Today, I'm so single, I signed up for a free consultation on... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I'm so single, I signed up for a free consultation on an LGBT arranged marriage site. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1264

You deserved it

384

Tweet

Share

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Instadrama

Luck of the draw

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend was extremely angry. He found a naked photograph of me online that he thought I'd been sending to other guys. It wasn't me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14948

You deserved it

1189

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my roommate confronted me about my eating disorder. She described in length how emaciated my chest has become and how she wants to help. Except I don't have an eating disorder. My sternum is deformed and I have only recently become confident enough to wear low-cut tops. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39508

You deserved it

2620

Tweet

Share

By blahhhh - United States

Today, I was out shopping for bras. While in one store, I couldn't seem to find any in my size. When I asked an employee for help, they took one look at my chest and said "Mabye you should try our girls section, we have a lot of training bras." I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58339

You deserved it

4978

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Ithaca

Today, my mother told me to take a quick shower. When I got out, she told me I took too long, and now I have to pay the utilities bill. My shower was two minutes long. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28759

You deserved it

2120

Tweet

Share

By donotbelieveinsecondchances - Netherlands - Capelle Aan Den Ijssel

Today, my ex gave me a heartwarming speech about how much he wanted me back. After talking for hours and me finally wanting to get back together too, he started mentioning a date he has with a cute colleague. Conclusion: he wants to get back together, but still be able to fuck the entire world. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39855

You deserved it

4409

Tweet

Share

By queenxalee - United States - Orange

Today, I learned I was conceived to the sounds of a Spice Girls album. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39034

You deserved it

4303

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Thanks, but no thanks

Today, I got fired from the community service I was doing out of kindness. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1396

You deserved it

266

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Cleveland

Today, I asked my dad for advice. I recently got drunk and had a one-night stand. I feel terrible, because I'm engaged to a wonderful lady. My dad just said, "You did the right thing, son, keep it up. She's gonna steal half ya shit in the divorce anyway". FML

I agree, your life sucks

22725

You deserved it

34287

Tweet

Share

By Blondie - United States

Today, after a heated debate with my friend on whether blondes are naturally stupid, I convinced her that I'm actually quite intelligent, and poured myself a glass of juice in victory. After finishing the glass, instead of returning the bottle back to the refrigerator, I put it in the cupboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9645

You deserved it

40963

Tweet

Share

By Rekt - United States - Federal Way

Today, I was taking a break in my work truck when I saw a huge swarm of bees flying my way. I have a hand crank window so I started cranking it up as fast as I could and the knob snapped off before it closed and I got stung by the whole swarm before I could get out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9685

You deserved it

734

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Halstead

Today, I was on a date with my boyfriend when he suddenly got down on one knee and proposed. A waiter tripped over him and spilled our food all over him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5517

You deserved it

485

Tweet

Share

By DidntCheckTheCalendar - Kuwait

Today, I hired a professional makeup artist to apply my makeup for a wedding. After paying her $500 for the excellent job she does, and getting dressed, I grabbed the invitation to check out the address, and it said the wedding was on December 2. Today is December 3. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13761

You deserved it

60481

Tweet

Share

By Cleanfreak? - Denmark - ?lborg

Funky

Today, I got into an argument, followed by the silent treatment from my boyfriend, because I told him that he should change his underwear daily. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4845

You deserved it

577

Tweet

Share

By Nowajerk - Australia

Today, I just finished nearly a year of muscle-building in order to impress my crush. Turns out she doesn't date fit guys, because "they're all jerks". FML

I agree, your life sucks

29562

You deserved it

17584

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/4/2020 17:00

Nutters Inc.

Today, I bumped into a lady, apologised and tried to continue on. She screamed assault and tried to citizen's arrest me. I've got better things to do, so I ignored her but she latched onto my leg like a toddler. I ended up dragging this insane woman up the street until she finally let go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1926

You deserved it

132

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/2/2021 00:30

A boy can dream

Today, I told my family about my dreams to get a modern car and house with my girlfriend, since I'm tired of fixing my '90s car and paying for my dad's rent and doing all his housework. They then told me I'm selfish for trying to leave them and that I don't care about them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

937

You deserved it

62

Tweet

Share

By FoxyManicLiar - France

Today, I got a bad cut on my dominant hand while at work. My boss decided to order me to juice lemons... all 300 of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35306

You deserved it

3166

Tweet

Share

By castironstomach

Today, I learned that my daughter will literally eat until she is sick to keep her father and brothers from getting her dessert. I also learned that my boys are sympathetic vomiters. All five of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2670

You deserved it

343

Tweet

Share

By anidiotskeeper - United States - Hawthorne

Today, I went to my girlfriend's house and caught her digging for gold. She wasn't picking her nose - she was literally trying to dig for gold in her backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27427

You deserved it

3056

Tweet

Share

By Numnum - United Kingdom

Today, it's decided, I'm going on diet. For real. But I said that yesterday. And the day before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10632

You deserved it

57254

Tweet

Share

By Your ass... Grab it... - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, I was out on a leisurely jog. Out of nowhere, a car slowed down in the street, and a passenger screamed "HAPPY 4TH OF JULY, MOTHERFUCKER," before tossing a lit Roman Candle at my feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50849

You deserved it

4336

Tweet

Share

By Dom - South Africa - Kwa-zulu

Today, my apartment has been echoing all day with the wails of my cat, Butters. He's yet again managed to trap himself in the umbrella stand. In the past, he has eventually gotten himself out, but this time I think I might have to use a hacksaw. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22092

