Health: Today, I sneezed after watching a commercial involving dust....

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I sneezed after watching a commercial involving dust. FML

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22144

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Health

Stop talking!

Dementia or hate? You decide

Walk on the wild side

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I drove three and a half hours to surprise my long distance boyfriend for our anniversary. He was out of town. Where was he? Three and a half hours away trying to surprise me. FML

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50507

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By Anonymous - Sweden - Floda

Today, after nearly six weeks of seeing a nice girl, we finally decided to make it official. Two hours later, she pulled out a bridal magazine and not-so-casually asked me which wedding location I thought was the nicest. FML

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35393

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By Anonymous - United States - San Marcos

Today, I sneezed so hard that I re-dislocated my shoulder. FML

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23828

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By Anonymous - Australia - Chatswood

Today, I discovered that no matter how hot and exhausted you are, being blasted in the face with a high pressure hose is always more painful than refreshing. FML

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19207

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By Phil - Canada

Today, I came to the realisation that the longest relationship I've had by far is the one I have with my hemorrhoids. FML

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20501

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3223

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By klifestyle2012

Classy.

Today, I came home to find my brother making out with my girlfriend while taking a selfie. FML

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5028

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313

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By You're NOT getting lucky today hun - Australia - Melbourne

Today, after confronting my boyfriend about cheating on me, he confessed to everything. I was caught off guard by his honesty, but not nearly as caught off guard as I was when he eagerly questioned me on when our breakup sex will be. FML

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35040

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By Anonymous

Today, while trying to hold the door open on an elevator, I managed to drop something down the elevator shaft. I'm blind, and the something was my white cane. FML

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3382

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By Anonymous - 3/2/2021 01:56

Right under your nose

Today, my husband took our 5-month-old to the doctor, who diagnosed him with a severe sinus blockage and referred us to a specialist. This is the third major health problem with our son that our husband has picked up before I did. My job? I’m a nurse in a paediatric clinic. FML

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475

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By MeaganElizabethM - United States - Steubenville

Today, while on a haunted trail, I accidentally punched a high-schooler in the throat. FML

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21609

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4560

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By Peter

Today, I discovered that my girlfriend has been lying to me about having a long-term illness requiring multiple trips to the doctor's. She isn't ill, she was cheating on me with the local GP. So I’ve literally driven her to the clinic and then sat in the waiting room while she screwed the doctor. FML

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4874

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By Anonymous - United States

Get with the times

Today, I found out that my daughter is dating my boss's daughter. I found this out because my extremely homophobic boss told me and wants me to 'heal' them or get fired. I didn't even know my daughter was gay. FML

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31094

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By Anonymous - 30/3/2021 11:00

Too much irony

Today, I tried to schedule a counseling appointment so I could vent about the lack of quality control in software. The online scheduler said to call. The secretary scheduled my appointment then said the system would send an email with the appointment link. The email did not contain any links. FML

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725

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By spoony - Australia

Today, while on a date with the guy of my dreams, I cut my tongue so bad it bled for an hour. I managed to cut it on the plastic spoon from my coffee. FML

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24345

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By Anonymous

Who's a good boy?

Today, my boyfriend's vicious dog, which he got as a security measure and growls and barks at me whenever I go near it, was caught on our security camera playing like a puppy with a burglar, while the other two burglars cleaned out all our valuables. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2284

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186

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By Gw - United States

Today, my fiancée and I were going on our honeymoon. Our flight was delayed by two hours. It landed when our connecting flight to St. Lucia was taking off. The airline said they were holding the flight for us, so we sprinted from D gate to A, in time to watch the plane pull away. FML

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38094

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By organizse - United States - San Antonio

Today, I went to a job interview, and my father in law's house. As soon as I got home I went to the bathroom and noticed my bloody pantyliner had fallen out at one of these places. I don't know which one is worse. FML

