Work: Today, my boss called me to his office, and played back a recording... - FML

By janice - United States

Today, my boss called me to his office, and played back a recording of me telling a co-worker that if I still worked there in a year, I would hang myself. He then bitched me out for unprofessional conduct. The taped conversation took place over a year ago, with my recently ex-boyfriend. FML

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Vulture

Sister of the year

Minefield

By Anonymous - 20/11/2020 23:02

Sike

Today, my 35 year-old sister, who has no job or life, came downstairs and told me she knows I can hear her thoughts. FML

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By sen - United States

Today, I was sleeping when my roommate walked in and asked me: "So...when are you leaving?" She had decided to throw a party in our apartment. I wasn't invited. FML

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By itsellie27 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boyfriend told me that he would leave me if I didn't seek help for my eating disorder. The eating disorder in question? Vegetarianism. FML

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By Julie - Denmark - F?rup

Today, it's been three months since my sister broke her car, meaning she couldn't get to work, and I've giving her money every month so she could buy food and so on. I just found out that her workplace is less than 200 metres from where she lives. FML

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By married - United States

Today, my sister and I were both on Facebook, updating our statuses. I set mine to "just got released from hospital with Baby Lily", as I'd had a baby earlier this week. My sister set hers to "menstrual blood smells like shrimp". Her status got 37 likes. Mine got none. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, after having been off due to the holidays, I awoke to several missed calls and texts from my supervisor asking where I was. Fearing losing my job, I drove the entire 2-hour commute thinking I’d missed a day. I hadn't; he was just trying to get my weekly reports early. FML

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By andy1r - Bolivia

Today, my future mother-in-law gave me advice on life. One piece of advice was that I should leave her son. FML

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By Simon Cowell

Today, I realised my teeth are so stained that they look cleaner when I've not brushed them. FML

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By Rosies - France

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. We all looked together at family photos on the computer. The first picture was a close up of my mother, bare breasts in full view. FML

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By hold your horses pony boy - United States

Today, I took my car into a car wash. I guess it was a bad idea to do it with my dog in the car, because he freaked out, started scrambling around, and ended up pissing on everything, me included. FML

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By makeyourselfathome - Australia - Richmond

Today, I got up at 4.30am, like I do every morning, and got ready for work. Just as I was about to walk out the door, my flatmate jumped me and beat the snot out of me thinking I was a burglar. Because apparently burglars shower, make toast and clean up before stealing all your shit. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Airdrie

Today, my dog had her stomach pumped because she ate some cookies. The 100 cookies I made for a bake sale to be exact. FML

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By AgathedeBlouse - France

Today, as I do every morning, I woke up and gave my dog, who sleeps next to me, a kiss on the nose. Except that this morning he had been sleeping the other way round. I kissed him on the arse. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, after 20 years together and 9 years of marriage, I found out that my husband has been having an affair with my cousin for 6 years. The same cousin who came over every Friday. Who he wanted to be godmother to our 3 kids. FML

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By poolgirl789 - United Kingdom - Bradford

Hands-on

Today, I had to feed an elderly man in the care home in which I work while he was whacking off. Our work policy states that I have to pretend not to notice. FML

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By mimi - United States

Today, I shat a magnet. FML

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By CLH - Canada

Today, I accidentally dropped my engagement ring down a sewer. To my surprise, the sewer water was frozen and my ring sat on top. During my efforts to retrieve it, I had to watch as the ice slowly melted due to the warm day. The ring sank further and further until it was completely gone. FML

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By retard99 - Canada

Today, I was chatting with my girlfriend on MSN. I screen-copied my desktop to show her the conversation I was having with my best friend. Minutes later she replied asking why I had a porn site opened on the other tab. Oops. FML

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By verasam01 - United States

Today, I took a picture of myself and put it on Facebook. After I did so, I realized that in the background, you can see my crush's Facebook page up on my laptop. He tagged himself. FML

