Health: Today, I sneezed after watching a commercial involving dust....

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I sneezed after watching a commercial involving dust. FML

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22137

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Health

Commando

Out of it

Not having a good time, really

By ineedanotherdrink - United States

Today, I went out drinking with a female friend I've been crushing on for a while now. After we'd been talking and had a few, She said 'Man, I haven't gotten laid in months! Do you mind?'. Surprised but hopeful, I nodded. She leaned over, hugged me, and went to hit on a guy at the bar. FML

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49620

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By Anonymous

Today, the girl I thought I was dating introduced me to her boyfriend. We've gone on dates and have slept in the same bed, but it turns out she thought I was her gay best friend and was planning to introduce me to her boyfriend's brother. FML

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5237

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830

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By biblio - United States

Today, I told the man I love to "go first" when we started talking at the same time. I wanted to confess my feelings, he wanted to tell me about his engagement. FML

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28101

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2478

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By Lvdkinda - United States

Dammit

Today, after a month of planning, I started to tease my boyfriend of 3 years about the wonderful anniversary plans I had made for us. It was a secret, so I let him try and guess. He said "As long as its not a spa day. that would suck I would never go." It's a spa day. That I've already paid for. FML

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42254

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By Unemployed - Australia - Hinchinbrook

Today, I discovered that my supervisor, who I thought liked me, actually thinks I am incompetent and lack emotional intelligence. I'm a student nurse and I've just listed her as my reference for our single, statewide job application. There's no way to change it. FML

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14658

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1268

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By FML - Canada

Today, my girlfriend's mom and dad walked in on us while we were playing naked twister. FML

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22088

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36180

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By Jessie - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were in our room getting hot and heavy. As he was entering me, he started making electronic whirring sounds. Once inside, he said in a robotic voice, "Initiating launch sequence in 3... 2... 1..." and began thrusting as fast as possible. FML

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47500

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9504

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By single - United States

Today, I met up on a blind date. He took a phone call one drink in and said he had to leave because he didn't know it was his buddy's birthday, and they were having a party without him. I offered to split the bill and put out a $20. He got up, unlocked the bicycle behind us and rode off. FML

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41964

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3677

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By Anonymous - Canada - Brampton

Today, I mowed over a bird while mowing the lawn. It wasn't dead, so I had to mow over it a second time to put it out of its misery. Now there are pieces of dead bird all over my lawn and I can't sleep. FML

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29046

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19173

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By R2A8 - Kenya

Today, after I got lectured about not replying on the family group chat, I decided to wish everyone a good morning. No one responded. FML

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1980

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273

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By admin1771 - United States - Alexandria

Today, I'm supposed to go to my girlfriend's house for Christmas with her family. I got a text from her saying that her dad found our used condom package from last night. I'm supposed to be there in 3 hours. FML

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9914

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3150

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By Anonymous - United States - Pittsfield

Today, a man attempted to sue my business for giving him food poisoning. I make soap. When I called the cops on him for disturbing the peace, I was told, "Maybe next time you'll put 'not edible' on your label." FML

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37390

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3732

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a guy at work was ranking the girls we work with in the order he'd want to date them. He told me I was 6th "because personality is important, too." FML

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30005

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5397

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By Anonymous

Today, my drunk grandma flashed me, after confusing me, a 19 year old girl, for my grandpa. FML

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30809

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2339

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By Anonymous - Singapore

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years proposed to me. I wasn't expecting anything too romantic, but I would have liked something more than an email from Facebook, requesting my confirmation that we were engaged. FML

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104427

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7400

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my partner and I were spending quality time with a newly single friend. She quoted some song lyrics, saying "If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, make an ugly woman your wife...". We all laughed, and then my partner said "Boy, you got THAT right." FML

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30103

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3872

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By Poordaughter5 - Germany

Today, my parents watched a horror movie with some creepy child in it. Apparently, I sound just like that kid when I call for my mom, so now she doesn't want me to call her mom anymore. FML

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11056

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763

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By pickuptruckblues - Canada - Mississauga

Final Destination

Today, I was stopped behind a pickup truck filled with junk. I told my friend that the person should have secured the junk better, since it looked like it would fall off any minute. My friend assured me it wouldn't. Right after she said that, a large piece of plywood fell off and hit my windshield. FML

