Today, I watched a movie my old teacher recommended me. She was one of my favourite teachers. I saw the title, opened it, and found out that the premise is racist towards my ethnic group. She marked me harshly. FML
Today, the guy I’ve been seeing for a couple of months and started falling for told me his ex-girlfriend is pregnant with his child. I’m so bummed because kids and baby mamas are my number one deal-breaker. I really liked him too. FML
Today, even after applying to literally hundreds of jobs a week for the past 6 months, I still can't get a job. Unemployment is almost gone, and I won't be able to afford my medication. I also can't figure out a painless way to kill myself. FML
Today, I overheard my boyfriend refer to me as a “pretty but dumb chick” because I like horror movies and comedies over his boring pseudo intellectual dramas. I literally have two degrees and I'm working on a third, while he has neither, yet he thinks he’s smarter than me because of movies. FML
Today, my husband, who didn’t even cry when his father died, got angry and cried for an hour all because I put a 1 cm scratch on his classic car. FML
Today, my boyfriend got his results from the doctor: the weeping sore under his foreskin isn’t an STD like I accused him of, it’s merely a bacterial skin infection from not washing his penis. He’s acting all smug, like not cheating on me somehow makes up for being a bacteria-ridden petri dish. FML
Today, I got a warning at work for wearing my ear studs. Not only have I worn them the whole time for the last year I was here, I was unaware of this “rule.” I also was just told that the female employees are allowed to wear them, but men are not. “It looks unprofessional.” FML
Today, the Snapchat that I was taking of my car being washed, including my commentary like, "Oooh yeah, get into it baby," was replayed loudly through my car via Bluetooth while the workers were inside and all around washing it. FML
Today, my lamp wouldn’t turn on. I spent a good 10 minutes looking for a replacement bulb before I thought to check if it was plugged in. It wasn’t. FML
Today, a lady came for a death certificate at the city hall reception where I work. Reflexively, I asked if it was for her. FML
Today, my long distance boyfriend left me for a local girl. My last relationship was also long distance and we were even engaged until he slept with someone in his hometown because his “horniness” was “becoming too much.” I think I get the hint now. FML
Today, my brother told me that he needed to borrow a hammer, a chisel, and a drill just in case. I asked him if he was finally getting round to starting work on his apartment. Not at all, he was just going to crack open the coconut he'd just bought at the supermarket. FML
Today, when I was a teen, I felt inferior for being flat-chested. So I got a boob job. As an adult, I started yoga and meditation. Then I felt foolish for not embracing my natural self and having plastic stuff in me. Got the implants out. Now I'm happy with my looks but have nerve damage from the procedures. FML
Today, I was woken up by the sound of someone in my room. I started freaking out, thinking someone had broken in, so I kicked them, only to realise it was my boyfriend coming back from the toilet. I'd forgotten he was staying over. FML
Today, I was playing guitar at a party, and girls were into me. I'm alright at guitar but by no means an expert. Some kid who was practically a wizard took a turn playing. He could play almost any song on the fly. He made me look so bad that I've never had so many girls in one room be embarrassed to have talked to me. FML
Today, I’m gay but I'm currently on a date with a woman, because when we met yesterday, I was slightly tipsy and thought she was a dude when I asked her out. Plus she said her name is Max, but in the sober light of today, I realised she’s a very tomboyish lady with no boobs. Help me somebody. FML
Today, I have an HR meeting to discuss my team's performance. This is the same HR that refuses to hire more people because my department is full. The same HR that complains when tasks are completed late due to the team being overworked, yet refuses to take any suggestions. How do you give feedback to people like this? FML
Today, strapped for money, I asked one of my good friends to loan me some. She said no, because she’s broke herself. I later see her checked in on NOBU, a high class, expensive restaurant, on Facebook and she’d bought a new designer purse and shoes with the hashtag #TreatYourself. FML
Today, our company was being visited by one of our biggest clients, a rich Japanese businessman. My boss wanted to honour him by welcoming him while wearing a kimono in the reception area of our building. The client was in a suit and tie, and I don't think he'll be back. FML
Today, my mother and my sister chewed me out for not attending my sister's birthday party. I'm sorry for having both of my fucking legs broken in a motorcycle accident. FML
Today, my boyfriend walked in on me having phone sex with another guy. He either didn't notice or didn't care. FML
Today, just like almost every other day, my mom goes onto the computer and scolds me for what I watch on YouTube, even when the videos aren't that graphic. Today she scolded me because she found out that I'd watched videos related to the Max Headroom signal intrusion back in '87. Why can't I just watch what I want? FML
Today, I was once again berated by an idiotic parent. I’ve been called a filthy liberal, a groomer, and had my job threatened several times. All of this because I was teaching second graders about pronouns. You know, the part of English grammar that replaces a noun. Nothing political at all. FML
Today, I went to the local emergency room, upon recommendation of my psychiatrist, because I was depressed to the point of being suicidal. They sent me home because there were no beds available. FML
Today, my friend, who is dating an ex of mine, posted a story on her Instagram of their dating history. Met in 2020; First Date: 2021; Became Official: 2022. I introduced them in 2020 and he broke up with the, “It’s not you it’s me” excuse in 2022. I feel like she put a dagger through my heart. FML
Today, I dumped my fiance because his grandma, who raised him since birth, died and I overheard him making it clear that all he cared about was her inheritance. I thought he was my soulmate, but I can't be married to somebody like that. FML
Today, I came across an online profile of one girl I had really liked. Since she moved, I've been thinking about her constantly. It seems as if her boyfriend broke up with her and she's moved on from him, so we're both currently single. I still like her and would love to get in touch with her, but have no way to message her. FML
Today, with the help of a good map, I managed to figure out that a near-invisible path that I hadn’t even noticed was actually the continuation of my bike route. Twenty metres further, I found the signpost confirming this… quite well hidden in a bush. For anyone without a map, FML
Today, while drinking and catching up with a ex that I still love, she invited a guy over, flirted with him right in front of me, then went home with him, When I messaged her to say I found it disrespectful as fuck, she replied with sorry, she didn’t mean to hurt me, and that she misses me. FML
Today, my pathetic wannabe influencer sister would not stop recording my kids, even though they and I told her not to. I finally snapped and smashed her phone and now she's threatening to press charges, and our parents are on her side. My kids are scared that they're going to be taken away from me. FML
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