Work: Today, I was playing basketball in our company gym. I took a... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was playing basketball in our company gym. I took a shot from half court, and at that exact moment, an executive walked into the gym with an important potential client. My shot bounced off the side of the backboard, off some bleachers, and right into the client's head. FML

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Taking stock

Carless whisper

Gentle prank

By necca - 15/4/2021 23:00

OCD FML

Today, during class, my teacher left a small mark on the whiteboard. When I pointed it out, she simply rolled her eyes and told me to, “let it go.” I have OCD and was completely unable to focus on the rest of the lesson because of the mark. FML

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By jill - 10/3/2021 05:01

Eww, roommate from hell

Today, I discovered that when I sleep, I go to the bathroom to poop and don’t flush the toilet. I live with three roommates who all wake up before I do. FML

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By leftout - United States

Today, I was one of five people called up to the front in class to receive a special notice from the school administration. The first four people received awards for outstanding effort in school. Mine was a notice that I had overdue library fines. FML

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By Beepbeepbeep - United States

Today, I lost power. That didn't stop my house alarm from running on battery, loudly informing me in a British accent, "AC power disconnected. BEEP. AC power disconnected. BEEP." It's been going on for 5 hours and the battery takes a special screwdriver to remove. One we don't have. FML

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By otherdad?

Today, I tried to explain my 8-year-old son that my fiancée was going to be his stepmother. Little did I know, he watched Coraline last week. Now he thinks she's his "other mother" and won't go anywhere near her. FML

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By Briana Bettis

Don't dip your pen in company ink, etc.

Today, after 2 years of searching, I finally have a job that I love. Now I'm probably going to lose it because I started having sex with one of my managers, and our coworkers are starting to catch on. They caught on pretty much the day I told him that we should stop having sex so we wouldn't lose our jobs. FML

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By jay-frey96 - United States - San Diego

Directions

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. The words "Christ, Jeff. It's a vagina, not a burrito. CALM DOWN!" were spoken. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out why my boyfriend of over a year is so obsessed with cleaning his entire place before I come over. He's been hiding the ex girlfriend that never moved out. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Elko

Today, my boss yet again said she was "literally dying", after she watched a funny video online. Long story short, I'm now on her shitlist because I couldn't help but point out that she clearly wasn't dying, and that her ranting was distracting me from doing actual work. FML

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By AW

Today, my husband and I are both suffering from food poisoning. He has horrible, raging, rank smelling, explosive diarrhea; I am vomiting every 15 minutes. We have one bathroom. FML

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By BunniesOnAcid - United States - Clinton

Today, I was at the airport. I was on my way to see my dad for the first time since I was 4. Whilst I was waiting for my dad to find me, a strange man started flirting with me. Irritated, I told him I was waiting for my dad to get me, and to f*ck off. The strange man was my father. FML

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By just great...

Today, I found a picture my husband had saved on the computer. It was of me, and he had named it "Fatter". FML

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By Username - United States

Today, after coming back from deployment, I found a homeless guy had broken into my house and made it his home for the last 5 months. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my father, who is divorced from my mother, has set up a lawsuit against her and that I am required to go to court and testify against her as a witness. I've tried to keep neutral for six years, and I'll go to jail if I don't show up. FML

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By dolceconfuoco - United States

Today, I have an ear infection, and everything I hear echoes inside my head. I'm an orchestra teacher, and we have our first concert next week. FML

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By JustOutofCollegeAndBroke - United States - Los Angeles

The big con

Today, I agreed to help out with my boyfriend's sister's baby shower. They forgot to inform me that "helping" meant splitting the cost of everything. I now owe his family $275. I don't know how to back out without looking cheap. FML

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By damnbananas - United States

Today, while at school, I slipped on a wet patch in the hall and fell over, smacking my head against the floor. I laid there for a good five minutes in agonizing pain while people literally walked over me. Not a single person bothered to help me up or ask if I was okay. FML

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By BrandNewKadillak - United States

Today, I was at my 3 year-old niece's birthday party. I was swinging on their swing set when she walked directly into my path. I tried to jump off the swing, but I could not stop myself in time. I ended up kicking her in the face and giving her a black eye. Happy birthday! FML