You deserved it

3275

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Poland

Today, my husband of ten years was playing the Sims. I asked him about the house he built. Apparently, it was his dream house, and he recreated himself as a Sim so he could live in it. Then I asked him where the wife was. There was no wife. It was his happy place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54684

You deserved it

10751

Tweet

Share

By greg76 - France

Today, I was on a transatlantic flight, ear plugs in my ears. The steward walked past with a plastic bag. I threw my litter into it and didn't immediately understand why he said, "Very funny, sir." It wasn't a bin bag, he was collecting for Unicef. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23994

You deserved it

9997

Tweet

Share

By ZeroLuck - United States - Miami

Today, I was at the gym when I noticed a girl I like working out on the elliptical. I went to go say hi, but chickened out and went to run on the treadmill in front of her instead. I was so nervous that I tripped and the machine threw me headfirst into her machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44992

You deserved it

8899

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my grandma wasn't feeling well, so I went to her house to check on her. After about 20 mins, I knew she was feeling better when she looked at me and said "So do you have a boyfriend yet? I pray everynight that I get to live long enough to see you with a boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39234

You deserved it

4040

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my roommate came home and instantly began raging, cursing, and threatening to kill me. While I was cowering in my bedroom, the police had to settle the situation. All I'd done was rearrange some furniture. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37467

You deserved it

6303

Tweet

Share

By confusedandnowsingle - Finland - Espoo

Today, my boyfriend's proposal speech somehow ended with him breaking up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62554

You deserved it

4294

Tweet

Share

By Laviolette - France

Today, I was preparing dinner for my in-laws for the first time. Nervous, I accidentally spilled the pasta into the sink. With nothing else to prepare, I quickly scooped it all back out. No-one would have been any the wiser, if the kitchen sponge hadn't shown up in the middle of the meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12174

You deserved it

39730

Tweet

Share

By OhWait - United States - Schenectady

Today, after six weeks of dealing with various exterminators, my roommate and I were about to toast to what we were told was a wasp-free room. That's when we noticed several much smaller wasps flying around. Not only is our wasp problem not solved, but our room is a wasp breeding ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22948

You deserved it

1446

Tweet

Share

By unpatriotic - United States - Eugene

Today, my manager made me remove an Eiffel Tower ornament from one of my displays. Not because it didn't look good or match the theme, but because it was "disrespectful" to have it out on the 4th of July. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44283

You deserved it

8013

Tweet

Share

By weeping_angel_ - United States - Cortland

Today, I was watching adult videos in my apartment. I'm deaf, so I didn't realize my volume was at full blast until I put my hand over the speaker. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64876

You deserved it

13880

Tweet

Share

By fecal romance - United States - Phoenix

Today, I swallowed and nearly choked to death on the ring my boyfriend hid in my wine glass. It's still in me somewhere, and my doctor basically told me that I'll have to "keep an eye on things" if I want to find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50596

You deserved it

5935

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I thought it was a good idea to go number two while smoking a "cigarette". My ash tray was over by the sink so I decided to just ash in the toilet. While ashing between my legs, I sneezed and now I have a extremely uncomfortable burn on my man member. Smoking is bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9407

You deserved it

90628

Tweet

Share

By abygalee - United States - Akron

Today, my mom hadn't talked to me for 5 days, so worried sick I called my grandpa. She's been in jail, and no one cared to inform me. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11907

You deserved it

695

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Senegal

Today, I threw a birthday party for my boyfriend. As a joke, my friend and I served him non-alcoholic beer to see how he'd react. After a while, he faked being drunk, using it as an excuse after I caught him making out with one of my so-called "friends". FML

I agree, your life sucks

58557

You deserved it

11719

Tweet

Share

By BruisedPride

Tumblr

Today, I fell down concrete stairs trying to plug my computer into an outlet. I now have a twisted ankle, scrape on my elbow and a huge scratch across my laptop. The best part? The outlet wasn't even working. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1262

You deserved it

317

Tweet

Share

By sad sister - 27/7/2020 14:00

Bye bye love

Today, after my younger sister always made a habit of using everything of mine, from clothes to shoes to jewelry, the list now includes my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1284

You deserved it

97

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. We are both virgins. After we kissed and I took down my pants, she screamed and said "That THING is going to break me." We never did it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49927

You deserved it

6985

Tweet

Share

By The Christmas Grinch - Canada

Today, I woke up to my yard covered in snow, Christmas music playing loudly, and my noisy, obnoxious aunt and her three year old twin daughters playing and screaming. They're going to be living with us until after the winter holidays. It's only November 18th. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28344

You deserved it

3871

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By RichardPencil | 30

#7819376 - Tuesday 9 July 2019 0:53

Plot twist: she’s straight.

By Amanda G Rich | 23

#7819381 - Tuesday 9 July 2019 1:14

I mean, you're the one who chose to do that. so you deserve it

COMMENTS

By QueenSaru | 28

#7819363 - Tuesday 9 July 2019 0:05

I don't know what to choose here. Unless you're not LGBT?

By RichardPencil | 30

#7819376 - Tuesday 9 July 2019 0:53

Plot twist: she’s straight.

By Amanda G Rich | 23

#7819381 - Tuesday 9 July 2019 1:14

I mean, you're the one who chose to do that. so you deserve it

By Yudith | 20

#7819486 - Tuesday 9 July 2019 12:06

Is this the site where Indian women post ads like "Searching for a good husband for my son. Must be strictly vegetarian and astrologically compatible. My son is 36 and very sweet but shy. He has a great job in computers and owns a 1000 sq ft house in Toronto and another house in Bangalore."?

By grass20 | 3

#7819793 - Wednesday 10 July 2019 14:51

Isn't it 'happy my life'？