Animals: Today, I brought my dog to the vet for a routine surgery. The...

By lylethomes15 - 21/04/2009 13:48 - United States

Today, I brought my dog to the vet for a routine surgery. The vets assured me that no dog had ever died during this procedure. Apparently my dog was the first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 129 564

You deserved it 5 333

Animals

Dysfunctional

Age difference

Paternity test before the rest

By GrandTheftArson - 09/03/2016 03:51 - Canada - Waterloo

Today, my ex stole my car keys. Good news is she can't drive stick. Bad news is she set my car on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 095

You deserved it 1 566

By Anonymous - 11/08/2009 04:06 - United States

Today, I was at the beach with friends and I fell asleep while I was tanning. When I woke up, everyone was laughing hysterically. I asked what was so funny, and one of my friends replies, "you farted so loud in your sleep that you woke yourself up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 468

You deserved it 7 926

By russianfail - 04/12/2013 16:24 - United States - Dallas

Today, I'm not getting paid 400$ per month because I failed my Russian language proficiency test. Russian is my first language. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 387

You deserved it 16 651

Ever Given

By Anonymous - 31/03/2021 20:00 - United States - Elverson

Today, I had to poop, but as I sat down, it wouldn't come out. After about 10 minutes I realized I needed help. The only help I could get was my mother, who couldn't stop laughing at the sweat and faces I made. I still hurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788

You deserved it 255

Long time gone

By Anonymous - 06/08/2021 18:01

Today, I haven't heard from my girlfriend for over a week, after being in a relationship for 7 years with her. She'd called me, saying she had to care for her ex-husband because he had suffered a heart attack. Guess we're over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 118

By burningman - 22/01/2015 10:40 - Germany - Darmstadt

Today, a homeless guy tried to light my hair on fire with a match at the bus stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 917

You deserved it 2 661

By Bali_Boil - 16/01/2010 00:44 - United States

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend at her house and her dad saw us. She decided that she didn't feel like riding along when it was time for her dad to drive me home and went to bed. I, on the other hand, got to have a 15 minute conversation about the merits of "physical boundaries." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 346

You deserved it 6 709

By Anonymous - 15/05/2019 01:00

Today, my wife served me with divorce papers that included an accusation that I haven’t given her a decent orgasm since 1996. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 461

You deserved it 697

By Sal - 05/12/2011 06:57 - United States

Today, I found out I have to give my father-in-law back the football tickets he gave me for my birthday. Why? His girlfriend decided she wanted to go. He didn't get me a different gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 286

You deserved it 2 478

Backwards ass logic

By Anonymous - 29/08/2019 06:00 - United States - Chattanooga

Today, my boyfriend told me that it's "disgusting" to wash your "rear end" and that he has never, and will never, do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 900

You deserved it 206

By Anonymous - 05/11/2009 22:14 - United States

Today, I finally finished my art project which was worth 50% of my quarterly grade. I came in 1st period to give it to her. When she turned to look at it, her elbow hit her coffee and spilled it all over the canvas. I got 60%. She said I would have had a 100%, except for the giant coffee stain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 532

You deserved it 3 475

Give me my drugs!

By Anonymous - 10/10/2020 14:02 - United States - Palm Bay

Today, my doctor's office called to reschedule. I hate sacrificing work time at all, but I have to have my contraceptive. The appointment had been set back once already due to insurance issues, and having to wait until November means I'm going to run out… so now I sound like a drug addict. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 166

By broke - 05/05/2009 04:07 - United States

Today, I got home from visiting my long-distance girlfriend. I spent $366 to get a plane ticket to visit her for the week. The day after I arrived there, she broke up with me and I had to buy a ticket for an earlier flight home. With fees and penalties, I paid around $550 to be broken up with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 474

You deserved it 5 188

By Anonymous - 02/06/2015 05:03

Today, I received a beautiful, heart-felt text from my boyfriend detailing all the ways he loved me. He probably should have emphasized just how big his heart is though because he sent the text to three other women too. Thank you, group messaging. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 479

You deserved it 2 570

By Anonymous - 19/05/2018 01:30

Today, after dating a guy for 2 months, things seemed to be going well. I offered to buy dinner and trusted he would keep in mind that I'm a college student on a budget. He picked the restaurant, ran up the bill over $100, made me pay, and dumped me right after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 065

You deserved it 640

By parisklutz - 20/10/2012 07:06 - France - Dounoux

Today, it was my first day in Paris. I've been saving up for five years. It was a rainy day, but I was determined to go see the Eiffel Tower. On my way, I fell down a slippery set of stairs and knocked both of my front teeth out. Now, I have the view of the Eiffel Tower from my hospital window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 425

