Today, I went for my usual morning run. Halfway through, I needed to pee, so I found a perfect bush… to walk in on a lady who had also stopped to pee. I was called a pervert. FML
Today, I was finishing a bowl of ramen while watching a video. As I scooped up the last bits, I realized the clump of seasoning I had been saving for last was actually a dead fly. FML
Today, the chronic nerve inflammation in my right arm decided to come back with vengeance. Anti-inflammatory drugs don't help me anymore and the school year hasn't even started yet. I'm studying illustration. FML
Zivc tells us more.
Zivc 3
OP here :) Had to make an account to say - thank you! Talked to my mother and it seems she also has her nerve pinched at the elbow so I guess I inherited it. Unfortunately, looking at my chosen field :P And I've already spent 3 years studying, I am definetly NOT giving up now just because of some stupid uncooperative arm. Also because university here is free, but only if you finish it on the first try. You get one extra year if you want to change fields or fail a year or whatever, but that's it. Everything else you have to pay. Unfortunately I already spent my extra year due to unrelated medical reasons. Oh well...
Today, I was finally able to come home after 4 months in a hospital recovering from brain surgery and physical therapy. While taking a walk around the neighborhood, my new neighbor's Rottweiler ran after me. I tripped while running, got bit, and went back to the hospital for stitches. FML
Today, I'm stuck at the airport overnight, because my phone didn't update its time zone after flying in, so I watched my train leave, thinking mine wasn't due for another hour. FML
Today, I was diagnosed with a tumor and had to cancel on the holidays with my crush of 4 years. He is taking another girl with him instead. FML
Today, my grandma went for a walk after being told that she has a bad heart and a fall could be fatal. She fell, fracturing both wrists, and is now in casts and can't do anything herself. Turned out it was only fatal to my college semester. FML
Today, I was playing competitively for my clan in a tournament. Money is involved, and I was doing quite well until my girlfriend up and turned the PS4 off because I wasn't "paying enough attention" to her, despite being on a holiday with her for the previous 3 days. FML
Today, the man I've been dating for four months said he could see I had feelings for him, and he was mad because it made things complicated. FML
Today, while trying to hold the door open on an elevator, I managed to drop something down the elevator shaft. I'm blind, and the something was my white cane. FML
Today, I helped this guy get into his truck after he'd locked his keys in it, and he said thank you and went on his way. Ten minutes later, a woman came out of the grocery store and freaked out, saying someone stole her truck. I helped a guy steal a truck. FML
Today, as I was taking a time out to decompress after a fight with my boyfriend, I woke up from a nap to discover him making plans to move me and our cats back to New York. I moved over 1300 miles to be here and we own a house together. Today is our anniversary. FML
CrazyCatPlushie tells us more.
Hey, im the OP! i finally got an fml posted. this might be a bit long. my boyfriend and i have been together for 3 years. he moved down here to work in the oil industry and i had followed suit about 8 months later. i suffer from depression and anxiety, moving away from my support system back home was hard but i also left behind a toxic home environment so that was a plus. the thing that bothered me the most was that when i excused myself to calm down so i could come back and talk it out; i found that he took it upon itself to discuss a plan to send me back and our relationship issues with his friend which hurt. we dont fight all that often and we have discussed counseling in the past. i guess it was just a shock that he went to the most extreme option first. my cats are doing well to those who asked
Today, I saw a naked woman for the first time. Too bad it was my 73-year-old grandmother, who was doing gymnastics in the nude. I can’t unsee this. FML
Today, a passenger in my taxi left without paying. They left their phone, so I posted a message about it from their social media, exposing them. Turns out they'd stolen the phone from someone else. I ended up getting arrested. FML
Today, I woke up approximately half a nanosecond after my dog involuntarily vomited in bed. On my face. I opened my mouth because it literally filled my nose. I swallowed out of reflex before I was fully awake. FML
Today, I got home early from work at 2am to find my girlfriend of 5 years missing. Upon further inspection, I caught the "other man" dropping her off out front. So much for the engagement ring I bought for her. FML
Today, I bought a delicious $17 lobster sandwich at a restaurant on the beach. The seagull who zoomed in and ripped it out of my hands as I was about to take the first bite seemed to enjoy it very much. FML
Today, I took a well-aimed TV remote to the testicles. My wife’s pregnancy cravings are really bad and I forgot to restock the cupboard with apricot jam and packets of sage and onion stuffing. FML
Today, I was told to put away the new toilet paper rolls. I reached in the package only for my hand to get wet, and then noticed the yellow liquid at the bottom. My cat used it as a litter box. At least, I hope it was my cat. FML
Today, after extensive tests due to pregnancy-related issues, I've been told my diet must change. I can no longer eat salt, sugar, gluten, or meat, and lactose is questionable. The doctor hopes it will end after the birth. Seven months to go. FML
Today, it was my first driving lesson. I was so bad, the police stopped me and accused me of being drunk, because I almost crashed into the pole in front of them. FML
Today, just after letting my dogs inside, I took a shower. As soon as I left the bathroom, I stepped in a very nice present left by my dog, a pile of warm crap. After getting that mess cleaned up, I walked into the hallway just to slip in a puddle of piss. FML
Good Boy tells us more.
Today, I checked my e-mail after being sick for over a week to see that I missed an important email. It said I got the job I applied for, if I responded to the message within 48 hours. FML
Today, I used Siri to text my VP asking for a good time to talk. Siri helpfully changed the text to ask for a "good time to talk my dick" and sent it before I could change it. FML
Today, I'm in the hospital for a broken hip and cerebral hemorrhage, bedridden with a continuous headache. My roommate has dementia and shouts and cries all day about a hospital conspiracy where everybody is drinking tea all the time except her. This will be a long month. FML
Today, I sent a polite yet strongly-worded email to one of my corporate clients in which I expressed my irritation at being asked the same question by the same team for the 4th day in a row. I ended it with "Regards!" but accidentally swapped the 'g' with a 't'. FML
Today, I was staying at my friend's house, which is next door. Our houses are the same layout, only mirrored, so tonight when I got out of bed in the dark, I instinctively turned to my left, thinking I was entering the bathroom, and fell down the stairs. Three of my teeth are missing. FML
Today, my fiancé forgot his wallet. He realized this once we were 5 hours away from home, before checking into a hotel, that had reservations under his name. FML
Today, I was watching my dog via security camera live feed, when my roommate came in completely naked to make breakfast for himself. FML
Today, while I was skyping two of my guy friends, my mom barged into my room to show me a really nice new lipstick she bought and wanted me to try on. It was a beautiful red color and as I asked how I looked with it on, my mother laughed and responded with "hahaha you look like a hooker." FML
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