Love and Animals: Today, as I was taking a time out to decompress after a fight...

By Anonymous - 03/10/2018 01:19

Today, as I was taking a time out to decompress after a fight with my boyfriend, I woke up from a nap to discover him making plans to move me and our cats back to New York. I moved over 1300 miles to be here and we own a house together. Today is our anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 462

You deserved it 424

CrazyCatPlushie tells us more.

CrazyCatPlushie 7

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Tuesday 2 October 2018 23:55

Hey, im the OP! i finally got an fml posted. this might be a bit long. my boyfriend and i have been together for 3 years. he moved down here to work in the oil industry and i had followed suit about 8 months later. i suffer from depression and anxiety, moving away from my support system back home was hard but i also left behind a toxic home environment so that was a plus. the thing that bothered me the most was that when i excused myself to calm down so i could come back and talk it out; i found that he took it upon itself to discuss a plan to send me back and our relationship issues with his friend which hurt. we dont fight all that often and we have discussed counseling in the past. i guess it was just a shock that he went to the most extreme option first. my cats are doing well to those who asked

Love Animals

Mama's boy

Dementia or hate? You decide

Are you a wizard?

By The Lone Ranger - 05/10/2010 07:43 - United States

Today, I was given a $25 gift certificate for being Employee Of The Week. The gift certificate was 6 months past its expiration date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 103

You deserved it 2 824

By getslostinherownhouse - 14/04/2009 19:12 - Spain

Today, I was walking down the street and I saw my brother on the other side of the road. He lives overseas and always told me he would visit when I least expected it. When I saw him, I got so excited I jumped on his back, screaming his name. It wasn't my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 073

You deserved it 60 874

By chunkymonkey - 24/08/2012 13:53 - United States

Today, my boyfriend actually held onto my love handles while we were having sex. He said they "made it easier." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 225

You deserved it 10 280

By Noname - 13/01/2009 10:06 - United States

Today, my portfolio manager called me and said he had invested all of my retirement in Circuit City. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 692

You deserved it 3 093

By Anonymous - 27/12/2010 19:51 - Estonia

Today, I realized that not only did my parents not get me anything for Christmas, they also stole the $500 my grandparents gave me to buy a computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 024

You deserved it 2 842

Thanks, I hate it!

By pleasebackintomycaragain - 24/04/2009 02:12 - Canada

Today, as I was sitting in my car in a mall parking lot, an old couple got into their new van and backed right into me. The man got out and in broken english decided it was no big deal. He turned to leave and tried to pat my back, but smacked my ass instead. I was hit by a car, and spanked for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 270

You deserved it 3 322

What did I do?

By Ryan McArdle - 25/01/2021 10:58

Today, I tried to log into Instagram for the first time in 2 days. They deactivated my account for violating their guidelines. I haven't posted a picture or made a comment in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 93

RIP in peace

By Janice - 03/01/2019 12:00

Today, while working as a bank teller, a woman came in with a $100k check. I commented, "Wow, I really could do with one of these!" She responded, "It's a life insurance check. I'd rather have my son back," and teared up in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 947

You deserved it 3 813

By poopexperttt - 07/09/2012 07:12 - United States

Today, my brother started a new tradition: sending me pictures of every poop he takes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 496

You deserved it 2 439

By awkword - 31/12/2013 17:47 - United States - Mckeesport

Today, I was dressing in front of my boyfriend. He was looking at me in wonder and I assumed this was a good thing. Then he muttered, "God damn, you're awkwardly shaped." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 940

You deserved it 3 862

By Anonymous - 20/04/2013 02:55 - United States - Hebron

Today, I went on my first date. Everything went great until I went to brush my date's hair over her ear like they do in the movies. I poked her dead in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 815

You deserved it 16 299

Smells like victory

By Gagging - 15/06/2015 11:57 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I opened my front door to be greeted by what I can only describe as the stink of death. After moving furniture and lifting floorboards, frantically searching for whatever had died, I finally discovered the actual source of the stench - my girlfriend's feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 380

You deserved it 2 768

By Anonymous - 03/07/2010 04:19 - United States

Today, I fell asleep on the couch and must have rolled off. When I woke up, I noticed my braces were stuck to the rug. After frantically pulling, my mom finally sawed me off the rug with scissors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 531

You deserved it 4 662

Stay safe

By Sicky sick - 20/07/2021 00:01

Today, I'm in quarantine after testing positive for Covid. Two weeks after starting a new job. Two months after receiving the vaccine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 147

By Anonymous - 13/06/2019 12:33 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, I was cleaning up rabbit pee from the floor when my rabbit hopped up to me. To prevent her from standing in it and spreading it throughout the room, I shooed her away. She got such a fright that she jumped in the pee and spattered it all over my clothes and face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 435

