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The all-time greatest FMLs

My Baby Boy

By Lilahpaints - 22/10/2019 18:00

Today, twelve days after stomach surgery, I birthed a left behind, forgotten blood-stained stinky surgical swab from my vagina. I have no idea why it was there in the first place. I feel violated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 415

You deserved it 176

By LonelyAF - 12/08/2017 13:00

Today, I was so lonely I called my stalker ex-boyfriend. He was too busy to talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 414

You deserved it 4 374

Who's a good boy?

By Anonymous - 08/05/2020 20:00

Today, my boyfriend's vicious dog, which he got as a security measure and growls and barks at me whenever I go near it, was caught on our security camera playing like a puppy with a burglar, while the other two burglars cleaned out all our valuables. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 413

You deserved it 231

By Katy - 18/12/2018 14:00

Today, I fell in a vent in our floor while decorating our Christmas tree. My husband removed the grates months ago to increase airflow. I fell in past my knee and he had to pull me out by the arms. It's been four days and I can still barely walk. My office is on a second floor... We don't have an elevator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 412

You deserved it 313

By Meghan Elise - 02/03/2019 16:00

Today, I found that there were charges of almost 2,000 dollars on my bank account. Some asshole in Florida stole my money. I have bills and that was money I saved to buy myself a new car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 412

You deserved it 172

By mindy12182 - 29/12/2018 17:00 - United States - Des Moines

Today, while doing my disabled client's makeup I got my period. I'm hoping that she didn't notice a red stain on her white bedspread when I stood up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 412

You deserved it 642

By Jihnyq - 24/10/2017 08:00 - Ecuador - Quito

Today, I went on a blind date with a girl. I was trying to be funny and joked, "I've never been on a blind date because I was afraid my date would be blind." She started crying because she's visually impaired and had just built up the courage to start dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 412

You deserved it 4 723

Timing

By Anonymous - 16/03/2020 00:11 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my boyfriend came out of the closet. In the middle of us having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 412

You deserved it 273

By weezie757 - 28/11/2018 11:30 - Canada

Today, it only took 25 minutes of working before I was covered in old man pee. I think that's a new personal best. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 411

You deserved it 177

A real ******

By never again - 30/11/2019 01:00 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, I finally had sex with the guy I like, but I had to pee really bad. It got really wet down there, and he thought I squirted. I peed everywhere. I let him believe he made me squirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 410

You deserved it 769

By kenken5 - 19/06/2019 01:51

Today, I had my first sexual experience since going through a rough break up a month ago. The guy finished after 60 seconds of a blow job and then didn’t return the favor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 408

You deserved it 387

Running gag

By needsomelove - 20/10/2019 06:00 - France

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex. Foreplay was amazing, but as soon as he started to get it in, he lost his erection because he was too nervous. He's a 30-year-old virgin and this has happened at least 10 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 408

You deserved it 342

By JulietMarie - 18/12/2018 03:00

Today, I met my older sister's cute male roommate. Everything was going smoothly until he asked if I was her mother. I’m only 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 407

You deserved it 230

By Pissy - 23/05/2019 06:05

Today, I thought my boyfriend wanted to be romantic by pouring a bath, getting in then calling me in. As I get comfortable, he stands up and gets out. At the same time, I notice yellow water. He'd pissed in the tub for a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 405

You deserved it 239

By Familyreject - 02/02/2019 19:00 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I found out that my family has paid for and booked a trip to Dubai without me. They weren't going to tell me until they were about to board but since I was crying that my friend ditched me for my holiday, they thought they would let me know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 405

You deserved it 264

Smash the patriarchy

By Anonymous - 19/04/2022 06:00

Today, my boyfriend started avoiding going down on me ever since he found an ingrowing hair down there. The only reason I have an ingrowing hair is because he didn’t like my pubes, and stopped having sex with me at all until I shaved it off, thus causing the ingrowing hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 404

You deserved it 376

All in the family

By jerry Jerry Jerry - 15/05/2020 17:00

Today, I found out the truth about my parents’ divorce and why our family is so distant. Turns out my dad had an affair with not one, but two of my mom’s sisters. And that my youngest cousin is also my half-sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 404

You deserved it 157

By babybambi - 29/12/2018 02:00

Today, I got food poisoning for the first time after cooking. Yesterday, I met my boyfriend's family for the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 404