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31770

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3583

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By adopted apparently

Today, I found out the joke I’ve been telling for 15 years is true. I am adopted. FML

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2244

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336

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By Me - United States - San Francisco

Today, while bench pressing at the gym, I noticed my spotter had spit hanging from his mouth right above me. When I tried to warn him about it, he ignored me and told me to finish the set. When the drool fell in my mouth, I was startled and dropped the 175 weights and bar on my chest. FML

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23979

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2139

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By Idontbelieveinmagic - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my dad refused to believe that the Animal Planet's mermaid mockumentaries were faked. Instead he got into a huge argument with me, claiming the government is covering up the existence of mermaids and must've threatened the producers to keep it quiet. FML

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40388

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5405

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By Si123 - 15/8/2020 08:01

Night terrors

Today, after a long day at work, I was ready to wind down for the night. I sat on my bed and turned towards a fluttering on my left. I saw the biggest daddy-longlegs inches from my face, jumped in the other direction, forgetting there was a wall, and hit my head on it. I'm now officially wide awake. FML

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1141

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213

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was on the bus when I felt a big yawn coming on, one so big that my mouth stretched and my eyes closed. It was at this point that the strange man beside me decided to lean over at lightning speed and put his tongue in my mouth. Technically it was my first kiss. I'm 21 years old. FML

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47833

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5481

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By Trainer Calypso - United States - Schofield

Today, I went to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family. I watched as my uncle and his girlfriend snuck off to the bathroom together, where they stayed until someone else tried to get in. When they came out, she was wiping her mouth. I need new eyes. FML

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42896

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4062

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By JustCantWin - United States

Today, I called my parents to wish them a happy 28th anniversary. Now my mom's mad at my dad for forgetting, and my dad's mad at me for reminding her. FML

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33400

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3793

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By assante2010 - United States

Today, my friends and I went to the strip club for my birthday. I now know how my sister is paying for her new car. FML

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58257

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6857

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By (-__- ) ( ^.^) - United States - Minneapolis

Today, trying to be romantic, I started coming on to my wife while in bed, only for her to yet again say she wasn't in the mood. When I asked why she never is lately, she sarcastically blamed it on the government shutdown, then rolled over to go to sleep. FML

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57787

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6296

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By anon - Australia

Today, my daughter asked why there was an X marked on a telephone pole. I told her they were going to remove it. She started crying and saying, "They can't kill the tree!" She is 16. FML

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35128

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7391

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By [email protected] - France

Today, I decided to spend a night of love with my darling, so I arranged to meet him in a very classy hotel, gave him the room number and waited in a super-sexy outfit. There was a knock at the door, so I opened it enticingly, convinced it was him. It was room service. FML

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33261

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11815

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By jll14 - Malaysia - Kota Kinabalu

Today, my mom has forbidden me from drinking skim milk, because my sister is upset that I'm skinnier than her. The same sister who refuses to drink any other milk than 2% chocolate. FML

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42522

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2823

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By Stairs? Noooooo - United States - San Leandro

Today, I was signing with my deaf brother at a local McDonald's. We were having a laugh about a game we played last night when this morbidly obese woman waddled over to us. She was utterly convinced we were "talking shit" about her and made a scene about our "hand gestures." Seriously? FML

I agree, your life sucks

29808

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1509

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By Anonymous

Today, I was picking up after my dog with a poo baggie over my hand, like a mitten. Too bad the bottom ripped open and my bare hand poked through it just as I grabbed a big handful of steaming dog turd. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1758

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286

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By pale-suzie - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, I was fired over the phone, losing my only source of income. When asked if I was okay, I explained that although I understood why, I was a little peeved they'd chosen my birthday to deliver the message. My - now former - boss then sang "Happy Birthday" to me in its entirety. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45941

You deserved it

4276

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By its dark - United States - San Francisco

Today, it's day three of our power being off because of a glitch in the power company's computer system. They won't turn it back on until we pay the $2000 we owe from 2010. We moved here in 2012. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22243

