Health: Today, I decided to start working out because my friends said...

Today, I decided to start working out because my friends said I'm scrawny and weak. I bought an expensive giant container of protein powder to take before during work outs. I wasn't strong enough to open the lid. FML

By Alice

Toonhole Month: part three

Hello everybody! It's already our third artist of the Toonhole crew and I see some of you crying by thinking this awesome month will...

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By TANT / Sunday 22 March 2009 04:53 / United States

Health

Big baby man

Check this out

Surrounded

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while walking down the hall of my old school, I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. Behind the faculty parking lot where I parked my truck, two students were having sex on my tailgate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33540

You deserved it

3087

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By familydisaster - United States

Today, I was fired from my job at a local family-ran restaurant. The Reason? The owner's daughter has been stealing money from the register little by little and has blamed me for all the lost money. The boss is still convinced it's me, though, because his daughter would "never tell a lie". FML

I agree, your life sucks

52350

You deserved it

2501

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By peestain - United Kingdom

Today, I babysat my neighbour's spoilt bratty twins. When I told them it was their bed time, they pushed me over. One then started smashing me with a plastic sword, and as I lay helpless on the floor the other one peed on me. I got owned by two five year olds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20625

You deserved it

32015

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By Firepussy911

Today, my husband decided to literally spice things up. He put a "small amount" of hot-sauce in our lubricant without telling me. He thought 1,000,000 Scoville units would make me cum. The only one who came was the paramedic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6655

You deserved it

484

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By reesemaster - United States

Today, I went to use the public restroom. As I saw the toilet paper was out, I could see there was some hanging down from the other stall. As I went to grab it, I felt a hand grab mine and a voice ask seductively, "what were you reaching for?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

32118

You deserved it

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By ThatsIncentive - United States - Granite Bay

Today, I stooped to pick up an earring back off the ground. It was actually a spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6881

You deserved it

1113

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By Darkandcold - United Kingdom - Exeter

Today, my dad learned that it's possible to power a lightbulb with a potato. Since then, he's been going around the house removing all the plugs from the wall and plugging them into potatoes instead. He's absolutely baffled as to why it won't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32475

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By ClaustrophobicNightmares - Saudi Arabia - Riyadh

Today, I was stuck in the elevator for almost two hours. Where was the elevator mechanic? Next to me in the elevator. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46819

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a spider dangled an inch away from my face while I was driving. I freaked out and accidentally bumped the car in front of me. Three cops arrived on the scene and I had to explain to them what happened. I can still hear them laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31859

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By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, I was upset over a recent break up. It showed while I was at work, and I made a customer sad just by looking blue. She complained to my manager. I got written up for being so depressed that I got a customer depressed too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26394

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Anchorage

Today, I told my boyfriend of ten months that I'm not ready for marriage. A few hours later he proposed at my grandma's 85th birthday party. She cried when I said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56620

You deserved it

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By Anonymous

Cancel Student Debt

Today, I paid $800.00 towards my student loans. That was the minimum payment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1802

You deserved it

383

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By cndpost - Canada

Today, I sent my boyfriend a letter, turns out it was the wrong address. My panties are now somewhere in Canadian post. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9794

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Chelmsford

Today, I finally got proof of my theory when the dog came downstairs at 2 in the morning, looked me dead in the eye, pissed on the rug and took my socks before disappearing back upstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40474

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend got mugged. I found out because the mugger had the courtesy to ring me, after I texted several times asking where he was, to say "He won't reply. He got robbed." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35277

You deserved it

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By Username - United States

Today, I found out apparently, I have a weird looking vagina. How? My boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. He took one look at my vagina and with a look of horror said, "I have never seen one this GROSS." He's a gynecologist and probably sees 20 vaginas a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64656

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By poops - United States

Today, I found out my girlfriend and her best friend compare the dumps they take to common transportation. They comment about it on each others facebook page. My girlfriend's last one was apparently a 'coach bus'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24992

You deserved it

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By -insert clever nickname here- - United States - Seattle

Today, I asked the girl I'm madly in love with out to dinner. When she asked me if I would pay, I jokingly said, "Well, that depends on how the date goes." She looked me up and down and said, "No thanks then." FML

I agree, your life sucks

23424

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got an invitation to my ex-boyfriend's wedding. We broke up because "he didn't believe in marriage." FML

I agree, your life sucks

79106

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Albuquerque

Today, my friend insisted I wear her brand new hoodie for the day. When I gave it back after a few hours, she said she just needed it stretched and couldn't find someone fatter to stretch it for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24100

You deserved it

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By wickedbeauty333 - United States - Katy

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he came. This was a good thing, except when he did he started bellowing the Imperial March theme from Star Wars. When I asked him about it, all he said was, "I thought you'd like it." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27410

You deserved it

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By UnicornWaffles - United States - Wooster

Today, I saw the guy I've been seeing passing by my dorm. I called out to him, but he covered his ears and crossed the street. Well, at least I have ice cream in my fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11412

You deserved it

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By Debra2005 - United States

Today, I adopted a dog from the local shelter. I put the dog in the car and he was shedding everywhere, but I was ok with that because he was my dog. As I pulled into the parking lot, the dog began to poop in the backseat of my car. When I got him out of the car, he ran off. $100 for him to poop and run away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47247

You deserved it

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By musiclover - United States

Today, my friend and I went to see our favorite band in concert. We walked at least a mile from our parking space and stood in line for two hours. My friend was supposed to have the tickets in her purse. She actually had, but she left her purse in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27657

You deserved it

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By what did i marry - United States - Memphis

Today, I had to explain to my husband that the Earth is not flat. He didn’t believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3763