You deserved it 639

By flavored - 18/11/2013 15:26 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try flavored condoms. I guess I enjoyed them a little too much; I almost choked half to death on a strawberry cockcicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 129

You deserved it 19 382

By scared2poop - 12/04/2016 02:30 - Australia - Brighton

Today, like many other days, I drove 15 minutes away from my girlfriend's house to poop at the local McDonald's, because I'm too scared of her roommates hearing my extreme noise terror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 303

You deserved it 3 740

By HungryGirl - 24/10/2009 14:45 - United States

Today, I went to McDonalds to get breakfast. I sat my food down at a table and went to get some napkins and a straw. I returned to the table to find that my food was gone, and could hear nothing but "SUCKKAAAA" trailing from the entrance to the restaurant. Some jerk stole my meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 208

You deserved it 9 713

We're in Hell

By Anonymous - 09/08/2021 20:01

Today, it's Monday. I'm living in hangover hell. Work is hell. Moving my head is hell. Did I party all weekend? Yes. Except that it was just me and my cat. Nothing was consumed other than several bottles of wine and tubs of Ben & Jerry's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319

You deserved it 1 149

By Anonymous - 31/10/2009 23:37 - United States

Today, it was Halloween, and I was giving candy to kids. When a group of kids who looked like they were around 4 years old came up to me and said, "Hey mister, do you have one of those things that make it look like you are fat under your shirt?" I didn't have one of those, but I lied and said, "Yes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 987

You deserved it 6 521

By jobless - 30/04/2012 13:28 - United States

Today, I fell asleep during a job interview as it was taking place over the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 682

You deserved it 30 169

By Why - 24/04/2016 18:59 - United States - Marlborough

Today, my husband cheated on me. In my house. While I was home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 678

You deserved it 1 986

So no one told you life was gonna be this way

By MandiJo - 19/02/2021 11:01

Today, my fiancé/son’s father’s death anniversary is in a few days. I asked my closest friends if they’d hang with me so I could try and keep my mind off it, and so I wouldn’t be alone (my son will be with fiancé’s parents). They couldn’t be bothered and want to go away for the weekend instead. Without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 139

You deserved it 124

By Anonymous - 24/04/2015 16:27 - United States - San Jose

Today, I complimented a player in a game who protected my ass the whole match. As a joke, I told them to marry me. Turned out the person was a horny 40-something lesbian stalker who spent the next 5 hours sending me pictures and trying to find out where I live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 229

You deserved it 6 236

By Chlo - 11/08/2019 22:00

Today, I went on a first date. We had the same phone, and we'd put them down next to each other on the table. I get a message and we both look. It’s my period tracker telling me to be careful, because the flood gates are opening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 626

You deserved it 373

Modern Family

By Anonymous - 03/11/2020 23:01 - Australia

Today, my stupid drunk dad was yelling for food and since my mum needed to finish her taxes before midnight, I told him to STFU and passed him prawn fried rice, which he told me to shove up my ass. I threw it in the bin, since he is the only meat eater in the family. When she finished, she yelled at me instead of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 957

You deserved it 212

By Alexman1985 - 01/05/2013 10:30

Today, while paying a $60 tab on drinks for a girl, a guy grabs the money-clip out of my hand and runs. I start to chase after him; the girl trips me, then runs after him. The bartender calls the cops; not to catch the thieves, but to report me for not paying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 053

You deserved it 4 970

By Anonymous - 20/11/2018 17:35

Today, my best friend and my ex-boyfriend went on a business trip, got drunk, and ended up sleeping together. Now they want to start dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 789

You deserved it 315

By Anonymous - 21/10/2015 12:12 - Philippines - Quezon City

Today, as I snuck downstairs for a midnight movie, I witnessed my dad "polishing his wand" to Harry Potter porn in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 821

You deserved it 3 724

By em - 05/02/2011 09:32 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend came home drunk. As he got home he asked me to marry him, I was going to say yes until he said, "Oh wait, wrong woman." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 203

You deserved it 5 891

Vampires are everywhere

By Anonymous - 30/08/2020 17:01 - United States - Columbus

Today, at 1:30 a.m., a big ass bat squeezed its nasty body through the bottom crack of the door. My sweet little Corgi cowered on the bed as the bat flew circles around my head. I'll be moving now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 343

You deserved it 195

WTF?

