Work: Today, I was playing basketball in our company gym. I took a... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was playing basketball in our company gym. I took a shot from half court, and at that exact moment, an executive walked into the gym with an important potential client. My shot bounced off the side of the backboard, off some bleachers, and right into the client's head. FML

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Capitalism kills

True hero

Teenagers, amirite?

By why

Today, I caught my roommate pouring back his leftover milk from his cereal back into the jug to "save money." FML

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By kilo1_13 - United States

Today, I was working at my retail job. A customer stopped me on my way to break saying "someone" had broken a snow globe. She showed me where it was and I cleaned it up with her circling me. I finished and put the cleaning supplies away when I heard a 'crash' as the same woman dropped another snow globe. FML

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By klutz - Canada

Today, while grabbing a husk of corn out of the boiling hot pot, I splashed hot water on my neck, dropped the corn on my injured toe, and cut myself on the counters, all while my family laughed at my pain. FML

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By ugh - United States - Tampa

Today, my boyfriend came to my work, at a drive thru, in my car, and then got mad at me because I wouldn't give him free food. In his anger, he put my car in reverse and backed out of line very quickly, only to smash into a paying customer. FML

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By Justin - 25/7/2020 20:00

Awwww, how sweet!

Today, after having a 3-day vacation and feeling a bit bummed that it was over, I got home to find a black widow watching her babies hatch in my office window. FML

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By I'maboutobarf - Australia

Today, my mum got a new blender. Dinner was roast beef, broccoli, cauliflower, pumpkin, potatoes and water. In a cup. FML

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By ToInsecure4me - United States

Today, I had to stay late at work. My husband made me take a video of myself punching out, to prove I wasn't cheating on him. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a girl I've been crushing on for over a year finally gave me her number. I lost the note at home, but found it a few hours later. I excitedly called, only to find she'd written down the number for the local Pizza Hut. FML

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By hatethatiloveyou - United States

Today, my crush talked to me for the first time. He told me to stop staring. FML

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By willkftw

Today, I backed a van into another car at work, damaging the tailgate in the process. I work at a panel beater. The van I was driving had just had a brand new tailgate put on. FML

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By not sexy anymore - 28/7/2020 05:01

Get on with it!

Today, my boyfriend asked why I’ve been so grumpy lately. When I told him it’s because our relationship has been severely lacking in intimacy, he sighed heavily and said, “Ugh, fine, let’s just get it over with!” Gee, thanks babe. FML

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By maidmyday - United States

Today, I started a new job as a maid. As I was cleaning the master bedroom's en-suite bathroom, the owners of the house came in and started making love. I was too scared to admit I was there, but after there was silence for a few minutes I thought it might be safe to leave. It wasn't. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got my first kiss. He had an allergic reaction to my chapstick, and broke out in hives. FML

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By masterzach21 - United States

Today, I took a picture of my "privates" on my girlfriends cell phone and set it as her background without her knowing. Minutes later, I heard her mom scream. She has the same phone. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around. He threw me over his shoulder and turned around, smacking my face against the wall. Then he smacked my head into the fridge after turning round to see "what that loud bang" was. FML

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By xrebeccalou - United States

Today, I went to my long-distance boyfriend's party. His best friend was talking to me and trying to make conversation, he asked, "So, are you two official?" I responded with a definite yes, but was cut off mid-word by my boyfriend, who quickly said, "No, not really." Sorry, I wasn't aware, darling. FML

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By mee - 24/11/2020 08:02

Knock off

Today, I overheard my six year-old step-son playing with his sister and cousin. His sister was the baby, cousin the step-dad, and he got to be “the best one” because he was the "real dad." FML

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By notnerb - New Zealand

Today, I met up with a guy from a local dating site for coffee. He walked up, looked me over and said "Ummm, no", then walked off. FML

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By sarah_sad - United States

Today, I went to the gym with two of my friends expecting to pay a guest fee but the cute guy working at the front desk let me in for free. On the way out after working out I started to flirt with him and he said "Don't flatter yourself, I just let you in because I'm lazy." FML

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By JustSayNo - United Kingdom - Guildford

Today, I found out why my doctor told me not to mix pain killers with alcohol when I was told that last night I tried to convince a group of teenage tourists that I was one of the nitwits from One Direction, and then got miffed when they laughed at me. FML

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By

What should I do?