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26577

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By al - Canada - Cambridge

Today, I had to admit that I hate the wedding dress that I've designed. My wedding is in a week. FML

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10051

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30492

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By CatOwner - United States

Today, my father spent half an hour trying to convert my cat to Christianity. He has already done this with my other two cats. He's completely serious and thinks they are born-again Christians. FML

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36713

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3271

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By Bailey - United States

Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter. I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do you have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing. FML

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48667

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By mike h - United States - Mcadoo

Today, I started my dream job of being a veterinarian. My first day consisted of having to put down 12 dogs and 5 cats. FML

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37361

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By Well okay then - United States - Palmdale

Today, after letting the painters working on my house know that they're more than welcome to use my restroom, I walked outside only to find three of them pissing in my garden. One even aimed for my tomatoes. FML

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11232

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By daydreamer - United States - Wilton

Today, I began to daydream about going on a diet and losing some weight. As I did so, I unknowingly reached for a giant bag of chips and ate the whole thing. Now, I have stopped daydreaming and am sitting alone and depressed. And I'm all out of chips. FML

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12127

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By wow - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I found out that my husband of 12 years has been sleeping with my best friend of even longer for who knows how long. She actually tried to turn it around on me and implied that it was my fault for finding out about it. FML

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62095

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up to find my garage broken into and my car covered in paint and with the words "F*** you". Why? I broke up with my ex because she cheated on me and stole money off me and my mom. Apparently this wasn't a good enough excuse to break her up with her. FML

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40280

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By Lara - Germany - Bremen

Today, I went to the doctor's because I could feel something solid in my breasts, and I wanted to get it checked, just to be safe. Turns out it was my ribs. Oops. FML

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19337

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By idontevenlikebuttsthatmuch - United States - Mesa

Today, I noticed my wife put a bumper sticker on our car that says "Cowboy butts drive me nuts." I've driven that car to work every day. FML

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31319

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By "Sonofaquiche"

No Ragerts

Today, after a night of drinking, I woke up in the hospital with a broken coccyx. Apparently, my drunk self came to the glorious conclusion that it would be a good idea to cannonball into a puddle while screaming "POOLPARTYYYY!" at the top of my lungs. FML

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3076

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5600

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By Anonymous - United States - Saugus

Today, my boyfriend found a movie he loved on Netflix. He was so excited to show it to me and was certain I'd love it. I didn't have the heart to tell him what I really thought of White Chicks. FML

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40639

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By needagoodlaugh - United States - West Linn

Today, after complaining about the clocks still being an hour ahead from daylights savings, my work finally changed the time on all the clocks in the building. Now all the clocks are two hours ahead. FML

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9752

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849

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By Anonymous - Canada - Montreal

Today, my son, who seems to think that he is a "gangsta" despite being a white boy from the suburbs, cried because I accidentally burned his grilled cheese. He's 28. FML

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35732

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By Jay - United States

Today, I discovered our AOL billing information. Turns out we've been paying for dial-up via automatic bill paying that we thought we cancelled in 2000. $1,800 later, we called to cancel. Customer service congratulated us on being loyal members for over 13 years. FML

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20626

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By Anonymous

Today, I couldn't sleep. I had to pee really badly but I'm terrified of the dark, so I closed my eyes all the way to the bathroom. On the way, I tripped over my dog and fell face-first into the door frame. He then humped me as my nose bled all over the floor. FML

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1644

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3203

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By leigh2812 - France

Today, I was watching Free Willy with my boyfriend. It was at the part where the boy leaned into the water to give Willy a hug. I asked, "How do you even hug a whale?" My boyfriend rolled over and gave me a hug, and said, "Like this." FML

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41716

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By Jonnygiant - United States

Today, I was taking a shower after basketball practice. When I got out of the shower I thought no one was home so I thought it might be fun to walk around the house completely naked. I walk downstairs and my mom was eating dinner. Along with 20 other members of her bookclub. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26209

