Today, I was playing basketball in our company gym. I took a... - FML

By Anonymous - 30/9/2010 17:13 - United States

Today, I was playing basketball in our company gym. I took a shot from half court, and at that exact moment, an executive walked into the gym with an important potential client. My shot bounced off the side of the backboard, off some bleachers, and right into the client's head. FML

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Business savvy

Don't you know that you're toxic?

Last dates

By Anonymous - 17/8/2018 14:30

Today, I called my boyfriend and a woman answered. Turns out, she's also his girlfriend. She broke up with me on his behalf. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/12/2010 05:11 - United States

Today, two guys broke into my apartment to rob me at gunpoint. While I was wanking. FML

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By blueheron93 - 13/11/2010 14:25 - Germany

Today, I realized that the only boy who ever called me pretty was my 5-year-old brother. My sister then scolded him for lying. FML

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By Peter - 27/12/2011 02:24 - United States

Today, we found out where our daughter had been hiding her crayons. We also found out why our stereo stopped working. FML

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By cherokeems - 20/10/2015 18:28 - United States - Harriman

Today, my 8-month-old dog decided to decorate the living room by tearing apart a rented college textbook, the reference guide that went with it, and part of a color therapy book. FML

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By MakeDonaldDrumpfAgain - 30/3/2016 05:24 - Canada - Guelph

Today, I discovered that my Dad's family very much supports Donald Trump. They tried to convince me to support his campaign by donating money. We're not even American. FML

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By monty - 9/3/2009 02:53 - United States

Today, I was babysitting for my mom's coworkers two little boys. they went to bed around 9 and I was watching a movie on HBO. I fell asleep before the movie was over. I woke up to the parents walking into the house. I looked at the TV, and porn was on. FML

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By allisonpaige21 - 18/6/2015 22:31 - United States - Quitman

Today, I found out that my grandparents are going to take my car away and sell it because they're pissed I'm moving in with my boyfriend. FML

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By Amanda - 19/11/2010 05:14

Today, my house was broken into. Apparently, I have nothing good enough in my house to steal, so they took my cake. FML

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By kaitlin - 19/2/2010 06:30 - Australia

Today, I lost my virginity to an ultrasound probe. FML

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By lizzy1843 - 26/1/2011 14:48 - United States

Today, my cat pissed in my zen garden. FML

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By awkwardballer - 24/5/2016 16:53

Today, while playing basketball with my new coworkers, I managed to get the ball stuck between the hoop and backboard. In trying to free it, I also got a traffic cone stuck and ended up having to drag a large ladder across the court while everyone watched. FML

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By MTJY - 12/9/2011 04:53 - United Kingdom

Today, I was talking to my ex. After pouring my heart out to her, saying we were meant for each other, she looked at me and said, "Don't bother, I've already slept with your brother." FML

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By MoonStarShine3 - 9/6/2015 16:12 - United Kingdom - Chorley

Today, my boss yelled at me for being 3 hours late. I was late because I fell down the stairs and broke my arm. Apparently, breaking my arm is not a good enough excuse. FML

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By Peter - 11/5/2019 14:00

Today, I discovered that my girlfriend has been lying to me about having a long-term illness requiring multiple trips to the doctor's. She isn't ill, she was cheating on me with the local GP. So I’ve literally driven her to the clinic and then sat in the waiting room while she screwed the doctor. FML

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By justgreat - 24/3/2012 02:30 - United States - Opa Locka

Today, my girlfriend fell asleep while giving me head. FML

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By sadandmad - 20/1/2016 16:09 - United States - Bonita Springs

Today, my husband took a pill to make him last longer in bed. He did last longer. He went from 5 minutes to 7. FML

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By dan - 9/5/2012 20:10 - United States - Laurel

Today, I started my new job. It seems my colleagues are moronic pranksters, because when I leaned back in my chair, the back-rest fell apart and I fell to the ground, to much laughter. My boss immediately shouted at me to "stop fucking about." I thought this only happened in movies. FML

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By creedonfied - 6/11/2012 20:27 - United States - Billerica

Today, I was playing with my cat. I tried to put him on my stomach, but he refused to stay put. Ever since I lost weight, he won't lay with me or purr. I think my fat was the only thing he liked about me. FML

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By Unlucky. - 16/10/2009 06:21 - United States