You deserved it 3 257

And I oop

By porkers gonna pork :\ - 12/03/2016 15:09 - Australia - Elsternwick

Today, I met one of my fiancé's coworkers. Normally I'd never ask how far along someone's pregnancy is without being 100% sure they're not just fat, but she seemed fit. Well, I now know that virtually all the fat in some people's bodies can go straight to their gut and nowhere else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 763

You deserved it 6 282

By Anonymous - 04/12/2010 01:09 - United States

Today, I found a schedule in my dorm room that I share with three other guys. Looking at it closer I realized it was my schedule with notes written in all around it. My roommates have planned their entire days around mine so we won't have any interaction at all. I thought we got along great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 647

You deserved it 3 923

By Anonymous - 17/04/2016 11:52 - United States - Walbridge

Today, my mom finally noticed the joke file I have on my PC desktop called "bigcocklovespussy.jpg". It's just a cute picture of a chicken snuggling with a cat. She didn't actually open the file and just deleted it. She won't believe my explanation and grounded me for a month for "looking at porn". FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 421

You deserved it 7 623

By Grounded - 29/12/2009 18:50 - United States

Today, I told my mom I was going on a date tonight. She laughed and didn't believe me. When I tried to convince her it was real, she got mad and grounded me for lying. I had to cancel the date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 182

You deserved it 3 836

By Anonymous - 08/01/2011 20:15 - Netherlands

Today, I called my boyfriend for a romantic night at home. I put on my hottest little dress, dimmed the lights, and put music on. My boyfriend stumbled in much later, drunk, and took one look at me before throwing up on my feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 742

You deserved it 4 128

By bruisedandconfused - 12/02/2019 12:25 - United States - Aberdeen

Today, two days after sending her flowers for Valentine's Day, my dream girl asked me on a date. She didn't show up. Her boyfriend did though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 191

You deserved it 10 759

By Upset Mommy - 14/07/2013 04:32 - United States

Today, my water broke. I called my mom, who had agreed to watch my other two kids while I went to the hospital. When I asked her to come over, she just said, "Sorry, now isn't a good time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 869

You deserved it 3 690

By what.....? - 31/08/2012 23:40 - United States

Today, at college, we had a substitute philosophy teacher, because our professor is on bereavement leave. During his presentation, the sub managed to segue from the early works of Immanuel Kant straight into "the myth of the vaginal orgasm." I'm still shocked and highly confused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 836

You deserved it 2 108

By screwed - 08/02/2012 01:40 - United States

Today, my dad finally met my girlfriend. Unfortunately, he was driving the ambulance that she was in, due to severe alcohol poisoning and was on the way to the hospital to have her stomach pumped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 048

You deserved it 7 610

By Judy - 19/09/2012 23:33 - United States - Altoona

Today, I was called into my 17-year-old son's high school. Why? Because it was Wednesday, also known as "Hump Day" and his friends managed to convince him that you're supposed to go around and hump people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 945

You deserved it 3 112

By Anonymous - 10/01/2011 06:45 - United States

Today, I was working in a restaurant. I stopped to pick up some silverware a customer dropped. Apparently my belt wasn't tight enough because a woman behind me immediately hurled in disgust. On top of being found revolting, I'm now in trouble for "flashing" someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 419

You deserved it 7 103

By omgjessp - 19/07/2009 03:12 - United States

Today, my cat came through my window, holding a dead rat in her mouth and dropped it in my pile of clothes. I then asked my dad if he could get the dead rat out of my room. After looking for an hour, he couldn't find it. Guess the rat wasn't dead after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 525

You deserved it 3 962

Felt cute

By dieana - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Canada - Lacombe

Today, I actually uttered the words, "Those are my good sweatpants." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 263

You deserved it 9 675

By Anonymous - 10/05/2017 00:10 - Netherlands - Wageningen

Today, I got written up with a final warning because I ''drink alcoholic beverages'' at work. I was drinking Root Beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 181

You deserved it 336

By KereKris - 01/12/2016 19:18

Today, I wrote a bad review for a pizza place after their pizza gave me food poisoning. Now, they won't stop calling me, begging me to take my review down in exchange for free pizza. I have tried to tell them that I wouldn't eat their pizza again even if I got paid to do so, but they won't listen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 511