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By IncompatibleMetier - France

Today, and for a long time, I've had a phobia of schools. I'm extremely stressed out about starting in a new school. Normal, right? Yes, except that I'm the teacher. FML

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By kcd - United States

Today, I saw a girl texting at school. I told her she might want to put her phone away before she got a detention. She turned around and I saw she was changing her insulin level on her pump. She has diabetes. FML

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By SSS - United Kingdom - London

Today, my brother put a sign on my car saying, "No baby on board, feel free to drive into me." Somebody did. FML

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By fresh single - United States - Pomona

Today, my girlfriend decided it was logical to accuse me of cheating because of the hundreds of emails I had from women wanting to meet up with me for sex. She had been looking in the "Spam" folder. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I witnessed my boyfriend sneeze in his hands, and then lick it. FML

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By damnit. - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I was training a new girl at work. We're always told to find "common interests" with the people we are training to make it less awkward for them. Little did I know that our "common interest" would turn out to be my boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Antonio

You did ask…

Today, I was visiting my 8-year-old nephew. He told me he learned about fire safety, so I asked him what he'd do if there were a fire right now. He pushed me out of the way and I fell, then he ran over me and out the front door, leaving me on the floor in pain. FML

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By wtf - United States - Dearborn

Today, I walked into my bedroom to find my boyfriend clipping his toe nails into my pillow case. FML

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By p!$$3D0FF - Australia

Today, I bought a pair of new speakers for my comp. I forgot I had installed various volume enhancing programs and also maxed out all sound settings. I connected the new speakers and played some music. The sound destroyed them. FML

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By SallyGeen - United Kingdom

Today, at a fancy dress party, I got off with Hitler. FML

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By fudgydiaper22 - United States

Today, my dad attempted to fix a power outlet. He managed to shock himself with 120 volts and fall backwards, landing on top of me. I am 85 pounds and he weighs 290 pounds. FML

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By LifeSucks - United States

Today, as I was driving to work, I got a flat tire. While attempting to replace said tire, I got mugged. The guy took all my money, my iPod, cellphone, and CDs. When I finally called my boss to explain my situation, he fired me. Why? Because I was late and had an "overactive imagination." FML

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By StockedWithJuice - United States - Austin

Today, I found out that my 16-year-old son bought a huge amount of grape juice, because he thought he could store it under his bed and wait for it to turn to wine. FML

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By John - United States

Today, while leaving McDonald's, I threw a fry out the window to a flock of seagulls. I watched in the rear-view mirror as it landed in the opposite lane and about 60 winged rats descended upon the street, causing a truck to veer off the road and crash. FML

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By heartfelt - Sweden - Uppsala

How you remind me

Today, I was rejected by a company I applied to. When I was writing my application, I spent so much time on their website researching that the ads on my browser are almost all for their products. It's like getting rejected again with every click. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, while eating at my college cafeteria, I started thinking about all the awful crap going on in my life right now, and I started sobbing. Some guy at another table started snickering at me, at which point the guy I like said, "Give her a break. If I was as fuck-ugly as her, I'd be crying too." FML

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By HeadStillHurts

Today, I tried to impress a group of friends by jumping a set of stairs on my skateboard. I didn't realize the ceiling dropped down towards the bottom of the stairs and knocked myself out. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, after going down on my boyfriend, we were cuddling and I went to kiss him. Just before I could reach his lips, he ran his finger over my mouth and whispered, "S-s-s-semen." FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was at a concert. It was dark and everyone was singing and waving their lit-up phones in the air. I was having a great time, until someone snatched my £200 phone out of my hand. FML

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By B-rent - United States

Smells like victory

Today, I discovered that the lovely, hunger-inducing smell that's been lingering around the office lately is from the local animal crematory. I've been wistfully inhaling the stench of burning cats, dogs, and other various animals. FML

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By soapysoap - United States

Today, I received an early Christmas gift from my boyfriend of ten months. It was soap. In a few days he will be receiving his very expensive specialized car horn he has wanted for years, while I will be enjoying my new bar of Walmart brand soap, which has already begun to give me a rash. FML

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Top comments

By TheMonica | 0

#2616556 - Saturday 4 June 2011 6:01

Yeah, you should never joke about suicide. Especially in the workplace. Be grateful you even have a job.