You deserved it 295

By Vomit - 17/12/2018 05:00

Today, we had a patient projectile vomiting in our ambulance. I didn't know she had puked on our cot until I found it with my bare hand at the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 403

You deserved it 208

No, of course she's not…

By so racist - 25/06/2020 02:02

Today, my mother burst into tears when I told her I was engaged. They were not tears of joy, however. She was crying because although she insists she’s "not" racist, she was crying because none of her grandchildren would be "pure." My fiancé is black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 402

You deserved it 310

By Singlewife - 23/03/2019 22:00

Today my husband got drunk and wrecked the house. And when I say wrecked the house, I mean ripping everything off book shelves, Tearing the ceiling fan out of the wall, Opening the fridge and shoveling everything out. Glass everywhere. etc. and this isn’t the first time. I clean up every time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 402

You deserved it 1 618

By Kelly - 26/05/2019 20:30

Today, my mom dropped me off at a friend's house. Upon leaving, my friend's mom said how much I looked like my mother. My mother then replied, "That's funny, she was adopted." This was the first I'd heard of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 400

You deserved it 152

Get out

By Anonymous - 24/05/2020 05:00

Today, while I was working in a department store, two 15-year-old kids started having sex in a changing room. When I found them, the boy pulled out and said, "You want in, bitch?" I then had to prevent his jealous, half-naked girlfriend from murdering me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 398

You deserved it 206

By Jester94752 - 15/03/2019 16:00

Today, a co-worker, who lives 30 minutes out of my way, had broken down so I picked him up. We were both 5 minutes late and both got fired. Our department takes 30-60 minutes to even start running. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 397

You deserved it 198

I'll just let myself out…

By cheated - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I found out my "wonderful" boyfriend was recently dumped by another woman, not just after he started stalking her, but after he wrote her a love letter in his own blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 395

You deserved it 255

Denied!

By Cyrah - 16/07/2019 18:15 - United States

Today, I got rejected from participating in a depression study that provides free medication, for not already being on antidepressants. That's because I can't afford health insurance or medication, which is why I applied to the study. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 395

You deserved it 288

By risingtide - 20/11/2018 15:30

Today, I reached my exam center late after taking the wrong metro twice, only to find out that I forgot my calculator at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 395

You deserved it 1 211

Supportive

By Anonymous - 18/01/2021 23:01

Today, I caught up with a good friend and he let me rant about my sexless marriage. He was really understanding and supportive. I got home and he sent me 5 pictures of his wife in a small bikini, saying, “Guess who doesn’t have your problems?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 394

You deserved it 537

It wasn't me

By not mine! - 16/06/2020 05:07

Today, I had to make the heartbreaking decision to break up with my boyfriend and kick him out after his second relapse. A few hours later, I had police banging down my door. To get back at me, my now ex had called the cops and anonymously reported all the drugs he’d hidden around my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 394

You deserved it 252

By Ibrowtheedge - 16/08/2018 20:30

Today, I shaved off half of my right eyebrow by accident. It still looks better than my left eyebrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 394

You deserved it 485

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I was reminded once again how isolated I am while processing data errors. I work with sealed records, and I can't ask anyone for help, or share a laugh at any of the ridiculous names I see. Sigh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 350

You deserved it 109

Today, my boyfriend and I were roleplaying therapist and patient in bed. When I playfully asked him what bothered him, he told me his mother hates him and burst into tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 579

You deserved it 6 342

Today, of all the things I have to be self-conscious about (my looks, my weight, my mental health…), I now have to be self-conscious of my breathing, because my brother says it’s “painful to listen to.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 360

You deserved it 109

Today, my in-laws surprised us with an unannounced visit. I was in the middle of my weekly self-care routine, which includes a green face mask, curlers, and a bathrobe. When I opened the door, they looked horrified and my mother-in-law whispered, "Is this a bad time?" Without thinking, I blurted out, "Depends, do you believe in aliens?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 498

You deserved it 118

Today, my spineless shitwhip of a boss made me go fire a notoriously abusive employee. I had to act like firing him was my decision, even though I'm the secretary. Now I get to live in constant fear that the guy was serious when he threatened to find out where I live and kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 903

You deserved it 1 710

Today, during an otherwise promising job interview, I was asked how much I thought was too much for a "good hit of blow". I must have stayed speechless for too long, because the guy's next words were, "Yeah, you're not cut out for this." I'm shocked and baffled too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 263

You deserved it 4 317