You deserved it

556

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By LoveDrug - Ireland

Today, the only guy showing slightly any interest in me is a Nazi-obsessed psychopath. He uses lovely pick-up lines such as, "Hey, do you know how much it hurts to staple your hand?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

30659

You deserved it

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By anon - United States - Kennett

Today, I woke up and put my contacts in. It appears that I got drunk enough last night that instead of soaking my contacts in contact solution, I used mouthwash. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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You deserved it

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By QuestionMyLife - United States

Today, I walked into my bedroom and realized I really needed to clean it. As I started to pick everything up off of the floor, I tripped over a shoe, slipped on a water bottle, pulled down my shoe rack and landed in my armoire. My room is now dirtier than it was when I started. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By weezel - South Africa

Today, I took pictures of myself and my girlfriend doing naughty things together on my camera. My mom later asked me if she could borrow the camera for the weekend. Without thinking, I gave her the camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13243

You deserved it

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By streaker? - Germany - Langenhagen

Today, I went clothes shopping. I took my little daughter into the dressing room while I tried some clothes on. She somehow managed to open the door while I was changing. A lady outside then bitched me out for "exposing" myself to her kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24120

You deserved it

2008

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By Ismellbacon - Canada

Today, my girlfriend called me a lazy pig. To prove her wrong, I decided to go lift some weights. A few reps in, my arm cracked and my first reaction was to squeal like a pig. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10380

You deserved it

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By - 25/2/2020 22:00

Her revenge

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. She then proceeded to ask for all the gifts she gave me for Christmas back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1602

You deserved it

714

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By anon - United States

Today, I was fired from the restaurant I work at because I missed my shift. I missed it because I was in the hospital for food poisoning from the meal I ate at work last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42991

You deserved it

3209

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By nzkristy - New Zealand

Today, I got sent home from work for appearing stoned/under the influence of drugs. I suffer from severe hay fever, which no antihistamine has fixed yet, hence the red and glassy eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30849

You deserved it

2257

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By brerj09 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, at work, I served a group of three teens. Their tab was $75 and they tipped me nothing. They wrote a thank you on a piece of receipt paper, put it in a glass of water and used a coaster to turn the glass of water upside down on the table, spilling water everywhere. They also stole my pen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54937

You deserved it

4407

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By socialdisease - United States

Today, my house got egged. Why? As a joke, my friend bought me a doormat that says, "A Canadian Lives Here." I'm Canadian. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29702

You deserved it

5060

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By notyouraverageteenager - Australia

Today, I bought an expensive dress because it was me and my boyfriend's one year anniversary, and he was taking me somewhere nice. When he saw me in the dress, he looked at me, laughed and said, "Seriously, what are you wearing?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

34217

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 2/5/2020 20:00

Denial

Today, I got told repeatedly to "stay in my lane" by a woman in her 40s. Why? Because I politely asked her if she had a mask when she entered the retail store I work in. Our policy is that everyone must wear a face mask in the store at all times. One hour down, 8 more to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1637

You deserved it

214

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By ilana - United States

Today, I was working at my day-camp, and one of my little boys told me he had to show me something important. He proudly showed me that he'd crapped his pants. I had to wipe his ass clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27313

You deserved it

3327

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By feelsbadman

Today, I decided to surprise my crush by wishing her happy birthday when she came out of the lift. Too bad she was busy giving someone a blow job and didn’t notice me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4757

You deserved it

569

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Top comments

By Chris968 | 0

#50053 - Sunday 22 March 2009 16:31

That's..... sad.

By necromancerlord | 0

#50139 - Sunday 22 March 2009 17:00

Today, I tried to inject steroids. I wasn't strong enough to squeeze the syringe. FML

COMMENTS

By Chris968 | 0

#50053 - Sunday 22 March 2009 16:31

That's..... sad.

tinkerbell1357 | 0

#930485 - Wednesday 10 March 2010 0:51

That's wat the shitsfor lil man!!!

hippo23 | 0

#966057 - Monday 22 March 2010 2:00

poor u! that's ok tho those things are always hard to open!

tellithowitis | 13

#2404660 - Monday 25 April 2011 22:39

how embarrassing....,

NickyK | 25

#3303617 - Saturday 17 September 2011 15:56

Okay, time to break out the saw.

AshleighNason | 24

#3612010 - Sunday 20 November 2011 23:59

its ironic

By Inkspell | 2

#50060 - Sunday 22 March 2009 16:32

haha wow, that sucks ;D, but keep it up, bodybuilding is healthy, great, and fun ;D.

By fillmyheart028 | 0

#50071 - Sunday 22 March 2009 16:35

Wow. You really DO need to start working out.

....good luck with that....

By nando92 | 0

#50077 - Sunday 22 March 2009 16:36

its ok man i cant either...
:)

By kapowi | 0

#50090 - Sunday 22 March 2009 16:39

...wow.

By sapm90 | 0

#50092 - Sunday 22 March 2009 16:39

lol, wow well at least they were right.

By lol_seriously | 0

#50106 - Sunday 22 March 2009 16:46

LMFAO

oh god that is awesome loooooool

By G_Bug | 0

#50136 - Sunday 22 March 2009 17:00

Hmm, that's happened to me. Just slam the lid on a counter/table a few times lol

By immolate5 | 0

#50138 - Sunday 22 March 2009 17:00

Protein needs to be after workout, not before.

Soloman212 | 28

#5773835 - Sunday 1 December 2013 1:48

Definitely not before during.

By necromancerlord | 0

#50139 - Sunday 22 March 2009 17:00

Today, I tried to inject steroids. I wasn't strong enough to squeeze the syringe. FML

El_patron | 0

#1686049 - Friday 12 November 2010 7:49

lol win

Humanspider | 18

#3607919 - Sunday 20 November 2011 2:48

greatest response ever lmao!