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By leahkasscar - United States

Today, I kissed my 3.5 GPA goodbye because my English teacher was too caught up planning her parrot's birthday party to put in the credit I deserve for three different essays I completed for her class. FML

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By lostmystuff - United States - Livermore

Today, I was moving to my new apartment. I left some furniture outside as I drove to dump the first load at my new place. When I got back, everything was gone. Apparently, today is the day the donation truck was coming around to take everything we don't need. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my 6-year-old son was being charming by smiling and batting his eyelashes at me. When I asked him, "What?" he replied, "When you die, can I have your hair?" FML

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By f*** - United States

Today, I was meeting my sister's fiancé. I went to an internet cafe before I went to her house for dinner with them. I was on a computer and there was this really attractive man next to me. I was flirting with him and we exchanged numbers. Turns out, he is my sister's fiancé. FML

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By ToTeachorNottoTeach - 2/9/2020 20:01 - United States - Los Angeles

The best of times, the worst of times

Today, I'm a teacher in the middle of a pandemic. Half my students haven't shown up to my class. The other half don't do any assignments. I keep my job based on how well my students do. FML

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By idontbleedfromthere - United States - Indio

Today, after having recently moved into shared accommodations, my prankster of a room-mate has somehow made sure I've yet again woken up with a tampon in my mouth. It's been three times in the past week. FML

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By losthusband - 11/10/2020 20:01 - United States

Hello from the other side

Today, my pregnant wife and I got separated while out shopping. She ended up having meltdown and crying so hard the manager had to call me over the PA. FML

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By hubby - United States

Today, my wife's pregnancy hormones got so bad that she freaked out and threw a tantrum, accusing me of always making important decisions for her. All I did was get her some food from Taco Bell as a surprise. FML

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By PangolinScholar - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, I found that I conduct so much static electricity that I'm periodically given a shock by my headphones as I walk with them on. 5ML

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By airport - United States

Today, I flew to see my long distance boyfriend who I haven't seen in 6 months. Upon seeing me, he ran up to me, picked me up and swung me around like they do in the movies. In doing so, my foot hit a 4 year old child who was running past and knocked him out. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I saw my ex-girlfriend. She dumped me because she was moving to Wyoming. I guess Wyoming is code for my friend's apartment. FML

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By monochromatic - United States

Today, I found out that the 20% pay cut that the "management team" took at my job really only applied to... me. I also found out that my closest friend at work has been lying to me about it, and telling my boss everything I say. His pay was never cut. I guess it pays to be the boss's snitch. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, a moth was flying around my house. Annoyed, I picked up a shoe to crush it with. The moth landed on a light fixture on the ceiling, so I made my move. Dead, the moth slipped gracefully through air and onto my head. So did the light fixture. FML

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By "lonely-mind"

Today, in Tennessee, it stormed like crazy due to Hurricane Harvey. I brought my boyfriend home safely to his parents' house, but it rained harder once we arrived, so I started to wait inside. He's an adult but has a curfew, so they kicked me back out into the storm. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I made my young niece lunch. After she claimed to have eaten it all, she wanted to go out and play. I was putting my shoes on when I found part of the sandwich I made her stuffed in my shoe. FML

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By idkmybffjill? - United States

Today, I was pestering a co-worker, so she jokingly stated "I'll bury you!" and I replied "I'll bury your mom!". Her moms funeral was last week. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/3/2021 02:01

Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not

Today, I finally told my mom that it hurts me every time she calls me fat. She got offended that I'm offended. Now our whole entire extended family wants me to say sorry to her and them, because apparently they also call me fat behind my back. I'm a size small by the way. FML

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By StayPositive - United States

Today, I went to kiss my girlfriend on the neck while she was cooking on the stove. Apparently I scared her and now I have a nice burn mark on my head from the hot frying pan she hit me with. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/8/2020 02:01

Rude

Today, my brother-in-law still insists on referring to me as "his brother's wife" and tells everyone I'm not his "sister-in-law." I've been married to his brother for 10 years. FML

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By touristtraphotel - Puerto Rico

Today, my former boss is threatening to keep my last paycheck until I return a skateboard that a guest forgot at the hotel about a month ago. She was the one who gave me the order to put it in the trash. FML