Today, I took my parking permit off my car to debate a ticket that I got for not having my permit displayed. Twenty minutes later, when I got back to my car, I had another ticket on my window for not having my parking permit displayed because I was using it to disprove the first ticket. FML

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By notenough - 29/8/2009 04:27 - United States

Today, I was on the webcam with my boyfriend. I could see that he was on the couch, and alone, so I took off my shirt and smiled, waiting to see his reaction. He smiled at me but then kept looking in another direction. I playfully asked "What's so distracting?" His answer: "History Channel". FML

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By Anonymous - 20/1/2015 11:04 - Australia - Blacktown

Today, I was playing Charades. My boyfriend, who I'd recently had a fight with, had trouble and just said his answer was the name of my celebrity twin. Nobody got it. He said "Really? It's Fat Bastard." Stunned silence followed, broken by a single "HAH." from my 'best friend'. FML

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By Sadmom - 17/9/2009 23:58 - United States

Today, my 7 year old daughter decided to use my laptop without my permission. She accidentally got SpaghettiOs on the screen, then used the hard side of a sponge, filled with soapy water, to scrub both the keyboard and screen of my laptop to clean it off so Mommy wouldn't know. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/3/2011 01:52 - United States

Today, I was telling my students that it's unnecessary to put arrows on the bottom of the page to tell me there's work on the back, I check it anyway. At the end of the day, at least 6 kids came up to me asking to change their grade because I forgot to grade the back. They hadn't put arrows. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/9/2017 04:30

Today, after storing it for a year, driving it 750 miles to a new home, and waiting a week for a wall mount to come in, I was ready to hang the hand-painted, decorative window my brother gave me. The chain snapped as I picked it up and it shattered when it hit the floor. FML

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By notatherapist - 1/10/2014 23:08 - Netherlands - Huizen

Today, my boyfriend and I were roleplaying therapist and patient in bed. When I playfully asked him what bothered him, he told me his mother hates him and burst into tears. FML

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By tumblrinas_at_work - 2/5/2015 08:04 - United States - Woodland Hills

Today, I had to go to a boring, never-ending "sensitivity training" session, all because my douchebag coworker filed a complaint against me last week after I apologized for being tardy. Apparently I was insulting people with mental disorders. Or as she put it, "differently-abled" people. FML

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By herANDi - 3/4/2009 06:10 - Canada

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I'm already a clumsy person but became extra clumsy because I was nervous. After knocking over my drink for the fourth time, my boyfriend's mom angrily shouted "Did you actually come drunk for the first time meeting us?" FML

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By whatnow - 1/4/2012 02:52 - United States - Carmel

Today, I fell asleep on the couch while babysitting. When the kids' parents came home, they made fake crying noises to see if I would wake up. I slept like a baby, and by the time they finally roused me, I'd left a nice drool stain on the armrest. FML

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By Frouse - 4/6/2019 16:00

Today, after getting home from work late last night and feeling lazy, I'd put my leftover dinner in the microwave, spoon and all. I wake up to find one of the kids started the microwave and it blew up because of the metal spoon. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/3/2012 12:35 - United States - Rohnert Park

Today, I took a very expensive flight to New York City for a job interview. I waited in my hotel room all day for the phone call to go to my once in a lifetime interview. By noon I was nervous, eight I was pissed. Around ten I realized my phone was still in airplane mode. FML

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By Derpina - 21/12/2011 15:33 - United States

Today, a student came in late to class, and there were only a couple of seats available. I waved her over offering her the seat beside me with the quip, "It's OK, you can sit by me. I don't smell or anything." I realized after she sat down that she actually did. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/8/2009 05:15 - United States

Today, I was eating dinner with my family. My parents didn't want me to hear what they were talking about so they decided they would spell out the words so I wouldn't understand. I didn't. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/10/2016 13:17 - United Kingdom - Maidstone

Today, I woke up to find my face covered in scratches, some of them bleeding. I was rather puzzled, as I don't have a cat. Then I realised that the feathers in my pillow had stuck out and scratched my face. I was attacked by my own pillow. FML

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By Nomoresandwish - 29/11/2009 08:55 - United States

Today, when I had a go at my husband for spending way too much time in front of the TV, he pointed the remote control at me while miming turning down the volume in order to make me shut up. FML

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By Takegami - 15/12/2018 17:30

Today. I had my first final exam. That would be fine if I hadn’t gotten sick 4 days ago. No one can go get my antibiotics, I feel like I’m dying and I can’t miss these exams under any circumstance. FML

