bed, I gave my comforter a huge shake. A second later, I heard a crash. My phone had miraculously flown straight into the glass of water on my nightstand. Found it. FML

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By JStein - United States - Hampshire

Today my boyfriend and my best friend had a very lengthy, detailed conversation about Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit, of which I know nothing about. Once they stopped, I looked at him and smiled, and he responded with, "Why can't you be more like her?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I heard an electric saw cutting through something outside my condo. I presumed it was a complex maintenance guy working on something. It was a thief using an angle grinder to cut off my bicycle's U-lock. FML

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By Livingthedream

Today, I got home from a long day of work and saw a pile of dog puke on the kitchen floor. I went to get paper towels and found a pile of dog shit. With my foot. Both of my kids were home all day and left the piles for me to clean because "that's gross". FML

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Top comments

By justcommenting19 | 19

#6438178 - Sunday 18 October 2015 6:34

Wait, we're not?

By thecodecat | 24

#6438177 - Sunday 18 October 2015 6:33

That is unfortunate, but maybe you can have fun with it if there is no convincing them other wise.

COMMENTS

By Mr_Guy_Dude | 17

#6438173 - Sunday 18 October 2015 6:33

How did you find that out?

friedpwnadge | 25

#6438211 - Sunday 18 October 2015 6:55

Maybe it was the cries of "you bastard, you advocate the death of Jews, you sick blonde blue-eyed fiend!" that tipped OP off.

xxkrystalxx | 14

#6438715 - Sunday 18 October 2015 23:48

Lol I'm curious too. Like did the coworker just tell her or tell someone else

By thecodecat | 24

#6438177 - Sunday 18 October 2015 6:33

That is unfortunate, but maybe you can have fun with it if there is no convincing them other wise.

thawny_fml | 21

#6438353 - Sunday 18 October 2015 12:16

"I've told you I'm not a nazi at least nein times now, if you don't believe me I'll have to report you to the fuehrer"

tantanpanda | 26

#6438692 - Sunday 18 October 2015 22:44

Whenever OP sees her in private, he could raise his hands and salute.

Lalala579121 | 27

#6438698 - Sunday 18 October 2015 23:04

Plot twist, the coworker is the actual Nazi.

I did Nazi that coming.

By justcommenting19 | 19

#6438178 - Sunday 18 October 2015 6:34

Wait, we're not?

BeautifulChaos27 | 37

#6438327 - Sunday 18 October 2015 10:52

Shhh! Don't tell them about our secret club!

Autistic_Slut | 9

#6556676 - Friday 11 March 2016 4:57

we must keep the organization a secret

By Googolman | 29

#6438186 - Sunday 18 October 2015 6:36

I'm wondering how you found that out.

By sylvienoir | 18

#6438187 - Sunday 18 October 2015 6:36

Shit, she's onto us.

By 1bj1234 | 12

#6438193 - Sunday 18 October 2015 6:40

I bet you did Nazi that coming.

LilMissCanadian | 22

#6438592 - Sunday 18 October 2015 19:40

You forgot "I bet Jew"

By RealSuperSand | 21

#6438203 - Sunday 18 October 2015 6:48

Wow. The level of stupidity is over 9000.

higgysaurus | 18

#6438251 - Sunday 18 October 2015 7:29

Why did you pick 9000 out of all the numbers you could have picked? I mean even 10k sorta makes sense

brenton490 | 19

#6438278 - Sunday 18 October 2015 7:55

Because nein thousand sounds better!

spacefish966 | 18

#6438322 - Sunday 18 October 2015 10:07

^^^^win

zombiekiller52 | 24

#6438347 - Sunday 18 October 2015 12:03

What 9000 that's impossible?!!?

Talonshere | 14

#6438349 - Sunday 18 October 2015 12:08

@18 It's a meme. That's why he chose 9000.

9a_1z | 12

#6438514 - Sunday 18 October 2015 17:26

A very old meme, it's shameful, he should hand in his license to meme. All your meme licences are belong to us.

Enkeria | 30

#6438572 - Sunday 18 October 2015 19:01

Apparently #18 has never watched DragonBall Z.

Lalala579121 | 27

#6438700 - Sunday 18 October 2015 23:05

I'd almost say the stupidity is over 6 million.

higgysaurus | 18

#6439413 - Monday 19 October 2015 21:04

#36 shit, my bad

By Cads1 | 24

#6438205 - Sunday 18 October 2015 6:48

That's the price you pay for being the supreme race..... Apparently.

By Kruitdamp | 44

#6438209 - Sunday 18 October 2015 6:53

you shouldn't wave with your right hand.

By Tamandua | 19

#6438224 - Sunday 18 October 2015 7:06

Tell her you're Jewish.

higgysaurus | 18

#6438255 - Sunday 18 October 2015 7:34

Why not just tell her "I am not a Nazi"? No sense in lying when telling the truth would be more effective