Miscellaneous: Today, I was chilling in my comfy zip-up sweatshirt when I realized... - FML

08/01/2016 02:08 - Canada - Thornhill

Today, I was chilling in my comfy zip-up sweatshirt when I realized I was running late for an acting class. In my mad panic, I forgot I didn't have a shirt or bra underneath. Later in class, I was performing a scene and started to unzip my sweatshirt. You can figure out the rest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 409

You deserved it 5 563

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Wakey wakey

Menace II Society

30/07/2015 15:30 - United States - Bridgeview

Today, I had to listen to my grandma talk about how she's "allergic" to toilet paper, and how she lets nature "take care of it". FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 053

You deserved it 1 752

27/02/2014 20:58 - United States - Petaluma

Today, I fell asleep on the couch, only to wake up later with my dog's tongue over my mouth. That was my first ever kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 008

You deserved it 6 123

21/11/2018 15:30

Today, after my husband applied for a VA loan so we could move out of our ridiculously overpriced apartment and into our first home as a mortgage would be significantly cheaper, we were denied. If we can afford $1400/month in rent, we surely can’t be trusted with $1000/month for a mortgage, right? FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 117

You deserved it 181

No more cheese before bedtime

By mmmmm - 17/05/2021 20:01 - United States - Denver

Today, I had a dream in which an electrical outlet began spewing water. It then spoke to me, "You’re not telling ANYONE about this." I then woke up with laryngitis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 752

You deserved it 70

12/08/2009 20:12 - Denmark

Today, I got stung by a bee. On my eyelid. I'm allergic so it's swollen up so much, I can't even open my eye. Tomorrow is the first day of a new prestigious school. I either have to go to school wearing an eye-patch or walk around looking like a monster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 672

You deserved it 3 304

05/11/2015 03:32 - United States

Today, my fiancée thought that lowering the volume on her phone would lower the amount of data being used by her streaming songs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 689

You deserved it 2 850

02/07/2014 15:54 - Canada - Oliver

Spicy

Today, I overheard my mother talking to her friend, and using me as an example of how it's sometimes best to swallow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 084

You deserved it 5 828

22/10/2011 21:51 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I were both at home, sick. We decided to make the best of it and spent the day in bed together. Things got a little steamy, and we started making out. As I started kissing her neck, I got nauseous. Before I could pull away, I threw up all over her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 272

You deserved it 18 005

Yeah, fuck the poor

By Anonymous - 13/11/2020 23:02 - Canada

Today, I discovered my deadbeat ex-husband will not have to pay child support anymore, because while he sat on CERB the entire pandemic, I was an essential worker, and will be punished for having had an actual income. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 031

You deserved it 113

Really close

By Anonymous - 15/06/2020 20:08

Today, my sister made her engagement official on Facebook. When I shared the post to spread the word, people didn't read her boyfriend's name, and I started getting questions on why my sister and I were getting married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 350

You deserved it 270

You sure it was your birthday?

By Anonymous - 04/02/2021 04:53

Today, it was my birthday. My partner of 9 years, and father of my two children, bought me a set of headphones for him to use on the treadmill. Didn’t wrap them, didn’t say happy birthday to me, didn’t tell my kids it was my birthday and worked on the yard all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 053

You deserved it 125

Technologically challenged

By Anonymous - 27/11/2020 17:58 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, during my Zoom PTM my teacher screen-shared his Chrome tab, in which he had opened porn instead of the presentation he had to open, and now mom wants to change my school, where I've been studying in for past 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 913

You deserved it 103

Denied!

By Anonymous - 17/04/2009 17:07 - United States

Today, I swam in a race against all of the girls in the midwest in the hardest, longest, most grueling race you can swim. I won. Happy but so tired I could barely move, I looked up to see my time. I had been disqualified. For flinching. Before the race started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 744

You deserved it 6 644

26/01/2011 07:48

Today, my 4 year old cousin is staying overnight. Every time I fall asleep he wakes me up to tell me I fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 134

You deserved it 3 775

Management 101

By Anonymous - 22/07/2021 04:01 - South Africa

Today, I got a call from the bank, telling me my mom's company is going broke. She's been on holiday for a month, and I had been appointed to manage it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 848

You deserved it 159

08/07/2009 04:16 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife had been debating leaving me for an old boyfriend from high school. They rekindled their relationship on Facebook, and talking on the cell phone. Both things I insisted she have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 353

You deserved it 12 037

09/08/2019 20:00

Today, my boss came to see me because he'd heard that I was homeless. I'm not homeless, and the rumour was started by a friend of mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 546

You deserved it 99

11/10/2017 21:45

Today, I found out that my mom uses my incredibly expensive conditioner to wash her two dogs every single weekend. No wonder they smell so good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 313

You deserved it 384

19/05/2011 11:46 - United States

Today, my car ran out of gas. I was 20 feet away from the gas pump and the only person I could ask for help was the attendant, who'd asked me out a week ago. I'd said no, and so did he. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 788

You deserved it 15 930

How shocking!