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By that was mine - 15/5/2015 22:26 - United States - Cherry Hill

Today, my mom cleaned out my bank account, saying my "no-good dad" owes her child support and that she'll get it one way or another. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/7/2020 02:04

Life imitates art

Today, I had to sit through the film The 40 Year Old Virgin with my friends, who thought it was hilarious. I'm well over 40 and also a virgin. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/6/2017 22:00 - United States - Holland

Today, after an argument, my boyfriend called me a fart knocker and gave me a wedgie. Apparently, I'm dating an 10-year-old. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/12/2010 17:25 - United Kingdom

Today, I looked deep into my wife's eyes and told her how much I loved her and how much she meant to me. Her reply was, "Clean your glasses." FML

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Top comments

By spzb | 3

#1478152 - Thursday 30 September 2010 23:18

Lol. good shot

By perdix | 29

#1478189 - Thursday 30 September 2010 23:26

Did it knock his toupée off?

Tell the exec he needs to make the same shot of he gets an "H." You called it, right?

COMMENTS

By spzb | 3

#1478152 - Thursday 30 September 2010 23:18

Lol. good shot

Reply

clarissa_Gyall | 0

#2146830 - Thursday 3 March 2011 18:24

NBA!!! BALLLINNNN!!!!

By Thanateros | 1

#1478156 - Thursday 30 September 2010 23:19

Nice

By perdix | 29

#1478189 - Thursday 30 September 2010 23:26

Did it knock his toupée off?

Tell the exec he needs to make the same shot of he gets an "H." You called it, right?

Reply

GtDriver | 6

#1479501 - Friday 1 October 2010 3:54

Ahahahahaha! I get it! Nice!

Reply

xITZxTuRtLeX | 0

#1479972 - Friday 1 October 2010 7:53

perdix u r awesome I want to have babies with u Jk:)

By Filitov | 0

#1478197 - Thursday 30 September 2010 23:28

+2 points for good aim!
Shit happens. It's not like you *meant* to peg the guy. Or if you did, you get even more points for making it look like an accident. =P

By Perplex_fml | 2

#1478216 - Thursday 30 September 2010 23:32

ok? apologize, problem solved....get over it. BOOM HEADSHOT 3 Pts.

Reply

xITZxTuRtLeX | 0

#1479876 - Friday 1 October 2010 6:49

luv your pic

By stronghand0331 | 17

#1478228 - Thursday 30 September 2010 23:39

that's pretty amazing, if I may say so myself. it was a once in a lifetime opportunity, and you can cherish the moment

Reply

xITZxTuRtLeX | 0

#1479449 - Friday 1 October 2010 3:34

what do u use this strong-hand for?hand-jobs? :)

Reply

stronghand0331 | 17

#1479509 - Friday 1 October 2010 3:58

your a dirty little turtle.

Reply

xITZxTuRtLeX | 0

#1479879 - Friday 1 October 2010 6:51

hehe Jk:)

Reply

stronghand0331 | 17

#1479915 - Friday 1 October 2010 7:12

I ain't no hoe.

Reply

xITZxTuRtLeX | 0

#1479964 - Friday 1 October 2010 7:48

sorry I'll go to my corner now:(

Reply

stronghand0331 | 17

#1483398 - Saturday 2 October 2010 1:06

that's what my strong hand is for. you experienced it first-hand. :)

Reply

xITZxTuRtLeX | 0

#1484011 - Saturday 2 October 2010 4:32

this made me giggle^^

Reply

stronghand0331 | 17

#1503498 - Tuesday 5 October 2010 19:57

ah yes :)

Reply

shupwhup | 18

#6473496 - Sunday 29 November 2015 19:28

You're both annoying.

By chobitschibi1369 | 0

#1478237 - Thursday 30 September 2010 23:43

1) Good unintentional aim. 2) Mabye the hit was hard enough that there is no recollection of it in his mind. If so, even better unintentional aim.

By bigbadtim | 7

#1478247 - Thursday 30 September 2010 23:50

Off the backboard, bleachers, sone guy's head, nothing but net.

By Trollz4daLULZ | 1

#1478261 - Friday 1 October 2010 0:00

YDI for having a job, for sucking at basketball, for even playing basketball in the first place, and for trying to eliminate clients.

By bravesfan112233 | 0

#1478279 - Friday 1 October 2010 0:07

kobe