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The all-time greatest FMLs

Hangry boy gotta have it

By Anonymous - 17/05/2025 03:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my idiot husband broke his jaw and had to have it wired shut. I just caught him trying to fix it in his shed because he cut the wire with bolt cutters so he could, of all things, eat a steak before it went bad, then tried to close his jaw again with fishing line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 539

You deserved it 82

Trust

By Anonymous - 03/02/2024 12:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, my wife revealed to me that the doctor at the fertility clinic where we stored embryos is her ex-boyfriend. She’s now furious that I don’t trust that our freezer babies are mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 539

You deserved it 344

None of the above

By Anonymous - 28/06/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I borrowed my uncle's car because mine was in the shop. I didn't know the jackass had a "TRUMP 2024" bumper sticker until someone threw a rock at my head. Now I'm in the hospital with a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 539

You deserved it 275

Like riding a bike

By Anonymous - 25/08/2023 16:00 - Germany

Today, after nine years, I got back together with my first love, the man who taught me about sensuality and touch, and who no one could measure up to since. I guess this time I’ll have to do the teaching, because he has somehow forgotten even the basics of how to touch a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 539

You deserved it 207

Horrific misdirection

By Anonymous - 15/03/2025 20:00 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, my brother sent me a dick pic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 539

You deserved it 124

It means he cares

By Anonymous - 27/08/2021 06:01 - United States - Roselle

Today, I found out that my boyfriend jerked off more times than he called me when I was out of town for 4 days. Me: 0; porn: 2. FML

I agree, your life sucks 539

You deserved it 710

Serious business

By Anonymous - 06/11/2025 22:00

Today, I showed up for a Tinder date. I sat there for 45 minutes, waiting. Finally, I messaged her to ask if she was coming. She replied, “Oh no, I wasn’t serious. You just seemed polite. I didn’t think you’d actually show up.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 539

You deserved it 65

Agony

By Megan Stevens - 25/08/2024 22:00 - New Zealand - Lower Hutt

Today, I got told by the doctor that my aching knees indeed have advanced arthritis, meaning I'm grinding bone on bone 24/7. At 49, I'm "relatively young," meaning they want me to survive for as many years as I can before they'll replace them. Never mind that I've already been in agony for 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 539

You deserved it 78

Stuck on amber

By Jaled - 11/12/2023 09:00 - United States

Today, I got stuck in an elevator with a guy I have a bit of a crush on. Trying to break the awkward silence, I made a joke about our situation, saying, "Well, at least we're not on a desert island." He replied, "Yeah, but I'd still prefer the island; at least then I could escape." FML

I agree, your life sucks 539

You deserved it 153

Did Kris Jenner put you up to this?

By Anonymous - 12/08/2023 10:00

Today, my wife wanted to spice things up by making a sex tape. Not sure if it was excitement or just the pressure of being on camera, but the whole thing was less than 4 minutes, including foreplay and apologising, and due to bad camera placement most of the film was of my asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 539

You deserved it 225

How very dare you!

By Anonymous - 26/04/2024 12:00 - United States - St Louis

Today, my crush let me know that he has a prom date. Obviously I'm supportive because I just want him to be happy, even if it's not me. I casually let him know that I'm going with someone else too, and now he's really mad about it. If he'd asked me before, I would've said yes. Like… Hello? How dare I get a prom date! FML

I agree, your life sucks 538

You deserved it 133

Don't do it

By Anonymous - 07/07/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, even after applying to literally hundreds of jobs a week for the past 6 months, I still can't get a job. Unemployment is almost gone, and I won't be able to afford my medication. I also can't figure out a painless way to kill myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 538

You deserved it 156

News travels fast

By Anonymous - 16/02/2024 06:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I found out I can retire early with a decent pension. My nephew, who I haven't heard from for 10 years, suddenly got in touch to ask how I am and to say how much he has missed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 538

You deserved it 97

Fingered

By Anonymous - 14/04/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I got questioned by the police. Last night I was at a party when a bully of a kid who happened to be an aspiring MMA coach and local fighter was picking on me, stole my alcohol and threw me out of the party. I heard he got stabbed by someone else he was picking on after I left. The police insist it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 538

You deserved it 116

Unexpected

By Anonymous - 25/04/2022 16:00

Today, I came out to my parents. Their response was basically, "Oh, you’re coming out? But we’ve known for years. It was obvious, so obvious we never knew you were in the closet in the first place." FML

I agree, your life sucks 538

You deserved it 993

Panic

By Lexy - 19/07/2021 14:01

Today, I'm so afraid of Covid, I lied to my friends to avoid hanging out with them every time I was invited. Yes, I've been vaccinated already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 538

You deserved it 1 368

Piss poor excuse, dude

By Anonymous - 27/12/2023 22:00 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend of 8 years is still cheating on me with the girl that he was caught sexting on my birthday back in July. His response was that if I didn't hang out with my friends on the weekends, he wouldn't have to find someone to entertain him all week. We live together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 538