By Anonymous - 04/03/2018 01:30

Today, my brother thought it would be hilarious to put his dog shock collar on me to wake me in lieu of my alarm. You know how those cartoon characters look when they're electrocuted? That's exactly how I woke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 360

You deserved it 366

23/02/2019 16:00 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I filled in for my absent pregnant co-worker like I have done since she went on disability a month ago, at the job I’ve been doing for 15 months. Today the replacement they hired also came to work, and I had to train her since she has more experience and got the maternity leave position over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 897

You deserved it 209

02/05/2016 21:42 - United States - Danville

Today, working night shift at a nursing home, I can tell the difference between the smell of different people's urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 757

You deserved it 924

19/04/2013 05:07 - United States - Morrison

Today, someone at my workplace yelled at me and filed a complaint for staring at them too often. I'm a lifeguard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 639

You deserved it 4 381

19/07/2012 01:29 - United States

Today, I told my mom about the severe phobia I've developed towards driving. She was very supportive and even made me an appointment to see a psychologist. His office is two hours away. I have to drive to see my doctor about my fear of driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 606

You deserved it 3 412

02/11/2009 22:03 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was hanging out with my friends. My friend started talking about how unfair it is that women can use their breasts to get promotions. I told him that he has no place to talk, as he used his "d*ck" a few months ago with his female boss. His girlfriend of 3 years was sitting next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 809

You deserved it 34 496

Speed racer

By ZThirteen - 25/10/2009 10:08 - United States

Today, I got a speeding ticket. My speedometer got busted a few weeks back, rendering it useless. My father, a former mechanic, decided it's not worth the trouble of going in and fixing it. "Just keep with traffic when you're on the highway; you'll be fine." This $150 fee says otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 117

You deserved it 28 676

04/01/2014 23:13 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 588

You deserved it 5 669

25/10/2016 00:50

Today, I got fired from my job. A coworker that strongly dislikes me convinced my boss I took a day off because I was going to a Trump rally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 689

You deserved it 955

13/09/2017 04:30

Today, I helped my girlfriend pick out a pretty dress for a corporate event. It turns out the first use it was going to see was a date with her side dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 235

You deserved it 366

06/09/2011 15:11 - United States

Today, my boyfriend let me know that when we met, he wouldn't have even talked to me if I was as fat as I am now. But lucky for me, he stays with me because, "there's love or something." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 882

You deserved it 12 978

Time to scramble

By BellaBabii32 - 27/04/2021 02:01

Today, I went to get coffee. While I was at the drive-thru window, I went to pay with my card but dropped it right out the window. It went under my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 743

You deserved it 148

18/04/2014 18:24 - United States

Today, I took my car into a car wash. I guess it was a bad idea to do it with my dog in the car, because he freaked out, started scrambling around, and ended up pissing on everything, me included. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 149

You deserved it 13 663

Justify My Love

By carrie - 09/05/2021 14:00

Today, my husband thinks I don’t love him. Why? Because I won’t poop with him in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 858

You deserved it 102

26/04/2009 16:49 - United States

Today, I went to a concert. They had this feature where you could send a picture of something from your cell phone and they'd put it on the big screens, so I sent a picture of myself in. When the picture came up on the screens, the entire crowd of about 4,000 people went, "Ewwww!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 86 954

You deserved it 31 176

04/05/2016 16:39 - United States - Houston

Today, my family savagely mocked me to the point of tears, all for using "big", "fancy" words like "accommodations" and "hospitality". FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 296

You deserved it 1 453

Cabin fever

By Anonymous - 28/04/2020 20:00

Today, my (now ex) boyfriend came home from work at 8 p.m., monologued about how he doesn't love me anymore for two hours, and walked out on me. In the middle of quarantine. Out of nowhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 785

