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The all-time greatest FMLs

Why though?

By Anonymous - 02/03/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I asked my parents why we hadn't been out to eat as a family for so long. Both mom and dad agreed, so we made plans to go have breakfast at the Waffle House. Upon arriving, Dad threw a tantrum in the restaurant over nothing, and insisted on yelling at us the entire time. Guess I got my answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 118

Festive spirit

By DVC#3 - 27/11/2024 03:00 - Canada - Chilliwack

Today, are you excited for Christmas? Because I'm sure not. When I was 14, my dad got hit by a car on Christmas. At 15, my dog died. When I was 16, I got not presents. When I was 17, the Christmas tree was stolen. I wonder what's next… FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 122

Friends with unclear benefits

By LizzoGirl - 02/06/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, the guy who friendzoned me asked me why I’ve been acting distant towards him. I told him that I refuse to give boyfriend benefits to someone who made it clear that we’re just friends any longer. He responded with, “Well, if you weren’t built like Lizzo before her weight loss, I wouldn’t have friendzoned you!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 241

Seriously?

By Anonymous - 06/06/2025 03:00

Today, my husband got home on my birthday and told me he went overboard and bought a real expensive gift for his favourite girl. He then turned round and gave the real expensive gift to the girl in question, his 3 year-old niece. It’s not even her birthday. I got fuck all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 117

The policy of truth

By Anonymous - 02/01/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, I'm ending a 35 year marriage. In the last few months, my husband has told me that he has been preferring porn to me since before we were married, he has had multiple affairs, he always knew his family was toxic and messing with me. Oh, and he wants us to, "Move on and have a happy retirement together." FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 158

Gotta lot going on

By Anonymous - 16/04/2026 09:00 - United States - Revere

Today, my dad’s in hospice, my son was diagnosed with a second rare disease, my wife is unemployed with alcohol and depression issues, to the extent of having ruined our marriage by driving us into bankruptcy. I have high blood pressure and quite honestly, I’m surprised I haven’t had a stroke or a heart attack with all this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 75

Let's do this again?

By Giselle - 13/10/2024 00:00 - Australia

Today, I went on a date with a guy who insisted on eating off my plate the whole night. He didn't order his own food, because according to him, "it’s more intimate to share." He didn’t get why I found the whole deal off-putting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 70

Foot soldier

By Anonymous - 22/08/2023 22:00

Today, I wore a new pair of shoes to work. By lunchtime, my feet were covered in blisters and I had to limp my way through the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 387

Nervous wreck

By jumpy - 14/09/2023 04:00

Today, I was literally startled by my own shadow. I hate having anxiety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 164

FAMILY

By Not today, Satan! - 30/07/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I was given a new trainee at work. It was the conniving skank who screwed my brother-in-law and ruined my sister’s marriage. When I refused to train her, I was written up and sent home, while the homewrecking whore just smirked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 260

It's the big T

By Annoyed - 28/03/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I left my apartment building to drive to work. I walked up to my car when I noticed someone had written "FUCK ELON" on the hood. I guess some protesters can't spell, which explains how they'd confused "Toyota" for "Tesla." FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 76

Let's say, hypothetically…

By Anonymous - 07/10/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I asked my uber-religious parents what they would do if, hypothetically, they found out one of their closest friends was an atheist. The immediate response: "Forcibly try to convert them, and completely cut all ties if they don't accept." Guess I'll remain a closeted atheist for the rest of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 141

Double Impact

By Zoogangcapk - 01/01/2020 05:00

Today, I found out that my girlfriend is pregnant. The problem is that I don't know how to tell my wife... Who is also pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 10 306

Scam artist's dream job

By Anonymous - 22/04/2024 09:00

Today, our company got hacked. Our secretary fell for someone badly impersonating the head of customer service and sent them a full list of employee information from one of our new clients. The boss wants to blame us in IT for not training her on how to avoid this. He fell for a phishing attack last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 127

Pervert!

By Faith - 05/04/2026 09:00 - The Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, I caught my neighbor peeping through his toilet window to watch my sister bathing in our bathroom. I asked him what he was doing, and he told me he was doing what he always does when my sister is bathing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 59

Cranky

By Passive ass aggressor - 08/04/2021 02:00

Today, my boyfriend hasn’t asked for sex in a while, like months, and when I asked him about it he admitted that every day I shout at him, snap at him or act bitchy about anything not his fault, he has a wank and goes to sleep rather than bother asking me for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 8 173

Second best

By fred - 18/12/2023 06:00 - United States

Today, at the age of 34, I realized every girl since high school who has dated me, only dated me because they had low self-esteem or were rebounding. The second they found someone they thought was better, they would leave me. Will I find someone who actually wants to be with me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 156

