The Top

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The all-time greatest FMLs

Ungrateful

By Karen - 23/04/2024 08:00 - United States - Solon

Today, a customer called me a "smart ass" because I helped him scan his coupon correctly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 420

You deserved it 84

Story of my life...

By FML Approved - 30/10/2017 14:30 - United States - New York

Slides are difficult for everyone, right?

I agree, your life sucks 420

You deserved it 110

Paper day

By bill - 20/02/2025 18:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, it's mine and wife's one-year anniversary. After only being married for a year, I quickly understood what her father really meant when he said, "Your problem now" and chuckled at our wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 153

His place or your place?

By Anonymous - 10/11/2023 04:00 - Germany

Today, my boyfriend has covered his windows in heavy-duty garbage bags, all the while complaining that his apartment has no view. In our old place, which did have a view, he always kept the blinds closed and never opened the windows more than 2 centimeters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 126

How? Why?

By WetMorning - 05/11/2022 17:00 - United States

Today, my day started with me peeing in my own face. My eye still burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 691

Glummy new year

By Anonymous - 31/12/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, I spent all year avoiding COVID, colds, and flu. On December 30th, I caught the worst cold of my life. I’ll be ringing in the new year in bed, with tissues as my only company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 120

Trash takes itself out

By Used - 02/12/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I went to wish one of my friends a happy birthday on his Facebook wall, only to see that I was blocked. Turns out, he blocked me because he'd developed a crush on me for some time and couldn’t stand seeing the posts between me and my new boyfriend. So basically I can only be his friend if I’m single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 188

Stinky

By PUE - 23/07/2022 04:00

Today, I found out I’m the “smelly girl” in the office. Now I understand all those passive-aggressive subtle comments about hygiene and showering made by my coworkers, and why a bottle of Dial body wash randomly appeared on my desk one day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 1 566

Check, please!

By No second date - 13/07/2025 06:00 - United States

Today, I went on a date with a fun, attractive girl. She ordered off the kid's menu, drowned her food in ketchup, and said my burger with blue cheese and bacon was disgusting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 170

TMI, dude!

By Gwen - 03/08/2025 21:00 - Russia - Kolomna

Today, at a party, we played the game where the person next to you needs to say something nice about you. My neighbour didn't know me well so he just pointed out I nicely smell like mint. That's when my drunk husband exclaimed, "My gal loves eating my ass, so that's just her mouthwash you just smelled!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 138

Bygone days

By No fun for me then - 08/04/2025 19:00 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, my wife was telling me about some kinky things she did with a previous boyfriend. Since my sexual adventures were fairly limited compared to hers, I commented that I would like to try that sometime. She said, "Why would we have kinky sex? We're already married." She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 92

Treat yourself

By Terri - 08/11/2024 22:00 - Australia

Today, in order to have a nice relaxing bubble bath, I lit candles, played soothing music, and poured myself a glass of wine. Just as I was about to get in, I slipped on a patch of wet floor, dumped the wine on myself, and fell backward into the tub… that didn't have any water in it. Now I’m soaked in wine and bruised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 143

Never engage with crazy

By Anonymous - 18/05/2025 15:00 - China

Today, I encountered a madman who threw a bottle at me and hurt me. In a fit of rage, I beat him up, and as a result I was taken to the police station, and ordered to pay compensation for everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 352

Alexa, play "Metal Baby" by Teenage Fanclub

By carl - 09/02/2024 11:00 - United States

Today, I found out my ex-girlfriend from a few months ago is dating a metalhead. I’m a metalhead and she did not care to explore metal when she was with me. Everything she didn’t care about me, she loves in him. He’s also better at guitar than I am too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 267

Scheming

By lordoftheweird - 08/02/2025 13:00 - Canada

Today, I found out my parents' entire marriage was a convoluted scheme to get them both permanently unfit to stand trial. I am genuinely scared to find out what they have planned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 87

To the end

By Anonymous - 27/11/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend turned down sex because he was watching TV and wanted to know how it ended. The show was probably ten years-old and on Netflix. He could watch it anytime he wanted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 234

Blackmail material

By Anonymous - 27/01/2025 05:00 - Malaysia - Kulim

Today, my brother and I took an hour long train home. I'd got up early, so I dozed a little bit in the train. I woke up to people looking at me at me. Thinking I slayed my outfit or something, my brother sent me a 5 minute video of me snoring so damn loud with my ugly mouth hanging open, and other passengers laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 138

Is this Love Island?