You deserved it

1292

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By Dry

Today, after moving into my new house, my partner's father came to give us his old sofa. Now, an hour before he has to leave, he's half-completed 3 DIY jobs we didn't want done in the first place, and smashed my water inlet pipe. I have no water and a destroyed kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4783

You deserved it

406

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By not_dead_yet - United States

Today, it was my first big time art show. To celebrate I went out to lunch with some people who's work was also there. When we got back police were every where. Someone had broken and stolen all of the art. All except mine. Even burglars don't want my art. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49662

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5279

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By Halle - United States

Today, my immature step-father rubbed my head destroying the $300 hairdo that took two and a half hours to finish. Three minutes before my wedding ceremony. FML

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62996

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6674

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By Char - United Kingdom - Falkirk

Today, I walked downstairs with a couple of bags full of stuff, in preparation for a sleepover at my friend's house. My nine-year-old cousin looked at me and said, "Where're you going? Fat camp?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

23480

You deserved it

4030

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By Teach - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, I took my class to swimming lessons at the local public pool. One student came out and proudly told me that she'd pooed in the shower, but it was OK because she'd then picked it up and flushed it down the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30348

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2521

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By oww - United States

Today, I woke up with a bloody nose and my lamp next to me in bed. Apparently I grabbed the cord of the lamp and yanked while I was sleeping, and it fell on my face. The worst part? My boyfriend saw it was going to happen, but didn't stop me because he thought it would be funny to "see my reaction." FML

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30129

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Top comments

By PuffDaddy395 | 3

#4004731 - Tuesday 7 February 2012 15:02

Million dollar idea: hypo-allergenic commercials.

By easton222 | 2

#4004723 - Tuesday 7 February 2012 15:00

No freakin way

COMMENTS

By easton222 | 2

#4004723 - Tuesday 7 February 2012 15:00

No freakin way

mel_aka_mic | 5

#4004727 - Tuesday 7 February 2012 15:01

Hypochondriac?

SilverPseudoKing | 6

#4004762 - Tuesday 7 February 2012 15:06

OP must have one of those 3D tv's where everything looks real.

comedybreak | 20

#4004776 - Tuesday 7 February 2012 15:07

This is more of a. MLIA.

ScaughtieHolden | 11

#4005708 - Tuesday 7 February 2012 20:03

Why is this an FML? Honestly.. "Today, I saw a commercial about sleeping, and I yawned, FML"

By randomthing | 22

#4004730 - Tuesday 7 February 2012 15:01

Are you sure that you're not allergic?

By PuffDaddy395 | 3

#4004731 - Tuesday 7 February 2012 15:02

Million dollar idea: hypo-allergenic commercials.

SoccerGod234 | 0

#4005729 - Tuesday 7 February 2012 20:08

This FML is retarded

By CryMoreFMLs | 14

#4004733 - Tuesday 7 February 2012 15:02

Speak of the devil!

By faaackmylife | 5

#4004735 - Tuesday 7 February 2012 15:02

how the hell is this a FML moment?

By DooleyFTW | 17

#4004739 - Tuesday 7 February 2012 15:03

I really fail to see why this is an FML.

KeyboardWarrior | 10

#4004756 - Tuesday 7 February 2012 15:05

Yeah I said no to this one, not really a FML at all.

CryMoreFMLs | 14

#4004790 - Tuesday 7 February 2012 15:08

Wow I go away for 5 minutes and someone gets moderated instantly. I didn't know a term of phrase could offend someone so.

By Torva_fml | 16

#4004741 - Tuesday 7 February 2012 15:03

It happens.

By chaela | 3

#4004742 - Tuesday 7 February 2012 15:04

Those are some intense skills right there.

By 1PaulyD | 9

#4004748 - Tuesday 7 February 2012 15:04

its a message from up above... just kidding but thats funny

PuffDaddy395 | 3

#4005629 - Tuesday 7 February 2012 19:40

Just because you have a funny picture doesn't mean you can leave shitty comments.

brown4lifejot | 1

#4005710 - Tuesday 7 February 2012 20:04

I love how you insulted and complimented him at the exact same time!

By the17doctor | 12

#4004749 - Tuesday 7 February 2012 15:04

where the hell is the 'so what?' button?!