You deserved it 143

Shoulda woulda coulda

By Anonymous - 20/06/2021 11:00

Today, I did the math: back at college in 2011, I had a $20,000+ reimbursement from my school. If I had invested even half my cash into Bitcoin then ($2.50), I would be worth over $120,000,000. Instead, I said, "Fuck that! This is stupid", and am now over $200,000 in student loan debt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 734

You deserved it 243

16/05/2019 16:02

Today, I got married to the love of my life, with whom I've been with for 5 years. It's also one of the 3 times a year where he's got so drunk that, instead of puking in the bed like last time, he puked all over the side of my car while I was driving us home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 499

You deserved it 331

11/12/2010 03:42 - Canada

Today, I woke up to my apartment filled with smoke, fire alarms blaring. My roommate set my kitchen on fire while making hot dogs. This is the fourth time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 427

You deserved it 4 656

06/03/2015 01:38 - United States - Montclair

Today, as I was riding my bike home from school, I saw a homeless man sitting on a bench. I was about to walk up to him and give him money, but before I could do anything my mother walked up and kissed him. My mom is dating this guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 211

You deserved it 3 355

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Top comments

LostInTheZone11 28

Friday 8 January 2016 9:58

Guys, let's face facts. We wanted to be in the classroom.

ihavenolifehaha 16

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Friday 8 January 2016 9:57

It's okay. I'm sure you made some peoples day ;)

Comments

ihavenolifehaha 16

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Friday 8 January 2016 9:57

It's okay. I'm sure you made some peoples day ;)

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Friday 8 January 2016 16:00

I'm guessing this is Kim Kardashian...

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Saturday 9 January 2016 6:09

I just love the way your profile pic goes with your comment

LostInTheZone11 28

Friday 8 January 2016 9:58

Guys, let's face facts. We wanted to be in the classroom.

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Friday 8 January 2016 20:08

I'm afraid I can't deny it.

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Saturday 9 January 2016 4:51

Let's get tickets to the next show!!

spacefish966 18

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Saturday 9 January 2016 7:49

hooray for tata's !!!

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Wednesday 13 January 2016 15:58

I'm sorry OP, but he speaks the truth, at least for me.

ARetardedSeal 24

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Friday 8 January 2016 10:02

Well, I'm sure you put on a good show

scottyboy417 19

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Friday 8 January 2016 10:02

You and me both my friend.

scottyboy417 19

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Tuesday 12 January 2016 8:30

Totally meant to reply to #2. I am an idiot

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Friday 8 January 2016 10:02

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Friday 8 January 2016 16:14

Thank you for such a great and clever response. It really shows your opinion.

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Saturday 9 January 2016 15:38

Most original response ever. 10/10 would comment again.

Tomato_Cheese 22

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Friday 8 January 2016 10:06

Were there laughs or slapping sounds?

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Friday 8 January 2016 10:10

As a fellow actor, I tell you this: just roll with it. When something happens on stage (or in class) you can address it and move on. I may have thrown in a line that made sense with the scene and just zipped back up. Shit happens.

blazingshot147 19

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Monday 11 January 2016 6:32

Kind of reminds me of the time my costume was ripped during a play and I was left with only my boxers because it was a one piece. If it wasn't a comedy I'm not sure I would've recovered it with just "Whelp, too bad its just a newsflash sir. Now of you excuse me...". Makes a good conversation back stage tbh.

TheGreenEyedWolf 13

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Monday 11 January 2016 17:37

I'm an actor as well. While I agree with your statement, nudity isn't really something you can just improv into a scene. Sucks to be you, OP.

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Friday 8 January 2016 10:17

Encore!

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Friday 8 January 2016 10:17

What strikes me the most is for OP to find comfortable wearing a hoodie with nothing underneath. I personnaly can't bear the zip being directly in touch with my skin.

PhoenixChick 26

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Friday 8 January 2016 10:46

That got me too. Plus, zippers on skin can pinch and be cold!

jellybean888 10

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Friday 8 January 2016 20:52

I can as long as it's just a pull over. if it's a zip up then it's out of the question

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Sunday 10 January 2016 11:02

OP was female. The zipper was not against the skin because boobs.

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Friday 15 January 2016 4:28

I feel ya girl

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Friday 15 January 2016 4:31

Boobs have skin dumbass

laurenemilyy 17

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Friday 8 January 2016 10:26

This FML has been posted before

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Friday 8 January 2016 10:29

Oh my! What a great show!

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 348

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 606

You deserved it 69