Today, I got a XXX wax, because my boyfriend wouldn't go down on me as he didn't like the hair. Now he won't sleep with me at all because I look like a child with no pubic hair, and he "feels like a pedophile." FML

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By poop hands - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, working as a CNA, my nurse convinced me that in order to collect a stool sample, you had to have the patient take a dump in your hand. I only found out he was kidding after I collected the sample. FML

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By gloomy

Today, my daughter and I went to the mall. While we were looking for clothes, she walked away from me and touched a man on the arm and smiled and said "Hi!" The man freaked out and screamed at me for letting that "thing" in public and to "wear a condom next time." FML

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By Anonymous - Ireland - Dublin

Today, while on a first date, I had to excuse myself to the restroom. I was still tired from pulling an all-nighter, and fell asleep on the toilet. When I woke up and rushed back out, my date was gone. Everyone now thinks I'm an arsehole who pulled the old "window escape" trick on her. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Mundelein

Today, I went to a concert. One of my favorite bands was performing, and I'd had the ticket for seven months, with a great seat for the show. It was all going perfectly, that is until a guy twice my height sat in front of me. FML

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By yeah... - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend who I am still in love with sends me a text message that says "I miss you, baby". It turns out my name comes right after his girlfriend's name on his contact list. FML

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By asdfas - United States

Today, I was at work and my mother texted me. The text read, "You take a nice picture." To which I responded, "what picture?" I then got a reply saying, "The one on your speeding ticket showing you going 73 in a 55 mph zone. You are even smiling." FML

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By kelkline - United States

Today, my friend got a babysitter for the kids and told me she was taking me to a party. My son told me his band was playing at a party. I will be 40 tomorrow, so I thought this would be the best surprise birthday party ever. It WAS a surprise birthday party – for a friend of ours. FML

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By CathyM - United States

Today, I was in the ER where I work as a registrar. A patient received a plastic urinal to use in his room. Most patients throw them away when they leave. He, however, decided to take it with him, and as he checked out, put it on the registration counter. Two feet from my face. It was used. FML

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By gahdamnit - Australia

Today, I tested the new taps in the shower, with my head. Yep, they're strong enough. FML

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By bitten - United States

Today, I got bitten by my aunt's dog. My brother was holding the leash. He said he didn't pull the dog away from me because he didn't want to rip my shirt. Meanwhile, the dog was biting a penny-sized chunk out of my hip. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mother gave me an early Christmas present; a Bissell mop so I can "do a better job" when I "clean her floors". FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my father asked my best friend to marry him. He's 38 and we're 18. She said yes. FML

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By WanstinChurchHill - United States

Today, I met a nice girl and decided to ask her out. Later on she showed me a picture of her with her family, she was wearing red and everyone else black. I said jokingly "you look like the adopted child" only to find out that her had parents died and she was indeed adopted. FML

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By angry - United Kingdom

Today, I was on web cam to my girlfriend who was naked. She turned the web cam to point to the screen for a second and she was also on web cam with another guy. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I told the woman that I've had a crush on for some time how I felt. She laughed so hard that water sprayed from her nose and hit me in the face. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I opened my Christmas presents with my husband. One of the things he got me was a ball gag. "Yeah," he said with a grin, "That one's more for me but I didn't wanna buy myself headphones." Cue our son asking me what it was. FML

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By razzipost1 - Canada

Today, I came home from work to my basement flooding. With sewage. That wasn't from our house. FML

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By kellym - Canada

Today, I called my husband and he told me that he was going to invite his friend Jeff over that night. I told him I would prefer that he didn't come over. He took it to mean that I wanted to spend time with him and came home with flowers. Then had to tell him I was leaving him. FML

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By Mary

Today, my officemate used the telephone beside my desk again. I still can't think of a better way to tell him how awful bad his breath is without the having to do it personally. We've been workmates for a year now and he still hasn't gotten a clue, despite of me covering my nose every time. FML

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Top comments

By spzb | 3

#1478152 - Thursday 30 September 2010 23:18

Lol. good shot

By perdix | 29

#1478189 - Thursday 30 September 2010 23:26

Did it knock his toupée off?

