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By idk0002 - 05/01/2016 16:46 - United States - Belleville

Today, my roommate blamed me after her cat got shocked after chewing through my phone charger cable. The same one my roommate stole to charge her tablet. Yet it's still somehow my fault. FML

agreeclassic 22 267

vote type 1 1 415

idk0002 app_comment_confession_title

idk0002 13

Wednesday 6 January 2016 12:01

Hey, OP here, first off the kitten is just fine... Just avoids wires now is all. Second, my roommate apparently got loopy on her allergy medication and her sleeping pills and didn't realize what was going on. And third, I absolutely love the puns, thank you very much for making my bad situation better

By moosemay - 19/01/2016 17:03 - Germany - Dittelbrunn

Today, I took my two-year-old daughter to the dentist for her first check-up. We were at the front desk when she tripped, fell and chipped her front tooth on the marble floor. FML

agreeclassic 22 262

vote type 1 1 535

By amburrjade - 22/09/2015 05:18 - United States - Austin

Today, my boyfriend and I got in a fight about which is better: Star Wars or Lord of the Rings. We aren't speaking. FML

agreeclassic 22 259

vote type 1 9 842

amburrjade app_comment_confession_title

amburrjade 28

Wednesday 23 September 2015 4:57

Hi guys! I'm the OP :) I'm 19, and my boyfriend's 20. I thought LotR was better, personally. To be fair, I've only seen one of the Star Wars movies, and he's only seen half of one of the LotR movies, so we were both a little biased. This was last night though, and by the morning, it was forgotten. We're all good now. Thanks for your comments! :)

A pot to piss in

By chamberpottime - 16/12/2015 08:58 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, my perfectly healthy grandmother came to stay for Christmas. First, she persuaded my family to give her my bedroom. That would have been fine, until she demanded she should also have a bucket to piss in under my bed too. FML

agreeclassic 22 258

vote type 1 1 509

Baby love

By bushy brows - 04/01/2016 23:13 - United States - Prior Lake

Today, I recently gave birth to my daughter, and my husband and I both have dark hair and bushy eyebrows. We never thought it was a problem until our daughter was born with a dark, bushy unibrow. Now I'm too nervous to take pictures of her 'cause our family and friends laugh every time they see her. FML

agreeclassic 22 258

vote type 1 3 524

New isn't always good

By anonymous - 11/01/2015 19:10 - United States - Iowa City

Today, my girlfriend and I were trying something new. I ended up with a shard of glass in my back and a concussion. Don't have sex on a glass table. FML

agreeclassic 22 257

vote type 1 32 490

By balletteacher - 08/09/2012 20:32 - United States

Today, I realized my acne looks like star constellations. I've already found the Little Dipper on my left cheek. FML

agreeclassic 22 254

vote type 1 2 586

From beyond

By hearingthings - 26/06/2012 02:59 - Australia - Perth

Today, in a drunken, depressed state I thought I heard my deceased mother trying to make contact with me from beyond the grave. It took me a moment to realise that the soft voice was from the music my neighbours were playing. FML

agreeclassic 22 254

vote type 1 6 532

By Denise1988 - 10/11/2015 17:35 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, at a school function for my eldest son, my youngest child silently passed gas. A group of women I had hoped to befriend were sitting next to me, and then left with looks of disgust on their faces. I guess I don't need friends. FML

agreeclassic 22 252

vote type 1 1 842

Denise1988 app_comment_confession_title

Denise1988 13

Sunday 15 November 2015 6:25

The little stinker is only 9 months old and while his stench was quite atrocious that day, I wish they hadn't rushed off so soon. The event was outside and it was a breezy day. I have no problem with him doing his thing, I just wished the women had at least come back and tried to include me in their conversations. We moved away from our home state two years ago and I've had a hard time meeting new friends, it's so hard as an adult. I hope it's easier the next time we move.

By Anonameow - 02/01/2016 16:57 - United States - Fairfax

Today, after driving for four hours to visit my best friend for the New Year's break, she still hasn't finished up her Skype conversation and left her room to greet me. She knows I'm here. I've spent the last hours watching YouTube videos with her cat. FML

agreeclassic 22 251

vote type 1 1 822

By aru9 - 12/09/2011 19:25 - United States

Today, I met an old friend from high school and his hot girlfriend. I jokingly said she must be blind to go out with him. His response: "Yeah, she is." FML

agreeclassic 22 250

vote type 1 37 028

Lady…

By Anonymous - 20/03/2016 22:46 - Canada - Niagara Falls

Today, while at work, I got a complaint from a guest. She complained that after spending two hours to get her hair done for a wedding, she got drenched with water from a child. I work at a WATER PARK. Thank you for calling me a pathetic asshat for no reason in front of other guests. FML

agreeclassic 22 246

vote type 1 1 271

By cemakara3 - 12/03/2016 20:07 - Denmark - Vallensb?k

Today, I had sex for the first time. Now my girlfriend won't talk to me because I don't think she is pretty enough since I "wanted it to be over so fast". FML

agreeclassic 22 244

vote type 1 3 077

cemakara3 app_comment_confession_title

cemakara3 11

Sunday 13 March 2016 20:05

Hey OP here. I showed my gf some of the comments on here and she is not mad anymore. Thanks!!

Great chat!

By eric - 16/03/2011 07:31 - United States

Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML

agreeclassic 22 243

vote type 1 96 507

By Anonymous - 12/10/2012 01:51 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I'd stayed up all night to finish a detailed report. By the time I'd printed it I was late for work so I jumped in my car. Driving down the street, I saw my papers fly off the roof of my car. It was raining out. FML

agreeclassic 22 240

vote type 1 8 198

Who is this?

