eric
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Great chat!
Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Same thing different taste
Fraser
Canada 🌶️ Spicy
Play it cool
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
Anonymous
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
chewybarseventy
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML
Anonymous
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, my mom found my dildo, and got so angry that she beat me with it. FML
Anonymous
India 🌶️ Spicy
Knock next time please
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was about to suck his dick when my mom walked in. FML
Anonymous
🌶️ Spicy
MILF
Today, I was watching porn and found my mom on a webcam. When I told her that I saw her, she just took away my computer and told me to get off porn. FML
annonymous
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, while at a neighborhood party, my drunk mother told all our neighbors, including a girl I like, about my struggles with a micropenis. FML
Anonymous
Walnut, United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I walked in on my mom in the bathroom, washing a dildo. FML
ikungfuyou
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, despite being 21 years old and living in my own place, my mom still managed to walk in on me whacking off. FML
ShadowJack
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. She didnt look away and we stared at each other for a while; then she asked me what I wanted from McDonalds. FML
Top comments
X_o_X_ocutie 0
u were talking to your dick, Why?
MrNiceGuy518 3
-insert clever penis joke here-
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Comments (415)
X_o_X_ocutie 0
u were talking to your dick, Why?
UnanomousGurl 0
He was cheering it on to grow
WinMan 7
he said he wanted a deep tissue massage
insanesna1l 0
he was discussing the theory of evolution and how he drew the short straw. the penis was asking for a hand to move penis is afraid of dark wet places after some traumatizing experiences during puberty
valalvax 13
he was repeating "Must, must, increase my bust" I'm sure I quoted it wrong but gimme a break I read it like 12 years ago
ilovecheeer 0
(:
aussie_gemini 5
the penis was telling him off for sticking him in weird places when he drinks... he was only responding when his mum walked in!
banannabel 0
Judy Blume? "I must I must increase my bust!"
DaveOnDope 4
Do you have names for them? My SO's **** are named, "Honk honk" and "Beep beep".
NickK49 0
Why do you still talk to your imaginary friend (your dick does not exist).
mkbella123 14
win.xD
lol523 0
hahaha 24 win xD
MissBunny25 0
I'm pretty sure this is how the conversation went down. penis:"what the **** , you are such a freak.. the stuff you do with me is crazy" OP:"no it's not.." penis:"yes it is! remember that time when you were with that girl at the macaroni convention?" OP:"no we need a second opinion" penis:"I'll use my penis power and call your mom in here" OP:"nooo!" penis:"why not? she and I are good friends *wink*" mom:"honey, your penis called me. what's up? "
froob 0
I tho he deserved it until I read that V
CaptainPickles72 18
@#113 That is the most idiotic thing I have read.......but I love it.
valalvax 13
64: Yes! are you there God? it's me, Margaret
V1PeR 4
what's up? obviously his dick
jrsgreenfire257 0
Ok 121... CaptionPickle Lmfao
tulsafml 0
OP needs to get some friends real fast.
johnwroo22 0
;) oh yea!!!
sageCFC 0
was ur girlfreind there to was her name righty :)
dagrathe 0
he was practicing small talk.
b3cc3rs97 1
that's hot
fl0ffy 0
I think he was asking it when it will get bigger it said never
MissBunny25 0
170 hahaha thank you bestie :D
AmericanPiro 0
Can't you see? He's a penis whisperer.
sexylemon231 0
What's down? Obviously his head.
sexylemon231 0
I meant to add in #134 :/
sexylemon231 0
OMG!!! I MEAN #146!!!!! MAN I'M STUPID!!!!!!
natalieb534 0
Probably because he has no life
kimchininja999 0
113 lmao xD I loved that joke
mmsdrummer51 3
the coversation went like this .... dear penis i dont think i like you anymore you used to watch me shave now all you do is stare at the floor dear penis i dont like you anymore
BoldfaceMatteo 0
did it all back to you
FailBear920 19
Did he talk back?
POPO28_fml 0
fuckig hella awesome pic nigguh.