By Anonymous - 15/04/2018 01:30

Today, I went to my fiancé's mother's funeral. His step-sister proudly announced that she's pregnant with his baby and they are engaged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 005

You deserved it 306

By SwoopingEagle - 09/06/2017 20:00

Today, my co-workers were laughing at me because I couldn't throw paper into the bin, regardless of how close I was. Annoyed, I tried to prove then wrong by angry throwing paper into the bin that was no less that 1 cm away from me. I missed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 793

You deserved it 1 280

By thesixth - 02/03/2016 18:53 - Kenya

Today, being jobless and all, I tried calling my dad for a job after my many years of pride. He invited me to an interview to compete against 10 people, probably more qualified than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 983

You deserved it 7 178

Desperate man

By Anonymous - 23/02/2021 17:01

Today, I have been married for nearly 16 years. I've not had sex in over three years. My wife spends all hours chatting and gaming online with friends, and when she finally crashes into bed, she just goes to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 306

You deserved it 181

By drugged_on_arrival - 10/09/2009 10:55 - Virgin Islands British

Today, I woke up at my crazy ex-girlfriend's house, naked and disoriented. You know, the kind of crazy like we-didn't-break-up-it-was-just-a-fight-now-we-can-get-married crazy. She says everything's fine now and she's so glad we've "started our family." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 115

You deserved it 16 770

By funnymanjoe - 14/09/2011 11:06 - United States

Today, I walked into my dorm to find my roommate and his friends using my bass clarinet to smoke weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 685

You deserved it 5 728

By Anonymous - 20/05/2018 01:30

Today, I sneezed without knowing I had a nosebleed. Despite turning my head, a fine blood spray shot out all over my fiancée’s white dress as we were standing at the altar. She refused to say “I do” because she was so mad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 988

You deserved it 542

By gonebabygone - 27/08/2009 06:58 - United States

Today, I discovered that my parents rooted through our house looking for junk to sell at a garage sale. They sold all of my books from my bookshelf. When I freaked, out my mom said 'well you never read them'. There was about $300 hidden between the pages of those books. They made $60. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 137

You deserved it 9 513

8 out of 10 dentists

By Anonymous - 03/01/2021 08:02

Today, my 45 year-old sister blamed my parents yet again for losing one tooth after the other because they did not tell her to brush her teeth before going to bed. It's general knowledge, honey. And somehow, I still have all my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 1 611

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Top comments

sparklyre 6

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Tuesday 2 October 2018 14:34

"making plans" or "exploring the possibility"? It could be that he wants to know that if you broke up, you'd be ok, so that if you're together, he knows it's not because you have no choice.

Zekfen 17

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Tuesday 2 October 2018 14:17

I think this might be his way of breaking up with you. I could be wrong though.....

Zekfen 17

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Tuesday 2 October 2018 14:17

I think this might be his way of breaking up with you. I could be wrong though.....

sparklyre 6

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Tuesday 2 October 2018 14:34

"making plans" or "exploring the possibility"? It could be that he wants to know that if you broke up, you'd be ok, so that if you're together, he knows it's not because you have no choice.

WHSKitty4ever 23

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Tuesday 2 October 2018 19:59

Are you THAT gullible?

pjsr 32

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Tuesday 2 October 2018 18:21

Long distance relationships aren’t hard, because you can imagine they are whatever you want them to be. It’s the ones where you see each other every day. I hope you and your kitties are happy.

Linda Mau 10

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Tuesday 2 October 2018 20:17

if you own the house together as in both names on the deed remind him of that

childlessmother 16

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Tuesday 2 October 2018 21:25

I have been married over 20 years. Fighting means that you are talking the thing to do is to agree on something together to resolve the issue. Sometimes it’s as simple as a date night or agreeing on what is making the other person mad. I have wanted to kill, divorce and move away but I remember that I can’t live without him. Talk and try to work things out. Stay level headed

julfunky 29

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Tuesday 2 October 2018 22:07

If his knee-jerk reaction to a fight is to kick you out then you may want to reconsider this relationship anyway.

Abbusser 11

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Tuesday 2 October 2018 22:26

That's nice of him to take the time to do that for you...

CrazyCatPlushie 7

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Tuesday 2 October 2018 23:55

PhoenixChick 26

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Wednesday 3 October 2018 1:50

Wait, so in the middle of a fight he - with his friend- started working on a plan to treat you like a broken appliance and send you back where he got you? That's makes it even worse. You guys need counceling. If you suffer from depression and anxiety and his reaction to a fight is to pull the rug out from under you and treat you like a broken toy he's tossing away, y'all got problems. He went for the nuclear option and turned to a friend to help end your relationship in the shittiest way possible. Instead of, you know, talking to you about your relationship. If you own a house together you're old enough to have conversations and not just knee-jerk brekaup.

BEEEEES 15

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Thursday 4 October 2018 17:31

You moved, and bought a house with just a boyfriend? Well there's your issue.

wtfdaemon 3

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Monday 8 October 2018 18:01

Sounds like you're a crazy bitch and you pushed your luck too far. Good for him to ship your ass back to wherever you came from.

tmj25789 23

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Friday 12 October 2018 6:53

so you are telling me you never fought with a significant other? She did the RIGHT thing and stepped away from the situation to decompress instead of continuing to fight and it just escalating. maybe, just maybe, your crazy if you think she was wrong.