By CharlieKearney - 10/01/2016 23:33 - Sweden - Uppsala

Today, the guy I made out with on New Year's Eve finally called me. Too bad it was to blame me for the picture of us which someone had sent to his girlfriend. I never took a picture, and had no idea he was in a relationship. FML

agreeclassic 22 238

vote type 1 1 932

By speshlk37 - 20/08/2012 02:19 - United States

Today, while traveling with my cat, I had a mini-freakout when I realized that I left his favorite toy in the hotel room. I'm a 30-year-old man. FML

agreeclassic 22 238

vote type 1 9 597

A long way to go…

By Anonymous - 18/11/2012 18:40 - Latvia - Riga

Today, while giving a lecture on gender equality in the workplace, a woman yelled from the back, asking me why I'm not out starting a war somewhere. I stopped talking and tried to pinpoint her in the crowd, which she took as a sign to snort and call me a pussy. Nobody would back me up. FML

agreeclassic 22 237

vote type 1 2 774

Thanks Susan

By ZombieGirl0417 - 30/09/2015 21:13 - United States - Jupiter

Today, my aunt asked to see my new airsoft pistol. Not thinking anything of it, I handed it to her. She shot me in the leg. I was standing next to her. FML

agreeclassic 22 235

vote type 1 4 508

By TipsyTj - 29/03/2016 13:05 - Canada - Kentville

Today, I was on my run, running past the home of the very attractive guy in my English class. This time he was outside. As I was running I casually waved, he waved back, but because I was distracted, I didn't notice a rock on the sidewalk and ended up tripping and pantsing myself. FML

agreeclassic 22 233

vote type 1 3 287

By mee - 11/11/2015 17:10 - United States - Providence

Today, my girlfriend informed me that we aren't officially dating until she changes her Facebook relationship status. We've been "dating" for 3 months. FML

agreeclassic 22 231

vote type 1 1 876

By arghgffhdfg - 15/07/2012 00:22 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my mother screamed at my brother for ages for playing a Nicki Minaj music video. She said it's "terrible, demonic garbage" that'll get us "spitroasted in Hell". I don't even disagree with the first part, but she does this kind of thing every single day when I get home from my night job. FML

agreeclassic 22 230

vote type 1 2 451

By T.C - 23/01/2010 12:21 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my happily married father has been hiring escorts on-line for 3 years. FML

agreeclassic 22 230

vote type 1 2 527

By madbabynoel - 25/03/2016 15:06 - United States - Clovis

Today, my only friend got banned from my house, all because she kissed her boyfriend in front of me. I'm 16, but apparently I can't handle seeing a kiss. FML

agreeclassic 22 229

vote type 1 1 604

By Anonymous - 06/11/2015 04:38 - United States - Montpelier

Today, I had to explain to my 35-year-old husband that "Honda" and "Hyundai" are two separate car companies, not to two different pronunciations of the same one. FML

agreeclassic 22 228

vote type 1 2 156

Behind closed doors

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Mansfield

Today, my wife brought my 5-year-old daughter to visit me at the office. My boss has a speech impediment, and when she heard it, she exclaimed, "Hey my daddy can sound just like you! Show him daddy! Show him!" FML

agreeclassic 22 222

vote type 1 45 177

By creys - 18/11/2012 07:04 - United States

Today, I went to Target with my dad, and he told me to get in the shopping cart. I thought he was being cool and wanted to push me around. He snorted and said he was thinking about crashing me into a car and suing the driver. FML

agreeclassic 22 221

vote type 1 2 521

Wrap it up

By Anonymous - 12/02/2020 14:00 - United States

Today, my 15 year-old girlfriend called to tell me she is pregnant. Her dad is ex-military, and makes a point of cleaning his guns every time I go to her house. FML

agreeclassic 22 221

vote type 1 109 387

Kitchen nightmare

By Shortcake - 05/07/2012 01:48 - Canada - Pitt Meadows

Today, what started as my mom calling my grandma for a recipe turned into them discussing the philosophical reason behind my baking. I apparently picked up baking because I'm depressed over unemployment. And here I thought I just liked the smell of baked goods. FML

agreeclassic 22 218

vote type 1 2 035

By Anonymous - 07/02/2012 12:04 - United States

Today, I sneezed after watching a commercial involving dust. FML

agreeclassic 22 217

vote type 1 6 906

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, the guy I broke up with for being too possessive and jealous threatened to leak my nudes if he sees or hears that I've gotten with anyone else. FML

agreeclassic 14 670

vote type 1 5 293

Today, some paddleboarders screamed bloody murder and called marine patrol on my family's friends, because the paddleboarders thought they were going to get hit or run over or whatever, even though they were politely asked to move out of the way multiple times. FML

agreeclassic 799

vote type 1 233

Today, the maintenance man for my apartment “fixed” my toilet from constantly running. Now it won’t flush. I learned this after I took a huge dump. My boyfriend was over to spend the night. FML

agreeclassic 2 188

vote type 1 250

Today, I had a nightmare and woke up in a cold sweat. My girlfriend was in bed with me at the time, and swears I yelled out another girl's name. She considers this proof that I'm cheating on her, and now she won't even speak to me. FML

agreeclassic 46 075

vote type 1 5 308

Today, after I offered my boyfriend of a couple of months to come stay at my place for a few days, he turned up with suitcases… along with his 2 children, who he'd never mentioned having before, despite one of them being a toddler. They seem intent on staying a while, so I'm wondering what to do now. FML

agreeclassic 1 226

vote type 1 321

Today, I woke up and realized I was soaked. The night before, I'd felt cramps so I was convinced it was my period… until I realized that my cat had marked his territory on me. All my sheets and blankets had to be removed. Yup, soaked right through! FML

agreeclassic 1 047

vote type 1 220