By briidontgive_ | 0

#2616553 - Saturday 4 June 2011 6:01

why did he record it ?

COMMENTS

By jenna_rae | 0

#2616489 - Saturday 4 June 2011 5:56

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

steierr | 7

#2616502 - Saturday 4 June 2011 5:57

wow...

Reply

imacreeper | 3

#2616662 - Saturday 4 June 2011 6:14

I understand where you're coming from, but that's like getting out of Algreba, saying "I'm gonna kill myself if she/he gives us homework tomorrow.." having it recorded and sent to your principle. I understand she was at work which is a totally different scenario, but we all know it was sarcasm.

Reply

bioboy725 | 10

#2616770 - Saturday 4 June 2011 6:34

So I'm guessing you didn't follow through with your plans? Maybe that's why your boss is mad.

Reply

docscientist | 9

#2617088 - Saturday 4 June 2011 7:54

Idiotic are the bosses that take everything so literally and make a federal case out of common banter.

By tigerkyle92 | 0

#2616520 - Saturday 4 June 2011 5:59

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

LoveForNerd2 | 0

#2618248 - Saturday 4 June 2011 16:30

Well the dude taped her! ...unless it was security cameras..?

By briidontgive_ | 0

#2616553 - Saturday 4 June 2011 6:01

why did he record it ?

Reply

yummylicious | 5

#2617787 - Saturday 4 June 2011 14:53

he wanted his now ex girlfriend's job.

Reply

CLARlNET | 5

#6608734 - Wednesday 18 May 2016 13:37

maybe he found it funny

By TheMonica | 0

#2616556 - Saturday 4 June 2011 6:01

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

docscientist | 9

#2621747 - Sunday 5 June 2011 3:29

Really? Nobody jokes about suicide? Virtually everyone has jokingly said something on the topic of suicide before.

By j4gerb0mblitz | 6

#2616585 - Saturday 4 June 2011 6:04

he's telling you to hang yourself since you recorded that a year ago

By BamBarBiYaKergud | 2

#2616587 - Saturday 4 June 2011 6:04

omg fyl. reminds me episode from some movie
remember which

Reply

OceanBreathesSal | 5

#2616623 - Saturday 4 June 2011 6:09

I thought shows had episodes...

By LaDeeDaDeeDaLaLi | 0

#2616594 - Saturday 4 June 2011 6:05

Dear OP,
WTF

Sincerely, LaDeDaDe...

Reply

WiderWille | 11

#2617624 - Saturday 4 June 2011 13:16

Dear ladewhatever,
WTF?

By goingsolo211 | 8

#2616611 - Saturday 4 June 2011 6:08

throw it on the GROUND!!!

Reply

Nitial | 6

#2617193 - Saturday 4 June 2011 8:28

you can't trust the system

By amrik | 11

#2616632 - Saturday 4 June 2011 6:10

sue your boyfriend. recording someone without their permission is illegal

Reply

Davyy | 0

#2616667 - Saturday 4 June 2011 6:15

I record "certain people" with no permission but even if I did have permission it would be illegal :o

Reply

rtellez06 | 0

#2616878 - Saturday 4 June 2011 6:56

exactly!!!

Reply

RileyL29 | 0

#2617280 - Saturday 4 June 2011 9:07

Different states have different recording laws.

Reply

MandaOSU | 1

#2619666 - Saturday 4 June 2011 20:47

Depends on the state, they're all different

By XxMaseratiGurlxX | 1

#2616643 - Saturday 4 June 2011 6:12

oh sounds like a fun time baha