EmoGiana 0
I suppose he was saying "Who's a good boy???"
mboehm88 3
113 made me actually laugh at loud. Hilarious :)
bigmarkie2 3
189, Nah, it's probably named Palmela Handerson. and 268, Rodney Carrington is it? That song is hilarious :)
erongetti 2
Hahahaha! nice.
nbk1405 0
lol @ 59... just a smile? :) haha lucky u feeeking pretty! ;)
aussie_gemini 5
268 I already said that earlier in this post :p
thedisturbedone5 0
you must have nice **** then ;)
thedisturbedone5 0
lol
3rinNicole559 2
hahaha, that's a weird song!!.(:
lymecheer 0
:)
agigantorllama 0
:) Sweetttt..
tadams1 1
thats hot
JodeMiVida 13
It's probably breast not to have someone watching though :)
Clozzie 0
COOLIO DUUUUDDEE JUST DONT SPEAK IN PUBLIC!
SookyTurner 4
Lol good call!
Brandonisamazing 5
Someone's lonely...
MrNiceGuy518 3
-insert clever penis joke here-
bluebell707 13
lollll
AvengedSevenfold_fml_fml 12
MrNiceGuy, your picture is hilarious XD
persianjr1 7
he thought it was a genie. just keep rubbing till he talks back!!
mkbella123 14
i've got a joke about my ****** but you'll never get it.
sportyfreaK15 0
I've got a joke about my vajj oh nevermind you'll never get it :)
sophiagrace26 0
three times actually.
paragor34 0
well played #65 Well played
millionaire93 0
#65....win hahahaha
Sassybq1 13
^WIN
MrNiceGuy518 3
I'm sorry, do I know you 166?
sandyyBabi 0
hahaha
hockey668717 0
lmao braaa that's from Facebook
agigantorllama 0
That's a good joke!
margie2194 12
haha you're funny :D
Hockey_fan 0
-laughs at clever joke and enters an equally but slightly less funny comment here-
Fireashes250 16
"Hey there little guy! Don't be so down..." Is what he said.
freebird2012 0
first
X_o_X_ocutie 0
I was
AlecIsTheMan 0
dumbass
MrNiceGuy518 3
You weren't even SΣСОИD!
seanders 10
MrNiceGuy you usually are just saying "insert penis here" nice to see a change.
bodnarfresh 0
65, I got a joke about my pussy but you won't get it.
gamerhead 3
It's been said...... ^
bman134 0
twice
Haylzzzmuzzicc 1
funny days!????
boredguy7 0
haha I'm sorry dude but you totally deserved it, of all the things to talk to why your penis?
JonaDona 2
Hey, penis have feelings too... maybe his penis was feeling down and he was trying to cheer it up...
TigersLoveCinnam 0
lol #26, winner of a comment
RedPillSucks 33
Everybody talks to their penis. It's the ones that listen that are crazy.
rscanlan313 0
no all guys listen 2 there penis ins the once that talk to it that are crazy
noncomposmentis 6
The real question is, why talk to his penis without first making sure that there is no way anyone else (especially his own parent) would behold such a disturbing sight?
kitty_kat1109 0
#26, you made my day. :P
shortstuff4485 0
#26 best comment ever! lol
superflyman 0
26 awesom comment
rainbowpikachus 0
wow Op, that's not weird at all...
Tinman70 0
it's only weird if it answers...
Dennisse_47 17
hahaha, damn you stole my comment.
KeefB 0
It is only weird if he drew a face on it.
hobojo11 0
i have a tatoo of a face on my pelvise so se has copiny. wile sucking
hedgerow 0
I have never spoken to my penis. You sir, are bonkers!
X_o_X_ocutie 0
I have never said bonkers You sir are retarded!
ImKindaABigDeal 6
I've never spoken to your penis either! We have something in common!
clojo1112 0
that was clever 116
inahaz 0
It's no big deal to talk to it... when it starts talking back, that's when you have a problem.
vengeance501 8
"bonkers" made made lol. :D havent heard that in awhile.
kailauli 0
haha, awesome response. made me laugh.
ReaPete 0
So, did she join in the conversation?
T3P33_fml 0
no but he stood up to hear better
AvengedSevenfold_fml_fml 12
Sounds like a porno... >:D
Doortje 30
You must be really lonely. So, what were you talking about? Were you ordering him to get up?
scemmarose 0
hahahahaha
smileeee_fml 0
wth ... youre not normal.
SilenceIsSilver 0
Lies. That happens to me every weekend.
alex1432 9
you talk to your penis on weekends?
brianjman14 23
...........why?
sterlingarcher 1
I wuz thinking the same thing..lol
sportyfreaK15 0
Ikr ?!