You deserved it 276

Misplaced fury

By Anonymous - 27/10/2023 14:00

Today, I was visited by a high school friend who lives in another state. She was furious because I got married a few months ago, and she kinda had feelings for me. I had to ask her to leave. Here's the funny thing: she's been married for 4 years and they have a son, and she didn't even invite me to her wedding back then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 538

You deserved it 67

Be careful what you wish for

By lordoftheweird - 21/07/2024 00:00 - Canada - Kamloops

Today, my mom is upset that she can't get a date, but my dad can. This is the woman who doesn't shower, has a drug problem, and was arrested for spying on a local kindergartener. She was the one who demanded a polyamorous relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 538

You deserved it 101

With friends like these…

By Anonymous - 25/09/2024 00:00 - United Kingdom - Doncaster

Today, I found out this week that I have a growth in my head that could be cancer. I messaged my closest best friend the news straight away, but she has completely ignored my message. It's now been three days and I've not heard a word from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 538

You deserved it 79

Where did you get that from?

By So much wrong - 28/08/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, my son said his first word. It was the N-word. We are white. I need to have a talk with my husband immediately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 538

You deserved it 149

Confused?

By UghIgiveup - 18/08/2023 04:00

Today, the new person that I was supposed to train didn't show up for the second time in a row. They only had one session with me, and nobody is able to tell me what I'm doing wrong. This is the third time in two years. I give up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 538

You deserved it 118

Snob

By Anonymous - 18/03/2026 00:00

Today, I overheard my boyfriend refer to me as a “pretty but dumb chick” because I like horror movies and comedies over his boring pseudo intellectual dramas. I literally have two degrees and I'm working on a third, while he has neither, yet he thinks he’s smarter than me because of movies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 537

You deserved it 145

Smug knob

By Anonymous - 03/02/2024 06:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend got his results from the doctor: the weeping sore under his foreskin isn’t an STD like I accused him of, it’s merely a bacterial skin infection from not washing his penis. He’s acting all smug, like not cheating on me somehow makes up for being a bacteria-ridden petri dish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 537

You deserved it 388

Forever alone

By Anonymous - 04/04/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I'm 23, but my development was starved due to my overprotective parents. My peers never accepted me, even though I tried to find someone to be friends with. To this day, I've been told I come off as creepy by more women than I have fingers on my hands. I feel like a fifteen year-old walking around in a man's body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 537

You deserved it 161

Unfair!

By sean - 10/04/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I got a warning at work for wearing my ear studs. Not only have I worn them the whole time for the last year I was here, I was unaware of this “rule.” I also was just told that the female employees are allowed to wear them, but men are not. “It looks unprofessional.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 537

You deserved it 155

Elaborate backstory

By lordoftheweird - 06/06/2024 00:00 - Canada - Kamloops

Today, I found out both my parents are career criminals. My dad expects me to join the "family business" and my mom has decided that they'll "never get her alive." FML

I agree, your life sucks 537

You deserved it 101

Fantasy

By Anonymous - 18/06/2023 06:00

Today, I came across an online profile of one girl I had really liked. Since she moved, I've been thinking about her constantly. It seems as if her boyfriend broke up with her and she's moved on from him, so we're both currently single. I still like her and would love to get in touch with her, but have no way to message her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 537

You deserved it 341

Through the wall

By Jeynna - 08/05/2021 00:01

Today, I bumped into my next door neighbor. She said, "Not for nothing, but I heard you fighting with your boyfriend last night, you're pretty harsh on him." I don't have a boyfriend, I was just drunk and castigating myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 537

You deserved it 894

By blabliboblu - 13/09/2012 01:41 - Mexico - Ezequiel Montes

Today, I’m in Mexico for six months to discover a new culture, bathe in Tequila and Mezcal, meet loads of new people and travel as much as possible. I’ve found somewhere to live, but as for the rest… I’m living with nuns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 537

You deserved it 137

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The Top

Today, I guess my son's balls dropped. I've caught him humping his sister's Selena Gomez posters several times today. For god's sake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 796

You deserved it 1 932

Today, I broke a nail at school. The edge kept getting caught on things, so I thought I could file it down by rubbing it on my jeans. Apparently it looked like I was doing something else, because I was called into the principal's office to discuss why "certain things" should be done in private. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 198

You deserved it 5 540

Today, I was talking to an art critic at an exhibition. He told me that the artist had no talent and went on to tell me everything wrong with each painting. I'd painted them all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 416

You deserved it 2 628

Today, I put my good shoes out the window and on the roof to dry out because they were sopping wet. When I went to check them later on, they were still wet. And soaked in bird poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 168

You deserved it 27 094

Today, my wife changed her Facebook status from "Married" to "Widowed". I'm scared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 100

You deserved it 5 260

Today a gasoline canister leaked in our work garage and filled my office with fumes. It got me high and nauseous even though I went out for air constantly. I had a meltdown and was sent home. I'm still high. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 353

You deserved it 297