You deserved it 1 371

Quality time

By Anonymous - 26/09/2019 18:00

Today, I'm finally visiting my long-distance boyfriend in his home country. He has a vomit-inducing migraine, and the traditional food he fed me triggered the worst kidney attack I've had in years. We're both lying on the couch writhing in pain. Yay, quality time together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 531

You deserved it 130

By Anonymous - 17/08/2016 15:18 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, my brother showed my wife a Craigslist ad by someone seeking casual sex. It had very specific details that made it seem like I wrote it. My brother later admitted in private that he made the post as revenge for me not loaning him $500 last month. Meanwhile, my wife still thinks I'm unfaithful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 486

You deserved it 1 134

By cait - 30/04/2009 19:44 - United States

Today, I went to get the Apple store, my Mac had been making a grinding noise from the fan. The guy put his ear to the keyboard and said there was a CD in the drive so I couldn't hear the grinding from the fan. He ejected the CD. It was porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 626

You deserved it 100 020

By walmart: first time, last time - 12/05/2013 16:37 - United States

Today, while I was out shopping, a fairly hideous-looking woman stormed up to me and accused me of ogling her, saying, "As if I'd ever date you!" Less than a minute later, she'd somehow managed to bully me into falsely admitting to it and apologizing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 122

You deserved it 14 715

By Lewis - 04/09/2010 11:02 - Australia

Today, I walked in the door and heard my husband calling me to the bedroom. I got a little excited, took my clothes off, and walked into the bedroom. I forgot our mortgagor was inspecting our house today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 199

You deserved it 34 325

By Arniii - 01/02/2012 18:53 - United States

Today, it was our class field trip. I got five dollars from ten different people because they wanted me to sit away from them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 364

You deserved it 4 990

Drama alert!

By heart - 20/05/2021 01:59

Today, I complained to my parents about chest pains. My mom said, "For fuck’s sake, it’s our day off. Can we just have ONE day without your drama?" Turns out, I was actually having a heart attack. She still won’t apologize, and is in fact mad at me for having a heart attack on her day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 419

You deserved it 76

By Kaite - 03/05/2018 01:30

Today, I was working at Subway when a middle-aged lady demanded that I give her a sandwich for free. When I refused, she took out a spray bottle of water and sprayed me in the face, like a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 549

You deserved it 261

By Anonymous - 08/11/2011 04:41 - United States

Today, I had botox injections to stop my face sweating so much. Now the sweat is almost gone, but my facial expression seems to be stuck on "baffled." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 401

You deserved it 36 801

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FMLz92 0

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Tuesday 21 April 2009 22:51

omg im so sorry!! thats so sad. jeez

betsymonty 0

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Tuesday 21 April 2009 22:52

So sorry. They should at least pay for a new puppy.

FMLz92 0

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Tuesday 21 April 2009 22:51

omg im so sorry!! thats so sad. jeez

thatonek1d 0

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Sunday 13 June 2010 19:53

routine????? WTF!!???!!??

FreakingFYou 13

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Monday 27 December 2010 11:26

I agree. surgery isn't routine.

betsymonty 0

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Tuesday 21 April 2009 22:52

So sorry. They should at least pay for a new puppy.

sophielotus 2

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Monday 28 May 2012 10:23

The only problem is, a new puppy won't be the same puppy. Yeah, I'm sure OP would grow to love it, but you really can't replace a pet :(

lolajelly 0

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Tuesday 21 April 2009 22:53

I've never heard of a routine surgery... unless it was like neutering/spaying.

jellycorn 13

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Sunday 15 July 2012 13:38

Exactly what I was thinking

alliewillie 22

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Tuesday 23 April 2013 18:21

Exactly. And even then they couldn't have promised you "no dog has ever died" during it. Just like us they can have reactions to anesthesia, underlying conditions, etc. No Matter how routine there are ALWAYS risks.

puppyeyes56 0

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Tuesday 21 April 2009 22:53

Im so sorry:( But is also sad is theres so far 6 people who think you deserve this..what complete morons. No one needs something they love to die, noone.

not_ur_mexican 0

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Tuesday 21 April 2009 22:53

OMG! i would sue their ASS! R.I.P doggy! ='[

fail_fml 0

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Tuesday 21 April 2009 22:54

I wonder what kind of procedure it was.

Cantabguy 0

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Tuesday 21 April 2009 22:55

No dog ever? That's rather a foolish claim for your vet to make, as even the most minor procedures have some risk of death as long as they involve anaesthesia. Even if he was only claiming that no dog he had performed this procedure on had died, it is still not a wise thing to say. My condolences for your loss.