Intimacy, Sex and Embarrassing: Today, I texted my husband saying, “No sex tonight, it’s a bloodbath”...

By EmbarrassedWife - 10/01/2019 04:00

Today, I texted my husband saying, “No sex tonight, it’s a bloodbath” and realized it was in a group chat with his parents, not directly to him like I'd intended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 406

You deserved it 2 032

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Whatsapp? Not much

By Cat - 12/04/2019 19:00 - Greece - Athens

Today, I was Whatsapping my boyfriend, as I am away for work. Before talking to him, I texted my work group I wasn’t feeling well after they invited me out. As I was chatting with what I thought was my boyfriend, I said, “I want your penis inside me.” And then realized I'd texted my work group. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 313

You deserved it 3 748

By Kaji - 14/11/2008 11:20 - France

Today, I sent a text message to my girlfriend telling her how much I wanted to make love to her tonight. I've just realized I sent it to her brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 542

You deserved it 24 118

Unreasonable

By ImConfused - 29/05/2023 00:02

Today, my husband demanded I delete all my male friends/contacts except family members. All this because I texted one of my male friends, “Happy Birthday! Hope you have a good one.” According to him, “One thing leads to another then next thing you know you both are in bed fucking like rabbits.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 470

You deserved it 289

No. Just… No.

By none - 22/08/2013 04:27 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I had sex. The guy texted me an hour later, saying, "That was awkward. Let's not do that again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 393

You deserved it 8 832

By Anonymous - 11/03/2017 12:00

Today, after a brief FaceTime session, I accidentally texted my father what was meant for my boyfriend. I had to downplay it, but it still made me want to crawl 50 ft below the earth and stay there a few days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 607

You deserved it 1 326

By BatBee - 03/08/2016 02:29 - United States - Princeton

Today, my husband and I were talking about how we missed our sexting from when we were dating, so later I took a bath and texted him while he was relaxing in bed. His response ? "I'm tired and hurry up I need to poop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 365

You deserved it 1 522

By McKenna - 16/07/2011 04:10 - United States

Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 378

You deserved it 17 915

Sexy talk

By Anonymous - 16/01/2016 06:40 - United States - Denver

Today, I felt kind of horny for once, so I texted my boyfriend to let him know he'd be getting some action later. He replied, "I'm gonna fucken murder ur pussy when I get back!! :D" And just like that my sex drive once again crashed through the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 009

You deserved it 4 818

By Anonymous - 01/01/2011 04:05 - United States

Today, I had a major falling out with my best friend. Angry, I sent a short text message to him explaining how I felt. I soon noticed I'd accidentally texted "I'm going to fucking kill you, asshole." to my boss instead. I'm still waiting on a reply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 596

You deserved it 40 415

By Anonymous - 19/12/2018 20:00

Today as I was waiting at the gynecologist I texted my husband to see if birth control pills were covered on our insurance...yep texted my boss instead who I had been asking about a raise..don’t think I’ll be getting that raise... FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 047

You deserved it 662

RichardPencil 30

Thursday 10 January 2019 4:27

More like F your husband’s life. Well, not his whole life...just his week. And no F’ing for a few days.

merican_redneck4 11

Friday 18 January 2019 1:11

Hey when the red river flows take the dirt road

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Thursday 10 January 2019 4:27

More like F your husband’s life. Well, not his whole life...just his week. And no F’ing for a few days.

Virids 13

Thursday 10 January 2019 12:05

That mini heart attack I'm sure most of us know.

Sinshine 28

Thursday 10 January 2019 14:12

If this is Whatsapp or a similar messenger, just delete the message before they read it.

blahblabbity 19

Thursday 10 January 2019 20:20

tell them you were talking about game of thrones

zuckerburg 21

Friday 11 January 2019 13:42

Het Chris al gery?

fde2blknimout 18

Saturday 12 January 2019 10:17

And still its a mystery why some men cheat

merican_redneck4 11

Friday 18 January 2019 1:11

Hey when the red river flows take the dirt road

JackWood 20

Thursday 9 June 2022 14:45

It washes off, js

Keywords

Love Embarrassing Poopoo peepee Miscellaneous Romantic Christmas Break-ups Annoying Money Gross Argument Ironic Awkward Friends Cute Haircut Lonely Holidays Relatable Bosses Capitalism Work Cars You're fired Covid Health Cheating Jealousy Kids Parenting

The Top

Today, my girlfriend went on a date with her mechanic. She said it was to get discounts when she goes in for maintenance. Not only does she not see a problem with it, but she's probably getting discounts on other services too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 740

You deserved it 5 265

Today, after nearly a week of having laryngitis, I was finally able to talk a little again. Then I yelled at my son for leaving his shit all over the living room, strained my throat, and can barely even whisper now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 124

You deserved it 753

The Top

Today, my mom decided she wants to try a new family bonding experiment: Being naked around the house for an entire week. She wants us all to eat dinner, watch tv, etc. completely naked. She says she will ground me and my siblings if we don't try it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 220

You deserved it 262

Today, my friends and I went to the beach. We were tanning when I suddenly saw 10 roses floating in the ocean. I went around to pick up all the roses and threw the petals at my friends. Then I noticed that a big boat of people in black and white were looking at me with disgust. It was a funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 406

You deserved it 53 834

Today, I smoked weed with my girlfriend and we ordered some Chinese food. I was too high to open the box and she watched me struggle for 10 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 635

Today, I went to my fifth job interview in a month. While going over my CV, I found a watermark on the bottom of my cover letter that said it was generated by a template website. Yep, I gave all previous interviewers the same cover letter, with the same watermark. Can't wait to hear back! FML

I agree, your life sucks 735

You deserved it 1 904

Today, my ex called and said he still loved me. I said I’d move across the country to be with him. Then he said we could live in his dad’s house, so I can protect him from his sister’s best friend, who gave him chlamydia. At the end of call, he said he’s seeing someone and he likes her because she buys him gifts and food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 025

You deserved it 388

Today, since I've been falling for the girl I've been sleeping with for the past couple of months, I decided it was time for us to talk about making things official and exclusive. I was confident she'd feel the same way. Then I found out she's an escort. FML

I agree, your life sucks 667

You deserved it 1 138