By Anonymous - 19/07/2025 02:00 - United States

Today, I surprised my girlfriend with flowers and dinner reservations for our one-year anniversary. She looked confused and said, “Wait, we’re counting from the first time we hung out?” It turns out she thought we were still “just talking.” She also has a boyfriend. It’s not me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 344

Tetchy

By Anonymous - 18/03/2024 10:00 - United States

Today, a girl and her boyfriend dramatically left our group chat. One of her friends, a mod, is blaming me over a public exchange we had; he says it proves I "don't know her AT ALL." The crazy bitch called me every istaphobe in the book over not liking her favorite anime, and left because I told her to grow up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 134

Hustle culture

By Anonymous - 02/07/2024 05:00 - Canada

Today, my brother has decided to hustle hate groups. Everyone, including the police, think he's some sort of Robin Hood. I wouldn't have a problem with this, except he's trying to recruit people. Any day now we're going to be attacked by Nazis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 139

Fancy a brew?

By Anonymous - 29/08/2024 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a meeting with our shop owner, who I’d never met before. We were in suits but the guy turned up in jeans, a flat cap hat, and the strongest Yorkshire accent I’ve ever encountered. I couldn’t understand a word he said. I couldn’t even tell if he was mad or not, it mostly sounded like swearing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 124

Say it, don't spray it

By Anonymous - 05/05/2024 00:00 - Australia

Today, I was giving a presentation in front of my class. Mid-speech, I felt a sudden urge to sneeze and tried to hold it in. Instead, I let out the most obnoxious, window-rattling sneeze imaginable, complete with a spray of snot, which landed on my notes. I think I traumatized my classmates for life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 123

It's all downhill from here…

By Tree Hugger - 22/12/2022 17:00 - United States

Today, I went skiing with a friend of mine. He went first. I heard a loud *THUD* and went to investigate. When I went past him, he yelled, "I ran into a tree. I don't feel so good!" He said it in such a defeated and humorous way, that I crashed into a tree myself because I couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 913

Cool story

By Anonymous - 22/12/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, on our twelfth wedding anniversary, my wife fell asleep at a fine dining restaurant table within seconds of asking me about my exciting job interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 103

How could you?

By MaybeYOULLFindThisFunny - 15/07/2024 15:00 - United States - Seminole

Today, I hit a stray Chihuahua with my car, a little Taco Bell tan dog, ironically whilst taking my own chihuahua dog to a vet appointment, in full view of two kids no less. A roughly 10-12 year-old girl and her 8ish year-old brother, who were taking out their trash to the dumpster in the alley, saw the whole thing. I later cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 112

By zero_minded12 - 21/05/2009 03:08 - United States

Today, I was at the mall blasting music. I was wearing a nice shirt, and had my iPod in my breast pocket. I noticed a cute girl smiling at me, so I smiled back and as she started to walk over, I turned down my music while smiling. It looked like I was rubbing my nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 121

Networking

By grant - 07/06/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, the “lowlifes” from my school who smoked weed are all doing better than I am. Some have family connections in real estate or marketing; Others banded together and started now successful brands. My strict parents forbade me from socializing where I best fit in, so I have zero connections. FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 204

Pizza > Love

By Anonymous - 11/07/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, I leaned in to kiss my boyfriend goodnight at the door. He smiled sweetly, cupped my cheek… and then used his other hand to pull the last slice of pizza out of my hand and slam the door shut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 112

Keeping up

By guy - 18/04/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, lots of guys my age are confident and in the best shape of their life. I've been working out since high-school. However, since I turned 20, my body has become increasingly injury prone on my joints and tendons from wear and tear. I feel like I'm slowly breaking down and I'm only 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 97

Leave me out of this feud

By Anonymous - 17/05/2024 10:00 - Canada - Etobicoke

Today, two girls who are in my class tried to talk to me about each other, not knowing the other had already spoken to me. They are best friends, but also hate each other, and seem to have taken me as the one to shit talk to about each other constantly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 87

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The Top

Today, at the dentist, the new, rather airy assistant went to prep me for an extraction. She began pulling on something in my mouth, and a moment later, I felt intense pain and then the wetness of blood. She was trying to pull out "that weird wire thing". In other words, my permanent retainer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 349

You deserved it 2 835

Today, I was out jogging. As I took a rest to have a drink of water, a car pulled onto the sidewalk and bumped into me. Not just any car; my dad's car. He then drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 133

You deserved it 3 834

Today, I finally got my boyfriend to go get his lockdown beard trimmed. He came back with the kind of pointy monstrosity you see on people like Keemstar. I'm tempted to prune it in his sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 652

You deserved it 262

Today, I told my new hairstylist that I like Jennifer Aniston's look and that I'm trying to grow my hair out. She gave me the "Rachel" haircut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 227

You deserved it 1 280

Today, after complaining that I had nothing to write about in my weekly journal for college, my professor suggested in front of everyone that I should get a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 928

You deserved it 6 739

Today, there was no toilet paper left, so I asked my grandmother if I could use her Kleenex tissues. I found out too late that they were Vicks VapoRub tissues. My crotch has been burning for the last half hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 402

You deserved it 7 619