Tell the exec he needs to make the same shot of he gets an "H." You called it, right?

COMMENTS

By spzb | 3

#1478152 - Thursday 30 September 2010 23:18

Lol. good shot

Reply

clarissa_Gyall | 0

#2146830 - Thursday 3 March 2011 18:24

NBA!!! BALLLINNNN!!!!

By Thanateros | 1

#1478156 - Thursday 30 September 2010 23:19

Nice

By perdix | 29

#1478189 - Thursday 30 September 2010 23:26

Did it knock his toupée off?

Tell the exec he needs to make the same shot of he gets an "H." You called it, right?

Reply

GtDriver | 6

#1479501 - Friday 1 October 2010 3:54

Ahahahahaha! I get it! Nice!

Reply

xITZxTuRtLeX | 0

#1479972 - Friday 1 October 2010 7:53

perdix u r awesome I want to have babies with u Jk:)

By Filitov | 0

#1478197 - Thursday 30 September 2010 23:28

+2 points for good aim!
Shit happens. It's not like you *meant* to peg the guy. Or if you did, you get even more points for making it look like an accident. =P

By Perplex_fml | 2

#1478216 - Thursday 30 September 2010 23:32

ok? apologize, problem solved....get over it. BOOM HEADSHOT 3 Pts.

Reply

xITZxTuRtLeX | 0

#1479876 - Friday 1 October 2010 6:49

luv your pic

By stronghand0331 | 17

#1478228 - Thursday 30 September 2010 23:39

that's pretty amazing, if I may say so myself. it was a once in a lifetime opportunity, and you can cherish the moment

Reply

xITZxTuRtLeX | 0

#1479449 - Friday 1 October 2010 3:34

what do u use this strong-hand for?hand-jobs? :)

Reply

stronghand0331 | 17

#1479509 - Friday 1 October 2010 3:58

your a dirty little turtle.

Reply

xITZxTuRtLeX | 0

#1479879 - Friday 1 October 2010 6:51

hehe Jk:)

Reply

stronghand0331 | 17

#1479915 - Friday 1 October 2010 7:12

I ain't no hoe.

Reply

xITZxTuRtLeX | 0

#1479964 - Friday 1 October 2010 7:48

sorry I'll go to my corner now:(

Reply

stronghand0331 | 17

#1483398 - Saturday 2 October 2010 1:06

that's what my strong hand is for. you experienced it first-hand. :)

Reply

xITZxTuRtLeX | 0

#1484011 - Saturday 2 October 2010 4:32

this made me giggle^^

Reply

stronghand0331 | 17

#1503498 - Tuesday 5 October 2010 19:57

ah yes :)

Reply

shupwhup | 18

#6473496 - Sunday 29 November 2015 19:28

You're both annoying.

By chobitschibi1369 | 0

#1478237 - Thursday 30 September 2010 23:43

1) Good unintentional aim. 2) Mabye the hit was hard enough that there is no recollection of it in his mind. If so, even better unintentional aim.

By bigbadtim | 7

#1478247 - Thursday 30 September 2010 23:50

Off the backboard, bleachers, sone guy's head, nothing but net.

By Trollz4daLULZ | 1

#1478261 - Friday 1 October 2010 0:00

YDI for having a job, for sucking at basketball, for even playing basketball in the first place, and for trying to eliminate clients.

By bravesfan112233 | 0

#1478279 - Friday 1 October 2010 0:07

kobe