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By Kaganate - Canada

Today, I was sitting on the wooden edge of my coffee table watching my sister's boyfriend play Halo 2, when I leaned back to stretch and shattered the center pane of glass in the table. I now have a large gash in my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9539

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25552

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By froggylicious - Canada

Today, I woke up exhausted because a croaking frog had kept me awake the night before. This has happened every night for the past week, and no matter how far away I take the frog, it always ends up sitting in the same place the next morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29916

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5728

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By Anonymous - United States - Merrimack

Today, I found out that my friends only hang out with me so they can play with my dog. FML

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21689

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2400

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By doggybag - Canada

Today, I was walking my dogs. I had a doggy bag, and was holding it closed, then breathing in it, so it would blow up. My dogs 'went', so I picked it up and kept walking. As I was heading home, I absent-mindedly started blowing into the bag again. Everything ended up in my mouth and on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12749

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80779

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By Jake Leiter - United States - Grantham

Today, for what has seemed to be the hundredth time, my labeled bagged lunch was stolen from the fridge at my workplace. I stormed into my boss's office ready to complain, only to find him eating it. FML

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21882

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Top comments

By PuffDaddy395 | 3

#4004731 - Tuesday 7 February 2012 15:02

Million dollar idea: hypo-allergenic commercials.

By easton222 | 2

#4004723 - Tuesday 7 February 2012 15:00

No freakin way

COMMENTS

By easton222 | 2

#4004723 - Tuesday 7 February 2012 15:00

No freakin way

mel_aka_mic | 5

#4004727 - Tuesday 7 February 2012 15:01

Hypochondriac?

SilverPseudoKing | 6

#4004762 - Tuesday 7 February 2012 15:06

OP must have one of those 3D tv's where everything looks real.

comedybreak | 20

#4004776 - Tuesday 7 February 2012 15:07

This is more of a. MLIA.

ScaughtieHolden | 11

#4005708 - Tuesday 7 February 2012 20:03

Why is this an FML? Honestly.. "Today, I saw a commercial about sleeping, and I yawned, FML"

By randomthing | 22

#4004730 - Tuesday 7 February 2012 15:01

Are you sure that you're not allergic?

By PuffDaddy395 | 3

#4004731 - Tuesday 7 February 2012 15:02

Million dollar idea: hypo-allergenic commercials.

SoccerGod234 | 0

#4005729 - Tuesday 7 February 2012 20:08

This FML is retarded

By CryMoreFMLs | 14

#4004733 - Tuesday 7 February 2012 15:02

Speak of the devil!

By faaackmylife | 5

#4004735 - Tuesday 7 February 2012 15:02

how the hell is this a FML moment?

By DooleyFTW | 17

#4004739 - Tuesday 7 February 2012 15:03

I really fail to see why this is an FML.

KeyboardWarrior | 10

#4004756 - Tuesday 7 February 2012 15:05

Yeah I said no to this one, not really a FML at all.

CryMoreFMLs | 14

#4004790 - Tuesday 7 February 2012 15:08

Wow I go away for 5 minutes and someone gets moderated instantly. I didn't know a term of phrase could offend someone so.

By Torva_fml | 16

#4004741 - Tuesday 7 February 2012 15:03

It happens.

By chaela | 3

#4004742 - Tuesday 7 February 2012 15:04

Those are some intense skills right there.

By 1PaulyD | 9

#4004748 - Tuesday 7 February 2012 15:04

its a message from up above... just kidding but thats funny

PuffDaddy395 | 3

#4005629 - Tuesday 7 February 2012 19:40

Just because you have a funny picture doesn't mean you can leave shitty comments.

brown4lifejot | 1

#4005710 - Tuesday 7 February 2012 20:04

I love how you insulted and complimented him at the exact same time!

By the17doctor | 12

#4004749 - Tuesday 7 February 2012 15:04

where the hell is the 'so what?' button?!