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By Zephyric - United States

Today, I made a friend on an online chat. We got along fairly well and even traded Facebook accounts. I found out that the two of us had a lot of very surprising things in common. We were the same age, we were from the same school, and we even had the same boyfriend. FML

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By Idiot - United States - Anchorage

Today, while working at the bar, I had a beautiful woman squeeze my bicep and tell me I was in amazing shape. Instead of flirting like any normal human being, I awkwardly said, "Thanks…" and then walked away in shame. FML

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Top comments

By spzb | 3

#1478152 - Thursday 30 September 2010 23:18

Lol. good shot

By perdix | 29

#1478189 - Thursday 30 September 2010 23:26

Did it knock his toupée off?

Tell the exec he needs to make the same shot of he gets an "H." You called it, right?

COMMENTS

By spzb | 3

#1478152 - Thursday 30 September 2010 23:18

Lol. good shot

Reply

clarissa_Gyall | 0

#2146830 - Thursday 3 March 2011 18:24

NBA!!! BALLLINNNN!!!!

By Thanateros | 1

#1478156 - Thursday 30 September 2010 23:19

Nice

By perdix | 29

#1478189 - Thursday 30 September 2010 23:26

Did it knock his toupée off?

Tell the exec he needs to make the same shot of he gets an "H." You called it, right?

Reply

GtDriver | 6

#1479501 - Friday 1 October 2010 3:54

Ahahahahaha! I get it! Nice!

Reply

xITZxTuRtLeX | 0

#1479972 - Friday 1 October 2010 7:53

perdix u r awesome I want to have babies with u Jk:)

By Filitov | 0

#1478197 - Thursday 30 September 2010 23:28

+2 points for good aim!
Shit happens. It's not like you *meant* to peg the guy. Or if you did, you get even more points for making it look like an accident. =P

By Perplex_fml | 2

#1478216 - Thursday 30 September 2010 23:32

ok? apologize, problem solved....get over it. BOOM HEADSHOT 3 Pts.

Reply

xITZxTuRtLeX | 0

#1479876 - Friday 1 October 2010 6:49

luv your pic

By stronghand0331 | 17

#1478228 - Thursday 30 September 2010 23:39

that's pretty amazing, if I may say so myself. it was a once in a lifetime opportunity, and you can cherish the moment

Reply

xITZxTuRtLeX | 0

#1479449 - Friday 1 October 2010 3:34

what do u use this strong-hand for?hand-jobs? :)

Reply

stronghand0331 | 17

#1479509 - Friday 1 October 2010 3:58

your a dirty little turtle.

Reply

xITZxTuRtLeX | 0

#1479879 - Friday 1 October 2010 6:51

hehe Jk:)

Reply

stronghand0331 | 17

#1479915 - Friday 1 October 2010 7:12

I ain't no hoe.

Reply

xITZxTuRtLeX | 0

#1479964 - Friday 1 October 2010 7:48

sorry I'll go to my corner now:(

Reply

stronghand0331 | 17

#1483398 - Saturday 2 October 2010 1:06

that's what my strong hand is for. you experienced it first-hand. :)

Reply

xITZxTuRtLeX | 0

#1484011 - Saturday 2 October 2010 4:32

this made me giggle^^

Reply

stronghand0331 | 17

#1503498 - Tuesday 5 October 2010 19:57

ah yes :)

Reply

shupwhup | 18

#6473496 - Sunday 29 November 2015 19:28

You're both annoying.

By chobitschibi1369 | 0

#1478237 - Thursday 30 September 2010 23:43

1) Good unintentional aim. 2) Mabye the hit was hard enough that there is no recollection of it in his mind. If so, even better unintentional aim.

By bigbadtim | 7

#1478247 - Thursday 30 September 2010 23:50

Off the backboard, bleachers, sone guy's head, nothing but net.

By Trollz4daLULZ | 1

#1478261 - Friday 1 October 2010 0:00

YDI for having a job, for sucking at basketball, for even playing basketball in the first place, and for trying to eliminate clients.

By bravesfan112233 | 0

#1478279 - Friday 1 October 2010 0:07

kobe