Blocked and reported

By Anonymous - 22/04/2024 22:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, I had to call social services after a couple once again brought their baby in with severe allergic reactions. His allergy? The family dog. These idiots would rather let their kid die than get rid of the stupid mutt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 155

Slacker

By Anonymous - 13/05/2024 14:00 - United States - Babylon

Today, my boyfriend told me that he'd rather jerk off to sexy pictures of me than actually have sex, because he gets too tired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 127

Fishy

By Kristyn - 09/07/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, I asked my husband for the 1000th time to stop texting a woman he used to be friends with in high school, with whom he recently reconnected, and that I’m feeling neglected in this marriage. He responded by saying, “Fine! I guess I can’t have any friends then!” and took a hammer to his phone, breaking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 380

Unfair

By Anonymous - 06/04/2026 09:00 - United States

Today, I lost my custody battle and I have to return my grandchildren to my disowned daughter, who was allowing her now ex-husband to abuse them. I can't appeal or anything because frankly we don't have the funds. I wish I'd never had her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 93

Occasional criminal

By Anonymous - 15/08/2023 16:00 - United States - Ashburn

Today, I put my travel cup of coffee on the shelf behind me while getting a haircut. When I left, I picked up my coffee and cell phone. A block later, the barber had chased me down to get his cell phone back. Yep, I had two phones in my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 297

Quietly overjoyed

By Anonymous - 09/06/2024 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I think my boyfriend of 5 years is going to propose soon. He told me he was thinking about it last year, and spoke to his parents, who said they wouldn't attend the wedding as "It's not their thing." My dad passed away in November and I don't talk to my mum, so I have no one to be excited with and share the news. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 106

Give it to me baby!

By Anonymous - 26/01/2024 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend is so terrified of having a baby that he won’t screw me, even though I’m on the pill and we have condoms. He gets so worked up, he usually goes soft before we get the condom on. His oral game is on point but I just want a good hard dicking, is that too much to ask? FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 193

Thanks, Zuck!

By Patrick - 15/03/2024 16:00 - United States - Madison Heights

Today, after nearly 19 years, my Facebook account was permanently disabled because I'd banned too many scammers. I admin 58 groups, for over 2 million members, and have banned 50k+ fake accounts. One of them apparently reported me, and since Facebook runs some fake accounts, it was easier to ban me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 166

How to start a failed YouTube channel

By Anonymous - 22/01/2024 00:00 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend blew half of the money we'd saved for a vacation on a fancy new camera. His reasoning? "Loads of YouTubers are quitting YouTube, there's money to be made." FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 92

Choose your moments

By Anonymous - 15/05/2024 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend stopped in the middle of sex because she had sudden inspiration about what colour to repaint our bedroom, and wanted to find the colour name online before she forgot it. By the time she was done, I’d gone soft and grumpy, and she got mad I didn’t want to finish having sex anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 180

Lifegoals

By Anonymous - 05/01/2022 17:01

Today, I saw my ex. I was sure he’d be miserable, but he looked happier than I’ve seen him in a long time. He somehow even looked younger, as did the woman he was on a date with, who’s a good 10 years younger than me. Meanwhile, I’ve gained 25 pounds trying to quit smoking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 1 182

By darknight - 21/07/2019 02:03

Today, I found out that pretending to be a bum begging for money can get you stuck in a jail cell for a few hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 3 972

This is America

By Anonymous - 24/09/2023 00:02

Today, I found out that my rent is going up by $100. This is the third year in a row. I'm on SSI ($914/month) and it was $550 when I moved in before the pandemic. I'm also morbidly obese, schizophrenic, and my family doesn't respect me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 799

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I called asking about a job I interviewed for 3 weeks ago. It's a scummy call center where known drug addicts work. They told me I wasn't getting the job. I guess my high school diploma and being drug-free makes me not good enough to work there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 000

You deserved it 4 764

Today, I started college after a night out. I'd got tipsy at the club and started dancing with a cute guy. He asked for my number. I didn't want to give it to him, so I gave him a rejection number. Guess who's the new professor for my bio class? And yes, he recognized me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 694

You deserved it 37 669

Today, I replaced the battery in a closet’s electronic keypad door lock, and I accidentally locked myself inside. My family was traveling, so I had to call a neighbor. He got me out, but took pictures and posted them to social media. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 604

You deserved it 740

Today, my boss gave our coffee machine to her sister-in-law. I work in a cafe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 088

You deserved it 152

It just disappears!

I agree, your life sucks 312

You deserved it 86

Today, according to my wife of 30 years, I'm finally old enough that I look, smell, sound and act like my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 119