Today, my son was arrested for tagging a wall with the well known symbol of a certain evil Nazi leader. Not only that, the police showed me a picture of the graffiti and turns out he’s so dumb he couldn’t even draw the symbol properly and gave up after 4 failed attempts. FML
Today, I'm expecting an important delivery that I need so I don’t lose my job. My neighbors decided that today was a great day to have a team of landscapers come to cut down some trees. I'm in a tight cul de sac and they're blocking my driveway. Guess who’s gonna lose his job today? FML
Today, all of my friends are complaining about weight gain due to the pandemic. Instead, I have remained the exact same size, but completely unable to sleep or digest my food. FML
Today, I was at my brother's graduation. His mom was taking pictures of him in his cap and gown, but she got a picture of me sucking off a Coke bottle for a laugh, and she posted it on Facebook. FML
Today, I got really sick after drinking a lot of alcohol and started throwing up. Every time I threw up into the toilet, the water would splash back up into my face. FML
Today, I did the math: if I wiped out my savings account, the joint account I have with my husband, as well as the savings accounts I started for nieces and nephews to pay for student loans, I would only owe $41,000 more. FML
Today, I’m eight months pregnant. My six-year-old son told me: "Mom, the baby farted in your belly". Why would he think that? "Well, because the smell comes out of your mouth!" FML
Today, I went blueberry picking for the first time since I was a kid. In a huge lot with no one in it, a pickup truck choose to block us into a corner lot spot. When asked to move, the pickup driver said, “I hope the shade spot was worth it.” He then flashed a gun! FML
Today, the bus I needed to catch, that replaced the train I needed to catch, to get the flight home was full. I had to get a taxi instead. £140 to the nearest working train station. FML
Today, my mother went on a misogynistic tirade about how girls are backstabbing bitches, and nothing but trouble. She continued saying how she wishes my sister and I would make more guy friends, and stop being so damn girly all the time. Umm… has she forgotten who she gave birth to? FML
Today, without any form of notice, my landlord started working on the upstairs windows at 6:30am. I have an at-home appointment at 8:30 for my autistic son that I can't move or postpone without notice. FML
Today, against my better judgement, I gave in and let my daughter go to the family Christmas party, due to the fact that the sister I cut contact with caught COVID and said she wouldn't be there. Guess who turned up? FML
Today, my 27-year-old son told me that for him, eating a food he doesn’t like is “way, way worse” than breaking a bone. He has broken both his arms, several ribs, and a few of his toes, and he still thinks that. FML
Today, I just had knee surgery which has put me on crutches for 6 weeks. I fell on my ass after washing my hands after using the bathroom. Ashamed, my boyfriend and father had to pick me up. I destroyed the towel rack, ripping it of the wall. All this pain is now potentially for nothing. It's day 4 post operation. FML
Today, my hearing aids got wet because i was caught in the middle of a thunderstorm. So they stopped working. I didn’t hear this morning's alarm because I can’t hear the alarm without my hearing aids. FML
Today, I had to warn my wife not to kill her insane mother. I was serious. FML
Today, I asked my coworker for her name. She screamed at me because apparently I'd already asked her 5 times before. I have no memory of any of it. FML
Today, I got put in Facebook jail for telling a guy fat shaming a girl he was a "s*x*st b*st*rd." Immediately after, FB informed me that a person I reported for threats didn't violate community standards. FML
Today, at my new retail job, I accidentally referred to white tank tops as, "Wife beaters." That's what I thought they were actually called, until my boss had to correct me. FML
Today, I found out that the person I love, who is also a friend, is now in a relationship with my sister. FML
Today, my mom yelled at me because even though I shower thoroughly twice a day, I still stink. My mom showers once a week, never wears deodorant, and smells like roses. FML
Today, while leaving late for work, I walked out to my car only to find the back window broken. Worst part was, I still had to go to work because no one who could cover me showed up. FML
Today, out of pure desperation and loneliness, I went out with my ex-boyfriend. It ended with him hitting me and driving off with my car. He's in jail now. What was I thinking? FML
Today, my girlfriend was griping to me about being late for work. When I pointed out that she wouldn’t be late if she didn’t rely on someone else for a ride, she bitched me out about being “unsympathetic.” Did I mention she refused to learn to drive? FML
Today, my lazy, spoiled brat of a daughter screwed up her third job interview in the past month. She keeps self-sabotaging by asking the employers about the pay and benefits, and if she doesn’t like it, she walks out on them. Then she rants on how nobody wants to hire her. Gee, I wonder why? FML
Today, I've known that I'm dyspraxic for a long time. It was a real eye-opener when I found out about it, but there's still one problem: the majority of the population seems to be incapable of understanding the condition. I still get bullied for not being able to do simple tasks, even with the diagnosis. FML
Today, in the same conversation with the same person, I got chewed out because our kids want to spend more time with me than her, and also because the kids spend too much time with her and she can’t work from home effectively. Can anyone explain how that works? FML
Today, as always, my mom slams every door she closes. I faint when I hear loud sounds. FML
Today, after weeks of being up nights to hand feed nine puppies, I, an insomniac, finally got to sleep during the day, which isn't easy for me, only to be woken by my partner asking me a stupid question that was unimportant, then made to feel like a jerk for being angry. I'm now stuck awake, pissed. FML
Today, my computer crashed and corrupted my games files and deleted over 100 hours of saved data. I have to now start all over again. FML
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